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Category Archives: sex

>With a Cherry 2000 on top

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Silly poster! Melanie Griffith does not actually play Cherry 2000

Manosphere dudes, especially those waiting impatiently for the day when sexbots replace women,  could actually learn a thing or two from one of my favorite dumb 1980s films, Cherry 2000, which I happened to catch (for about the third or fourth time) the other night.

The film, set in a vaguely postapocalptic future, offers an update of sorts to a very old story: Boy meets robogirl. Boy has sex with robogirl in a puddle of water. Boy loses robogirl when her circuits short out because they’re having sex in a puddle of water. Boy hires bounty hunter Melanie Griffith to escort him into the lawless Sector 7 to find him a replacement for his robogirl because her model (the Cherry 2000) has been discontinued.  Shit happens. Stuff blows up. Melanie Griffith kicks ass, pouts, and kicks ass again.

The movie sets up a stark contrast between the infinitely pliable and submissive Cherry 2000 sexbot and actual not-so-pliable women.  In one early scene, intended as something of a satire of the dating scene at the time, our hero and some of his pals go to a singles bar — where, if they decide they want to get with a sexy human lady, they need to negotiate the terms of the sexual encounter with her and her lawyer, and fill out the appropriate paperwork.

We get to listen in on a couple such negotiations; the women in question are all portrayed as, er, pretty touch negotiators — that is, bitches. One of the lawyers is portrayed by a young, pre-Matrix, Laurence Fishburne. At this point, I suspect most woman-hating, Matrix-loving manosphere dudes watching the film will jizz. in. their pants.

In fact, we get to see a lot of loud and obstreperous women in the film. In one memorable scene, a grizzled old junkyard owner asks his ornery young assistant for a favor:

GRIZZLED OLD COOT: Randa is going to fix us lunch, ain’t you, Randa?

RANDA: [Indignantly] No. 

COOT: Well, then, you can just go shit in your hat.

Randa does not in fact fix anyone anything. Manosphere dudes will probably be happy to learn that later in the film — SPOILER ALERT! — she’s shot in the head at point-blank range.

Anyway, long story short: after (barely) surviving assorted assaults from Sector 7 baddies with the invaluable assistance of the ornery Melanie Griffith, our hero is forced to choose between saving her or the robogal he’s devoted the whole movie to finding. Naturally, being a robot-loving idiot, he chooses Cherry 2000 — then, after heading off with her in tow, he realizes that she’s sort of a simpering moron, and goes back to rescue the real woman. Cue happy ending.  (Well, happy for everyone except for sexbot-coveting manosphere dudes watching the film, who will probably rush off to their favorite MGTOW forum to denounce the filmmakers as evil manginas.)

The moral of the story? Even the complete idiots who made this incredibly stupid movie realized that real women — with opinions and ideas of their own — are preferable to adoring sexbots.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Incredibly Strange Antifeminist Bedfellows: Kay Hymowitz defends her attackers

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Damn you, you monsters! This scarf does NOT make me look gay!

This is just embarrassing. A bit over a week ago, the Wall Street Journal published a chunk of antifeminist polemicist Kay Hymowitz’ new book Manning Up, which argues that young men today have turned into a generation of immature pre-adults as a result (to simplify only slightly) of excessive exposure to Judd Apatow movies and to young women who won’t let them step up and be real men. The article stirred up quite a tempest in the tea-pot that is the Men’s Right’s/MGTOW world online. Completely missing the antifeminist implications of her argument, manosphere men attacked her for impugning the honor of young men and their video games, and for generally being, to quote a few typical comments, a “bitch,” an “entitlement whore,” a “cunt,” “a fugly tranny skank,” and someone who “on her best day … has a face that reminds me a mule my uncle used to own.”

Now Hymowitz has responded to all this vitriol by penning … a partial defense of her attackers for the Daily Beast. While she notes that there are elements of “backlash” and, yes, misogyny in the rage of the manosphere, she’s quick to equate this manosphere tantrum with the feelings of men in general (as Amanda Marcotte has already pointed out), and to suggest that there are legitimate reasons for the hate. Which apparently have to do with, er, male frustration with having to ask women out for dates. Yes, that’s her real argument. Let’s let her explain:

[T]here’s another reason for these rants, one that is far less understood. Let’s call it gender bait and switch. Never before in history have men been matched up with women who are so much their equal—socially, professionally, and sexually. … That’s the bait; here comes the switch. Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure.

