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Heartiste hails great leap forward in sexbot technology. Bonus: anatomically improbable kissing and boob simulators!

Oriental Industries' new "Dutch Wife" sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you've never seen a real woman).

Oriental Industry’s new “Dutch Wife” sex dolls: Cannot be distinguished from real women (if you’ve never seen a real woman).

 

Over on Chateau Heartiste, everyone’s favorite racist pickup artist gasbag Heartiste excitedly reports on the a giant leap forward in the ongoing “Sexbot Revolution” – a Japanese company has a new lifesize sex doll that looks slightly less creepy than the creepy sex dolls now on the market.

Heartiste quotes a Daily Mail article on the dramatic new development, because where else would you turn for important news in science and technology other than the Daily Mail?

Orient Industry say their new range of dolls, made from high quality silicon, are so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance. …

[A]dverts in the media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again.

Thoughts in my head respond that the potential girlfriends of the world will not be heartbroken at the news that dudes who can’t tell the difference between a giant rubber doll and a real woman will be leaving the dating market.

Heartiste, however, is delighted, writing:

The dolls come with a “skeleton”, which means they can be arranged into any position. Any position.

I’m pretty sure you can already do that with Stretch Armstrong, at a fraction of the price.

The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market. To this day, people underestimate the effect the Pill had on Western society; multiply that effect by a thousand and you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.

Of course, these new sex dolls aren’t, strictly speaking, sexbots. They’re inert human-sized, human-shaped sex toys that probably weigh more than me.

If you want to experience true interactive setbottery, you need to go virtual.

The video below shows just how advanced modern kissing simulators have become. Indeed, one would be hard pressed to tell the difference between the software demonstrated in this video and actual real world kissing.

The video below that, meanwhile, offers a glimpse of what technology has achieved in the realm of breast simulation, though sadly the current technology only supports one breast at a time.  But make no mistake, the frighteningly wiggly and anatomically, er, improbable simulated boob revolution is coming! NSFW, obviously. And even weirder than the kissing video, if you can believe it.

Kissing:

Boobs:

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Posted on August 14, 2014, in boobs, heartiste, men who should not ever be with imaginary women ever, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, post contains jokes, post contains sarcasm, PUA, red pill, sexy robot ladies and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 196 Comments.

  1. I … I … oh god.

    A vagina. That you keep in the fridge.

    That is horrifying. And yet, somehow, the much cheaper alternative is rather more horrifying:

    Jbhyqa’g vg or purncre gb ohl phgf bs orrs?

    Content note for all the ewww.

    (Copy and paste here for a translation … if you want it.)

  2. @cassandrakitty: It is kinda ridiculous, isn’t it?

    Personally, I think it’s what you become if you never grow out of the Mary Sue fantasy phase of imaginary relevance. Doesn’t matter what disgusting things you do or how crass you act in real life, your amazingness should shine through to other people like a fucking beacon of awesomeness. When blowjobs fail to materialize, there must be something wrong with the world (probably the lesser creatures conspiring against you out of envy and jealousy), since there’s certainly nothing wrong with you.

    At least, that’s how I felt while reading Fountainhead.

    @Fibinachi:

    GITOFFMAHLAWN.

    Never!

    You can’t own a lawn, man, you can’t just, like, own a lawn. Can you claim you own a particular piece of air? Property is theft, man, and your lawn is, like, where I happen to like to smoke weed and be all, like, philosophical and shit.

  3. cassandrakitty

    It does seem like an arrested development issue, given how prone they are to monologing.

  4. Bah, Anarchonist! I turn 23 today. I’m allowed to stake inaginary grandiose claims on non existent property and act properly flummonxed when nary a soul allow my stake a smidgeon of consideration because each and all is a baseless proposition borne from hard-edged egocentricity!

    Act like an mra? Why I never…

    @Falconer

    Your bountiful, ceaseless presenting of nightmarish terrors finds new lows. I hate your fetid presents of ohgodnowhyyyy and the stains they leave, permanently, on my soul :b

    Also? Probably true, really.

  5. cassandrakitty

    @ Falconer

    And you thought it was weird when hipsters started freezing their super expensive selvedge jeans so they wouldn’t have to wash them. I’d rather find jeans in the fridge/freezer than random body parts.

  6. Well, fuck me. Happy birthday, Fibinachi! Come join me on your metaphorical lawn and share this metaphorical joint with me. Then, if you’re up to it, we can go to a metaphorical amusement park on a few metaphorical rides, and I’ll buy you metaphorical cotton candy with my metaphorical money.

