So cargo shorts, a staple of casual menswear since the 1990s, are going out of style like, well, they’re going out of style.
The anti-cargo shorts backlash, many years in the making, kicked into high gear after the Wall Street Journal reported last month that increasing numbers of women have started resorting to drastic tactics to stop the dudes in their lives from wearing these new fashion no-nos. One man told the WSJ that his wife had secretly disposed of more than a dozen pairs of his over the years; another only wears them around the house when his wife is away, in what has become an act of “disobedien[ce] in my marriage.”
Within a few days the media was filled with denunciations of the (really quite comfortable) shorts. “Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts,” Buzzfeed urged, while Business Insider declared that cargo shorts are “the single worst item a man can wear in the summer.”
Really? Worse than these?
Now some Men Going Their Own Way have adopted the shorts as a way to stick it to women.
“I think of cargo shorts as a form of protest now,” a MGTOW called Tyler_Gatsby declared in a recent post on the MGTOW subreddit.
I wear them with pride. And with all that dick moving room, it almost feels like it’s flipping them off sometimes.
While it was news to many in Mr. Gatsby’s audience that a lot of people really hate cargo shorts, other Reddit MGTOWs reported that they too were wearing the shorts as an act of defiance against giant-pocket-hating feminazi gynocrats, or something.
“From now on, rebrand them as ‘Tactical Shorts,'” one commenter suggested. “It will piss off the Special Snoflakes to no end….”
Another reported that he’d been wearing the hell out of cargo shorts as soon as he discovered that a lot of women hate them.
I wore all mine until they fell apart, and wore them even more often once the fashion police took aim at them. Now I can’t buy any new ones these things were literally purged from existence by manginas and women.
Others went even further. Several confessed their love for “the ones with the zipped trousers – trousers and shorts in one!” And one bold fellow suggested escalating the protest:
Let’s take it a step further: denim cargo shorts.
The horror.
As for why women hate cargo shorts, most Reddit MGTOWs seem to agree it’s because women don’t like anything that is useful. And because the lustful ladies like staring at men’s butts.
“It does come down to something fundamental between men and women,” wrote someone calling themselves feedmecarrots.
Men love cargo shorts because they are functional. Women hate them because they do not enhance a man’s form.
Pfthewall lamented the evil hypocrisy of these butt-loving women:
You mean women get pissed when it is difficult for them to ogle men, all the while they complain about men ogling them?
Linux_Guy91, meanwhile, let loose with an angry rant centered abound his need to store phone chargers on his person.
Any chick who disses cargo shorts is ignorant as f*ck. I’ve had stares in the past from girls who would bug out when their phone was low on battery but didn’t have a charger on them because they couldn’t carry it in their tight pockets or wrist purse thing. My phone gets low, I pull out my charger and i’m good.
And these pocket-laden shorts come in especially handy when riding roller coasters.
Not to mention they’re awesome for when you don’t want to keep your wallet in your back pocket or if they have zipper pockets perfect for storing stuff if you like roller coasters. Functional > fashionable.
Duly noted.
In all my years of wearing cargo shorts, I think I’ve made use of the big pockets like once.
I still haven’t given my cargo shorts up, but I think I’ll have to now that they’ve gotten themselves drenched in the stench of MGTOW.
NOTE: Just FYI, the dudes in the top photo don’t have anything to do with the MGTOW subreddit post; the pic has been floating around the internet forever and seemed apropos
You know guys, feminism (you know, the monolithic conspiracy ruining your life) HATES it when you treat women with respect for reasons that only make sense if you were in on the last meeting.
Yeah… hates it.
What did I buy a pair of in downtown L.A. just the day before yesterday, then?
Sure, they’re not made to flatter. Now, as a desert rat, my fashion sense might be dubious from time to time, but fuck, do I love me some cargo shorts! And since I love wearing them with my standard issue femanarchist combat boots, I’m immediately going to start referring to them as tactical shorts. I’ll get all my tomboy feminist friends to start saying it too.
I’ma get girl cooties all over your thing, guys. Alllllllll up in it.
Wait, you’re telling me I couldn’t find cargo shorts because they’re going out of style? Fucking hell, man.
Because the store you purchased them from is run by MGTOWs intent on preserving them from the evil hands of the gynocracy, or some crap. Better check to see if the cargo pockets are full of red pills.
Cargo shorts going out of style. An important men’s rights issue. This isn’t a petty first world problem of the sort that feminists are concerned with.
Can we combine cargo shorts hate with pumpkin spice hate to free up some time in meme-makers’ lives?
