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Men Going Their Own Way are now wearing cargo shorts “as a form of protest”

Dressed to unimpress

So cargo shorts, a staple of casual menswear since the 1990s, are going out of style like, well, they’re going out of style.

The anti-cargo shorts backlash, many years in the making, kicked into high gear after the Wall Street Journal reported last month that increasing numbers of women have started resorting to drastic tactics to stop the dudes in their lives from wearing these new fashion no-nos. One man told the WSJ that his wife had secretly disposed of more than a dozen pairs of his over the years; another only wears them around the house when his wife is away, in what has become an act of “disobedien[ce] in my marriage.”

Within a few days the media was filled with denunciations of the (really quite comfortable) shorts. “Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts,” Buzzfeed urged, while Business Insider declared that cargo shorts are “the single worst item a man can wear in the summer.”

Really? Worse than these?

Are these really better than cargo shorts?
Are these really better than cargo shorts?

Now some Men Going Their Own Way have adopted the shorts as a way to stick it to women.

“I think of cargo shorts as a form of protest now,” a MGTOW called Tyler_Gatsby declared in a recent post on the MGTOW subreddit.

I wear them with pride. And with all that dick moving room, it almost feels like it’s flipping them off sometimes.

While it was news to many in Mr. Gatsby’s audience that a lot of people really hate cargo shorts, other Reddit MGTOWs reported that they too were wearing the shorts as an act of defiance against giant-pocket-hating feminazi gynocrats, or something.

“From now on, rebrand them as ‘Tactical Shorts,'” one commenter suggested. “It will piss off the Special Snoflakes to no end….”

Another reported that he’d been wearing the hell out of cargo shorts as soon as he discovered that a lot of women hate them.

I wore all mine until they fell apart, and wore them even more often once the fashion police took aim at them. Now I can’t buy any new ones these things were literally purged from existence by manginas and women.

Others went even further. Several confessed their love for “the ones with the zipped trousers – trousers and shorts in one!” And one bold fellow suggested escalating the protest:

Let’s take it a step further: denim cargo shorts.

The horror.

As for why women hate cargo shorts, most Reddit MGTOWs seem to agree it’s because women don’t like anything that is useful. And because the lustful ladies like staring at men’s butts.

“It does come down to something fundamental between men and women,” wrote someone calling themselves feedmecarrots.

Men love cargo shorts because they are functional. Women hate them because they do not enhance a man’s form.

Pfthewall lamented the evil hypocrisy of these butt-loving women:

You mean women get pissed when it is difficult for them to ogle men, all the while they complain about men ogling them?

Linux_Guy91, meanwhile, let loose with an angry rant centered abound his need to store phone chargers on his person.

Any chick who disses cargo shorts is ignorant as f*ck. I’ve had stares in the past from girls who would bug out when their phone was low on battery but didn’t have a charger on them because they couldn’t carry it in their tight pockets or wrist purse thing. My phone gets low, I pull out my charger and i’m good.

And these pocket-laden shorts come in especially handy when riding roller coasters.

Not to mention they’re awesome for when you don’t want to keep your wallet in your back pocket or if they have zipper pockets perfect for storing stuff if you like roller coasters. Functional > fashionable.

Duly noted.

In all my years of wearing cargo shorts, I think I’ve made use of the big pockets like once.

I still haven’t given my cargo shorts up, but I think I’ll have to now that they’ve gotten themselves drenched in the stench of MGTOW.

NOTE: Just FYI, the dudes in the top photo don’t have anything to do with the MGTOW subreddit post; the pic has been floating around the internet forever and seemed apropos

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Dreadnought
Dreadnought
4 years ago

Thank God, I always thought I was the only one who didn’t like cargo shorts. I feel a little less alone in this bleak and dreary world.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ buttercup

ethyl mercaptan

I love her version of “There’s no business like show business”

calmdown
calmdown
4 years ago

for her it was all about appearing virtuous while in fact being a sadistic hypocrite

Am I weird if this is literally the first person I thought of:
comment image

Andy Cooper
Andy Cooper
4 years ago

I love my cargo shorts.

