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| Note: Girlfriend pillows are not actual girlfriends. |
Men Going Their Own Way have some problems with sex. One of the biggest? Despite their best efforts to totally and completely avoid women — which some reason always seems to involve spending hours online every day talking about women — sometimes it will somehow come to pass that hapless MGTOWers will find themselves actually having sex with a woman. As you might imagine, this experience may not be altogether pleasant for either party involved. Indeed, in my most recent post, I quoted one poor non-virgin MGTOWer who declared that “having sex with a woman is like humping a moist pillow: It doesn’t join in and you can hardly tell the difference.”
What this young man has described is not “sex” so much as “really, really bad sex.” Fortunately, it can be prevented! The most obvious way, already hit upon by many MGTOWers, is to not have sex with women at all. If you despise and resent the entire female gender, it is probably best to not get naked with individual members of that gender. The women of the world will be happy to go along with you on this point, trust me.
But on the off chance that some MGTOWers might be willing to dial down their woman-hatred enough to actually contemplate sex with women, I would like to offer some tips on how to improve the experience for everyone.
First, to make absolutely sure that sex won’t come to resemble “humping a moist pillow,” make sure that your sexual partner is not, in fact, a moist pillow.
This is a simple fix, and one that is often overlooked.
If your partner is not actually a pillow but a live human woman, well, I will now give the floor to Ozymandias, who recently posted an extremely helpful list of suggestions in the comments here. Here it is again for anyone who might have missed it::
OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ GO!So all the sex you’ve had with women, Zaku, has vaguely resembled fucking a moist pillow. I understand and empathize with your sadness about your sex life. However, young padawan, there are methods of solving this.
*Are all of your partners virgins or in high school? Virgins and high schoolers are terrible at sex, particularly if both are inexperienced. I personally was on my third partner before I was any good in bed.
FIX: Find your local cougar, slut or sexually assertive woman.
*Was your partner someone with sexual hang-ups? Slut-shaming often makes women think that enthusiasm makes them “bad girls”, and ideas of men-earning-sex often make women think that lying there is their contribution to sex.
FIX: Have sex with feminists.
*Are you simply not that good in bed? This is a common problem among inexperienced men, and can lead to women not enjoying sex because it is not that enjoyable.
FIX: Learn the location of the clit (with an anatomy chart, if necessary). Listen to her instructions about sex. If she’s moaning, KEEP DOING THAT. Try to give her at least one orgasm before you stick your dick in (be reasonable, if she’s begging “stick it in me”, go ahead, but it’s a good guideline). Suck it up about the taste and learn to love eating pussy. Make sure you give her adequate foreplay (AT LEAST five minutes). Touch and kiss parts of her besides her breasts and pussy. Most of all, confidence and joy, confidence and joy. [Editor’s Note: As briget has noted in the comments, if you really, really don’t like the taste of pussy, you can always use a dental dam; google the term if you don’t know what that is.]
*Was your partner very, very drunk? Bad sign. Sober people participate more.
FIX: If she’s passed out or puking, don’t fuck her.
*Was your partner freezing up, softly repeating “no, no, no”, or otherwise clearly not enjoying herself? Then you may have had what is technically referred to as “nonconsensual sex,” or by us Femicunt Queens of Nofunnington, “rape.”
FIX: Seek affirmative, enthusiastic consent. This is shown by her, for example, ripping off your clothes, chanting “yes”, sucking your cock without being asked, etc. If you are confused if she is consenting, feel free to ask “do you want to (have sex, make out, have me suck your tits, etc.)?” If you hear words like “no” and “stop,” STOP IMMEDIATELY.OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ OVER.
Generally speaking, this is good advice for all inexperienced hetero dudes interested in improving their sex lives and the sex lives of their partners. (PROTIP: Improving the sex life of your partner will dramatically improve your sex life too.) With a few changes in wording to reflect different anatomies, as Oz herself points out, this is also good advice for straight women, gay women, gay men, trans men and women, bisexuals, and everyone else who is interested in having sex with some subset of their fellow human beings.
