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Why are incels so obsessed with other men’s semen? The answer is much darker than you think

To incels, virtually every sexually active straight man is a cuck

By David Futrelle

Right-wing shitposters aren’t the only ones who like to call everyone a “cuck.” Quite a few incels are fond of the insult as well, though in their minds it’s less of an insult than a description of the typical straight man — and they mean it quite literally.

No, the incels don’t mean that every single woman in a heterosexual relationship is getting it on with other men on the side, with her partner’s permission or not, though most incels seem to believe this is pretty much the norm.

Rather, the incels have expanded the definition of “cuckold” to include every man who has sex with a girl or a woman who isn’t a virgin. In other words, if a woman has ever had sex with a man other than the one she’s currently with, she’s basically cucking her current man as much as if she were to have sex with another man right in her boyfriend or husband’s bed while he watches, humiliated.

Given that these guys — the incels, that is — aren’t currently getting laid, and many never have, you might think their peculiar obsession with what you might call “universal cuckoldry” stems from pure sour grapes. And to some degree this is undoubtedly true. If you’re “involuntarily celibate,” as these guys insist upon labeling themselves, redefining most heterosexual sex as something deeply degrading to the men involved in it is likely going to make you feel a bit better about yourself.

But alas, there’s much more than sour grapes going on here. The incel obsession with what they see as almost universal cuckoldry isn’t just a “cope” for them; t’s a way to demonize women for having normal sex lives, to redefine all sexually active women as evil, deceptive monsters who can never fully love a man because they’re always pining for the alpha Chad they once had (because of course every women has supposedly slept with an alpha Chad, or several dozen, in her younger years). (In these incel discussions, I should note, they’re pretty much only considering straight sex between cis partners; incels do think and talk about trans women, but that’s a whole other topic, probably worth a dozen posts on its own.)

This demonization of sexually active women also helps to cement incels’ weird fascination with other men’s semen — something that many of them seem to think about more often and urgently than actual cuckold fetishists or bukkake fans, though incels insist that they are disgusted by semen, not desirous of it, and I actually think most of them are. (Many of them are disgusted by their own semen as well.) By fixating on what they see as the inherent ickiness of sperm, they can demonize women as not only deceptive cuckoldresses but as deeply disgusting, sperm-hungry animals in thrall to their primal Chad-cock-lust.

If you do a search for “semen” on the Incels.is forum — and I wouldn’t recommend it — you’ll turn up countless discussions with titles like these. (Click for archived versions of the original discussions; NSFW ads.)

 Inceldom Discussion [Serious] can you talk to a girl knowing that her mouth has been filled with semen?

Reminder that near any girl could have has already drank semen from numerous men Thread starterItheIthe Start dateNov 17, 2017

How many liters of semen do average Stacy take yearly? Thread starterDarkLoner Start dateJun 22, 2018

As is virtually always the case when men demonize the sexuality of the women they themselves desire, the incels’ inverted cuckold fetish is ultimately all about control. They don’t just want to have sex with women; they want to be the only ones who have ever had sex with these women. They don’t want their partners to be able to compare them to anyone else. They don’t want their partners to feel they have any other options. This, as much as the pedophilia (sorry, ephebophilia) rampant in incel circles, accounts for their fixation on female virgins.

You can see all of these different elements at play in one discussion started by one prolific Incels.is commenter — with more than 4000 posts to his name — warning his fellow incels of the allegedly horrible fate that awaits men “If Your Wife has has [sic] Sex with Another Man Before You.” (NSFW link.) His warning takes the form of a 10-point list. Let’s go through it.

If your future wife is one of these nasty women, he declares:

1. She has been throttled and tossed around by someone that isn’t you.
2. She has squirmed with pleasure under the control of someone that isn’t you.
3. She has had her first experience, satisfying her curiosity, with someone that isn’t you.

Here’s that fear of comparison.