Probably because I’m a 90s throwback, rather than a fruitcake determined to make an unintentionally hilarious stand against the non-existent system of oppression put in place by women, which is intended to emasculate me at every turn.

My missus still hates them, though…

😀

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Alan – Her live shows stank, though.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ buttercup

Badoom-tish! 🙂

Did you know they actually use the gas as an alarm system in noisy environments?

Blackrising
Blackrising
4 years ago

Ah yes, the evil feminist conspiracy against cargo shorts. Damn those feminists for constantly dictating what people ought to wear so it makes their boners happy!

Oh, wait.

I don’t wear shorts if I can help it, but I do love me some pockets. Unfortunately, most pants for women rely on the assumption that their wearer will simply have a handbag to store all her stuff in.

And ‘women hate all things practical’? Dude, bras are the ultimate practical thing. At one point, the things I stored in there (for lack of adequate pockets) included my cellphone, my I-Pod touch, my keys, my earphones, a small notepad, a bunch of loose pages, my work schedule for the next week, two pens and a lighter.

Great party trick. Like one of those clown cars except with boobs.

weirwoodtreehugger: communist bonobo

Good to see you back, Anarchonist.

The Plains of Misandria needs to be a fantasy series.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

Is TB really not a comedian? I thought they were a comedian 🙁

That little sequence of posts of subtly increasing risibility would have been a pretty neat trick, if they were being funny on purpose.

Oh well.

(seriously, not knowing this poster’s history I initially thought they must be a returning former regular with a really deadpan sense of humour, cara de piedra and all that. Alas for the humourist they could have been, I suppose.)

gertzedek
gertzedek
4 years ago

Wait, wait, wait…these guys are complaining about their clothing choices being limited by a societal standard of beauty at the expense of practicality? Why yes, I’m sure that’s a feminist plot, no way women have ever had to suffer through that

Kularanini
Kularanini
4 years ago

But I need my cargo shorts for functionality!

Where else am I going to stick my keys, phone and wallet when I’m walking around in the summer time? I sure don’t want to have to carry a back-pack or satchel everywhere I go.

Not putting them in my back pocket, because I don’t want to kill my phone when I sit down and forget it’s there. I’m paranoid that the bulge of my wallet is also a tempting offering to would-be thieves on the crowded streets.

Not putting them in front pocket because it’s slightly uncomfortable and that ugly bulge looks worse than any big cargo short pocket. Also, sometimes those pockets are too shallow…and again, paranoia.

Now I need to read up on why there’s so much cargo short backlash. It better not boil down to “eww, they’re not stylish/classy/suave” or some BS because I’m way too old to care. I’m also not giving up my convenience, comfort and piece of mind for someone else’s subjective fashion tastes!

Marc not-R
Marc not-R
4 years ago

Dang it, now I’m going to have to get rid of my cargo shorts as well . . .. And I never used the big pockets, either.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
4 years ago

You don’t need the sidepockets for storing your phone in if you wear a shirt.

The pockets on my work uniform tees don’t button shut, and I sure as hell don’t want my phone falling out while I’m cleaning a toilet or dumping trash.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Alan – Hopefully they only use it in nonsmoking environments…

I used to love getting those natural gas scratch ‘n’ sniff cards in the mail. The poor post office workers who had to deliver those things, though.

I think of cargo shorts as a form of protest now

Yes, you’re valiant defenders of safe utilitarian fashion. If job interviewers won’t allow you to dress like you’re attending a Pantera concert, then you don’t want their oppressive mangina jobs anyway.

Sheesh. Next they’ll be waving the bloody Crocs.

Keated
Keated
4 years ago

Bleh. I like my cargo shorts due partly to the large pockets – I use any pocket that’s not on the caboose since those are uncomfortable to sit on, haha, but if it’s being adopted as a uniform by these asshats I guess I should find a different kind of shorts with the same range of motion and just store more stuff in my rucksack… Annoying for things like keys, but whatever I suppose.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ buttercup

Ooh, I never got one. If I accidentally blow the house up I can sue.

I remember the King Kurt single ‘Banana Banana’ had a scratch and sniff cover (for younger readers, singles was what we had before illegal downloads). The relevant scratchy bit was on the lead singer’s crotch.

