Crap.
An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.
As usual for these threads: no trolls, no MRAs, no arguments.
Posted on August 10, 2014, in open thread. Bookmark the permalink. 714 Comments.
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WHTM, written and edited by David Futrelle, tracks and mocks the New Misogyny online, focusing especially on Men's Rights, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), and Pickup Artist (PUA) sites.
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I’ve sent a quick email to the mods about Gram’s comments in this thread.
Gram, you’re making people uncomfortable in a thread that states explicitly in the OP that that is not okay. Could you please pay attention to what you’re saying and how it’s affecting others?
Can we not speculate about why a person who none of us knew killed themselves? Thanks.
Please read the replies you’ve received.
Actually, is David around? I think Gram’s first comment in this thread may deserve a ban. I guess it would be possible to post something that was in worse taste, but you’d have to try pretty hard.
Thanks to whoever cleared most of Gram’s comments from the thread.
Gram, this is clearly identified as a “no trolls” thread. Do not attempt to post here any more.
Oh man, I just went back a page and got reminded that Unimaginative posted a video of laughing quadruplets.
And they are absolutely adorable but I can barely keep up with my twins. Hats off to the mom and the dad in that video!
Those laughing babies are quite the pick-me-up.
In the good news category, I was just informed that I’ve been selected for an in-person interview for the job I really want. A few days after Labor Day. Gotta take my interviewing outfit to the dry cleaners, I guess!
I just read a hugely interesting and facepalm-worthy story in a local newspaper. Should I post it in that old open thread for non-personal stuff?
It’s about shady online dating companies that charge per message, then hire poor people to impersonate pretty young women in order to tease messages out of visiting men.
(content notes: economic and emotional exploitation, crumbling faith in humanity)
@cloudiah, good luck! Wishing you all the best!
cloudiah, yay!! Congrats and good luck.
Cloudiah, bon courage! Remember, the key to a good interview is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’re golden.*
Cracked has a good piece up about the connection between being funny and depression. It’s better than I’ve made it sound.
*Careful with that joke – it’s an antique.
Hugs to everyone who wants them!
I’ve put Gram on moderation and I’m inclined to make it a ban; he shouldn’t have been posting in this thread at all.
Congrats, Cloudiah!
Oh, man, no pressure there. Good luck!
Thanks, all! I know the people, and know they like me, but have no idea what my competition looks like.
:: wishes good job hunting karma to anyone else who’s looking ::
Go, cloudiah! Congrats!
Congrats to Cloudiah (and sending out good jobhunting vibes out to all who need them).
And jedi hugs to everyone who needs or wants one.
I just wanted to thank the mammotheers here for all the comments I’ve been able to read while real life has been keeping me from posting.
In my own life right now, I’m plagued by heat waves, teen with mono, camping, camping and more camping (I’m a noncamping type, so this has been interesting), working overtime, and did I mention the heat waves?
I’m just so glad I have this site and the mammotheer’s comments to read, otherwise I’d be banging my head against hard surfaces.
Cloudiah, good luck on your interview!
I find that a sense of humor helps me deal with my increasingly treatment- resistant depression and PTSD( the latter sort of comes and goes).
Meanwhile, I wish my body would stop acting up. I have stuff to do.
Cloudiah, hope you get the job!
RE: Policy of Madness
death by asphyxiation isn’t the most common method.
Um, all the warnings for this, but it’s actually the recommended method in Final Exit. If done right, it’s quick, painless, and has low odds of someone managing to resuscitate you in time.
…please don’t ask me why I know that.
RE: GrumpyOldMan
It’s sort of ironic that the people who make us laugh have such darkness in their own heads.
You can’t deny, it’s a genius coping mechanism. It was during the Homeless Year that I made Cracks of Sunshine!
Well, a kid in TX shot his parents. That kid was homeschooled. That means I get to hear and see comments about how awful homeschooling is for the next couple weeks. I literally got compared to a Nazi (but also sheltered and naive) for homeschooling on Rawstory today. Then I was told I seemed suspiciously defensive for disagreeing. Then that my children were doomed because I made a typo.