At this point, Hymowitz launches into a tired old litany of male complaints about the alleged horrors of post-feminist dating: OMG, in this crazy mixed-up world of ours, men don’t know whether or not to open doors for their dates! Some women want to pay their way on dates, even when they make as much as or more than the dudes dating them  … and others don’t!

Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles. They can be all “Let me pay for the movie tickets” on Friday nights, and “A single rose? That’s it?” on Valentine’s Day.

As Marcotte points out, Hymowitz is essentially echoing one of the dopiest of manosphere complaints about the ladies, “that they’re all different people, instead of easily controlled sexbots.” Indeed, on many manosphere sites, one gets the impression that women are, or should be, a bunch of interchangeable sperm receptacles, differentiated only by how high they score on a “hotness” scale of 1-10. If you think of women this way, no wonder you’re confused when women have, you know, actual personalities and shit.

But here’s a hint for the angry dudes of the manosphere: once you realize that women are not all the same person inside, you can turn this fact to your advantage, by deliberately seeking out women who are actually compatible with your own personality. Don’t like paying for dates? Then find a woman who likes paying her own way! (Just don’t be shocked if she finds your retrograde ideas about women repulsive.) I know that this may come as a shock to some of you guys, but there are men out there who actually find women’s distinct personalities … interesting. Stimulating. Attractive.

Back to Hymowitz. As strange as it is to see her parroting some of the dumbest manosphere complaints about women and dating — some women want one thing, while other women want something different! some say they want good guys but then they date bad boys! — even stranger is her notion that manosphere rage has its roots in frustrations about dating. Given that she’s not a complete idiot, there are only two possible explanations for this strange conclusion of hers. One, she’s so eager to find evidence for her thesis that empowered women are the root of male immaturity that she is willing to overlook the crazy misogyny of angry MRA/MGTOW dudes because they, too, blame women for their dating woes. Or two, that she has not actually given the blogs and forums of the manosphere much more than a cursory glance. I think it’s a bit of both.

The list of manosphere sites she mentions in her article bear out the second of these theses — it’s simply cut-and-pasted from her 2008 article Love in the Time of Darwinism, and it’s pretty clear she hasn’t revisited any of them since then. Or, in one case, ever: EternalBachelor.com isn’t a Men’s Rights or MGTOW site at all. but a skeleton site for a web magazine “coming soon” whose only content at the moment consists of photos of buff, shirtless guys (and a page where you can order t-shirts, presumably to keep the poor fellas from freezing to death). I can only guess that Hymowitz meant to refer to the Eternal Bachelor blog, which has itself been dormant for more than three years.(Another site she links to, Nomarriage.com, is also “under construction.”)

Kay, if you read this, please take a moment to peruse some real MRA/MGTOW and related forums, like, say, The Spearhead, and take a look at some of the comments there. For example, this one, about you — which, last I checked, had gotten 33 upvotes and only a handful of downvotes from the Spearhead peanut gallery:

I wish I could reach through my computer screen and punch this bitch. …. this stupid bitch is using the pain of innocent men destroyed by the same misandric system that publishes her shit to make more money and she is probably part of the feminazi conspiracy to appropriate and colonize the growing MRM. …

WTF is up with jewish women? They seem to be the most misandric of all. They demand that baby boys get their dicks chopped off and grown men too, I have hooked up with a few and they all got weirdly gitty knowing I was uncut and then sad when they realized I wouldn’t get chopped up and submit to their version of a sky god. I mean, really, WTF? I haven’t read much into the torah but just scanning the feminists and other feminazi loons it’s is obvious that there are a lot with jewish names. … Really, I don’t get it and am not trying to sound like a nazi but I must be missing something.

Somehow, I don’t think the rage in this comment has much to do with confusion over whether or not guys should open doors for their dates. 

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>No Sperm for Feminists!

