Reddit’s Incels are furious at a literal statue for getting more action than them

By David Futrelle

The deeply bitter dudes who call themselves Incels – short for “involuntarily celibate” — are jealous of pretty much every other human being, living or dead, aside from their fellow incel brethren. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before they started feeling jealous of inanimate objects.

In the Incels subreddit today, they’re getting mad at a literal marble statue for getting female attention of a most intimate kind — the sort of attention they’re concinved they’ll never ever get. Here’s the statue in question — a veritable marble Chad.

Apparently Reddit’s incels do not consider a woman pretending to toss the salad of a giant hunk of carved rock to be a joking matter.

“I’m laughing on the outside, and crying on the inside at this blatant display of degeneracy,” reports one commenter calling himself bigantennaemay1.

And he’s apparently the only one even pretending to laugh.

“tfw you will never get a rimjob,” laments xxxrivenmainxxx.

“Chad object > Incel,” drincelery sadly concludes.

“Normally I roll my eyes when you folks talk about ‘the degeneracy,'” reports LooksMatterToWomen, “but THIS is legit. 912 likes? Really?”

Someone called dr_gunit, meanwhile, attacks the anonymous woman in question for what he sees as her blatant height discrimination. “If that statue was shorter than 5’8 she would not be doing that,” he complains. “[S]he wants a BIG cock in her RED c*nt and she wants BIG babies.”

Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.

There’s one commenter in the bunch who doesn’t seem overly bothered by the notion of someone licking a hunk of stone. “[T[he statue doesn’t talk or smell, that’s the whole point,” TotallyTroll explains. “I’d rather lick a statue than talk to someone.”

Naturally, he is taken to task by one of the other commenters for his heresy.

“Well Aren’t you an ignorant one,” Inceldemographic thunders.

You are such a whiteknight that you are willing to appear like a dumbass just to continue being a doormat for women. Statues or any form of public property are the dirtiest surfaces around. There’s a reason why they are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak. If you want to be a cuck bending over backwards to defend all kinds of behaviour, go ahead, just don’t lose your IQ over it.

If these guys get this worked up over a woman pretending to rim a statue as a joke, let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.