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| Note: Girlfriend pillows are not actual girlfriends. |
Men Going Their Own Way have some problems with sex. One of the biggest? Despite their best efforts to totally and completely avoid women — which some reason always seems to involve spending hours online every day talking about women — sometimes it will somehow come to pass that hapless MGTOWers will find themselves actually having sex with a woman. As you might imagine, this experience may not be altogether pleasant for either party involved. Indeed, in my most recent post, I quoted one poor non-virgin MGTOWer who declared that “having sex with a woman is like humping a moist pillow: It doesn’t join in and you can hardly tell the difference.”
What this young man has described is not “sex” so much as “really, really bad sex.” Fortunately, it can be prevented! The most obvious way, already hit upon by many MGTOWers, is to not have sex with women at all. If you despise and resent the entire female gender, it is probably best to not get naked with individual members of that gender. The women of the world will be happy to go along with you on this point, trust me.
But on the off chance that some MGTOWers might be willing to dial down their woman-hatred enough to actually contemplate sex with women, I would like to offer some tips on how to improve the experience for everyone.
First, to make absolutely sure that sex won’t come to resemble “humping a moist pillow,” make sure that your sexual partner is not, in fact, a moist pillow.
This is a simple fix, and one that is often overlooked.
If your partner is not actually a pillow but a live human woman, well, I will now give the floor to Ozymandias, who recently posted an extremely helpful list of suggestions in the comments here. Here it is again for anyone who might have missed it::
OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ GO!So all the sex you’ve had with women, Zaku, has vaguely resembled fucking a moist pillow. I understand and empathize with your sadness about your sex life. However, young padawan, there are methods of solving this.
*Are all of your partners virgins or in high school? Virgins and high schoolers are terrible at sex, particularly if both are inexperienced. I personally was on my third partner before I was any good in bed.
FIX: Find your local cougar, slut or sexually assertive woman.
*Was your partner someone with sexual hang-ups? Slut-shaming often makes women think that enthusiasm makes them “bad girls”, and ideas of men-earning-sex often make women think that lying there is their contribution to sex.
FIX: Have sex with feminists.
*Are you simply not that good in bed? This is a common problem among inexperienced men, and can lead to women not enjoying sex because it is not that enjoyable.
FIX: Learn the location of the clit (with an anatomy chart, if necessary). Listen to her instructions about sex. If she’s moaning, KEEP DOING THAT. Try to give her at least one orgasm before you stick your dick in (be reasonable, if she’s begging “stick it in me”, go ahead, but it’s a good guideline). Suck it up about the taste and learn to love eating pussy. Make sure you give her adequate foreplay (AT LEAST five minutes). Touch and kiss parts of her besides her breasts and pussy. Most of all, confidence and joy, confidence and joy. [Editor’s Note: As briget has noted in the comments, if you really, really don’t like the taste of pussy, you can always use a dental dam; google the term if you don’t know what that is.]
*Was your partner very, very drunk? Bad sign. Sober people participate more.
FIX: If she’s passed out or puking, don’t fuck her.
*Was your partner freezing up, softly repeating “no, no, no”, or otherwise clearly not enjoying herself? Then you may have had what is technically referred to as “nonconsensual sex,” or by us Femicunt Queens of Nofunnington, “rape.”
FIX: Seek affirmative, enthusiastic consent. This is shown by her, for example, ripping off your clothes, chanting “yes”, sucking your cock without being asked, etc. If you are confused if she is consenting, feel free to ask “do you want to (have sex, make out, have me suck your tits, etc.)?” If you hear words like “no” and “stop,” STOP IMMEDIATELY.OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ OVER.
Generally speaking, this is good advice for all inexperienced hetero dudes interested in improving their sex lives and the sex lives of their partners. (PROTIP: Improving the sex life of your partner will dramatically improve your sex life too.) With a few changes in wording to reflect different anatomies, as Oz herself points out, this is also good advice for straight women, gay women, gay men, trans men and women, bisexuals, and everyone else who is interested in having sex with some subset of their fellow human beings.