4. She has developed emotional bonds with someone that isn’t you.

More fear of comparison. It’s an incel folk belief — backed up with some dubious science — that any woman who has loved one man will never fully love another. (This belief is widespread in the manosphere and everywhere else evo psych is worshipped.)

5. She has been drenched in the semen of someone that isn’t you.

Here’s that vivid incel imagination at work again. Yes, fellas, if she’s had sex with another man, she has almost certainly encountered another man’s semen in some fashion. Whether she has been “drenched” in it is a whole other question. And it’s really none of your business.

6. She has willingly put herself under the possibility of having the kids of someone that isn’t you.

And, if she’s not already a mother, she has almost certainly done everything in her power to avoid this possibility every time she has had sex. But again, her sexual past is really none of your damn business.

7. She potentially still has remnants of semen inside of her from someone that isn’t you.

Uh, not unless she had unprotected sex with the best man right before saying “I do.” Not if she had sex with another man a year ago. Because That’s Not How Vaginas Work.

8. She may give birth to the child of someone who isn’t you.

This is number six again, but this time with the added worry that women will secretly saddle hapless beta men with responsibility for children that aren’t biologically theirs. Incels, like Men’s Rights Activists and many other manosphereans, assume that paternity fraud is rampant — because most women want alpha DNA, but can’t get alpha males to marry them. So they have  unprotected sex with alphas and make their beta husbands think the kid is theirs. Many manosphereans literally believe that most men are unwittingly raising other men’s children.

Like I said, these guys have vivid imaginations.

9. She has gasped in pleasure and pain due to the penetration from someone who isn’t you.

And we’re back to the fear of comparison again, as well as a tacit admission that most incels are destined to suck at sex and know it.

10. She has bled on the sheets due to the penetration of someone who isn’t you.

You have to be a pretty big virgin fetishist — or a vampire — to see missing out on this as something inherently terrible. And hey, if you’re really that into blood, there’s always period sex!

Naturally, only one of the numerous incels commenting in this thread took issue with any o f these claims. Most agreed and amplified the OP’s points.

“Another quality post,” wrote the first responder.

[W]hile you provide for her she is thinking about all the Chad cock she took in her prime. She cannot truly love you.

Another complained that “all women fuck dozens of guys minimum before ever getting married.”

“Good luck finding a virgin woman that isn’t gross,” added a third.

One commenter managed to push the definition of cuckold even further than the already quite expansive incel definition, suggesting that the problem wasn’t just the men that one’s hypothetical wife had slept with in reality, but also those she simply thought about having sex with. “Everyone wants a virgin wife,” he wrote, as if this were self-evidently true.

The thing is: would you be OK knowing that your wife is at least fantasying in getting fucked by a Chad?

Dude. You’re jealous of her thoughts now?

Other responses were less pathetic than chilling. Several commenters declared that the OP was “rage fuel.” Others expressed their rage quite openly.

“This is precisely why they should be property,’ wrote someone calling himself SaintMarcLepine, after the misogynist who murdered murdered 14 women at Montreal’s École Polytechnique in 1989.  (The admins of Incels.is apparently have no issue with SaintMarcLepine’s handle or his violently misogynistic comments; he has been allowed to post more than 1600 comments on the site and its predecessor, Incels.me.)

A commenter called Krispenwah threatened violence explicitly. “If I get arranged marriage and she doesn’t bleed after I first time I fuck her,” he wrote, “I will kill her instantly.”

It’s comments like this that lead me to conclude that the real tragedy isn’t that incels like those who populate Incels.is aren’t getting laid. The tragedy would be if any of them did. Unless they can work through whatever inner demons are leading them to think and to post things like these, these men are dangerous to any women who dates much less marries them — or even simply attracts their obsessive attention.

They’re also dangerous to the rest of us. As I’ve said many times before, the incel ideology is utter poison. Sites like Incels.is aren’t self-help groups any more than sites like Gab or Stormfront are self-help sites for racists. As those sites have served as enablers of racist extremism — which regularly bleeds into real-life violence, as we have all been reminded so tragically in recent days — so sites like Incels.is are enablers or misogynist extremism. And, like White Supremacists, incels don’t just fantasize about violence and murder. Some of them have committed it.