    Then, at the end of the metaphorical day, we can sit down, watch the metaphorical sunset and wonder what the fuck all these metaphors were supposed to represent.

  7. Phoenician in a time of Romans

    Falconer: A vagina. That you keep in the fridge.

    V fjrne – V’z whfg ubyqvat vg sbe n sevraq…

  8. @Fibinachi: Well I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, why should anyone else?

    @Phoenician: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhh I guess that serves me right.

  9. @Cassandrakitty: Wait what now? Freezing jeans so you don’t have to wash them? How does that work? And yes, there are things I’d rather find in the freezer.

  10. So the theory is that you shouldn’t wash the really dark, high quality selvedge jeans for at least 6 months so that they can develop a unique wear pattern based on where they crease when you move and so on and mold to your body shape. Even the most dedicated follower of this theory eventually starts to ask themselves (let’s be honest, usually himself) if a. germs might be a problem and b. the jeans might be getting a bit whiffy. So they freeze them, the theory being that this will kill any germs that might have accumulated.

    I would not be thrilled about this, since jeans that have been worn for months right next to my food? No thanks. It’s still better than finding random body parts, though.

  11. I don’t use the giant stuffed toy bunny to achieve sexual gratification, thankyaverymuch…

    Some people do. Just say’n. It’s a thing.

    Meanwhile here’s Data looking like someone just explained the sex doll “revolution” to him.

    …and Dr.Okun being told about it.

    Off topic entirely: Brent Spiner seriously needs to update his webpage.

  12. A vagina. That you keep in the fridge.

    That sounds like something you’d find in Ed Gein’s or Jeffery Dahmer’s fridge.

    Why not just hump a package of greasy cold cuts if cold lumps of meat do it for ya?

  13. Meanwhile here’s Data looking like someone just explained the sex doll “revolution” to him.

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/09/DataTNG.jpg

    One could argue that Data qualifies as a sexbot (he has sex, once, in the broadcast series), except there are multiple episodes devoted to defending his agency and rights as a sentient being. Somehow I think the sexbot revolution folks wouldn’t be happy if provided a whole bunch of fem!Datas.

    Our continuing mission: to explore strange, new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly fuck where no one has fucked before.

  14. Well and also, wouldn’t your fridge vagina be cold?

  15. Pallygirl:

    Oh, and if any of the women say “guys, don’t do this” then we get sexbotgate.

    That reminds me how, in Hitchiker series, the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation makes both elevators and service robots that are “genuine human personalities”: intelligent, but not usually very smart or pleasant to interact with. Just imagine how their sexbots would be like :)

    Cassandra, on bots doing household chores:

    If it can polish hardwood properly I might even pay extra.

    *Snrkfrk*

  16. Falconer:

    Jbhyqa’g vg or purncre gb ohl phgf bs orrs?

    Asking sex tips from someone named Dr. Lovecraft is not always a good idea.

    Anarchonist:

    You can’t own a lawn, man, you can’t just, like, own a lawn. Can you claim you own a particular piece of air?

    I paint my picket fence with all the colors of the wind.

    Fibi: Congrats!

    Cassandra, on not washing jeans:

    So they freeze them, the theory being that this will kill any germs that might have accumulated

    I suspect that will only kill the crabs at best.

  17. Happy birthday, Fibinachi!

  18. And hope you’re feeling better soon, Falconer!

  19. And hope you’re feeling better soon, Falconer!

    Thanks, but everything I’ve been able to find says I’ll itch for a week.

  20. Our continuing mission: to explore strange, new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly fuck where no one has fucked before.

    I’d join that expedition.

    While watching the Data/Yar scene makes me cringe at the awkwardness of it all. It made for interesting character development. I wish it had been done better and not with a wink and a nudge. If memory serves, it came across as fairly goofy. I think later when he kept her picture as a memento after her death it was used to show he did have real and meaningful relationships with people and was himself a person.

    Did anyone ever see Trekkies? Apparently there were fans that sent Spiner and Crosby erotic fan art of their characters. That scene started many a pants fire.

  21. I paint my picket fence with all the colors of the wind.

    Your… your picket fence? Made out of wood?

    Grandmother Willow!

    No really, I would totally give a hilarious response to this, but the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind.

    Yes, I’m drunk off my ass. How did you guess?

