By David Futrelle
Ordinary science-believing idiot: The hymen doesn’t seem to perform any biological function and it’s not altogether clear why humans and some other mammals have it.
Incel genius: The hymen is a human “freshness seal” designed by evolution to reassure new husbands that their brides are virgins.
Once again, it’s time for a DUDE SCIENCE MOMENT, this one starring some guy in the Braincels subreddit who has some very strong feelings about the hymen — backed up by what he jokingly claims is a PhD in gynecology (there is no such thing).
According to incel Redditor CANNOT__BE__STOPPED,
The foid [female] hymen exists for one purpose only – to ensure the future husband that he is the first to fuck her and therefore she is likely disease free and any children are his biological children. …
The simple fact is that the hymen evolved specifically because men who married women with intact hymens were more likely to care for the children and thus they were more successful.
I’m going to have to bring out the “that’s not how any of this works” lady once again.
The hymen predates the institution of marriage, and that’s not how evolution works anyway. Also, there are other mammals with hymens, including elephants, llamas and whales, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a llama marriage ceremony. (Although that would admittedly be pretty cute.)
The one who cannot be stopped, naturally, continued:
Deep down the soy brain knows no hymen = whore. This cannot be debated.
But, alas, CANNOT_BE_STOPPED complained,
Unfortunately there seems to be a push these days from foids to try to dispel this truth. And the soy brain seems to be falling for it. I’ve seen all sorts of nonsense excuses from foids trying to claim why they don’t have a hymen. Horse riding, skateboarding accidents, sneezing too hard and gymnastics are just some of the stupid excuses foids claim.
Incel dudes, the hymen isn’t some magic penis-detecting organ that only pops when a real penis touches it. Sometimes it tears for some other reason, including some of the ones he himself listed — especially if the hymen-haver in question is doing them all at once, practicing gymnastics on the back of a skateboarding horse during hay fever season.
Conversely, the hymen doesn’t always tear when it does encounter a penis for the first time; sometimes it just stretches. Making things even more complicated, some future brides are born without a hymen at all.
Nonetheless, numerous commenter agreed wholeheartedly with the OP’s, er, analysis. One fellow called WasteApplication9 added some more “analysis” of his own, taking a potshot at “soy boy” critics in the process.
Why would the hymen exist if it didn’t serve some sort of purpose? It would’ve been evolved out as the pain disincentivizes women to have sex.
The purpose of the hymen is essentially proof that the women has not had sex before. Women who had a hymen had an advantage of those who weren’t born with one, as she could be a virgin but you’d never know.
Imagine refusing to drink soylent when the safety seal has been tampered with or removed while having sex with women without a seal.
A WOMAN WITHOUT A SEAL.
Still, there were more than a few skeptical voices in the comments; incels believe many terrible things, but they’re not all complete idiots. One pointed out, as I did above, that other animals have hymens — which another commenter “rebutted” by claiming that
It is the same thing. Biology works the same. There are incel animals too.
Bro, that doesn’t even make the slightest bit of sense.
And then there was a commenter who pointed out that hymens can be easily broken during masturbation. Another incel replied with a sarcastic comment that seemed to suggest that a virgin who used a dildo was just as much a slut as any non-virgin woman penetrated with a real penis.
So apparently these guys don’t only want virgins; they want dildo virgins too.
And they wonder why no woman wants to give them the time of day.
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The hypothetical process described here isn’t evolution. It’s creationism.
Ah yes, this reminds me that this is also the favorite way to discourage well woman exams in conservative Christian enclaves. You will break your seal, therefore it’s best to never get examined until you are married, because you would not need one unless you are a slut. Even after you are married, think twice about it. Do you really need another man poking around down there? Or worse, a lesbian? After all it’s a really weird choice for a woman doctor to make, looking at hoo-hahs all day… must be something off with that! Perhaps it might be better just to suffer.
What’s that you say? UTI, yeast infection, need an examination? Well the three primary reasons for those, as stated by doctors, are having too much sex, being hideously dirty (probably as a result of too much sex), or being fat. I’m sure you could take care of those all by yourself! Just stop being gross!
Massive loads of sarcasm in this post, just in case it was not obvious.
Look no further.
http://mymodernmet.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/wedding-llamas-mtn-peaks-therapy-llamas-and-alpacas-1.jpg
IIRC there was a similar post highlighted on r/BadWomensAnatomy that may have originally been from r/Braincels where some incel claimed that vulvas can detect different penises. Apparently incels think this is a thing.