(Luckily it just smelt of bananas)

Keated
Keated
4 years ago

Still this would explain why I had some trouble finding some earlier this year – clearly it’s a plot by the womz. 😮

Thomas Beckett
Thomas Beckett
4 years ago

Phyllis’s hypocrisy was required. The men’s rights movement talks about alpha males a lot; yet by clear logical exposition, it becomes clear that The simulacra of civilization needs alpha females to maintain a perspicacious level of control over other women. And bigotry is a human right; I am not a racist but as a feminist I must respect Phyllis’s choice to be one. You are all going to fall victim to the thought police at one point or another, so you should be grateful that I will respect your choices.

Thomas Beckett
Thomas Beckett
4 years ago

Phyllis died on September 5, 2016. Wolfgang Mozart died exactly 224 years and 9 months before that, on December 25, 1791. 2+2+4 = 8 and 8*9 = 72. 72 is an important number in banking calculations etc. Thus Mozart reveals that he was leaving the freemasons and returning to the Catholic Church when he died.

LindsayIrene
LindsayIrene
4 years ago

comment image

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Alan – ooh, a scented fucking single! (literally)

When I was eight I got into my mom’s collection of essential oils and tried to make my own scratch ‘n’ sniff storybook. It worked, sort of, except all the oils clashed with each other and within a week or so all the fragrance had evaporated, leaving behind greasy splotches on the page. I didn’t know about the microbubble technology.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

Phyllis’s hypocrisy was required. The men’s rights movement talks about alpha males a lot; yet by clear logical exposition, it becomes clear that The simulacra of civilization needs alpha females to maintain a perspicacious level of control over other women

Obliviate…
Rancorous…
Nevertheless…
Extemporaneous…
Sociodemographic….
Committeewomanship…
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch…

This is fun 😀

Lunzie Mespil
Lunzie Mespil
4 years ago

Regarding cargo shorts, as long as someone’s clothes aren’t filthy and smelly I usually don’t even notice what they are wearing. Why should I care what someone else wears?

@TB — According to Wikipedia, Mozart died on December 5, 1791. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that December 25 was a typo. But how do you know you shouldn’t be figuring 2*2*4=16 and 16+9=25?

Wait, maybe I don’t want to know.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
4 years ago

@Thomas Beckett

Wolfgang Mozart died exactly 224 years and 9 months before that, on December 25, 1791. 2+2+4 = 8 and 8*9 = 72. 72 is an important number in banking calculations etc.

Are you… are you seriously doing this right now ? Are you trolling yourself ? Is this an elaborate joke ?

WTF IS GOIN ON FOLKZ.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
4 years ago

OK, TB’s a comedian.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

@Chaucer Conspiracy Dumbass

leftwingfox
leftwingfox
4 years ago

Oh christ, Numerology is one of those traps that make people who mastered math in High School feel like geniuses while turning them into cranks.

EJ (The Other One)
4 years ago

This troll is awesome. It’s like someone fused Deepak Chopra, Robert Anton Wilson and Dan Brown together and then ran their text through a Markov chain.

My guess is that it’s a chatbot written as an attempt to pass the Turing test, and has been trained on conspiracy websites and old Discordian documents. I think it isn’t quite there yet, but is certainly fun.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

@Axe – Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

3+19=22. Einstein once used a 22 to balance his checkbook.

We’re through the looking glass, people.

JonMontgo
JonMontgo
4 years ago

Great. I have a pair I use as my mountain biking/gardening shorts. Now I have to give them up because I’d rather bike naked than be associated with MRAs.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ buttercup

I didn’t know about the microbubble technology.

Neither did I, until now.

I suspect “The Porton Down Scratch & Sniff Book” is one to be avoided.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

@Buttercup

Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

10 points to Skullpants!

Lea
Lea
4 years ago

I’m totally down with people wearing whatever makes them happy.

I’m sure these dudes support me right back and have no trouble with me loving yoga pants.
Right?

Tabby Lavalamp
Tabby Lavalamp
4 years ago

I think cargo shorts are great for when they’re doing paleontological digs out in the badlands.