  22. I think that was what touched me most about Data, actually, was how he quietly mourned for Tasha through at least Season 4.

  23. While I do enjoy poseable robot dolls, I don’t see the point in one that can’t become a fighter aircraft, a tengu ninja, or is a 1:1 scale model of a palm-sized and adorable insect hunter robot.

  24. Happy birthday, Fibinachi!

  25. (sorry, but check? either I’ve annoyed someone and gotten modded or the mammoth is eating my posts)

  26. A vagina. That you keep in the fridge.

    That sounds like something you’d find in Ed Gein’s or Jeffery Dahmer’s fridge.

    Why not just hump a package of greasy cold cuts if cold lumps of meat do it for ya?

    Kinky is using a feather, perverse is using a whole thawed chicken! (ba-dum-ting).

    If you had a lab-created vagina, you would need an entire mechanical life-support system to keep it healthy…and it really can’t be done right now. Otherwise they could stick our heads on life support units and keep us alive after multiple organ failure.

    Transport for transplantable organs has to be fast-like I *believe* the organs have to go into someone else within 24 hours of removal, or they time out. Tissue stays viable longer though.

    You’d be far better off using internal hydraulics, vibration and rollers to create similar effects.

    (hey, if I’ve annoyed someone, tell me what to stop doing, ok?)

  27. You know, reading these conversations always kinda weird me out, just because I’m pretty sure a lot of people see my marriage as just a crazier form of living sexbot.

    Then I realized that, you know. My husband has a LIFE outside of me. He goes to church. He goes to Bible Study. He works out while I rattle my keyboard. Hell, he talks to people. I can’t just shove him in my closet when convenient! (And why would I want to? D8)

    RE: Octo

    Well, personally, I see no harm in there eventually being better sex toys for men (and, presumably, for women, too).

    The problem isn’t that they’re better sex toys. The problem is that they’re being marketed as REPLACEMENT GIRLFRIENDS.

    I dunno about you, but hubby doesn’t call my strap-on a substitute boyfriend.

    RE: blahlistic

    The website eats people sometimes. Hell, it happens to me every time I throw a writeathon!

  28. cassandrakitty

    Oh, was Octo WATMing again?

  29. The problem isn’t that they’re better sex toys. The problem is that they’re being marketed as REPLACEMENT GIRLFRIENDS.

    Hence the rest of my post. It’s a bit sad that some people apparently think partners only exist for sex. I mean, yes, those dolls and robots also are deep in the uncanny valley, but I suppose that’s something science and engineering could eventually fix. But even then all you get is a very expensive dildo. You surely won’t get anything that could really replace a girlfriend or a boyfriend. That certain people like Heartiste even think that possible is… telling of them.

  30. The problem isn’t that they’re better sex toys. The problem is that they’re being marketed as REPLACEMENT GIRLFRIENDS.

    Actually, I’d reverse that.

    The PUA culture is about turning women into sex toys as much as possible… You know, interchangeable, generic, other.
    You put batteries into a sex toy, you put attention and gifts into a girlfriend, to keep both going.
    But you aren’t emotionally attached to the toy or the girlfriend.

    The actual girlfriend is going to continue to assert her “defect” of having an actual personhood separate from what the PUA projects onto her.

    …Therefore, I’d argue the human girlfriends are actually insufficiently predictable and submissive sex toys.
    Heartiste is happy the real deal is in the works.

  31. Proxieme
    Yes but they want real women to inflict pain and gain control. They can’t have the same pleasure with a fake one. And what about pedophiles? Maybe they will order a child version but again it’s not the same.

  32. fruitloopsy,
    They don’t market kiddie sex dolls openly (thank goodness) but they do make elves.
    Some look like small adults.

    Some do not. TRIGGER WARNING:

    Here’s a bunny to bleach your brain:

  33. Lea
    IF there are child versions and that even IF the mgtow and pedophiles did get what they want, it won’t be the same and they will continue to desire REAL women and children to hurt and control.

    The elves will be pretty cool in a movie or book: The Elf Games or something (kinda creeped out) and I’m going to skip the second picture and just enjoy the bunny thank you.

  34. The reason Heartiste et al are eagerly waiting for the sexbots is not because they want to finally not have to deal with real women; it’s because they think the Dreaded Vaginocracy will crumble once men have the option of fucking sexbots instead of enslaving themselves for poon.