How dare I do things differently. Who do I think I am to make choices and do things? Don’t I know that anyone being even a teensy bit different is the worst and probably a Nazi?
Has anyone seen my faith in humanity? I seem to have misplaced it.
Just got back from The Globe: It was wonderful. As I said elsewhere, I just went to church and enjoyed communion.
Thanks again, all.
Lea, clearly all homeschoolers are creating little murderers. Little murderous Nazis!
I mean, I know there’s a certain overlap between homeschoolers and traditionalist/conservative christians, but that doesn’t = all homeschoolers are terrible people. Sorry about the asshats.
Go Cloudiah!
:: is jealous of pecunium ::
Hey, Maryam Mirzakhani is the first woman to win the Fields Medal (for mathematics). That should make Mammoth STEMmers (and other Mammotheers) happy.
Thanks, cloudiah.
Yep, they’re a dangerous bunch, out riding scooters and playing cards on the porch. It’s learning without a proper desk that made the Nazi’s start killing people, right? Too much fresh air and a flexible schedule is what made Stalin the man he was too. Don’t even get me started on how Ed Gein was twisted from years of being able to talk while he ate lunch. It’s too horrible to tell!
Tee-hee.
One slight correction. In the analogy the commenter made, I was a Nazi. My kids were the prisoners of my concentration camp.
Not even kidding.
Congrats cloudiah!
TW: Janet Bloomfield.
Hello Mammotheers. I’ve been a reader for several months. Dave does a really good job of tracking and cataloging posts that would, in their own context, be too repulsive for me to actually read on their parent sites.
So today I did something a little foolish. It gave me a lot of respect for feminists like Mr. Futrelle, or Anita Sarkeesian. They deal with this but x1000. Basically, I insulted Janet Bloomfield.
I called out JB on some of the terrible things she’s written recently. Specifically, I twittered her to say she wouldn’t know compassion if it bit her in the face, which I admit is a little mean. Still, her posts on Jimmy Savile being a victim of sexy children and libelling Jessica Valenti were really beyond the pale to me. How could you say with a straight face that those kids deserved it? Or make up libel and call it “Poe’s Law”?
I expected her to be nasty, or ignore me. And I did expect the flying monkeys who follow her to make nasty comments as well; after all I read how she treated Dave and Ms. Valenti on twitter. But I didn’t expect it to make me feel the way I did. And honestly, it was mild- maybe one or two dozen tweets in all, and she didn’t even call me a ‘cunt’. (She settled for ‘slut’.)
I actually feel bad for her. She’s such an unpleasant woman that her only friends are MRAs and MGTOWs. And, being a woman, Bloomfield’s in a position where if she disagrees with anybody in her MRA circle, she’s likely to be the first voted off the island without a warning. She couldn’t possibly have real friends– the only people she might possibly note herself better than are child molesters like Jimmy Savile.
I wish everyone who read her articles and found them offensive would twitter her words to that effect. But even though my phone’s ringing strange numbers from Florida now I think I did the right thing.
— Caroline.
Caroline,
They’re horrible people. I’m sorry they are bothering you. I wish I had enough compassion to feel sorry for JB. I don’t. She has the friends she deserves.
FTFY
Damn, Caroline, you possess more intestinal fortitude than I! Sorry it be raining trolls in your digital hills.
Caroline, I wish I could give you a troll-proof umbrella that they would all bounce off!
@LBT:
Have a few no-questions-asked hugs.
@puddleglum:
Man, all I have to deal with is one toddler with a mild virus (seriously, it’s not slowing her down one bit), another toddler with maybe-strep throat (he’s slowed way down and won’t eat much), and ambuscades by Robin Williams feels. I hope you and yours pull through.
@Unimaginative: Thank you. I don’t think I was what you’d call a serious fan of Williams, but for some reason this news has got me all tore up and I don’t understand it. I mean, stars die all the time and I don’t spend the day fighting tears.
If people would like hugs, I have put some in the hug barrel.
