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Women are sexual vampires who want to steal your energies (and your sperm), Reddit NoFapper warns his fellow non-wankers

This one’s clearly up to no good

By David Futrelle

The Semen Retention subreddit is a place of magic and wonder. That is, many of its inhabitants believe that the simple non-activity of not masturbating for an extended length of time gives them literal magic power. As for the wonder, well, I wonder just what it is they’re smoking.

Semen retainers, or at least a lot of them, believe that their militant non-wanking allows them to build up a vast amount of physical and psychic energy that makes them magnetically irresistible, “aligns [their] spirit with the Tao,” and even allows them to “bend reality” with their mind.

But this newfound energy brings not only joy but also real danger — from those who sense their new power and try to steal their lucky charms. Semen Retainers regularly warn their fellow non-wankers about the dangers of female “energy vampires” eager to drain their energies along with their balls.

“In a fertile state,” a semen-retaining Redditor called salinorum wrote,

women turn into a form of energetic leach in which the a woman is looking to withdraw the vital seminal fluid of a man for the purposes of reproduction.

That is possibly the least sexy sentence ever written in the English language. Somehow I doubt this guy is going to get Penthouse to publish any of his letters any time soon.

Of course not all woman want to get pregnant when they are fertile, at least consciously. But their sexual hardwiring kicks in and results in a subconscious desire to have sex with the most fit man possible. I’ve realized women are very dangerous during their fertile period, almost like a vampire or leach. Rather than thirsting for your blood, they want your good seed.

He then told a harrowing tale about some woman who, he thinks, wanted to hook up with him for his magic sperm.

I realized the power of a woman during this full moon. A woman who lives in a separate apartment in the same house as mine, kept coming around to my apartment these past couple days looking for me to initiate a hook up. I could tell she was very fertile, because likewise, a man is also attuned to a woman’s sexual fitness. All men are most attracted to women at their peak fertile period. The woman’s lips become redder, her skin glows, her pheromones are probably full blast, and she looks her absolute best versus all other stages of her ovulatory cycle.

So this woman kept coming around my apartment waiting for me to initiate.

Apparently female energy vampires, despite their hunger for sexual energy, are too shy to actually ask men if they want to fuck.

He drew the obvious lesson from this terrifying experience involving a women who talked to him a couple of times when he was very horny.

So my fellow SR brethren, be warned of women who attempt to steal your essence and seed. Your power and mental clarity is diminished in each sexual act you perform with her whether it occurs in the sheets or merely in your head. … I think I understand the term succubus better now than ever.

But women don’t just want your, er, seed, he warned his fellow non-masturbators. They want your psychic energy as well!

[W]oman are reading both your sexual and spiritual indicators which are likely communicated in your magnetic / auric field. Thus when a woman attempts to lure your sexual or mental attention towards her, she is literally withdrawing energy from both your spiritual and physical body. …

And although perhaps women are not consciously aware of their talent at reading indicators of men’s physical and spiritual fitness, it is still a language in which all women are highly attuned. Once more, choose who you give attention to wisely for there is a literal energetic extrication occurring on both the mental and physical planes!

Damn, ladies! What gives? I didn’t know any of this stuff.

I’m putting tinfoil over my junk just in case.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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Citerior Motive
Citerior Motive
10 months ago

As is obligatory on NoFap posts: “I don’t avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence.”

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I think they know about nocturnal emissions. Pretty sure there was a post a while back no fappers being concerned about succubi. Succubi are the only rational explanation for night ejaculations and sex dreams. Obviously.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
10 months ago

The world has succumbed to fantasy….

The whole world….

Im’a go home now….

Oh, but didja see the orange foolius’ FACE when the World Series crowed chanted “Lock him up!?!?!?!”

Naglfar
Naglfar
10 months ago

@Weird Eddie

Oh, but didja see the orange foolius’ FACE when the World Series crowed chanted “Lock him up!?!?!?!”