  35. What’s up with the facial expressions on these dolls? Do buyers want habitually-sad and/or haunted-looking toys? (That sounds like a joke set-up, so run with it if you want :)

    Their skeletons (soooo creeeeepy) can apparently do a lot of interesting things. I wonder if their faces are malleable as well… “Hey, turn that frown upside down! Oh, um, it’s ok, I’ll do it for you.”

    There are so many kinds of smiles… I hope somebody accidentally puts the Joker’s smile on their doll’s face. That could lead a person to re-evaluate their life choices.

  36. I can see the appeal of these to a certain kind of misogynist. Like blahlistic’s last comment notes, a lot of PUA sorts see women as interchangeable sex toys already. These dolls would be a step up from real women for those men because the dolls have no thoughts, feelings, wants, needs or any other inconveniently human characteristics. For men who only want to hurt or scare women, the dolls wouldn’t work, but for men who want a blank slate they can project any personality on, the lack of intelligence and personhood would be features rather than bugs.

    And I’ve sort of grossed myself out now.

  37. So, on the skeleton thing. I would think that a skeleton would limit the amount of positions that it could assume, that it would be restrained by the skeleton itself, and if you tried to contort it into something that the skeleton would not allow, you would break a ‘bone’, right? With no skeleton, you could bend it into a pretzel. So, why is that a selling point, what am I missing?

    Also, I am officially squicked.

  38. @ yazikus…I guess right now they come with a rigid internal frame of sorts that only allows for limited positioning?
    It’s not going to be able to totally flex, though, unless the body is seamed as well.

  39. If they want scope for the sexbot to be able to do more than just stay in one position, it will need either an internal skeleton or some type of exoskeleton so that the bot can locked into alternative positions. Without some sort of lockable and rigidity-contributing system, the bot will always reassume its original orientation position.

  40. Also: it will likely need to be heavy enough to provide some counterweight effects.

  41. Just to ruin everyone’s day and all, I have to point out that child sex dolls are actually a thing that exists (only in Japan so far as far as I know). They look pretty much like the dolls in the picture above, except that they appear to be about 7 or 8 years old and are the size you’d expect a kid that age to be.

    Normally I’d offer brain bleach but no amount of cute cat videos are going to make this factoid less horrifying.

  42. CassandraKitty
    …wow…just yeah I’m not actually surprised…I’m going to leave this here

  43. This is probably how Skynet will start, when an enraged AI-sexbot hurls Heartiste out of one of his chateau’s windows!

  44. One small hurl for Heartiste, one giant hurl for mankind.

  45. I think this thread needs more cute baby animals. Here, have a baby platypus drinking milk.

  46. Thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone. Really appreciate it :)

  47. Really really belated birthday wishes. :) I hope you had fun.

  48. The coming sexbot revolution — and make no mistake, it is coming — will have profound ramifications on social order and the functioning of the sexual market. To this day, people underestimate the effect the Pill had on Western society; multiply that effect by a thousand and you’ll get an idea of the subversive havoc mass consumable sexbots will wreak.

    Um, dude…ever see The Stepford Wives? Oh, what am I saying…that’s probably Weedy’s wet dream.

    In any case, I for one will NOT miss the exodus of the assholes from the dating “market”. Leaves more of us for the decent ones, and vice versa.

    PS: Happy belated to Fibi!

  49. AL3H:

    Sure did. I spent the day re-learning calculus and managed to teach myself how to parse definite integrals, general integration and derivatives, a bag of tricks I never picked up when otherwise expected to.

    it was a copacetic experience that then turned out to be borderline uses as the examination I had today only involved statistical analysis of samples.

    @Bina

    Thanks!

    The fun thing about the sexbot stuff is that, erh, there’s some interesting internet pages dedicated to something like that. I think maybe if someone e-mailed this to Heartiste, he’d just quietly spend his time reading that and chortling against women. Forever.

  50. People can tell they are dolls because their toes haven’t being foot binded.

  51. Wut?

  52. I’ve read that sentence multiple times, and it’s refusing to make sense.

  53. Can it be we have the new ExploreNature? With bonus racism and inability to differentiate between Chinese and Japanese cultures?

  54. I thought Felisha was a jackass who flounced a while back, but it must have been a similar name; this one doesn’t have any IP history showing. Plus that one tended to wall-o-text garbage instead of racist one-liners.

  55. I love how MRAs are putting all this thought and care into creating the perfect faux-woman, when they can get a body pillow at the megamart for a few bucks if all they want is just a lump they can snuggle/hump/punch. :P It would be so silly if it wasn’t so creepy.

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