I also have videos of cute parrots. Cute parrots for everyone! :)
Parrot makes longer tail out of paper:
Four baby parrots playing and preening each other:
Parrot imitating various animals, counting and then playing hide and seek:
(Siete is seven, ocho is eight and I think besito is “little kiss” but I am not a native Spanish speaker so I could be wrong – help???)
As for me, I am also job hunting and I hope I will find something before my contract runs out. Bleh. :(
Also, I think it was Titanblue who was nice to me last month. Thanks. I kind of ran away from the internet for a week so didn’t respond. Sorry. :P
RE: Falconer
Hope your tinies feel better soon! Strep SUUUUCKS.
Boy does it ever. It hurts him to swallow so all he ate with any gusto today was yogurt.
The pediatrician has a strep test ready to go at their appointment tomorrow morning. I guess we’ll know sometime tomorrow.
Thanks for the sympathy… although I kind of think I asked for it. It really gave me some perspective on how it must feel to be one of the really famous internet feminists.
I know this feeling. I was never much of a celebrity watcher, but I was reading a book about compassion at about the time that Princess Diana and Michael Hutchence both died. For some reason, those three things gelled together to break my heart. It was a very sad autumn for me.
I think Robin Williams may be serving as a symbol for a lot of us. We’re sad that he, personally, has died, but we’re also more sad because he represents our own struggles, and it’s just kind of triggering our feelings.
RE: Falconer
Aw hell, I was going to recommend honey for tiny’s throat, but I just realized he’s probably too young for it to be safe. :(
@unimaginative: I was indifferent when Princess Diana died, but my mother was affected badly. We had plans to visit friends that day, and I think that helped distract her, but it takes energy to work up the motivation to go in the first place.
@LBT: Actually, honey is OK after the first birthday, from everything we’ve ever read.
S went into the children’s hospital a couple of days before their birthday with swollen glands, and they held her over and released her on their birthday, so at least she got to come home that day. She was on antibiotics for a week to ten days after that, which tasted just foul.
RE: Falconer
Ah, okay! For some reason, I thought it was the second birthday.
I was shattered when she died, which was bizarre, because I’d been totally fed up with her and Prince Charles for years since it came out just how bad their marriage and behaviour was.
Robin Williams – shock, sadness, but I’ve never followed him (only saw two cameo roles he played, in Hamlet and Dead Again), so it’s more pity for him and his family than a personal feeling.
/sigh
http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/10376703/Unis-rape-advice-wear-runners-carry-whistle
/another sigh
http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/money/10376572/Women-still-want-spouse-to-earn-more
That’s right, 500 members of the Elite Singles dating agency supplied answers (250 each women and men? doesn’t say) and those members are a random sample of the NZ population – not.
Otago University gender studies association professor Chris Brickell said the most fascinating results were 27 per cent of men not seeing their partner’s income as very important, compared with 70 per cent of women who did should have said that the results only held for Elite Singles members. FTFZ.
Help, strikethrough isn’t working for me. The Firefox toolbar shows it as s with a closing /s. Is that right?
Otago University gender studies association professor Chris Brickell should have said that the results only held for Elite Singles members.FTFZ.
And because those are awful, here is a nice comedy link: http://www.savagechickens.com/2014/08/a-thousand-typewriters.html
That’s a strange glitch in the formatting toolbar, pallygirl – it needs del not s for strikethrough.
But!
It can be fixed. Go to Tools on the main Firefox menu, then click Add Ons to get to the add-ons manager. Go to the Options button for the Text Formatting Toolbar, and where it says “Use systematic html” (about 3/4 of the way down, on the right) tick the box that says “use em, del and strong”, then OK. That sets it so the strikethrough shows up.
Proof that cats are smarter than monkeys!
Apart from anything else, Hamlet’s been written once already, why are those stupid monkeys bothering to do it all over again?
Thanks, I can see the code has changed. Let me try that again.
Otago University gender studies association professor Chris Brickell
said the most fascinating results were 27 per cent of men not seeing their partner’s income as very important, compared with 70 per cent of women who didshould have said that the results only held for Elite Singles members. FTFZ.Hoorah! Thanks. :)
Fistbumps!