Just to reiterate one point: no one is a sexual expert from the get-go. There’s no shame in sexual inexperience. But it is sort of a douchebag move to blame the entire opposite sex for bad sex if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing in bed. It takes some time, and some actual giving-a-shit-about-what-the-other-person-likes in order to get good at it. Generally speaking, if you like and respect your sexual partners, gaining this experience and expertise should be a highly enjoyable endeavor. Even if you don’t yet have much in the way of skills, a little bit of enthusiasm can go a long way. Also: you’re allowed to actually ask the other person what he or she likes and doesn’t like. This can prevent all sorts of awkwardness and encourage all sorts of fun sexy times.
Which brings us to another point worth reiterating: if there’s no shame in sexual inexperience, there’s no shame in sexual experience either. Sexually inexperienced women don’t know what they’re doing any more than sexually inexperienced guys do. So, guys, if you want to get with women who actually do know what they are doing, don’t look down on women for having sexual experience. If you’re a slut shamer, you basically have no right to complain if your partners are bad in bed. If you’re one of those dickheads who thinks women all become hags the instant they hit 25, or 30, guess what: you’ve ruled out having sex with the overwhelming majority of the women who are actually really really good at it.
And while we’re at it: Taking the time to sit down and read about sexual techniques can speed up the process of getting good at sex enormously. If you don’t know how to find the g-spot, well, here you go. You’re welcome. Lots more useful shit here and here, along with plenty of suggestions for awesome sexy-time book learnin. If you think you’re somehow above reading about sex, well, too bad: that’s what you’ve just been doing!
If after all this you find that your partner is still lying there like a moist pillow, and you’ve ruled out sexual hangups, sexual inexperience and/or less-than-enthusiastic consent, there are a few other possibilities to look at:
1) She (or he) might be having libido problems because of depression – or due to side effects of depression meds – or for some other medical or biological reason. Time to see a doctor.
2) She (or he) might be asexual. Some people just aren’t into sex. You’ll have to figure out yourselves what this means for your relationship. And that might mean: no more relationship. If you’re really into sex, and partner isn’t, neither one of you is doing the other a favor by sticking around.
3) She (or he) might actually be a selfish asshole. Selfish assholes tend to suck at sex. Try not to have sex with them. And don’t blame their entire gender for it. And if you’re a selfish asshole, try not to have sex with anyone yourself.
Feel free to share your own tips (and links) in the comments. Learning more about sex and sexuality = good for everybody.
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>"NWO doesn't know what he's missing out on with his insistence on rigid gender/sex roles." Yes, I'll second that! As for the porn discussion, there's so much crap to wade through out there – I lost interest years ago trying to find the gems hidden in the trash. And seriously, nothing I saw did anything to help my sex life. If anything, I had to overcome thoughts of performance, trying to measure up to some actor.
>Any guy feeling inadequate should read Jim Butcher's Blood Rites where he describes in detail what happens at a porn shoot.Those guys may look like they are the bestest ever but it really is just really good lighting, editing and the like.
>I simply can't understand your revulsion at the thought of men and women being different.Then, respectfully, you don't understand the feminist position. Do some reading. Google "gender essentialism" and read some articles about why most feminists oppose it.
>"I simply can't understand your revulsion at the thought of men and women being different."Well, maybe THEY can't understand your devotion to the thought that men and women are different, since THEIR observations (and mine) don't show that at all. In fact, men and women, in MY experience (since you dragged personal experience into it) is that men and women are more alike than you think.In my observation, someone told you that "men and women are different," you decided to accept this without a critical thought, and now everything you see has to conform to that preconceived notion."If near 100% of visual porn is purchased by men"NEARLY 100% of certain kinds of visual porn is purchased by men. OTHER KINDS of visual porn (such as Wicked Films and Playgirl) are purchased by women. Several porn outlets online are aimed specifically at women and these include pictures and video."and near 100% of literature porn is purchased by women,"Actuually I daresay porn magazines contain written erotic stories, and Penthouse Forum is definately aimed at men."this clearly indicates a difference in what arouses men and women."You don't get out much, do you?
