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Sex-ed for a-holes. And non-a-holes, too.

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Note: Girlfriend pillows are not actual girlfriends.
Men Going Their Own Way have some problems with sex. One of the biggest? Despite their best efforts to totally and completely avoid women — which some reason always seems to involve spending hours online every day talking about women — sometimes it will somehow come to pass that hapless MGTOWers will find themselves actually having sex with a woman. As you might imagine, this experience may not be altogether pleasant for either party involved.  Indeed, in my most recent post, I quoted one poor non-virgin MGTOWer who declared that “having sex with a woman is like humping a moist pillow: It doesn’t join in and you can hardly tell the difference.”

What this young man has described is not “sex” so much as “really, really bad sex.” Fortunately, it can be prevented! The most obvious way, already hit upon by many MGTOWers, is to not have sex with women at all. If you despise and resent the entire female gender, it is probably best to not get naked with individual members of that gender. The women of the world will be happy to go along with you on this point, trust me.

But on the off chance that some MGTOWers might be willing to dial down their woman-hatred enough to actually contemplate sex with women, I would like to offer some tips on how to improve the experience for everyone.

First, to make absolutely sure that sex won’t come to resemble “humping a moist pillow,” make sure that your sexual partner is not, in fact, a moist pillow. 

This is a simple fix, and one that is often overlooked. 

If your partner is not actually a pillow but a live human woman, well, I will now give the floor to Ozymandias, who recently posted an extremely helpful list of suggestions in the comments here. Here it is again for anyone who might have missed it::

OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ GO!

So all the sex you’ve had with women, Zaku, has vaguely resembled fucking a moist pillow. I understand and empathize with your sadness about your sex life. However, young padawan, there are methods of solving this.

*Are all of your partners virgins or in high school? Virgins and high schoolers are terrible at sex, particularly if both are inexperienced. I personally was on my third partner before I was any good in bed.

FIX: Find your local cougar, slut or sexually assertive woman.

*Was your partner someone with sexual hang-ups? Slut-shaming often makes women think that enthusiasm makes them “bad girls”, and ideas of men-earning-sex often make women think that lying there is their contribution to sex.

FIX: Have sex with feminists.

*Are you simply not that good in bed? This is a common problem among inexperienced men, and can lead to women not enjoying sex because it is not that enjoyable.

FIX: Learn the location of the clit (with an anatomy chart, if necessary). Listen to her instructions about sex. If she’s moaning, KEEP DOING THAT. Try to give her at least one orgasm before you stick your dick in (be reasonable, if she’s begging “stick it in me”, go ahead, but it’s a good guideline). Suck it up about the taste and learn to love eating pussy. Make sure you give her adequate foreplay (AT LEAST five minutes). Touch and kiss parts of her besides her breasts and pussy. Most of all, confidence and joy, confidence and joy.  [Editor’s Note: As briget has noted in the comments, if you really, really don’t like the taste of pussy, you can always use a dental dam; google the term if you don’t know what that is.]

*Was your partner very, very drunk? Bad sign. Sober people participate more.

FIX: If she’s passed out or puking, don’t fuck her.

*Was your partner freezing up, softly repeating “no, no, no”, or otherwise clearly not enjoying herself? Then you may have had what is technically referred to as “nonconsensual sex,” or by us Femicunt Queens of Nofunnington, “rape.”

FIX: Seek affirmative, enthusiastic consent. This is shown by her, for example, ripping off your clothes, chanting “yes”, sucking your cock without being asked, etc. If you are confused if she is consenting, feel free to ask “do you want to (have sex, make out, have me suck your tits, etc.)?” If you hear words like “no” and “stop,” STOP IMMEDIATELY.

OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ OVER.

Generally speaking, this is good advice for all inexperienced hetero dudes interested in improving their sex lives and the sex lives of their partners. (PROTIP: Improving the sex life of your partner will dramatically improve your sex life too.) With a few changes in wording to reflect different anatomies, as Oz herself points out, this is also good advice for straight women, gay women, gay men, trans men and women, bisexuals, and everyone else who is interested in having sex with some subset of their fellow human beings.