Noadi
Noadi
4 years ago

Anyone else see Thomas Beckett’s posts and hear in their head “Who will rid me of this turbulent troll?” or just me?

Alpine, RN
Alpine, RN
4 years ago

Numerology is like nerd-sniping for cranks :-p

also, Thomas Becket (OBM) died on December 29 1170…which is an important number in….nope i got nothin.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ alpine, rn

important number in….nope i got nothin

By definition all numbers are interesting. That’s because various numbers all have special properties (lowest prime, lowest sum of two primes, etc.) so it’s quite a while before you get to a number that has no special interesting features; but that makes the number pretty interesting in itself. So we have to go to the next one; but…..

And so on.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interesting_number_paradox

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

I think cargo shorts are great for when they’re doing paleontological digs out in the badlands.

Not really, you get grazes on your knees and sand up your asscrack.

… I know it was a joke, but I’ve been there and done that, so. =P

Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
4 years ago

Canvas pants. Heavy canvas pants for that sort of hardscrabble. Sure it’s hot, but you won’t be bleeding, won’t have to worry about burrs and poison ivy, and won’t have to worry about a billion mosquitoes all the time.

Megalibrarygirl
Megalibrarygirl
4 years ago

Delurking for a silly joke:

@Anarchonist

They would be bonbonobos.

Jaygee
Jaygee
4 years ago

I think I can safely assume all women dislike men to be covered in mucus because it’s gross, are they now going to drench themselves in gross goo as a form of “protest”?

I don’t think I’ve personally run into anyone who had a particular dislike of cargo shorts, but I do regularly hear women talk of their love of pockets. Pockets on dresses? Yes!

joekster
joekster
4 years ago

Re Numerology, has anyone else heard this one?

Barney= CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

Change the U’s to V, because Latin:

CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

Take out the roman numerals:
CV V L DI V= 105+5+50+501+5=666

BARNEY IS THE ANTICHRIST!

leftwingfox
leftwingfox
4 years ago

joekster: Why yes I have…

…from my high school friend who started getting into numerology and the intersection of bad math and specious philosophy.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago
Suspiria
Suspiria
4 years ago

@Noadi: Yep, I totally did!

Bina
4 years ago

As for why women hate cargo shorts, most Reddit MGTOWs seem to agree it’s because women don’t like anything that is useful. And because the lustful ladies like staring at men’s butts.

BINGO! And legs. Which cargo shorts also don’t show enough of, IMO.

MISAAAAANDRY!!!

joekster
joekster
4 years ago

@leftwingfox: I actually heard it from my minister back in Sparks (I think) who was using it as an illustration of just how ridiculous theology can get 🙂

(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
(((Hambeast))) Now With Extra Parentheses
4 years ago

You can have my cargoes when you pry them off my cold, dead ass!

I’m someone with tendonitis in my shoulders; I can carry stuff from my shoulders for the time it takes to get from my car to my front door. Much more than that and I’m in a world of hurt. Even just one of those wallets on a strap gets painful in under half an hour. That, coupled with carpal tunnel in both hands makes my cargo pants vital for my day to day existence.

I’d love a dressier, trimmer cargo design (which actually exist, but Duluth Trading refuses to make them in my size) but, I’ll just stick with men’s.

I think I got nailed by that technical difficulty issue yesterday, none of my comments got through. Here’s hoping!

Bina
4 years ago

I wear them with pride. And with all that dick moving room, it almost feels like it’s flipping them off sometimes.

Aaaand that calls up an image I’d rather not have in my head (ugh), so I’m going to exorcise it with a little lovely music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9q5Ognnk-o

(The band’s name is MAJOR misaaaandry.)

Let’s take it a step further: denim cargo shorts.

Oh noes, NOT THOSE!!!

(This from someone wearing what could almost be just that, only mine are body-skimming, don’t have pockets down the leg but rather large patch pockets in front, and are made of railroad-striped denim that looks vaguely nautical, with fancy crisscross patchwork and trapunto stitching on the back pockets, which have button flaps. Oh, and they have metal eyelets at various locations, too! They’re very cute and quite flattering, even if they do hit my kneecaps.)