@Big Titty Demon
I would guess that another motive for discouraging well woman exams is because there, women could learn about contraception and safe sex. All things that the religious right wants to suppress and hide, especially from women.
@An Impish Pepper
And not even the mildly amusing kind either since that creator doesn’t approve of any kind of sex.
@Naglfar
David was not wrong, it is pretty cute. <3
@Big Titty Demon
And if none of those is true in your case, clearly it must be a punishment from God for something you did.
@Naglfar you beat me to it! I was just going to say “Google ‘llama wedding,’ ” but you made it happen!
I’ve read that menstruation, even, can perforate the hymen over time. I’ve also heard about a surgical procedure to rebuild the hymen. I think I read an article about certain castes or ethnic groups in India, where young women were going under the knife. Who knows if it’s true, or how common it is. Additionally, it’s possible for the hymen to stretch during intercourse, without rupturing.
Unrelated, but here’s a link to a rancidly hilarious article about hypocrisy at Liberty University:
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/sex-and-self-dealing-welcome-to-jerry-falwell-jrs-liberty-university-2019-09-09?siteid=yhoof2&yptr=yahoo
I don’t know if I had a hymen or not. By the amount of blood that I bled during my assault when I was a teenager and a virgin I would say I probably did. Though there was also a mixture of anal and vaginal tearing so it’s hard to know what was what from all the damage.
Also why I never know what to tell my younger cousins when they ask me if you actually bleed the first time you have sex or not.
Throw this in the bucket with “men evolved firemen’s caps to scoop out the semen of other men.”
(Which, despite being an incel’s literal wet dream, is actually a widely accepted idea among sex therapists, astonishingly.)
Maybe this is a new kind of code. Maybe they’ve decided that they no longer ‘want’ human females.
They want to start mating with seals.
@MJ – surely you mean sea lions
@Lainy
I don’t want to unfairly judge your cousins, since you sound like you’re cool with it and I don’t know the situation. But that sounds insensitive of them to ask you particularly when they have other cousins to ask. Internet hugs if you want them. We survived.
@Anonymous
Well it’s always that. You do not get fat or slutty without being punished from god, although sometimes it is one of those 3rd and 4th generation punishments for sins of the fathers or mothers. Usually mothers–sometimes for just being too proud of being a good mother! But rest assured, it is always deserved. Always. For women, anyway.
@Dormousing_it
Huh. I know (knew?) someone who teaches there. I caught up with him a couple of months ago, thinking all oh, everyone (from normal liberal public university grad school) has probably just not heard from him cos he’s moved out of the area and he doesn’t have Facebook. Nope! Tenured at LU. Definite reason why he lost contact. Bizarre. He was like a regular grad student at a regular liberal university, I don’t get it. There was nothing “weird” about him and now he works there. We seem to have agreed on a mutual ghosting again, totes awk to find that out.
They just won’t drop the soy shit, will they?
They don’t know that when I lost my virginity I was raped. And all their other older cousins are guys.
The “science” reminds me of this cartoon by The Perry Bible Fellowship: https://pbfcomics.com/comics/preserves/
Oh, for the love of…
Dudes, you do know that evolution is not there specifically to benefit you, right? Right???
RIGHT?!?!?!?
*tumbleweeds…
Oh…
What with all the obsessing over freshness seals, expiration dates, and aging, I’m beginning to think they’re sexually attracted to cartons of milk.
Incidentally, in The Vagina Bible, Dr Jen Gunter theorises that it is a way to prevent young girls from getting infections through their vaginas (certain layers, which also protect against infection) not developing until puberty). It’s a bit less necessary now that the vagina isn’t exactly dragged along the ground and many cultures clothe it.
Simony thy disciple is Jerry Falwell jnr.
Welp. This isn’t the first time I’ve read something from these geniuses and thought to myself about how badly I wish intentional ignorance was physically painful. And I’m guessing it won’t be the last, either.
I… Wait… Wuh?
Regarding this kind of argument: Ever heard of an appendix?
This is how we like women : with seals (and with style).
I possibly have the wrong word in mind.
You know things are bad when this steaming pile of misogyny feels like light relief compared to the straight up bile usually featured on here.
Also, not to be ~that person~, but I’m like 99% confident you can in fact study for a PhD in gynaecology? That guy definitely doesn’t have one, though.
The llama wedding is definitely a thing and it’s something I’ve been rather seriously considering myself. Although I’ve managed to talk my partner down from the actual llama weddings (which are pricey) and just doing a llama walk with all the kids after the ceremony.
But fair enough – llamas themselves aren’t getting married – so far as I know….