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IT’S SCIENCE: Ranting and raving at people all day on the internet isn’t good for you

Sometimes you just need to get off the internet for a little while.
Sometimes you just need to get off the internet for a little while.

So it turns out that yelling about people you hate all day every day on the internet isn’t really very good for you.

As an article in the Wall Street Journal earlier this week notes,

The research has been clear for decades: Venting is bad for us. …

 

In studies, people report that they feel better after venting. But researchers find they actually become angrier and more aggressive. People who vent anonymously may become the angriest and most aggressive.

In fact, “venting” is really the wrong word for it. Anger doesn’t build up in our body like some sort of gas, that we can relieve with a series of loud and smelly anger-farts on Twitter or in the comment section of a newspaper article we disagree with.

The “venting” theory has been with us a long time, the WSJ piece notes, and it seems to make sense on an intuitive level.

Venting has an ancient history. Aristotle believed in catharsis—the purging of emotions. More recently, Sigmund Freud talked about the hydraulic model, saying that if someone holds anger inside without letting it out, it will build to dangerous levels, much the way steam in a pressure cooker will build if it is not vented.

But anger isn’t a gas. Those who’ve studied the issue suggest that “venting” — whether in person or anonymously on the internet — causes us to become more obsessed with what is angering us, not less. Instead of purging our anger, we end up stewing in our own juices — to switch the metaphor from gas to liquid.

I certainly see plenty of evidence of this amongst the people I write about on this blog and on the internet at large. Those who “vent” their anger the most vociferously don’t get less angry over time, as you would expect if they were actually “venting” something toxic inside of them. Instead, many of them just get angrier and angrier.

We might consider the sad (and very, very angry) career of a certain former A Voice for Men bigwig, who went from being the only member of the AVFM collective who seemed to have any degree of self-awareness to someone who spends his days lashing out at feminists and former allies in what has become a neverending Twitter meltdown.

We might consider the assorted YouTube yellers who’ve become perpetual rage machines; no matter how many rants they upload to YouTube on the purported evils of Anita Sarkeesian or Anita Sarkeesian or even Anita Sarkeesian, their rage is never ever “vented.”

I mean, look at this guy:

That’s no way to live.

The problem isn’t just the anger; it’s the obsession. One of the main reasons that “venting” keeps you angry is that it leads you to ruminate longer about the things that infuriate you the most, when it would be much more healthy for you to stop thinking about these things at all.

Now, obviously, I spend a decent portion of my days reading about, writing about, and sometimes even arguing with, some pretty hateful shitheads. I think it’s important to write about these people. But I try not to let them dominate my life and my thoughts to the exclusion of everything else, and I try not to let my anger at them overcome me.

I don’t read the comments on my YouTube videos. (Well, not regularly.) I avoid tit-for-tat Twitter battles with sea-lions and dogpilers. (Well, most of the time.) I clear my head watching dumb TV and playing Alphabear and doing various other things that have nothing whatsoever to do with the ridiculous and infuriating misogynists of the internet.

And I hope the rest of you are doing that too.

Well, I know a lot of you are, if the wonderfully digressive comments you all leave on this blog make clear. Because talking about games and recipes and posting cat pics and other brain bleach really does keep us all a bit healthier.

Which reminds me: I haven’t posted any open threads in a while. I’ll go do that now.

In the meantime, here’s ten hours of a snow shovel that sounds like “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”

H/T — r/GamerGhazi

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Andrea McDowell
5 years ago

I dunno, David. A lot of the criticisms you level against the online misogynists in your post are also levelled against online feminists: that they’re too angry, they dwell on things and perseverate, they should just forget about it, all that anger isn’t healthy, etc.

The quote you posted from the WSJ also doesn’t support your point. (I mean, it’s the WSJ–it’s not known for science journalism.) Yes, “venting” has been proven not to actually dispel anger; but whether or not that’s a bad thing depends on whether or not you think anger should be suppressed. So you vent anger and it doesn’t go away–ok. Is that always a negative? And then the third sentence of that quote is basically a big hypothesis flagged with a maybe with no evidence whatsoever. People who vent anonymously online may be the angriest of all? Uh–citation?