Yes!! The world is finally starting to turn against him, and he and his supporters are going to have to get used to not getting their way.

Oh, and FOX edited out the booing to keep him happy.

A dark shadow
10 months ago

i feel like the guy is being a wimp towards the girl, especially thinking if shes a vampire (most likely not), and the “fertile” thing i dont understand one bit, i dont think i ever will, she could just be infatuated with him, not wanting just his seed and ennergy, HIM, soul and all, its a crazy thing called L-O-V-E lol

A dark shadow
10 months ago

if theres a way to message on here, ill accept, but itll be a slow ass reply XD

(life in the danger zone broskis!)

Skye
Skye
10 months ago

The world is finally starting to turn against him, and he and his supporters are going to have to get used to not getting their way.

I keep thinking this and being disappointed. I don’t know what it’ll take for Republicans to turn on him and I’m terrified he’ll be re-elected.

Snowberry
Snowberry
10 months ago

@Skye:

I don’t know what it’ll take for Republicans to turn on him and I’m terrified he’ll be re-elected.

I’m not too worried yet. For one thing, impeachment and removal are still possible within the next year. And if it doesn’t happen or he survives that, it doesn’t matter much what Republicans do, we only need most of the conservative-leaning independents to be disgusted enough at him so they’ll vote Dem or third party or stay home. Of course there’s always the chance of suspended elections, mass vote fraud of the likes we’ve never seen before, or declaring that the vote is illegitimate and therefore void. But considering how incompetent his administration is, he’d need some pretty serious Mitchcraft to pull something like that off.

I’ll reserve my right to be worried when the time gets much closer.

occasional reader
occasional reader
10 months ago
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
10 months ago

An article on toxic masculinity and related themes that I stumbled across recently:

https://hedgehogreview.com/issues/identitieswhat-are-they-good-for/articles/what-is-it-like-to-be-a-man

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
10 months ago

Science has shown correlation between masturbation and lowered chances of developing prostate cancer (2016 study of over 32000 men over 18 years). Though a smaller study showed increased chances in younger AMABs who masturbate frequently, with the decrease only present in AMABs age 50 and up.

Would be a twist if the precious bodily fluids turn out to be developing prostate cancer. A sick twist, but still.

Betrayer
Betrayer
10 months ago

Where did the whole “women’s lips turn red when they are fertile” myth originate? It’s really pervasive among this lot, and it’s bonkers.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
10 months ago

@ betrayer

I seem to recall Desmond Morris commenting on it in The Naked Ape.

Lip redness is a feature of the amount of oxygen in the blood; it’s something anaesthetists monitor.

That can be affected by hormone levels; but also by other factors such as heart rate, and just general health.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
10 months ago

@Betrayer, @Alan Robertshaw:

I’ve said this before, but I really think that even before the racism, sexism and sloppy science, the baseline problem with most of the evo-psych theories I’ve encountered is that they start from the premise that human fertility is some incredibly rare and precious resource.

The existence of several billion humans on the planet, and the long history of our attempts to invent birth control, kind of contradict this.

Naglfar
Naglfar
10 months ago

O/T, but is anyone doing NaNoWriMo this year?
I would, but I don’t have time between all the other things I have to do. Still curious if anyone else is doing it though.

Moggie
Moggie
10 months ago

I’ve been unable to take Desmond Morris seriously since hearing him give some evo-psych reason why women are more attracted to hairy men. The main message I took from this is “I guess Desmond Morris is an hairy man”.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
10 months ago

@ Naglfar:

O/T, but is anyone doing NaNoWriMo this year?

No, but I’ve signed up for Yuletide. Suspect I already know which one of my requests will be filled, because it’s the only one with a fandom that’s larger than just me—no, that’s not quite right: I’ve seen one of my nominated fandoms garner multiple requests and (as of last night) no one volunteering to write for it…

KindaSortaHarmless
KindaSortaHarmless
10 months ago

@Naglfar

I’ll do it this year. The most I’ve ever done was 10 thousand words in 2017(?), but I’ll try again this year.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
10 months ago

@A dark shadow

if theres a way to message on here, ill accept, but itll be a slow ass reply XD

(life in the danger zone broskis!)