Just to reiterate one point: no one is a sexual expert from the get-go. There’s no shame in sexual inexperience. But it is sort of a douchebag move to blame the entire opposite sex for bad sex if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing in bed. It takes some time, and some actual giving-a-shit-about-what-the-other-person-likes in order to get good at it. Generally speaking, if you like and respect your sexual partners, gaining this experience and expertise should be a highly enjoyable endeavor. Even if you don’t yet have much in the way of skills, a little bit of enthusiasm can go a long way. Also: you’re allowed to actually ask the other person what he or she likes and doesn’t like. This can prevent all sorts of awkwardness and encourage all sorts of fun sexy times.
Which brings us to another point worth reiterating: if there’s no shame in sexual inexperience, there’s no shame in sexual experience either. Sexually inexperienced women don’t know what they’re doing any more than sexually inexperienced guys do. So, guys, if you want to get with women who actually do know what they are doing, don’t look down on women for having sexual experience. If you’re a slut shamer, you basically have no right to complain if your partners are bad in bed. If you’re one of those dickheads who thinks women all become hags the instant they hit 25, or 30, guess what: you’ve ruled out having sex with the overwhelming majority of the women who are actually really really good at it.
And while we’re at it: Taking the time to sit down and read about sexual techniques can speed up the process of getting good at sex enormously. If you don’t know how to find the g-spot, well, here you go. You’re welcome. Lots more useful shit here and here, along with plenty of suggestions for awesome sexy-time book learnin. If you think you’re somehow above reading about sex, well, too bad: that’s what you’ve just been doing!
If after all this you find that your partner is still lying there like a moist pillow, and you’ve ruled out sexual hangups, sexual inexperience and/or less-than-enthusiastic consent, there are a few other possibilities to look at:
1) She (or he) might be having libido problems because of depression – or due to side effects of depression meds – or for some other medical or biological reason. Time to see a doctor.
2) She (or he) might be asexual. Some people just aren’t into sex. You’ll have to figure out yourselves what this means for your relationship. And that might mean: no more relationship. If you’re really into sex, and partner isn’t, neither one of you is doing the other a favor by sticking around.
3) She (or he) might actually be a selfish asshole. Selfish assholes tend to suck at sex. Try not to have sex with them. And don’t blame their entire gender for it. And if you’re a selfish asshole, try not to have sex with anyone yourself.
Feel free to share your own tips (and links) in the comments. Learning more about sex and sexuality = good for everybody.
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>I would also like to add that porn is a really bad source and should be avoided when attempting to learn anything about sex (I'm not saying porn by itself is bad, just that it's not the best resource for learning what turns a woman on). It's, as Dan Savage says, Kabuki sex. Also, birth control is your friend – I know I have a better time when I'm not worrying in the back of my head if this is going to get me pregnant or give me herpes. Learn to love the condom. It might reduce sensation a bit, but being able to enjoy sex without worry makes up for it. Other than that, amazingly good advice!
>2) She (or he) might be asexual. Some people just aren’t into sex. You’ll have to figure out yourselves what this means for your relationship. And that might mean: no more relationship. If you’re really into sex, and partner isn't, neither one of you is doing the other a favor by sticking around.This is so fucking key. Sexual compatibility is very important in a monogamous relationship. Getting into one without either a) existing sexual compatibility or b) close enough sexual compatibility that, combined with honesty and open communication, you can work things out, you're asking for frustration, resentment, and/or infidelity (from either partner, or both). (cont'd next comment)
>Given the way sex is shamed in our culture, a lot of people seem to think that sex is not a good reason to end a relationship. They think that a man would be a pig, or a woman a slut, to leave because they're not being sexually satisfied. (In reality, women are far less likely to leave a relationship for this reason, because our culture discourages women from actually expecting their sexual needs to be satisfied.) But that's bull.There's nothing wrong with having a high libido. There's nothing wrong with having a low libido. There's nothing wrong with having no libido. But for Cthulu's sake, don't get into a monogamous relationship with somebody whose libido is vastly different. If they want sex more you're going to get annoyed. If they want sex less you're going to get frustrated. There's nothing wrong with your sex drive. There's nothing wrong with their sex drive. Neither of you needs "fix" anything, except to reconsider the wisdom of your relationship.And that's my take. I think sexual compatibility is an issue that needs to be discussed in our culture, so there it is.