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Don’t let her have it! She reads Pandagon!

Hey, fellas, you know that stuff that comes out of your penis when you masturbate? Whatever you do, don’t give it to a feminist! No matter how nicely she asks! Especially — I repeat, ESPECIALLY — if she wants to put it in her vagina. It is the KEY TO EVERYTHING!!! Rebel, commenting on angry-dude mecca The Spearhead, explains:

If feminists do not breed, they will disappear. …

We have complete control over female reproduction, CONTRARILY to what most think. We hold the spark of life in our hands (polite form..)

Simple: NO DNA TRANSFER is it.

That’s why I said: don’t give your seeds.
Without them, women become TOTALLY powerless.
If we set our minds to it, collectively, two generations at most and the problem is gone.
I say:”Breed the suckers out”. Period. Don’t have sex with feminists.
Don’t have sex with those who hate you.
Breed the feminists OUT!!

Our grandchildren will then have a working society back.

I actually think this plan will be remarkably easy to implement. I don’t really think many feminists are lining up to collect sperm from Spearheaders.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>Humorless dudes: Women aren’t funny!

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What a hideous beast!

It’s weird the lengths that the dudes of the manosphere will go to try to prove things that simply aren’t true. Like the idea that women aren’t funny. (Seriously, if you can’t immediately reel off the names of ten women who are fucking hilarious, you just might be — to paraphrase one famously hackneyed male comedian — a misogynist. If you get stuck, maybe this will help.)

The standard misogynist line on the alleged unfunniness of women is rooted, as are so many misogynist ideas, in sexual insecurity and resentment: Men are funny, the argument goes, because, unless they’re George Clooney or Ghengis Khan, it’s the only way to get women to have sex with them. Meanwhile, all that most women have to do to get men to have sex with them is to exist.

In an old post on Gucci Little Piggy which I just ran across today, our friend Chuck (who sometimes posts comments here), offers his version of this argument.

Humor and oppression are strongly correlated. Oppression leads to a sense of irony and keen insight about human nature and life in general. …  And nobody is less at the bottom of the social heap than women.

Actually, maybe men are inherently more funny than women, because so far Chuck’s explanation is hilarious. His proof for this: there aren’t a ton of gorgeous white women comedians. Listing a a small batch of female comedians — among them Ellen Degeneres, Joan Rivers, Wanda Sykes, and Chelsea Handler — he remarks:

Take a look at the list of famous female comedians and notice that none fit the “prototypical” (average) woman. In other words, they aren’t white, beautiful, and straight. … They weren’t handed a golden ticket, like many of their straight-and-narrow sisters. In the same way that Jerry Seinfeld, Milton Berle, and the Marx Brothers inherited a legacy of humor from their Jewish ancestors, lesbians, fat broads, and ethnic women have used the same tool: humor. … female comedians are almost universally unattractive or lesbian or ethnic.

You may have noticed a few problems with this argument. Aside from the fact that there have been plenty of completely hilarious women who were also utterly gorgeous — uh, Marilyn Fucking Monroe? – that several of the women on his list are actually quite conventionally hot, and that most of them are white, all Chuck has done is to show that many female comedians, like many male comedians, tend to be outcasts and misfits with less than model-quality looks. Not that “women aren’t funny” or even that women are inherently less funny than men.

The fact that Paris Hilton is not what you’d call a brilliant wit — she’s his example of a beautiful unfunny lady — doesn’t mean that “women” collectively are unfunny, any more than the fact of Tom Cruise’s humorlessness means all men, or even all Scientologists, are unfunny. (Well, maybe the bit about the Scientologists.)

But the funniest part of the whole thing comes in the comments section, where one bravely anonymous commenter offers his own — utterly sincere, unintentionally hilarious — explanation of the “women aren’t funny” meme:

Well, you’re speaking of a culture/society that’s been decimated by Cultural Marxism. The comedians you mention are using the Frankfurt School’s Critical Theory to criticize and breakdown (criticize/critique) what remains of White Western Civilization. There were plenty of excellent white comedians, both male and female, before the open immigration act of 1965 turned the USA into a third world shit hole. There’s a reason they’re not white.