LG.
LG.
5 years ago

This also goes to show how poorly we understand the science of emotion. Emotion is nervous system energy and it transmogrifies itself according to what you’ve been taught, or taught yourself, is the right way to express. Express we must, but the choice we make about *how* becomes habit. The same energy that could come out as rage might better be expressed through crying or physical activity or, if you’ve got a high level of maturity, the feeling of being motivated to solve the problem (though this requires correct identification of the problem, of course).

With toxic masculinity, however, there is no choice. Bad feeling needs must be expressed as rage, especially if you feel you’re low on the patriarchal totem pole. Gotta be violent and dominating to prove your manhood. And that’s why bell hooks points out that men don’t have full access to their freedom of will.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
5 years ago

Venting, I think, doesn’t usually help me, even if I’m simply telling of something that makes me sad to someone I’m close to. Knowing that people care about me to listen to my problems, and receiving a helpful advice are things that make me feel better, but complaining and only having people to nod in agreement makes me feel even more justified, which can be really dangerous.

And Kyle Kallgren! I haven’t watched many of his videos (because I have never seen the majority of movies he’s reviewed), but I love the ones I have. I know I was not invited in the conversation, but goddammit, you must seize the opportunities to talk to people when they appear!

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

@Moggie: I’d like to, even though I know all the insightful things of the book (like what I quoted) will be gone in favor of outrageous spectacle.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
5 years ago

@Andrea
Contentment is no breeding ground for change, and anger can be a good motivator, but if you act solely based on how you feel at the moment, you run the risk of harming other people, yourself, and being overall an asshole.
And I don’t know if you read the comments, but this post made at least one of the readers of this blog say they had been too caught up on the Roosh thing. This post felt like a public utility service of sorts to me :p

Also, if your intended use for venting is to dispel anger, and this doesn’t happen, then yes, it’s a bad thing, if only because of the wasted time. If it actually makes you even angrier, then the purpose of venting would be entirely defeated.

Also, I think this might be just his own speculation.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

A few of things about the elderly. One, most (if not all) people 65+ are suffering from one or more chronic health conditions. Low-level pain, particularly if it interferes with mobility, tends to make people grouchy. Standing and waiting can be really uncomfortable with arthritis or back pain.

Two, as people age, often their patience for long delays, long lines, waiting rooms, long-winded stories, traffic jams, etc. starts to wear thin. They become more of a “cut to the chase” type. When there’s less sand left in the hourglass, it’s understandable that people don’t want to waste their remaining hours on tedious things.

And three, the elderly are the biggest audience for Fox News, which panders to their worst fears and their craving for a simplified world. It stokes anger, resentment, suspicion, and paranoia. Unfortunately they’re not out being active and meeting as many new people as they did when they were younger, so there’s nothing to counteract the poison that Fox is feeding them about women, minorities, immigrants, liberals, Democrats, environmentalists, Muslims, etc. etc.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

@LG:

Express we must, but the choice we make about *how* becomes habit.

That’s exactly why repeated venting is counterproductive and even harmful for the venter. By repeating a behavior, we learn it. Once we learn it, it becomes a habit. And habits are what our characters — and lives — are made of.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Which isn’t to say that there aren’t many delightful and mellow elderly people – it’s just that there’s a lot of factors that pull people in the direction of chronic anger as they age. (You can also add in the fact that as you get older, the losses start to pile up – deaths, divorces, gradual diminishing of body functions, layoffs, setbacks, failures – and depression frequently manifests as anger.)

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

@Buttercup et al:

With the elderly, there is, in addition to the effects of very real immediate problems that seriously restrict their lives (poor health, loneliness, poverty, etc.), that fateful accumulation of life habits, many of which are negative, e.g. based on venting and other unhelpful behaviors.

Our emotional habits really become distilled in old age, defining who we are with greater clarity. A cheerful, compassionate person will solidify his or her cheerful compassion in the old age (think Jimmy Carter), while an angry chronic complainer will most likely become an unbearable paranoid crank (see Clint Eastwood).

Emotionally, we reap what we sow as we age. That’s one reason, among many, to cultivate healthy emotional habits. Venting is not one of them, never has been, and I’m glad to see the WSJ (of all places!) article saying it outright.

katz
katz
5 years ago

Synchrotron radiation sounds like something a scientist would get exposed to and develop superpowers.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

@Nequam:

Love that Aldous Huxley quote! So accurate and relevant in this context.