>I think it's terrific advice and, as both Oz and David pointed out, a good guide for both genders. And I don't think porn is inherently bad as resource material. I think it might be difficult for the inexperienced, again male or female, to easily identify the difference between the "Kabuki" sex porn and the stuff that's a bit more, shall we say, realistic and accessible.
>And I don't think porn is inherently bad as resource material. Depends. Mainstream porn is very clinical and joyless, and tends to focus exclusively on male pleasure. Sure, the women moan and express pleasure, but it's not even slightly convincing.I'm not of the opinion that porn is inherently exploitative and sexist. I am, however, of the opinion that, in practice, 99% of porn is exploitative and sexist. I don't think it's a good guide at all to sex. There's porn out there that is a good guide, but you can't expect young people to be able to discern this without guidance, which our mainstream culture is not terribly interested in providing.
>you can find all you'll ever need to know here:www.scarleteen.com
>I'd just like to point out that there's some evidence that feminism boosts sexual satisfaction for both men and women.On the subject of porn, I remember reading somewhere that learning how to have good sex from porn is like learning how to be a successful spy from James Bond movies. Both might be entertaining, but useful practical guides they're not.
>True on porn…but the weird thing is that Fast Times at Ridgemont High had some good advice for ladies.
>but the weird thing is that Fast Times at Ridgemont High had some good advice for ladies. It also indicates that straight men are inclined to masturbate to Phoebe Cates. So, a very accurate movie overall.
>"I don't think it's a good guide at all to sex. There's porn out there that is a good guide, but you can't expect young people to be able to discern this without guidance, which our mainstream culture is not terribly interested in providing."Well, that was pretty much my point. The inexperienced (young people) may very well have a hard time separating the porn that can be fun and educational from the stuff that is ridiculous and, well, often misleading. I'm a woman; I recognize that the women in most mainstream porn are performing.
>My biggest problem with porn was that it taught me that everyone has secret kinks! When I slept with my first boyfriend, who was utterly vanilla, it was very confusing, let me tell you."Are you sure you don't like piss? How about crossdressing? Are you absolutely positive you don't have a thing for schoolgirl roleplay? I'll cane you if you want! You don't have to hide your fetishes from me!"
>Since the conversation seems to have taken turn towards porn, I'd thought I'd throw in my highly valued opinion. Men are sexually excited visually and women are sexually excited for the most part by actions and words. This is just the nature of men and women.This can obviously be seen by what is considered the most convetionally attractive women recieving the most attention from men. Women on the other hand might be initially attracted to an extremely handsome man, but if he says something like, "duhhh, you pretty" well thats a deal breaker. Where as a man, for the most part, wouldn't care what a pretty girl says. Women basically are attracted to actions and words, what a man says and does.So "porn" for men is pictures of pretty girls and as he looks at the pictures he basically fills in the scene/dialogue. Because he isn't just staring at the pictures, he's using his imagination to conjure up some fantasy screenplay.Women are basically the opposite, their "porn" is the multitude of romance novels and such that come out by the boatload. Most of these novels involve a relatively young girl and an older man who is powerful. The sex scenes are of course quite explicit. So for women the scene is written out and they visualize what is being read. They're no visualizing women in burka's doing the dishes, just as men aren't filling in the dialogue of women saying they're doing the dishes while looking at young naked girls.So "porn" does saturate our society for both men and women. Men look at porn and fill in the dialogue, because it is their nature to be sexually excited visually. Women read porn and fill the visuals because it is their nature to sexually excited by words and actions.