Yeah, that’s gotta be it. Joan Rivers is staying up nights reading her dog-eared copies of the treatises of Max Horkheimer and Theodor Adorno, perfecting her dialectical critique of ugly Oscar dresses.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>Could it be … Muslims?

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Secret Muslim operatives.

So who invented feminism? If we’re to believe the conventional historical accounts, it was invented by a bunch of ladies. But all good misogynists know that ladies can’t invent their way out of a paper bag, so obviously it was some dudes who did it. Some Men’s Rightsers with a conspiratorial mindset have suggested it was the evil Rockefellers, deviously using feminism as part of their plot to depopulate the world. (Presumably because feminism encourages lesbianism and abortion, not necessarily at the same time.)

Over on the brand new* mgtowforums.com, avoidwomen offers another possibility: Islam! Avoidwomen is essentially asking and answering the classic conspiracy theory question “Cui Bono?” — which, if I remember correctly, either means “who benefits?”or “where’s Bono?” (My Latin is a little rusty.) Let’s try to follow the logic here:

I have to wonder if the Muslims had a role in planning feminism in many countries around the world? No violence would be needed, simply outbreed the feminists! It’s no surprise that Islam is the least feminised and strongest patriarchal society and religion. It will become a world religion and a major society in as little as two decades! Women will be treated under Islam as men are under feminism. Frankly, I don’t care about women and neither do millions of oppressed men. It may sound unfair, but the reality is you can’t have “equality” without oppressing men and destroying society. It’s a fact that the strongest patriarchies are the ones that breed the most and become the dominant society. Matriarchies become weak and die out in a couple generations, as was the case in the past.

Makes sense to me. I just wonder how Bono fits into the equation.

Some commenters agreed; others didn’t. AussieSteve, for one, welcomes our future Muslim overlords:

I fully expect Australia to become Muslim in my lifetime. I don’t dread it. … I should be old enough by then that it shouldn’t affect me too much, I don’t drink a lot. I’m sure I’ll be able to cope without my daily glass of Bundy rum.

I say, bring it on. I want to sit on my porch quietly laughing at bitches in burkahs as they cry about how men didn’t come to their aid when the muslims rose to power and kicked their feminist pedestal out from under their big fat arses.

Dontmarry points out the inconvenient fact that avoidwomen’s main goal — avoidingwomen  — won’t exactly help fertility rates in the Western world either. But he still blames feminsts, manginas and overeducated women who are, er, riding the “bad boy cock carousel.” 

Men going their own way also contributed to the low fertility, but hey, it’s better to be unmarried and childless than to be raped financially and have the state attempt to break your spirit at every turn.

Moreover, we merely reacted. Feminists started the problem; women exacerbated it, cheered on by manginas. Women, too highly educated for their own good, prefer to delay marriage, chase their careers, and ride the bad boy cock carousel. Gradually, time catches up with them, and they wonder ‘why are there no good men left’?

Clearly, Islam is devious indeed.

* Just a little non-sarcastic note here: The newly formed mgtowforums.com is basically a replacement for the old MGTOW proboards forum, which was recently taken down by the proboards administrators, apparently because of complaints from a feminist blogger. (There’s more on what apparently happened here; the comment I’m linking to is apparently a cut-and-pasted comment from that blogger.) Obviously, I do not approve of people taking down sites they disagree with.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>Do Men Going Their Own Way Dream of Misogynistic Sheep?

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Let’s just flush superbad into space.

Some manosphere dudes dream of a future filled with robogirl sex slaves eager to fulfill their every twisted wish. Over on Happy Bachelors, superbad dreams bigger. And weirder. Here’s his vision of a futuristic misogynistic sex utopia, a sort of sexed-up sci-fi version of that old creepy fairy tale about Bluebeard, mixed with a bit of Moonraker for good measure:

in an ideal world i would live alone on a huge spaceship with a large queue of sexy virgin’s in cryofreeze. when i got the urge i would select one to be thawed on a non-Windows OS computer. after having my way with them, if they asked anything too personal, like my name, i’d hit a big red panic button and have them flushed into space. then i’d eat some souvlaki and log on to a feminist forum and tell them how deeply i cared about their cause. “you’re right Sarah! i think twats should rule the world… YAAY TWATS!” then till the wee hours i would work on my mangina annihilation ray. when perfected i’d pull up to earth, get on a 100 million watt transmitter, and announce, while sipping ouzo, “you all got 24 hours to get the f*ck out”.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>Animal lust

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What better day than Valentine’s Day for a post about love? Or at least the MGTOW version of love, which is more like a mixture of lust and loathing.