>Ozy: Wincest represent!Yay, it's so hard to find a kindred spirit outside of writers of terrible fanfic.In fact I just wrote some erotica the other day with some wincest in it. (It wasn't slash, but still.)
>@ elizabeth, why is it that guys can't understand that it's not the size of a boat but the motion of the ocean that rocks a woman's world?
>Probably because they are generally not on the receiving end?
>:: cheers for Jim Butcher ::People should read him regardless 🙂
>Who is John Gray? The guy who wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
>So one thing about me and porn:I don't like photo/video porn at all, but I love drawn/animated porn. I guess I find the idea of looking at real people getting it on to be squicky, but I love imaginary people getting it on.-katz
>trip and briget: I am highly amused at the crossover between "manboobz reader" and "wants to see Dean and Sam getting it on." I knew I liked us for a reason. :)Lady Victoria–Indeed. The Dresden Files is so badass.
>Lady V, thou speaketh the truth.And I cannot wait until Ghost Story comes out. I have a running argument with a lawyer here at work over who the woman's voice at the end of Changes. I said it was Dresden's mother's and he says it is Lasciel's.As for John Gray-piffle, men are from their mothers as are women.
>Insert was into that last comment. Sorry.
>Wincest? Nope, Sam is too boring (I liked evil Sam from this past season better than usual whiny Sam). I am much more of a fan of Dean/Castiel.
>Dean/Castiel makes more sense anyway-Sam is just not Dean's type.
>Oh look! Hypocrisy is spelled correctly in the tags. Yay!Also, I've never really seen porn and consequently have nothing to contribute to this discussion. (And yet I STILL know NWOslave's auditory/visual generalization is bullcrap.)(Supernatural? o.O)
>I don't particularly care about the two of them as characters getting it on, it's mostly about the guys who play them for me. I've had a serious school girl crush on jared padalecki since he played dean on the gilmore girls. I started watching supernatural for that reason alone. Then I stayed for the fact that both him and Jensen Ackles are SO FUCKING HOT.
>Considering what had just happened to Harry, I'm betting his mother's likelier – but, yeah, I can't wait. I read Side Jobs to tide myself over, it's pretty good.
>I am coming to the conclusion that every woman in America either reads and/or writes Supernatural fanfic, or knows someone who does.
>david, I don't think that most lesbians would be into supernatural fanfic.
>I've met lesbians who write Supernatural fanfic. And bandom. There's a lesbian separatist who writes AFI RPS, iirc. Point being: people are weird and awesome. 🙂
>Popping in to confirm that yes, lesbians write male/male slash fic (and lesbians write female/female slash fic, and no doubt het and gen fic as well). Ditto straight women. Ditto queer women. Ditto asexual women. I know a few men who write fan fic of various types as well. So not a Supernatural fan myself–but have a slew of LOTR fps and rps on my livejournal.And it's not just fic: 'manips' (manipulations of photographs) produce some xxxxx rated images of characters and celebrities (one of hottest fandoms right now is Sherlock Holmes, both film and new series), and fan art (multiply x rated).I was amused by the contradiction of "if you were approached by Brat Pitt, you'd do what he wanted," and "women are not turned on visually." I find Brad Pitt boring–but Sean Bean! Wowrrrr.
>ozy and ithiliana, I'm not saying no lesbian likes it, writes it etc, I just don't think that they all do, that's all.
>True! But they might all know someone who writes/reads it, so technically David could still be correct.
>How many people are even into Brad Pitt anymore? According to my calculations, he's 48, a bit past the normal heartthrob demographic.