One of my most favorite quotes ever comes from the man:

It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘try to be a little kinder.’

Falconer
5 years ago

As far as things that make me happy go, right now these two dorks and their awesome fusion-child are the best.
comment image
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Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

The thing that springs to mind about venting is that hateful people will usually reinforce each other – so the venting is simply circular, whizzing round like a whirlwind. This is true of the Manpsherian crap I have looked at recently – MGTOW – one man used the word vent, when what they are doing is simply feeding each other the same crap. Interestingly they were not putting it in angry terms, more pseudo scientific ‘objective’ language, which makes me think that some of them are scared of ALL emotion.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

The pre frontal cortex’s neural connections start to degrade in old age. Older people often have the same problem with impulse control that children and teens who have not fully developed PFC do.

David N-T
David N-T
5 years ago

I used to be an anger junky. I grew up as a scrawny minority kid in an all white town. On top of that, I was painfully shy and had serious self-esteem issues. This seemed like an open extended invitation for bullies to abuse me. My anger built to a point where it could no longer be contained and I one day fought back. The fact that people backed off after that only served to reinforce letting the anger out. It’s only well into my adult life that I learned to let go of anger. Even then, sometimes, when someone steps on my toes or tries to take advantage of me, I really hate to admit it, but it really comes in handy as a “don’t fuck with me” device.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@WWTH:
Daniel Dennett has asked that we not attribute elderly people’s behaviour to biological factors. Age (or youth) may contribute to being grumpy, but in Dennett’s opinion it should not change our social response to it.

This is not to say that you’re wrong, of course; I have no choice but to believe in the neurology. However if someone is being a dick to you then the size of their PFC is irrelevant: what matters is that they’re being a dick.

AndreTheFireant
AndreTheFireant
5 years ago

I’m sorry, but what the fuck? Posting objectifying sexy male gifs is totally legit now?

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@AndreTheFireant

Look, I’m not a fan of the sexy guys either, but objectification doesn’t just mean “eye candy” and you know it.
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brian
5 years ago

@pandapool
the last line of my post was meant primarily as a joke.
but your response was really more about the commenter community than the blog itself… which is mostly how i engage here. i don’t generally read all of the comments on every post or comment myself that often (mostly because i don’t have time) but i know there are good people here.

ColeYote
ColeYote
5 years ago

Well, I mean, I coulda told ya that. Any time I let myself get too angry over (insert right-wing bullshit I’ve been angry about lately), I feel like shit for hours.

AndreTheFireant
AndreTheFireant
5 years ago

On what planet is this not objectifying?
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AndreTheFireant
AndreTheFireant
5 years ago

I thought I was just linking to it. Whatever

kylagb
5 years ago

Surprise surprise

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

AndreTheFireant | August 13, 2015 at 1:10 pm
On what planet is this not objectifying?

First off, I didn’t see anyone objectifying this guy. I see people thinking he’s attractive. I’ve seen no one talk about what they’d like to do to him or whatever. Only that he makes them happy. That’s IT. If you think this is objectifying, please elaborate as to how you came to that conclusion, because I am honestly curious.

And would you have this same reaction if someone had posted a sexy lady covered in glitter? (I’m sure you’re going to say yes because to say otherwise would make you look bad, but humor me.)

Secondly if we were “objectfiying” this person, and I’d like to quote an article, if I may:

[…] but until you live in a world in which your objectification leads to excessive victim-blaming, unwelcome catcalling, mortifyingly high rates of sexual assault and rape and having your value in society based exclusively on what you look like, I will continue to exercise my God-given right to objectify you.

Because the objectification of women leads to all of those things. The objectification of men does not. And that’s why it’s okay to do it.

And another quote:

When you comment on the female body, like West says, it can reinforce the deeply ingrained idea that a woman’s appearance is all that matters about her and that her sole purpose is to be something for men to look at (see: male gaze).

The fact that we are people doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Except the way a man’s dick feels about us.

On the contrary, when I comment on the male body, I really do nothing more than that.

I observe it, say a few words about it, and then, since it has no real effect on the status of who he is as a person, I kind of just move on.