I’ve spoken before about what I’ve called the MGTOW Paradox: Men Going Their Own Way generally seem to hate the ladies, but the ladies still keep giving them boners. Recently, on the grotequely misnamed Happy Bachelors forum, Marcus Aurelius — who describes himself without irony as “one of the more, if you will, ‘spiritual’ voices on the forum” — offered four partial solutions to this problem of excess lady desire. They are, in order: Porn, furious masturbation, a deep understanding of the Buddhist notion of “the impermanence of form,” and … whatever this is:

And another thing I do…when [desire]  ACTUALLY hits….like say I see a hot looking girl at work, and it starts to creep up, I actually indulge in it for a moment. I look at the woman. Think about my attraction to her nice…whatever. Then, I think about it as tho I am at the Public Zoo. Seriously. At the zoo, you will see a wild exotic animal, and you will stare through that glass in awe of this animal…..but you wouldn’t set foot in that damn cage…because you KNOW if you did….that damn thing would TEAR YOU APART. Thats how I like to look at attractive american women. Animals in a zoo.

That only works for so long, dude. Then you turn into a furry.

If you enjoyed this post, would you kindly* use the “Share This” or one of the other buttons below to share it on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or wherever else you want. I appreciate it.

*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>The Price of Love

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Apparently, it’s only 15p!
With Valentine’s day fast approaching, I thought I’d point you all to an interesting little set of online apps, courtesy of the fellows at NoMarriage.com: calculators that purport to tell dudes the true cost of sex — with wives, girlfriends, and what the kids today are calling “randoms.” 
The assumptions behind each of these calculators are pretty revealing: they essentially assume that guys generally resent the women they’re involved with, and only spend time with them because it’s necessary to pretend to be interested in them in order to get sex. The calculators also assume that guys are more or less paying for everything.
 
I ran a few numbers, and the results are telling: for the guys for whom these calculators are basically designed — that is, guys who generally dislike spending non-sexy time with women, and who believe that “every kiss begins with Kay” — the cost can easily be hundreds of dollars for each and every time they and their special ladies manage to set aside their resentments long enough to engage in a grudging bout  of the old in-and-out.

By contrast, for guys going out with independent (and perhaps even feminist) women they actually like and enjoy spending time with, who pay their own way, and who live nearby, the putative cost of sex can literally be pennies a pop. For married men who actually like their working wives, the cost of sex can actually be negative, because it’s cheaper to cohabit than to live alone.

In a nutshell: misogyny costs you, big time. But actually liking women? That makes sense — dollars and sense!

For dedicated Men Going Their Own Way, the calculators, with a little tweaking, can also be used to calculate the cost of NOT having sex. Using the girlfriend calculator, replace “How many hours do you spend having stupid conversations with your GF (per week)” with “How many hours do you spend having stupid conversations with other MGTOW (per week).” Ignore the rest of the questions until you get to the one about your hourly wage. Then, for the question asking how many times you have sex per week, ignore this wording and simply input “1.” Voila! You have calculated the (opportunity) cost per week of not having sex!

So, dear readers, what is YOUR cost of sex?
– 
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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

>Three 6 Mafia: Probably not regular readers of Feministing.

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Not on their way to a feminist consciousness-raising group.

I listen to music mostly while doing other things, like reading or working on this little blog, so I generally do my best to ignore the lyrics. For the last few years, I hadn’t been listening to all that much rap, because rap has more words per song than pretty much any music ever, and I found the overflow of verbiage too hard to ignore. But recently a little switch went off in my brain and now I find I can listen to it without getting terribly distracted.  So I’ve been listening to a lot of rap, sort of making up for lost time.

