Uh oh. Return of Kings writer David Garrett has uncovered a massive disinformation campaign mounted by the women of the world, a dastardly plot designed to ensnare hapless men and deprive them of their free will.
The women of the world, you see, are using both high- and low-tech trickery in an attempt to convince dudes that they are prettier than they actually are.
Through the careful use of makeup, Instagram filters, and body-squishing spandex, evil ugly women are able to convince men that they are actually attractive, Garrett warns.
And there are dire costs to the all-pervasive”physical dishonesty” of contemporary women. Like guys being tricked by “photoshopped and Wonderbra-enhanced cleavage” into dating women who are actually secret fatties.
Feminists are trying their best to convince gullible men that “fat is beautiful,” Garrett writes. But the evil femmies
can’t pull off this fraud by ideology alone, so L’Oreal, fashion illusions and digital photography come to the rescue.
Bovine-sized women or female mammals with the same mass as the ones Greenpeace tries to protect literally prop up their bodies with shape-shifting spandex (is titanium how the scientists do it?!) and try to obscure cellulite that would make the Grand Canyon jealous.
The horror!
Even worse, Garrett suggests, is that these makeup-slathered, Spanx-wearing, Instagram-filtering women may actually fool themselves into thinking they’re kind of cute.
“[S]elf-delusion amongst many women is only getting worse,” Garrett complains, “poisoning many female connections you could have otherwise pursued.”
Yes, it’s truly terrible that these women have too much self-esteem to date guys who think they’re a bunch of makeup-abusing secret uggoes.
@dhag
Idk, I know what you mean – I’ve seen people do the “real women have curves” and “only dogs like sticks hur hur” thing (not half as much as I’ve seen EWWW LANDWHALES and OMG HAMPLANET talk, of course), and it’s frustrating because yeah, that is… not really body positivity.
But a) I don’t think that kind of thing really has anything to do with feminism at all, and b) it’s, I think, still not quite the same thing as this “Men, you MUST find fat women attractive! We demand it! We will call you a bigot and possibly arrest you if you don’t prefer fat chicks!” that the MRAs keep claiming is a constant feminist refrain.
IKR? TRP people and misogynists in general seem to have serious problems with subjectivity. Anything to do with them can’t just be their opinion, it has to be objective truth. Maybe they’re just too insecure to let anything rest on their own personal preferences without some larger structure to back them up?
This leads to some absurd positions. “You don’t look like how you look” is one. Insisting that their personal preferences are not personal preferences, but instead are really what makes women objectively attractive is another. The concept of “objectively attractive” is contradictory–it would mean that someone could be “attractive” even if no one in the whole world was attracted to them.
@Frank
The same principle could also explain why Yaweh is such an asshole. If there’s one thing the Jews I know like to complain about, it’s other Jews.
@lacerta viridis
Yeah, I agree fully. Sorry if I didn’t make that entirely clear in my previous comment.
He’s calling women “mammals” like it’s an insult, but aren’t… we… ALL… mammals? No? Some of these jerks are reptiles? Figures.
It’s really disturbing that he prefers women with low self esteem.
I definitely don’t go for the “natural look” – I do contouring, smoky eyes, hair dyed like a rainbow, heavily tattooed including a full sleeve and a massive leg piece, I have huge fake boobs – so I’m happy to tick so many boxes of stuff MRAs want to avoid.
But having 2 kids has given me a belly that just won’t tone up and is covered in stretchmarks which I used to be very paranoid and self conscious about. Since I’ve learned to not care about that stuff, sex has been a lot more fun for me and my sexual partners. It’s also made me more confident in day to day life. The only reason he would prefer a partner with low self esteem is that they are more likely to be vulnerable to his abusive behaviours.
@NicolaLuna
Awesome. 🙂
Why would the Grand Canyon be jealous of cellulite? I don’t see where this is going.