AndreTheFireant
AndreTheFireant
5 years ago

And your telling me if somebody had posted a sexy lady gif nobody would have batted an eye?

AndreTheFireant
AndreTheFireant
5 years ago

And the fact that objecifying men doesn’t affect as many people in the same way doesn’t make it right. You’re still making people feel like shit, you know you’re doing it but you don’t care.

You know it is possible to be male and be affected by the actions of others around you. But who gives a shit right, because I probably deserve it because patriarchy and privilege and whatever other excuses you can use to placate others arguments and experiences.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Some of us here are into ladies (myself included), and some of us are accepting of tasteful nudity. We can still comment that we find someone sexually attractive or aesthetically pleasing and still not objectify them. (Also, I’m pretty sure we’ve posted gifs of sexy ladies before and a bunch of people joined in.)

I can’t obviously speak for everyone, and hell, someone said they didn’t like the gifs of the sexy dude either (some Mammoth commenters are asexual), but it’s still not objectification, and you have yet to explain why you think it is.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

AndreTheFireant | August 13, 2015 at 1:27 pm
And the fact that objecifying men doesn’t affect as many people in the same way doesn’t make it right. You’re still making people feel like shit, you know you’re doing it but you don’t care.

Really? We’re making this guy feel like shit because we think his glitter-covered abs are good looking?

Or are we just making you in particular feel uncomfortable by saying so? Because it’s fine if you feel uncomfortable by that, and you’re free to say so, but don’t blame it on some bullshit ‘reverse sexism’ or, in this case, ‘reverse objectification’.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, just fucking say so. “Hey, can we not post the sexy guy gifs? They make me feel uncomfortable.”

Boom. Problem solved.

Of course, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen this sort of thing. I see guys react adversely all the damn time whenever I, or some other woman, finds a man sexy. (See a bunch of men’s reaction to Magic Mike or the sequel.)

Maybe the reason you feel this way is because you don’t like having the roles reversed, and it bothers you that women can feel this way about men? Or maybe you just want to have some sort of lame “gotcha”?

You know it is possible to be male and be affected by the actions of others around you. But who gives a shit right, because I probably deserve it because patriarchy and privilege and whatever other excuses you can use to placate others arguments and experiences.

Boy please. Your guilt-tripping nonsense will not work here.

I will not feel bad because someone posted a gif of a dude’s abs covered in glitter and you got your hackles up and want to claim “reverse sexism” because of it.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

But who gives a shit right, because I probably deserve it because patriarchy and privilege and whatever other excuses you can use to placate others arguments and experiences.

I feel like I should elaborate and point out to you, Andre (because you may not be aware of this), but this sentence right here is a common abuse tactic.

“I probably deserve what you’re doing to me because of [reason].”

This is a way to twist what I say into a way to blame me for your negative feelings, and an attempt to make me feel guilt or remorse for those feelings.

So, sorry, but no. I’m not having any of this.

katz
katz
5 years ago

You know, I didn’t feel particularly attached to that glitter gif before, but now I suddenly have an urge to post all the ab pictures I can find.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I’m more or less a straight dude, and I think that gif is goddamn fabulous. I adore it.

Making men into sex symbols is, in my experience, a less harmful form of objectification because it runs contrary to the conventional social narratives. It’s when something reinforces those narratives that you have to worry. This, for example, is a harmful form of male objectification.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

… “Patriarchy and privilege and whatever”?

Really? Just. Really? ಠ_ಠ

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

Seriously, dude. I’m not interested in the ab pics either (because RAINBOWS), but I think every dog in my apartment complex just started barking.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Re: that gif

If I’d known people would get that offended I wouldn’t have posed for it. Sorry 😉

Re: Blue sciency glows

If you shine UV light on good quality tonic (Schweppes) you produce an effect identical to that radiation that I can’t spell. Hours of endless fun on nuclear submarines.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

EJ (The Other One) | August 13, 2015 at 1:54 pm
I’m more or less a straight dude, and I think that gif is goddamn fabulous. I adore it.

Making men into sex symbols is, in my experience, a less harmful form of objectification because it runs contrary to the conventional social narratives. It’s when something reinforces those narratives that you have to worry. This, for example, is a harmful form of male objectification.