That’s why these weird bad ideas on the internet are worth looking at seriously. Because ideas, good and bad, have consequences. The ideas being spread every day on Incels.is put all of us in danger.

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PeeVee the Tired
PeeVee the Tired
2 years ago

Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck

June
June
2 years ago

Like when I used to debunk conspiracy theories, and if I told anyone ABOUT what people actually believe (chemtrails, HAARP, Agenda 21, Sandy Hook Hoax) they looked at me as if I had two heads and waved it away with “oh come on….”, telling most people about these incels, and Chads and Stacys, etc, will result in the same. Unfortunately not till one of them actually kills a woman will this come out.

DrRand
DrRand
2 years ago

Krispenwah?

Chris Benoit.

Christ.

cornychips
cornychips
2 years ago

“liters of semen”

liters

I must be womaning wrong.

And yes.

Yuck

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

If you’re “involuntarily celibate,” as these guys insist upon labeling themselves, redefining most heterosexual sex as something deeply degrading to the men involved in it is likely going to make you feel a bit better about yourself.

At least it makes a refreshing change from redefining most heterosexual sex as something deeply degrading to the women involved in it.

Wait, they do that too?

Nevermind, then. 😛

It’s an incel folk belief — backed up with some dubious science — that any woman who has loved one man will never fully love another. (This belief is widespread in the manosphere and everywhere else evo psych is worshipped.)

I suspect it’s widespread among conservatives of every stripe.

They’re also dangerous to the rest of us.

As are the racists, the Randians, and the whole rest of them. Everyone who votes Trump or votes heavily Republican, at this juncture, is as dangerous to the rest of us — all seven billion of us — as were the people who voted heavily Nazi in 1933. The latter, through their choices at the ballot box, ultimately brought about a world war six years later that eventually embroiled much of the population of the planet at that time. And if anything similar happens again at the instigation of Trump and Republicans, as happened then at the instigation of Hitler and Nazis, this time many of the Great Power level combatant nations will start out equipped with nuclear weapons.

So yeah, I’d say they’re dangerous to every life form on this rock, along with every other heavily conservative constituency in America at this time.

Rosecrash
Rosecrash
2 years ago

Add these chaps to the cohort scheduled to resit Biology 101.

Also if Stacey is drinking ” Litres of Semen ” might I suggest she finds another drinking establishment. Or else point me in the direction of her barman because he sounds like a riot.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
2 years ago

I think all of their points could be summarized as “she has existed independently of you” – which is really what burns them at the core.

Bina
2 years ago

A commenter called Krispenwah threatened violence explicitly. “If I get arranged marriage and she doesn’t bleed after I first time I fuck her,” he wrote, “I will kill her instantly.”

This is why you shouldn’t “get marriage”, Krispenwah (whatever the hell kind of nym THAT is) — not even the arranged kind (which is a bad bargain anyway, and even worse for women). You’d be terrible at it. If she bleeds, you’re actually doing sex all wrong. You’re hurting her. And if you don’t see evidence that you’ve hurt her, you kill her? You’re a fucking sadist. The pathological kind. The kind that should be banished to a desert island because he’s not fit to live in the company of other humans. Forever.

* * *

As usual with incels, possession is not 9/10ths of the law, it IS the law. The whole of the law. Women aren’t people to relate to or do things with, they’re objects that must be intact before they do anything TO them (not WITH them). And when they finally get to do something, it’s invariably horrible and traumatizing. They’d probably be just as obsessively gross and weird with a sexbot, even factory-fresh and shrink-wrapped for their convenience.

Also: Do they seriously think that any man ejaculates litres at a time? They watch WAAAAY too much bukkake. It’s a teaspoonful, tops. They need sex-ed in the worst way.