You appear to be lost. The tactical shaving cream aisle is thataway.

Naglfar
Naglfar
10 months ago

@Buttercup
Though I can see times when it would be useful to be able to DM people on here.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
10 months ago

@Naglfar Me too! I was responding more to the “broskis” bit. It just…it reminded me of the trolls we’ve had who come in here and only address the male-presenting nyms.

Naglfar
Naglfar
10 months ago

@Buttercup
Oh, of course. I am pretty certain this is just a very strange troll. I just meant that in general it would be nice to be able to DM.

E.
E.
10 months ago

Hello, everyone! To those of you wondering what Semen Retainers think of wet dreams/nocturnal emissions, I can tell you. Whereas nofappers believe that involuntary ejaculation, whether it be through a wet dream or urinating out semen, is a good thing that signifies the body’s “rebooting”, Semen Retainers are solidly against it. They view involuntary ejaculation as a loss of vital energy and nutrients that will set the retainer back in his journey. Some retainers purport to have discovered a way to prevent wet dreams (which they call WDs), and there is a “WD prevention manual” or something like that posted to the Semen Retention subreddit.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
10 months ago

@Naglfar That would be a nice feature. There’s lots of side conversations I’d love to have with folks on here.

Robert
Robert
10 months ago

Dr. Kellogg would be pleased that his ridiculous ideas are experiencing a recrudescence. How long until the NoFappers begin proselytizing the joys of bland diets and colonic irrigation?

I’m reminded that the execrable Dave Sim was also an enthusiastic advocate of the advantages of seminal continence.

FranticCaps
FranticCaps
10 months ago

her pheromones are probably full blast

Yeah, probably.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
10 months ago

@Robert – didn’t yoghurt play into it somehow??

IT DID!!!

Kellogg made sure that the bowel of each and every patient was plied with water, from above and below. His favorite device was an enema machine (“just like one I saw in Germany”) that could run fifteen gallons of water through an unfortunate bowel in a matter of seconds. Every water enema was followed by a pint of yogurt — half was eaten, the other half was administered by enema “thus planting the protective germs where they are most needed and may render most effective service.” The yogurt served to replace “the intestinal flora” of the bowel, creating what Kellogg claimed was a squeaky clean intestine.

(Source.)

IIRC, wasn’t he also responsible for popularising circumcision, and also trying to get like… a complete clitoral removal to be a thing?

Yep, they talk about it on this page. I’m not going to quote it though, it’s just ridiculous.

Maybe it’s not bad that millenials are apparently “killing cereal”, eh?

Naglfar
Naglfar
10 months ago

@Robert
Dave Sim would fit right in with the manosphere, if he hasn’t already become a part of it. He calls women “voids” in one of his comics, which is just a letter away from an incel’s preferred term. He also appears to think that there is some sort of oppression of men, so the MRAs would like him.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
10 months ago

@Naglfar, Robert:
I lived in Kitchener-Waterloo for several years, and not long after the breakup of Dave Sim and Deni Loubert. She would go off to found Renegade Press, taking all of the non-Cerebus comics with her because she had most of the business sense of the pair. She was also later involved with Friends of Lulu, an organization dedicated to generating more involvement of women in comics, as readers and writers.

Believe me, in K-W of the mid-80s and the black and white comics explosion of the time, Dave Sim was legendary… and not entirely for good reasons. He also seemed to get worse and worse as time went on and he stewed in his own juices more, though that may have just been him deciding he didn’t have to hide it anymore. Hard to tell.

There was a reason I stopped reading Cerebus, despite appreciating Sim’s actions in helping bring other independent comics writers to light. Give me Larry Marder’s Tales of the Beanworld any day.