I find that a lot of times when men claim “male objectification”, they’re actually pointing to examples of “toxic masculinity being put up on a pedestal, and I’ve been told (by other men) that this is what women want”.

This happens a LOT in the realms of comics and video games. A LOT.

Sheila Crosby
5 years ago

I think rugbyyogi’s spot on about the difference between “venting at” and “venting to”.

I also think it’s possible to go too far in the other direction. I’ve heard of children in (usually) fundamentalist families where they are requred to obey instantly and with a smile. Sighing as you leave your game to lay the table is grounds for corporal punishment. So the kids learn to smile regardless of how they feel. That can’t be healthy either.

Does anybody have any insights on the point where faking it tll you make it becomes toxic?

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Alan Robertshaw | August 13, 2015 at 1:57 pm
Re: that gif

If I’d known people would get that offended I wouldn’t have posed for it. Sorry 😉

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katz
katz
5 years ago

If you shine UV light on good quality tonic (Schweppes) you produce an effect identical to that radiation that I can’t spell.

Really, not just regular fluorescence? Cool.

Falconer
5 years ago

So the kids learn to smile regardless of how they feel. That can’t be healthy either.

When you find yourself treating your flesh and blood the same way slave drivers used to treat their slaves on the plantation, maybe it’s time to sit down and have a good long think about your life and your choices.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Sheila Crosby | August 13, 2015 at 1:59 pm
I think rugbyyogi’s spot on about the difference between “venting at” and “venting to”.

I also think it’s possible to go too far in the other direction. I’ve heard of children in (usually) fundamentalist families where they are requred to obey instantly and with a smile. Sighing as you leave your game to lay the table is grounds for corporal punishment. So the kids learn to smile regardless of how they feel. That can’t be healthy either.

Does anybody have any insights on the point where faking it tll you make it becomes toxic?

I did talk about this a bit upthread, but I’ve learned to bottle up my feelings around my family because any time I express any sort of emotions that they don’t like, I get shouted down. I don’t get beaten for it, but the emotional turmoil’s too much for me.

If I talk about how I’m depressed, I get told that I shouldn’t be depressed because my life is “easy”. For instance, I can’t find a job right now and it’s taking its toll on me emotionally because I have student loans to pay (and my school is not releasing my physical degree until I finish paying them off), but I always hear about the utility bills and the cost of groceries.

Any time I need money for something like bus fare, I always hear about how “Well, I don’t have any money! I had to pay for [bill]!”

If I talk about how I don’t want to do something, I get guilted into doing it. For instance, earlier this year, I was asked if I wanted to go to Arizona to attend my little sister’s high school graduation. Of course I love my sister, and I did end up going, but only after I got guilted into doing so because she came to my college graduation, despite my worries that we couldn’t really afford to send me (and my mother ended up being horrible to me the day of anyway).

After having all this happen, I’ve learned that it’s best to just not talk to them about it. I talk to my friends now, but even then I had to learn to open up, and I still feel guilt about burdening them with my problems, even when they encourage me to speak up.

However, speaking to rugby’s other point: My uncle and grandma like to vent to me about family issues they’re having with another relative. This always makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t want to get between two members of my family, I hate confrontation, and it makes me feel like they talk shit about me behind my back too.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

Oh, no, men being objectified. How horrifying.

🙂

(BTW, if any regular is uncorftable with nude-ish gifs, I will not post any anymore, no matter how sparkles they are.)

freemage
5 years ago

Andre: The reason the glitterabs gif is not objectifying sexism is the same reason that a fork is not a dinner service for six. There’s a whole slew of things that go into making up a system of oppression, and just one or two elements will not trigger the effect.

The biggest element missing here is any sort of body-shaming for NOT having abs like the glittergif. Even comments about the bodies of people we genuinely consider abhorrent get quickly reprimanded by other posters.

Another element, that’s been heavily discussed, is a broader societal context. Men who do not meet the standard set by glittergif guy are still able to be considered not only in a positive light, but also as very attractive despite not meeting the perfect standard. (Example: Parks & Recreation-era Chris Pratt is hirsute and slightly overweight–yet he was considered adorable by a good portion of the show’s fanbase.)