Aaaaaaand that’s why nobody wants them. Not even the sexbots.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

@June

Unfortunately not till one of them actually kills a woman will this come out.

That’s already happened, more than once.

Bina
2 years ago

PS: Speaking of somebody even a sexbot wouldn’t want, here’s Jordan Peterson, opining:

https://nationalpost.com/opinion/jordan-peterson-its-239-a-m-in-oslo-and-this-irritating-man-has-pushed-me-too-far

Jordan, the irritating pushy man is YOU. It’s YOU!!!

Megpie71
2 years ago

1. She has been throttled and tossed around by someone that isn’t you.

Can someone please teach this nincompoop that grievous bodily harm is not a form of foreplay? That what he’s describing here is assault, and possibly attempted murder, and if he tried it on most women, they’d be more interested in getting him arrested than getting him laid? (Or, if he absolutely must do this, he needs to do it with proper safeguards, safe-words, and possibly some external supervision as part of a properly discussed scene in a safe, sane and consensual, risk-aware consensual kink style of relationship).

2. She has squirmed with pleasure under the control of someone that isn’t you.
3. She has had her first experience, satisfying her curiosity, with someone that isn’t you.

I wonder whether this guy is aware this is the case if the woman has masturbated as well. Possibly he’s just the sort who doesn’t think women masturbate?

4. She has developed emotional bonds with someone that isn’t you.

Which would also be the case if, for example, she has parents, siblings, family members, and so on. Presumably this guy’s ideal woman is a virgin orphan he raised up from birth who hasn’t been allowed to have contact with anyone else. (This is also abusive, just for the record).

I do hope this guy’s celibacy continues for as long as he continues holding these particular views. If only for the health and safety of any woman he might come into contact with.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
2 years ago

The thing is: would you be OK knowing that your wife is at least fantasying in getting fucked by a Chad?

Breh first off it’s fantasizing. Second of all, really, they’re making thought crimes a thing now?

Nym (not) of the Family Trollverson
Nym (not) of the Family Trollverson
2 years ago

@Megpie71

Your comments about that list= A+

Im not surprised but I’m completley befuddled.
these people actually either don’t believe in or are genuinely unaware that sex happens that isn’t assault or simulated assault.

I guess that’s what happens when you only watch one kind of porn.

Their little heads would probably explode if they ever found out some men like getting roughed up by women and doing their own squirming under control in the sack.

Let alone that playful, chill, egalitarian sex dynamics exist

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

@Bina:

Women aren’t people to relate to or do things with, they’re objects that must be intact before they do anything TO them (not WITH them). And when they finally get to do something, it’s invariably horrible and traumatizing. They’d probably be just as obsessively gross and weird with a sexbot, even factory-fresh and shrink-wrapped for their convenience.

Then they’d start grousing that the sexbots felt the touch of men assembling them at the factory.

Then insist on only getting sexbots from factories with all-women workers.

Then complain that said factories discriminated against men, and squawk something about women not belonging in factories anyway.

Nothing at all will ever satisfy them. Nothing. Not even violence, which they will cause more and more of, without ever deciding the results are good enough.

@David:

DrRand, oh shit that’s gotta be it. Goddamn these fuckers.

?

CWAIN
CWAIN
2 years ago

I read an essay on Medium today which reminds me of this. The author was thinking about how really bad she feels when she dates men. Her theory is that guys can’t own the weird stuff that turns them on, so they project that outward. Women “make them” horny by being attractive. Women they don’t feel turned on by are “ugly”. Women they are turned on by who fail the test of being “normal” — women who are larger than runway models for example — must be especially deviant to cause attraction in these poor, helpless men.

And now it seems there are quite a few men with semen fetishes.

Look, it’s okay if you have a semen fetish. You’re hardly alone. There are entire Christian sects with semen fetishes. Just own it. Stop blaming women for your kinks.

Kate
Kate
2 years ago

It’s 2018. Why don’t people understand that a broken hymen isn’t necessarily indicative of PIV sex?

