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| No date tonight! |
The other day I made some critical remarks about some dating advice from pickup guru Roissy — specifically, a list of things prospective Don Juans can do to keep the ladies “on their toes” and generate a certain level of mystery, always enticing to the fairer sex. I have reconsidered one suggestion of Roissy’s, which I now realize is sort of brilliant. That is:
Cancel dates. (Make the reason seem apparently legitimate, but suspicious.)
Your success in using this tactic, of course, is largely dependent on how good you are at concocting vaguely plausible but not completely convincing excuses for canceling. Here are several to get you started:
“Sorry, babe, can’t make our date tonight. I’ve lost all my shoes.”
“I’m going to have to take a raincheck on our weekend getaway in the Berkshires, snuggle-bunny. I have gotten my head stuck in a bucket.”
“Oops! No go for tomorrow, sugar-tits. I just realized our salsa dancing class conflicts with my speech at the 93rd Annual Dirndl Appreciation Society meeting.”
“Tuesday night is out, cupcake. I have climbed up a tree and I just can’t seem to figure out how to get back down.”
“I feel terrible about this, stinky, but there’s no way I can make it tonight. I have completely lost my sense of direction and have been walking in circles for the past ten hours.”
You may use any of these you want. You’re welcome! And suggest your own, if you wish.
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>That tree one would fail-she could just offer to show up with a ladder.
>Nah. Don't you remember? Women never help men out, ever.
>*smacks forehead* I forgot! I did come up with one though…but it is really gross.
>Note to Liza: I deleted your comment. Read the comment policy, por favor.
>"Forgot to tell you sweetcheeks, I'm Going My Own Way Now!"
>"I'm really sorry about this, ballbuster, but I can't make it to the spring formal. My therapist says you're not real." "I can't make it to your uncle's wedding, potato. The escalator just broke down midway." "Hey butterbutt, I meant to call you, but these shiny Vulpix aren't going to breed themselves."
>Hey, Crablegs, can't make it to the ice cream social tonight, iNsAnEgOkU666 posted some new Two and a Half Men Fanfiction.
>Hate to tell ya, billygoat, but I just can't make it to your shindig, I have to make sure to mail this money off to this nice Nigerian prince so that I can donate to the sexy ladybot revolution. Now, now, don't get huffy; we all have to do our part.
>Dear, I just won't be able to come tonight. There are some cat videos on the internet I simply must watch.
>I think these excuses would just make the person look weird, and I know I didn't like the occasion when I was referred to as stinky.
>Sorry sweetcakes, there's really good Sharpie-in-pooper thread on 4chan, and I want to get there before it 404s.
>hey david, btw you may want to check out the boycott american women post from january28th. It's something you'll want to post about
>rebekah, thanks. And yep, that's an exceptionally loopy one. I've seen a few other MRA types try to make a similar argument. I may indeed end up writing about it.
>Sorry thunderthighs, can't make it because I've got a horrible case of phantom head pain.
>Hey, shit tits. About the Slash concert tonight–can't make it. I've got this coupon for KFC, so I'm gonna be unavailable for a while, actually.
>Sugar tits…That's my favorite.
>As a jazz player and collector, I have a built in excuse. "There's a jam session or such-and-such is spinning platters." Total, inevitable sausagefest. No woman would WANT to go. Jazz, like cars, is a safe zone for misogynists.