Finally, there’s a tendency to place physical attractiveness as the primary trait. Fans of FOX News, for instance, love to crow about how attractive the women anchors and pundits on that network’s shows are–as if being an attractive set-piece had fuck-all to do with journalism. Even on the left, you’ll get evidence of this–Obama infamously introduced one of his appointees by talking about how good looking she is, which is about the last thing I give a damn about in the person making decisions regarding governing the country.

Add it all up, and then you get objectification and sexism. Until then… it’s just a fork, dude.

freemage
5 years ago

Pandapool: I was no more uncomfortable with it than I was with the incessant breast-obsessed Google ads–I tend to scroll fast past those, too.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

Oh, wow, I just noticed that glittery chest guy has a wedding ring on. I guess I didn’t notice because I was thinking about how the hell is he going to get rid of all that glitter, and how he’ll likely be shedding glitter for years to come.

katz
katz
5 years ago

Pandapool: That is no way to run a figure drawing class!

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@freemade

Admittedly, I actually don’t find the glitter abs guy attractive. Nice stomach, yeah, but not something I’d want personally, but even the body type I like in a guy isn’t, you know, un-mainstream. The kind of body type I like in women is definitely un-mainstream, for sure.

But the reason I posted the gif is that, well, it was funny throw in with the line of gifs I posted. Cutesy gifs and then BOOM – sexy. That was the joke. The reason I have that gif in the first place is because it’s a guy rubbing glitter all over himself. I just find that fucking ridiculous. It’s like if that director from those Carl’s Junior commercials worked on an ad for Michael’s or Craft Barn or whatever. Which is also why I don’t eat at Carl’s Junior.

Moocow
Moocow
5 years ago

On the subject of Male objectification, something that always bothered me is how often male nudity is culturally seen as “gross” or “unflattering”. When a male character loses his clothes, it’s supposed to be humiliating, or lower him in status and “oh god cover the eyes” or “ew i didn’t need to see that” is a common reaction from characters.

Just another example of how assuming the “default” viewer to be male is harmful. If I had sexy abs, I would love nothing more for someone to rub glitter all over them 😛

@PI

I did talk about this a bit upthread, but I’ve learned to bottle up my feelings around my family because any time I express any sort of emotions that they don’t like, I get shouted down. I don’t get beaten for it, but the emotional turmoil’s too much for me.

I empathize with you completely, I’ve been going through very similar things (though you seem to be in a much tougher spot than I). Even over minor things I try to bring up, I feel like I’m made out to be an asshole just because I wanted to share my feelings. I hate giving a fake smile and present a facade of niceness to my own family but it seems like the only way to not have every other interaction turn into an argument.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Objectification of men is like racism against white people. Or misandry for that matter. It’s not a thing. Men are not viewed as the sexual class. Seeing a picture of glittery man abs does not contribute to a culture where men are seen as sex objects because we live in a culture where men are seen as human.

That said, finding someone attractive is not the same as objectifying them and there have been plenty of times mammotheers have posted pictures of women they find attractive. There have plenty of Christina Hendrix pictures, tattooed woman pics, plus size models, we even deployed pictures of sexy drag kings to scare off a right wing troll one time. So, pretending like we’d get mad at a gif of an attractive woman is pretty ridiculous.

epitome of incomprehensibility

Me, I’m busy objectifying the Crab Nebula. It’s just so beautiful, I can’t help it (sighs).

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

freemage | August 13, 2015 at 3:13 pm
[…]

Finally, there’s a tendency to place physical attractiveness as the primary trait. Fans of FOX News, for instance, love to crow about how attractive the women anchors and pundits on that network’s shows are–as if being an attractive set-piece had fuck-all to do with journalism.

They sure aren’t talking about how “attractive” Megyn Kelly is right now…

Moocow | August 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm
@PI
I empathize with you completely, I’ve been going through very similar things (though you seem to be in a much tougher spot than I). Even over minor things I try to bring up, I feel like I’m made out to be an asshole just because I wanted to share my feelings. I hate giving a fake smile and present a facade of niceness to my own family but it seems like the only way to not have every other interaction turn into an argument.

Agreed. I could just mention that something’s going wrong with me, and all of a sudden it’s the fucking Problem Olympics.

And my family wonders why I’m an introvert.