Partly rhetorical question. I don’t expect incels to have any actual anatomical knowledge (liters of semen—oh my fucking God), but this is still a common misconception.

Napalmnacey
Napalmnacey
2 years ago

I didn’t get their definition of a “chad” until I was well past their definition of my “prime” (Science disagrees, as does my boyfriend). How can I pine away for something I never had?

Also I never bled when inserting things inside myself or having PIV intercourse for the first time. Like, there was lube and patience.

Megi Stardust (formerly Miss Cobalt)
Megi Stardust (formerly Miss Cobalt)
2 years ago

No amount of control will ever satisfy a control freak

Bina
2 years ago

@Surplus:

Then they’d start grousing that the sexbots felt the touch of men assembling them at the factory.

Then insist on only getting sexbots from factories with all-women workers.

No, even worse — they’d insist on sexbots from factories with all-robot workers. Because they don’t believe women should be doing any kind of work that doesn’t involve waiting on men hand and foot. And…ugh, I don’t want to go there.

And then they’d probably get all pissy because the robots took “their” jobs, the ones they’re supposed to get just for being penis-having men. And insist on being allowed to test the sexbots personally, and wreck them in the process. (Shit, I think I just went there. Uggggggh. Sorry ’bout that.)

@Napalmnacey:

Also I never bled when inserting things inside myself or having PIV intercourse for the first time. Like, there was lube and patience.

And also, in my case, tampons…and realizing in the nick of time that I could tilt my pelvis just so, and presto! No more ouchy-bleedy when my first time came. (Which, incidentally, was well past what these perverts would say was my prime, too.)

Still waiting for the “Chad” guy, though. Given my (admittedly limited) experience, I’m wondering if he even exists.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I had to Google Chris Benoit. He was a professional wrestler who murdered his wife and son and then committed suicide. A perfect incel hero :/

tim gueguen
2 years ago

@Surplus, DrRand and David suspect “Krispenwah” is a reference to deceased pro wrestler Chris Benoit. In June of 2007 Benoit killed his wife and 7 year old son. Two days later he committed suicide. Postmortem examination of Benoit’s brain indicated severe brain damage, and Benoit may have been suffering from a form of dementia as a result.

Bakunin
Bakunin
2 years ago

@CWAIN
That seems entirely plausible. I know in general, men aren’t socialised to safely express their emotions. I had a few occasions where admitting to being into anything slightly off of the norm, in this case the idea that smaller breasts could be attractive, there was a lot of push back from the guys I knew.

Monzach
Monzach
2 years ago

Honestly, I can’t let go of the “liters of sperm” thing. Consider, if you please, that the average amount of ejaculate is approximately 5ml (or 0.005 liters) that would require Ms. Stacy to have sex more than every other day (200 times in 365 days meaning once in 1.847 days) to even reach one liter. Extrapolating from these, very unscientific, findings we can see that in order to get to just two liters the unfortunate Ms. Stacy would have to be having sex at least once per day. And then I remembered that these are incels we’re talking about and I threw my calculator away and promptly started drinking in order to forget…

Samantha Ravensdaughter
Samantha Ravensdaughter
2 years ago

On the one hand, I am utterly horrified and disgusted by these guys and their ideas about relationships, women and reality.

On the other hand, I feel intensely saddened, with a huge dollop of pity, for these guys. The hell that they have created for themselves, and the tiny corners that they are painting themselves into IN that hell, are profoundly said and disturbing. Their obsessions with purity, control, filth, virginity and the like guarantee they have no possibility of connecting in a healthy and joyful way with anyone. Even men cannot be trusted, what with the whole cuckolding thing.

Their lives are defined by fear, loss, loneliness, anger and insanity. What a waste of life and potential. Can you imagine what might be, if they freed themselves of this?