Just to reiterate one point: no one is a sexual expert from the get-go. There’s no shame in sexual inexperience. But it is sort of a douchebag move to blame the entire opposite sex for bad sex if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing in bed.  It takes some time, and some actual giving-a-shit-about-what-the-other-person-likes in order to get good at it. Generally speaking, if you like and respect your sexual partners, gaining this experience and expertise should be a highly enjoyable endeavor. Even if you don’t yet have much in the way of skills, a little bit of enthusiasm can go a long way. Also: you’re allowed to actually ask the other person what he or she likes and doesn’t like. This can prevent all sorts of awkwardness and encourage all sorts of fun sexy times.

Which brings us to another point worth reiterating: if there’s no shame in sexual inexperience, there’s no shame in sexual experience either. Sexually inexperienced women don’t know what they’re doing any more than sexually inexperienced guys do. So, guys, if you want to get with women who actually do know what they are doing, don’t look down on women for having sexual experience. If you’re a slut shamer, you basically have no right to complain if your partners are bad in bed. If you’re one of those dickheads who thinks women all become hags the instant they hit 25, or 30, guess what: you’ve ruled out having sex with the overwhelming majority of the women who are actually really really good at it. 

And while we’re at it: Taking the time to sit down and read about sexual techniques can speed up the process of getting good at sex enormously. If you don’t know how to find the g-spot, well, here you go.  You’re welcome. Lots more useful shit here and here, along with plenty of suggestions for awesome sexy-time book learnin. If you think you’re somehow above reading about sex, well, too bad: that’s what you’ve just been doing! 

If after all this you find that your partner is still lying there like a moist pillow, and you’ve ruled out sexual hangups, sexual inexperience and/or less-than-enthusiastic consent, there are a few other possibilities to look at: 

      1) She (or he) might be having libido problems because of depression – or due to side effects of depression meds – or for some other medical or biological reason. Time to see a doctor.

      2) She (or he) might be asexual. Some people just aren’t into sex. You’ll have to figure out yourselves what this means for your relationship. And that might mean: no more relationship. If you’re really into sex, and partner isn’t, neither one of you is doing the other a favor by sticking around. 

3) She (or he) might actually be a selfish asshole. Selfish assholes tend to suck at sex. Try not to have sex with them. And don’t blame their entire gender for it. And if you’re a selfish asshole, try not to have sex with anyone yourself.
Feel free to share your own tips (and links) in the comments. Learning more about sex and sexuality = good for everybody.
— 
If you enjoyed this post, would you kindly* use the “Share This” or one of the other buttons below to share it on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or wherever else you want. I appreciate it. 
*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.
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Ozymandias
9 years ago

>For the sake of honestly, I must point out I stole "confidence and joy" from Emily Nagoski, the Sex Nerd, whose blog everyone should read. Ugh, I would have put in orgasm-focus in my advice, except that if your partner is lying there like a moist pillow you have bigger problems. You can have good sex with orgasms! You can have bad sex without orgasms! My boyfriend feels he is falling down on the job if he "only" gives me two orgasms. Thankfully, I have multiples, but even so, sometimes you just want to enjoy someone else's enjoyment, y'know?Also: sex is not a sport. Simultaneous orgasms are overrated. If your girl doesn't ejaculate or have multiples or rolling orgasms, it doesn't mean you're bad in bed. In fact, in my experience, the stress to get the "peak experience" makes the experience of sex less enjoyable.Trip– Now that, good sir, is awesome sex. Although you end up going through a lot of condoms…The Femicunts are my new riot grrl band.

Elizabeth
9 years ago

>True Ozy-getting that through male heads has been next to impossible in my experience. "What do you mean you do not care?" I finally had to come up with a new way of describing it: "it is a vaginal massage okay! It does not require orgasm!"

ScareCrow
9 years ago

>Well now David – this is interesting.I finally decided to sign up for an MGTOW account…Guess what – I was instantly banned. PERMANENTLY.I wonder why?Perhaps somebody running it is afraid of somebody like me – somebody with computer tracking skills?Any ideas why I might have been instantly banned David?

Elizabeth
9 years ago

>They hate diarrhea jokes?

cboye
9 years ago

>trip: That sounds…perfect, actually. Do you put on the tea before you start, or during the break, or just afterwards?

cboye
9 years ago

>The studies on identical twins separated at birth always amuse me. I figure they must be sociologically meaningless simply because the number of studies that has been done on those people must skew the data.

ScareCrow
9 years ago

>@Elizabeth: I only post my diarrhea jokes here.