>NWOSlave: What was that? I was kind of busy wanking to Sex Is Not The Enemy, I didn't quite catch what you were saying.
>More seriously: Men read romance novels. Men write on Literotica. Women masturbate to porn (there's a whole genre of feminist porn, even). Women run Tumblr porn blogs.Frankly, I'm not even sure if you are in the same sexual UNIVERSE as me. Did you miss the rampant fangirling of Orlando Bloom a few years ago? Do you believe that all that yaoi with the very pretty bishie men fucking is aimed at gay men? Do you think thirteen-year-old girls listen to emo bands for the MUSIC?
>NWOslave, you know, so many people have given you such a hard time these last few posts. And I, admittedly, think that their indignation is completely justified but, I dunno, there's something that makes me feels a little bad for you. You seem kind of young and a bit inexperienced and, if I may, you seem to be one of the men who's latched on to MRA/MRM because you aren't very successful with women. I could be totally wrong. It's just the impression I get.So, I'm going to help you out – feel free not to take the advice. Whenever you find yourself saying something like "This is just the nature of men and women," when you’re trying to describe something as amazing and varied as human sexuality you are probably wrong. Have you, personally known a large enough sample of women to know what excites them sexually?
>@Ozymandias…I don't konw who Orlando Bloom is, I don't know what yaoi or bishie men are. I don't know what emo bands are, but I'm guessing if those boys weren't in those emo bands, they wouldn't be getting the attention of those 13 year old girls. Aren't their actions and words the very thing that is giving them their popularity?
>Ohhhhh I'm sooo turned on by words….yeah words are hot.
>NWOSlave: We weren't talking about whether porn is good or bad (well, trip mentioned it, but nobody else). We're talking about whether it's a good guide for learning about real sex.
>Yaoi is a genre of homoerotic or homoromantic that's aimed at and made by straight women. Also known as Boy's Love. Who'd thought straight women enjoy seeing two hot guys fucking? 🙂
>Also, without passing judgment on anyone's lifestyle, the more times you have sex with the same person, the better your sex with that person is likely to be.
>"Frankly, I'm not even sure if you are in the same sexual UNIVERSE as me."I'm a guy and I'm pretty sure he's somewhere on the opposite spiral arm of the galaxy from me. But then again, my relationship experiences stopped being like those of the average MRA once I realized the world didn't owe me pussy."Do you believe that all that yaoi with the very pretty bishie men fucking is aimed at gay men?"Oh gods, don't mention yaoi, he'll probably become convinced it's all part of the feminist plot to condition women into liking femmy guys instead of manly men like himself.
>@Nobinayamu…I assure you I am not young at all. My post that I've written has no MRA taint, as it were, what so ever. I've mocked, nor disparaged neither men or women. It is merely my personal observation/opinion.To say men and women are different isn't sexist or oppressive. Surely anyone can see they think and act differently. Men and women are not anrogynous, we arent interchangable. To say men and women think differently sexually isn't some heresy to be quashed. Why make it out like a competition. Why does it have to be, "yes I do think like that, or no you shouldn't think like that?" If as you say these differences are amazing, then why are you so against anyone who points out these amazing differences?
>…He doesn't know who Orlando Bloom is? Forget about being in the same sexual universe; he's not in the same universe, period.
>"And I, admittedly, think that their indignation is completely justified but, I dunno, there's something that makes me feels a little bad for you. You seem kind of young and a bit inexperienced and, if I may, you seem to be one of the men who's latched on to MRA/MRM because you aren't very successful with women."You may be mistaking immaturity for youth there. And I personally don't feel bad for people like him because similar to racism, there comes a point where the person espousing this misogynistic shit has to consciously start blocking out information that contradicts their chosen position.
>@cboye…I agree 100%