Sigh.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
2 years ago

OT for a moment. Remember the huge fan backlash against The Last Jedi? Well, someone analyzed the anti tweets sent to director Rian Johnson, and found that over half of them were bots and sock puppets, presumably from Russia.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/oct/02/star-wars-the-last-jedi-rian-johnson-abuse-politically-motivated-russian-trolls

Anyone here kinda surprised by that revelation?

Dredd
Dredd
2 years ago

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HhUhWrqv9Js

Is Grinderman’s (Nick Cave side project) No Pussy Blues the incel national anthem?

Shadowplay
2 years ago

PeeVee covered it. Nothing to add.

Jesalin: Clit-o-centric Lesbian Goddess
Jesalin: Clit-o-centric Lesbian Goddess
2 years ago

On the other hand, I feel intensely saddened, with a huge dollop of pity, for these guys.

I pity their victims, at best the incels and their ilk have my utter disdain.

Otrame
Otrame
2 years ago

@Samantha Ravensdaughter

I agree with you. Most of them just started out with the generalized young male angst caused by the culture that they grew up in, which had requirements they could not meet to be considered popular, or Chads, as they call it. Then they found incel shit on the internet. They’ve been radicalized, like a young terrorist, and for many of them their lives are ruined forever, very much like suicide bombers (and in a few cases the murder and suicides are real, not metaphorical).

Not all. Some are just playing a rather nasty verbal game that they will grow out of eventually. But I’m afraid their attitude toward women will be tainted even if they don’t “really” believe this shit, so their chances of having healthy relationships are pretty damned slim.

It’s an ugly mess. I have to say though that while I feel some pity, I also feel enormous disgust. I also wonder who the hell raised these idiots, who taught them basic sex ed.

I’m pretty old and I remember men who had no interest in having what we would consider a healthy relationship with women. They were not at all rare. Women were aliens to these guys. You got your sons on them, and maybe enjoyed occasional family things, but you wanted them mostly for sex and for showing off to the people in your life that really mattered, your friends and your enemies. Their lives were almost completely separate from their wives except in the kitchen and bedroom.

What I’m saying is that this is not a new phenomenon. What has changed is that the internet allows them to connect with each other before they have matured (as much as they ever do), twisting them so much they will never have even the limited relationships that their (metaphorical) dads had.

And it all started with the pick-up artists who told them that if they followed a lockstep plan they would get sex. When it didn’t work, they didn’t blame the PUA, or themselves, they blamed the women. It went downhill from there.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

One has to wonder if these guys who are so obsessed with semen, either their own or other men’s, are the same ones who as boys fished boogers out of their noses and then chased the rest of us around threatening to wipe it on us. Because it does seem to be awfully similar behaviour…

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

Er… What makes Chris Benoit so noteworthy? I thought family murderers are dime a dozen.

Silly-bollocks
Silly-bollocks
2 years ago

Incels are just like splicers in Bioshock, particularly the ones that scream: “There’s semen on everything!”.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

@Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape):

Er… What makes Chris Benoit so noteworthy? I thought family murderers are dime a dozen.

He killed a woman. That’s probably, like, an unlockable achievement for most of these arseholes… 😡

Makroth - cowboy Jacobin from Hell
Makroth - cowboy Jacobin from Hell
2 years ago

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

@PeeVee the Tired:

Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck

comment image

(For the visually impaired, and in case the image doesn’t come through: a frightened mouse (WHO ISN’T THE INCEL!) retreats into a hole (THAT’S RECEIVING SOMEONE WHO ISN’T THE INCEL!) with the caption “NOPE”.)

Let’s see; what these guys stipulate is a girl who has not only performed no sex acts but has harbored no prior sexual or romantic thoughts: in short, a 100% asexual aromantic.

So what makes them think that (A) such a person would come with a libidinal ON switch at all, and that

(B) they’d be the ones capable of activating it?