Since I’m not looking for clever lyrics, I ignore a lot of the more “conscious” rap and tend to go for stuff that is fairly mindless, crude and repetitive, heavy with hooks. Lately, for example, I’ve been listening to a lot of Three 6 Mafia, a group not known for great subtlety. Here’s the hook for one of their songs, Ridin’ Spinners, a paean to spinning rims:

I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
It’s rollin’

I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
It’s rollin’

I should say that I’m assuming, based on the hook, that the songs is a paean to spinners. Maybe it’s some sort of subtle critique. I don’t know, since I don’t know any of the other words to the song.

The other night I decided to look up the lyrics to a bunch of Three 6 Mafia songs to see what exactly I’ve been listening to. Basically, their songs are about drugs and general debauchery, with a special emphasis on drinks laced with cough syrup  (a.k.a. sizzurp, purple drank). Given that one of their songs is called “Sippin on Syrup,” I was not altogether shocked by this.

But the lyrics to the song called, er, Slob on My Knob went a bit … beyond what I was expecting, even given the title. Here’s one of the more, er, memorable parts of the song. (More sensitive readers may want to stop reading at this point. Maybe everyone should.)

First find a mate
Second find a place
Third find a bag, to hide the ho face
Real name Rover
I said bend over
I started to knock, then came the odor
Smelled like mush
Shouldn’t had a woosh
Told her to stop, and take a douche
While she did that
I didn’t want the cat
So I bounced out and never came back

Fellas, I wouldn’t really recommend you put this song on your Valentine’s day mix cd for your sweetie.

If you enjoyed this post, would you kindly use the “Share This” or one of the other buttons below to share it on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or wherever else you want. I appreciate it.

>The Cupcake Files, Part Three: MGTOW Proboards Forum Edition

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Delicious, but deadly!

As I pointed out in the previous two installments of  The Cupcake Files, the Men Going Their Own Way movement has taken the deliciously innocent word “cupcake” and turned it into a synonym for an evil-she-bitch-from-hell.

Today, quotes on “cupcake” from the MGTOW proboards forum. (I’m too lazy to provide links for every example; they all can be found by searching for the word “cupcake” on the forum.)

Cupcake: Uses more than her fair share of health care resources.

[O]utside of sports medicine, 90% of health care is consumed by cunts. Men usually die from our first encounter with the system (heart attack, accident, violence, etc.) It is the cunts and their breeding that devour most of the health care dollars spent in this country. Probably even higher when you consider most men have chronic conditions as a result of either dangerous work to support cupcake or they live in total and abject stress due to having a manipulative withholding shrew at home who has racked up so much debt the man knows he’ll be working until he is 104.


Cupcake: A monster disguised as a cupcake.

Ever notice how the less attractive females generally have the better personalities? Why do you think that is? Do you think unattractive females are genetically predisposed to have fun, laid-back personalities?

No, of course not. They have better personalities because they are making up for a flaw in another department. They are getting away with the maximum they can get away with, but underneath that fun cupcake is a MONSTER.


Cupcake: Should probably be forbidden from using Facebook

If cupcake has a facebook account you are basically giving her a free pass to cheat on you. She will have old flings on her account, past men she was interested in, all it takes is for you to piss her off one day and she will have one these men provide a “shoulder to cry on”.


Cupcake: Has a loaded gun, and it’s pointed at YOU, mister!

The gun is loaded, cocked and pointed at your head. Cupcake has had her finger on the trigger from the moment you said “I do” and she will pull it the moment you cease to entertain her.

Cupcake: Tired of having sex with you, but enjoys luxury cruises.

I will admit, it feels good to eat, have sex, fall asleep, then wake up in again for morning sex but what guys don’t realize is that this does not last indefinitely .

Eventually, you get pussyfied from all this pleasure and you start putting up with more and more female demands as her pussy chips away at you to the point where you wake up one day and you have 3 kids, no friends, no hobbies, you’re overweight, she refused sex for the second week, and now you have to go to work in a few hours to put in a 12 hour shift because cupcake wants to go on a luxury cruise where she just might have sex with you; but even then, it won’t be all that great because she’s now overweight and don’t care.

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