(OK, still logging in, entering a comment of test, then page-backing from the error page. Any comment after the first is fine)
With regard to humour and depression, has anyone else found that if you can make a joke of issues, people treat them as less serious to start with..? Or straight out disbelieve you have that issue ? (Because of you did it would be tragic and you could never find it funny, ever) I’ve found being able to say with a smile that ‘After the first two or three times you start screaming uncontrollably in public, it becomes less embarassing!’, that the base statement – feeling so terrible that you scream uncontrollably in public – is discounted.
Also, hysterical laughter isn’t taken seriously.
It happened to me once. I was in my room in my Uni Hall of Residence with my bf, and started laughing, and couldn’t stop. For a long time. And he assumed I was fine because : laughing! But I wasn’t. I couldn’t stop. And I couldn’t breathe. And I was clutching his arm desperately for help, unable to speak.
@Falconer Just eating yoghurt is fine for a bit. When I had tonsillitis my mother was panicing cos all I could eat was angel delight. The doc looked at my throat, said he was surprised I could eat /anything/, and pointed out all the nutritional goodness of milk products. :)
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Part One:
Been having sex with a nice man. Nothing relationshipy because I don’t have the time or energy and I’m still reeling so the fact we don’t have wicked emotional chemistry is good. We connect intellectually and sexually and we have fun together but that’s about it. Both of us fully comprehend the reality of the situation. I approached it from the position “Doesn’t seem like we’re emotionally compatible but we enjoy one another in a lot of respects and I’ll remain open to something more in the future if it develops”. Realistic but open-minded, right?
Part Two:
“By the way, Rachel, I’m married.”
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? He’s the third guy in a row who’s done this! At least one was honest and upfront about being married. One let things snowball before telling me. Thank goodness I don’t have any feelings for this one.
What a toad.
What the hell’s wrong with me that the only people I attract have loser characteristics like being dishonest and not concerning themselves with other people’s feelings?
What a jerk. Sorry, marinerachel.
I’ll add to the hug bucket for everyone here.
On Robin Williams, that is so very sad. I wish it hadn’t happened.
marinerachel: Good grief… no mater what the guy’s arrangement with his wife, that is completely inappropriate of him not to disclose beforehand. So sorry you have to deal with that.
@marinerachel: it’s not you, it’s them. Anyone who does something shitty, it’s *them*.
@gilshalos: laughing at the wrong time (a form of “inappropriate affect”) can occur for a number of reasons. Stress is a common trigger. Lots of people don’t seem to realise this and think the person laughing hysterically is a horrid person, because they think the expressed emotion is the one that the person desires expressing. And yes, making light of issues can cause people to think that the issues aren’t as seriously as they really are (otherwise, how could you joke about that, how could you???!!!). This is one reason I hate rape jokes.
What is with all the sleezeball married guys lately? Sorry to hear about that, marinerachel.
@marinerachel, Just seconding everyone saying that when someone does something shitty to you, it’s all on them. Give yourself permission (if you need to) to get really, really mad at them and tell them what shitheels they are.
Some assholes thought it was a laugh to harass Robin Williams’ daughter Zelda on the occasion of his death.
They are not being the people Mr. Rogers knew they could be.
@gilshalos my first response to shock/trauma is laughter, so I totally get this. And people who don’t take you seriously/are offended because of it include social workers & doctors. Ugh.
@Falconer, the mono itself has gotten a lot better, but the whole ‘contact sports could rupture zir spleen’ remains scary.
Those are truly awful people. Wth?
0_o
In news that will surprise absolutely no one, Thought Catalog’s Gavin McInnes is not just a supreme asshat, he is a supremely and proudly transphobic asshat.
Double 0_o
Just wanted to leave off lurking for a moment and say how much I love this blog and community. I’ve become fascinated by MRAs, PUAs and the like, and their mind bogglingly strange world view, but I’d rather view them from a safe distance. Like from here :) Also, I love the Confused Cats …
Here’s Erika Moen’s thoughts on Robin Williams. Content note: depression. But a positive ending.
Nope, not over it as much as I thought. Crap.
This made my day. Thank you.