“My Last Duchess” by Robert Browning is a matchless portrayal of that petulant entitlepantsed type:

That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall,
Looking as if she were alive. I call
That piece a wonder, now: Fra Pandolf’s hands
Worked busily a day, and there she stands.
Will’t please you sit and look at her? I said
“Fra Pandolf” by design, for never read
Strangers like you that pictured countenance,
The depth and passion of its earnest glance,
But to myself they turned (since none puts by
The curtain I have drawn for you, but I)
And seemed as they would ask me, if they durst,
How such a glance came there; so, not the first
Are you to turn and ask thus. Sir, ’twas not
Her husband’s presence only, called that spot
Of joy into the Duchess’ cheek: perhaps
Fra Pandolf chanced to say “Her mantle laps
Over my lady’s wrist too much,” or “Paint
Must never hope to reproduce the faint
Half-flush that dies along her throat”: such stuff
Was courtesy, she thought, and cause enough
For calling up that spot of joy. She had
A heart—how shall I say?—too soon made glad,
Too easily impressed; she liked whate’er
She looked on, and her looks went everywhere.
Sir, ’twas all one! My favour at her breast,
The dropping of the daylight in the West,
The bough of cherries some officious fool
Broke in the orchard for her, the white mule
She rode with round the terrace—all and each
Would draw from her alike the approving speech,
Or blush, at least. She thanked men,—good! but thanked
Somehow—I know not how—as if she ranked
My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name
With anybody’s gift. Who’d stoop to blame
This sort of trifling? Even had you skill
In speech—(which I have not)—to make your will
Quite clear to such an one, and say, “Just this
Or that in you disgusts me; here you miss,
Or there exceed the mark”—and if she let
Herself be lessoned so, nor plainly set
Her wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse,
—E’en then would be some stooping; and I choose
Never to stoop. Oh sir, she smiled, no doubt,
Whene’er I passed her; but who passed without
Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;
Then all smiles stopped together. There she stands
As if alive. Will’t please you rise? We’ll meet
The company below, then. I repeat,
The Count your master’s known munificence
Is ample warrant that no just pretence
Of mine for dowry will be disallowed;
Though his fair daughter’s self, as I avowed
At starting, is my object. Nay, we’ll go
Together down, sir. Notice Neptune, though,
Taming a sea-horse, thought a rarity,
Which Claus of Innsbruck cast in bronze for me!

(I.e: “How dare she be an outgoing and warm-hearted person who finds joy in things and is nice to people and pays attention to anything, anything, anything whatsoever besides MEEEEEEEEE!

Now, about my prospective next bride…”

I desperately hope the Count saw the huge red banner waving and booted the Duke out the door.)

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

He killed a woman.

OK. Simple answers for stupid questions…

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

@Full Metal Ox:

Let’s see; what these guys stipulate is a girl who has not only performed no sex acts but has harbored no prior sexual or romantic thoughts…

What are the odds that most of these scumbags are also obnoxious Dawkbro-class soopah-rational atheists (because why be just one boil on humanity’s arsehole when you can be the whole carbuncular cluster?) who point to that line in the Gospels where Jesus says, “if a guy lusts after a woman in his thoughts, he’s already good as committed adultery with her” and go, “see? See?! That’s how irrational religion is!1!one!eleventy!!1” 🙄

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

@Monzach:

Consider, if you please, that the average amount of ejaculate is approximately 5ml (or 0.005 liters) that would require Ms. Stacy to have sex more than every other day (200 times in 365 days meaning once in 1.847 days) to even reach one liter. Extrapolating from these, very unscientific, findings we can see that in order to get to just two liters the unfortunate Ms. Stacy would have to be having sex at least once per day. And then I remembered that these are incels we’re talking about

Presumably, Ms. Stacey is having sex with at least three Chads at a time, which would speed things up. And, of course, remember that incels seem to get most of their ideas about sex from bad porn. As they’re grossed out by semen, they’ve probably never considered what the average amount they produce is, and if they have, they assume they’re under average (and therefore Stacey will never want them, becaus she wants to drown in semen and they can’t produce enough) because when watching those scenes of a woman getting drenched, they’ve never noticed the shadow of the guy just off-camera holding the turkey baster and squirting the cream.