Elizabeth
9 years ago

>Oh, so that is why they got mad at you and banned you. Not enough diarrhea jokes.

triplanetary
9 years ago

>Perhaps somebody running it is afraid of somebody like me – somebody with computer tracking skills?They done backtraced you, Scarecrow. Consequences will never be the same.Do you put on the tea before you start, or during the break, or just afterwards? Definitely not before. I've ruined kettles that way. Usually afterward.

triplanetary
9 years ago

>True Ozy-getting that through male heads has been next to impossible in my experience. "What do you mean you do not care?"I almost never play the "women do it too card," but. I take a medication that makes it very difficult for me to orgasm. Oftentimes when I'm having sex I can tell that it's not going to happen, and I'm fine with it. I still enjoy the sex immensely.But every single woman I have sex with has trouble really believing that I'm okay with it, at least the first couple times. Sometimes they seem to take it as a judgment of their performance or attractiveness. Naturally I reassure them that this isn't the case.Of course, in the case of women wanting to make men orgasm, I think it's a reflection of the patriarchal idea of male orgasm as the "end goal" of sex. Whereas in the case of men wanting to make women orgasm, it's often because they want to view themselves as a manly man stud McStudson. The solution, as is generally the case, is more feminism.

SallyStrange
9 years ago

>The studies on identical twins separated at birth always amuse me. I figure they must be sociologically meaningless simply because the number of studies that has been done on those people must skew the data.This doesn't make any sense. There have been thousands of people involved in twin studies over the years, in different countries, at different times, for different purposes. Twin studies–especially those that study twins separated at birth–are important to sociology AND a number of other disciplines, particularly genetics, because they have shed an enormous amount of light on the complex interaction between genetic traits and cultural influences. They have challenged our old ideas around heritability of traits and forced researches in many fields to reevaluate their answers to that hoary old question, "Is it nature or nurture?" (Answer: yes.) I am not sure which numbers cboye thinks are skewing data, or how–and the fact that this basic element of his skepticism towards twin studies is unclear should tell how much stock to place in cboye's skepticism.

SallyStrange
9 years ago

>"us." Should tell us.

ScareCrow
9 years ago

>@Elizabeth – OK, you got me – that one made me laugh.I appreciate a sense of humor.

law1204
9 years ago

>Actually a "separated at birth" twin study would really only be relevant if the twins were raised in wildly disparate cultures. For example, one twin went to live in a South American Pygmy tribe while the other one stayed behind in the United States. It is entirely unsurprising that twins raised apart in the same culture will exhibit similar cultural behaviors – in fact it is to be expected.

cboye
9 years ago

>Sally: Are there really thousands of pairs of twins that have been separated at birth? If so, I stand corrected. It doesn't seem like a common enough occurrence to provide a statistically meaningful sample size, particularly for a large number of studies.P.S. my handle is Katz.

Avicenna
9 years ago

>@Elizabeth they probably don't like diarrhoea jokes, now constipation jokes! That's what they like! It's funny to them on a personal level.

SallyStrange
9 years ago

>Are there really thousands of pairs of twins that have been separated at birth?Nope, but there have been thousands of studies involving identical twins. I was including separated-at-birth studies under that subset. In any case, in order to say whether data is being skewed, you have to first explain how, and why. And in order to do that, you have to first have a conclusion that is being skewed for or against. Small numbers of subjects can still reveal lots of information, it just depends on what you're testing for. You didn't mention any of that, which makes me think that you just have an irrational bias against twin studies, birth-separated or not. And your bias seems to stem from a misunderstanding of the importance of sample size in statistics.

laura-magic
9 years ago

>"Also, I was just reading about a study where they hooked both men and women up to porn. Men were turned on by watching their preferred pairing (gay men liked gay porn, straight men liked straight porn), but the women just seemed to be turned on by people having sex."This is interesting. I'm a straight lady but I love gay and lesbian porn, anything but heterosexual! I also hate romance novels because they are very…het. Not that I don't enjoy male/female love stories, but it doesn't generally turn me on, because it's generally more 'romantic' and less sex-orientated.I do read slash fiction, but honestly, if they made (visual) porn for women of guys I would be all over that shit. It just doesn't seem to exist because of people droning on about how 'men are visual' and women see attractive people fucking and have to fight back the urge to vomit.