Cargo shorts are alive and well in the Pacific Northwest, but we consider socks with sandals and flannel to be high fashion and our business casual dress codes include jeans and t-shirts.
Yes, guys, it sure is unpleasant having someone else impose their opinion on what you should wear or how you should look in general. Think they can apply that lesson to their own behavior toward women?
And every time I see the slogan about “make me a sandwich,” I think of a certain Twilight Zone episode….
I find it kinda funny that these ‘protests’, are all things nobody notices until they’re told. Almost like being an MGTOW is something to be ashamed of or something.
Some observations:
a) Cargo shorts aren’t that functional. The cargo pockets are too far down on the leg and that makes accessing them cumbersome, especially when moving.
2) If you really have that much stuff to carry, get a bag. It’s way more functional. I have a pretty great messenger bag that I carry my work stuff in.
iii) Seriously, how much stuff do you carry in your pockets? I have my phone, my wallet and my keys. I have a whole back pocket that I already don’t use! Why would I need more?
Part the fourth) Cargo shorts don’t have to be unflattering. The place I work actually had some slim cargo shorts this summer; if you wanted to try to look good and keep your precious, useless pockets.
Honestly though, if you want to reject the vagaries of fashion, fine. Do it. I don’t like having a beard, so I won’t have one, no matter how “in” they ever are. If you like cargo shorts, wear cargo shorts. There is no grand feminist conspiracy to rail against here.
Not that that’s ever stopped them before.
As always, MGTOW, just go.
http://lookat.world/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/c-181718fada6777ef15092888f0422f68.gif
… I’m guessing that this anti-shorts thing hasn’t made it to Australia yet? Because cargo shorts are second only to half-empty beer cans when it comes to the standard Aussie bloke’s outfit and I’ve never met a single person who cares either way.
This might be breaking new and unheard-of ground in overreacting over fucking nothing.
(But don’t forget, we‘re the outrage addicts…)
Off topic: If any of you have had trouble getting through to the site, it’s had a couple of brief outages, not sure what’s going on. Last time it was a hardware problem with the host.
@ LindsayIrene: But I like pumpkin spice
@GenJones: I’m with you about the “tactical shorts”. I like cargo pants, so I’d probably like cargo shorts too. They’re comfortable and practical. Sign me up!
@David: Oh ok…that’s what it was. My own connection is having issues too.
They probably believe women hate cargo shorts as much as they hate piercings, tattoos and short, brightly-coloured hair on women, when in reality we don’t really care that much, on the whole.
Hey, I wear cargo shorts myself, and I’m female. I prefer the ones with regular pants pockets in the side and big pockets further down the front so I can keep all my paraphernalia in them when I go fishing. I also loathe the trend of women’s pants with no or so-tiny-they’re-unusable pockets. Not every woman wants to carry a bag.
In other news, I heard on the news that regressive, Trump-supporting harridan Phyllis Schlafly finally passed away at 92. Upon hearing said news I spontaneously broke out singing, “Ding dong the witch is dead.”
What exactly is “tactical” about cargo shorts? Do they turn into bombs? do they turn into guns?
Scildfreja:
No but they can hold bombs and guns in their pockets! Or all sorts of useful stuff. I guess being able to carry stuff is tactical, but “cargo” is a much fitting descriptor.
I like cargo pants, too. Very useful. Stupid MGTOWs are going to ruin them by making them some kind of douche symbol.
But then you have to remember the bag and not leave it in the middle of the store. :/
I can’t really opine on cargo shorts, since I only wear long pants, but I sure do like to wear cargo pants on the job (middle school custodian). The only problem is that sometimes I don’t always remember to empty all the pockets before throw them in the dirty laundry. I forget all about the fact that I was going to remount a pencil sharpener on Friday until I heard screws pinging around in the dryer this morning.
Re Phyllis Schlafly’s passing:
Rest in peace, Serena Joy. May your afterlife be the Republic of Gilead.
They have rails where you can attach a scope, laser sight and underslung grenade launcher to your leg. Why have leg when you could have tactical leg?
It puts me in mind of the TACTICAL-GRIP bar of soap that featured so prominently in the MasculinitySoFragile hash-tag. Seeing as how they missed the point of that mockery the first time around, there’s no sense trying to explain it to them again. It might even be a deliberate reference for all I can tell.
Hate cargo pants, hate shorts, hate cargo shorts. But I’m a dude! Am I part of the femiconspiracy too!? No more ‘tactical’ trousers for men, mwahahaha! Women can still wear em tho. I mean, women control everything, so of course they aren’t bound by the laws of fashion which govern us mere, mortal men