Monzach
Monzach
2 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit

Ah, I see that you are a scholar of far greater subtlety than I could ever aspire to. ^_^ I didn’t realize that these guys’ only sexual frames of reference are porn and the lies that other incels tell them on the Internet. When you think of it from that perspective their inability to figure the math out is understandable. Still not okay, but it’s at least understandable. Also, I won’t be able to look at a turkey ever again, at least not one that has been basted… 😛

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
2 years ago

@ Full Metal Ox:

I’ve always supposed that the Duke’s line towards the end “Nay, we’ll goTogether down, sir” is because the emissary he’s been talking to is trying to subtly back away…

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

The band 10cc supposedly took their name from the average amount of ejaculate. Of course they’re musicians not doctors so I don’t know how authoritative that is.

At least The Lovin’ Spoonful kept it qualitative rather than quantative (although that’s also been speculated to be a drug reference)

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
2 years ago

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
November 3, 2018 at 1:40 pm
Er… What makes Chris Benoit so noteworthy? I thought family murderers are dime a dozen.

Well, he was pretty famous in certain circles. He was a very popular wrestler with a lot of fans. While family murderers are common, famous (or semi-famous) ones are much less so.

In Benoit’s case, though, he suffered from massive brain damage from repeated head shots. Heck, one of his biggest moves, performed nearly every match, was a flying headbutt. Plus, he took a *lot* of hits to the head from chairs.

I actually met him a couple times when he was younger – before the brain damage. He was sweet & funny. The brain damage made him really weird and the deaths of so many of his friends made him even weirder.

I’m really surprised someone like the poster would use his name, however oddly spelled, though. Benoit’s wife was married to another wrestler before him, she actually had an affair with Benoit.

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

@Moon Custafer:

An additional touch of Fridge Horror: the Duke refers to his late wife as his last duchess–implying that he may have gone through more than one.

Catalpa
Catalpa
2 years ago

In other words, if a woman has ever had sex with a man other than the one she’s currently with, she’s basically cucking her current man as much as if she were to have sex with another man right in her boyfriend or husband’s bed while he watches, humiliated.

This doesn’t make any fucking sense. (I mean, nothing the incels say makes any sense, but this particularly.)

Even if we assume a conservation of commitment, i.e. that a woman has any kind of obligation to a dude even when not in a relationship with him (which she doesn’t). If a woman had sex with someone in the past, and is now fucking you and not him, the past dude would be the one getting cuckholded. That’s what cuckholding is. Causality doesn’t run in reverse. You can’t retroactively cuckhold someone.

Though I suppose this line of logic would just lead incels to be incredibly violent if any woman tried to get the fuck away from them (and thus “cuck” them in a temporally accurate manner), so it wouldn’t be helpful anyway. The best option is if the incels just never interact with any other human being or sentient creature ever again.

Prophet309
Prophet309
2 years ago

@Catalpa

Leaving aside seriousness for a moment, I feel like “retroactive cuckhold” could be a good band name. 😛

Bina
2 years ago

Re: “My Last Duchess”, this is obligatory:

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

Monzach:

Also, I won’t be able to look at a turkey ever again, at least not one that has been basted…

To further ruin your Christmas season, I just had an awkward mental association with those basters used to spread white sugar paste decoration on gingerbread cookies…

(“gingerbread cookie” = Finnish slang name for vulva/vagina)

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Has anyone else clicked through to the incels.is website? Every time I do, I see an ad for porn there. The text is in maybe Dutch.

This time the ad is a drawing of a man performing cunnilingus on a woman. From the body language, I’d say that the drawing isn’t actually of cunnilingus but of breastfeeding.

TreePerson
TreePerson
2 years ago

@Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile

Looks like they are scraping the bottom of the barrel for ad revenue since the main services has (hopefully) blacklisted them.