pallygirl, I feel the same way about seams where they shouldn’t be! I looked at some exercise shorts/bike shorts in Target the other day, the sort that you don’t wear anything under – they had four-way seams right where they shouldn’t have. Who designs these things???

XD

Okay, I am PISSED.

So, earlier this month, I had a pretty horrific repressed memory come up regarding the death of our original girl. I think I mentioned that here.

This led to me putting a lot of things together and writing a series of posts on what I call the horror circus: the incredible clusterfuck of child abuse, PTSD, and rape in our family that started with our mother’s molestation and ended with them being unable to cope with our existence and us leaving.

This was all pretty tough stuff, but also empowering for me to write. I specifically gave no identifying information about our parents, no names, no descriptions… hell, the name we go by now is completely unrelated to theirs, so it’s not like anyone could track them down through our information. I specifically wrote them for other people to learn from.

And it turns out our father is still following our online activity, two years after we cut ties with them, over one year since I said ANYTHING to them. (And that was basically to tell them about the horror circus.) He sends us a very displeased email about us “saying negative things” about them.

I’m furious. First, because LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. Second because I write THREE POSTS about all the rape happening to us, and his reaction is to clutch his pearls because I SAID MEAN THINGS ABOUT HIM. (When let’s face it, there is NO nice way to say, “Yeah, you knew what was happening but ignored it and told me not to talk about it.”) Third because he knows I’m not going to respond; he’s just trying to get me to shut up. It’s not enough that I’m GONE, they still are trying to control my behavior.

Father, NOBODY IS GOING TO COME FOR YOU. You got away with it! Nobody’s going to do anything to you! LEAVE ME ALONE. FUCK.

Yeah. And what makes me angrier, he’s acting like WE’RE the ones refusing to talk about it, when I damn well told him what happened in our last email. The ball was in HIS court, and he chose to respond with one line: “May God be with you.”

Like there’s any God in this.

Not only that, but this is NOT the first time he’s taken our trauma and made it all about HIM, how it makes HIM feel, how it hurts THEM. When I finally got the guts to admit that I hadn’t felt loved by him or our mother in a year, his response was, “That’s terrible. We’ve been wasting a lot of energy for nothing then.”

This is why I left. I left because I felt like some shitheap, trying to guilt trip and manipulate their behavior, and that it was better I just left. But no, even TALKING about them is apparently enough and GOD I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW

Specifically, he’s claiming we’re refusing to talk about it WITH HIM. Which, admittedly, we cut them off before I’d figured everything out, but told him as much as I knew in one last email a year ago.

So he’s angry that I’m talking about it publicly, but not talking to him directly. Because yes. That is what happens when you cut someone off. You stop talking to them.

I tried to do a long takedown but just didn’t have it in me. So I just made this instead.

I realize this is highly specific, but I turn once more to the great knowledge of the Mammoth gestalt! Can anyone recommend light fluffy romances where somebody gets out of a crappy family situation through loving someone else? Queer romances would be totally awesome, but I can live without.

RE: Unimaginative Ah, it’s okay, I have now stocked up on gay robots. This is all I require. Lots and lots of gay robots. *hugs comic book* Oh, printed paper, once again I return to your wood pulp embrace…

RE: cassandrakitty

Yeah. It takes some impressive entitlement to read something about your daughter getting raped to death and complain about YOUR hurt feelings.

@ LBT – I’ve read your posts here, and want to thank you for posting and for linking your Horror Circus. It was a very hard read, but so well and thoughtfully done. Kudos to you for even surviving!

I hope this isn’t overstepping your boundaries, but it’s not terribly surprising that Erin died. She was never, from the sounds of it, a real girl to your parents, just a doll that they wanted to play with when things were going well. They seem to have no idea how to be real parents, just some sad parody of a Norman Rockwell Christmas. I am so glad that you and your husband have each other, and the rest of your system has come to supportive arrangements for each other.

Hope the gay robots lift you up a bit!

Roses are red
Violets are happy
Whoever wrote this
Is a non-rhyming chappy

(I have no idea why I felt the need to write that)

I read the horrorshow today, LBT.

Thank you for putting out there. Other than that … I can’t even.

Thanks Pallygirl!

He did WHAT? That’s received no publicity whatsoever, and those books are pretty fucking essential. I’m really sorry about your job, Newbman’s after basic assets now. Oooh boy.

There’s a glut of underemployed 20-somethings up here all vying for the same entry-level positions they give to people below the age threshold for the minimum wage, al least in Briz Vegas. I trained native german speakers with minimum english language skills, managed a floor on an unofficial level and did important data entry yet not a peep from anyone, save for one telemarketing company. couldn’t stand the poor working conditions for that one (protip: loud club music does not make telemarketers more productive, or coherent). Hell, night work is almost impossible to find for entry level-no-brain stuff. Hanging in there regardless.

Nope for the spinning groups! I’ll give it a looksie. Etsy seemed promising supplies like uncarded yarn and dye, but not wheel stuff.

Not only wonder wtf is going on, but be more likely to slam the phone down, I’d have thought.

Hey Greebo! Fellow unemployed student QLDer here! I actually did know about the Goprint shutdown, only because mum worked there years ago. Fuck Newman and everything he stands for! Uggh the jobs thing is so fucking annoying, I’m probably going to take up volunteer work just to improve my resume even though I REALLY NEED A JOB!

For all you comic lovers, this is so true – clever and maddening.

pallygirl, I hear you (no pun intended!) on the sleeping thing. When there’s too much light coming in my room I’ll put a sleeping mask on – and I have lined black velvet curtains. Likewise I never go to bed without earplugs in. I’ll wear them a lot during the day, too, at home. My computer’s at the front of the house and we have floor-length windows, so whenever there’s noise from traffic or some numbskull playing their music loudly, I’ll hear it, even if it’s faint. It doesn’t stress me as it used to, but I absolutely don’t want to hear it, and in go the plugs. (Pisses Mum off no end, but until she gets a hearing aid, pot and kettle, I say!)

Oh, if you want to try a sleeping mask but find them uncomfortable, an alternative is to make one from the leg of opaque stockings. Just cut the top and foot off and sew or pin it to the right length. It’s as comfortable as a lot of the masks out there.

Christ on a pogo stick! Newman’s even worse than I’d thought.

I’m starting to feel a bit smug, being South Australian. The last state left with a Labor govt, who cares if it’s by virtue of support from an independent. They’re not wonderful but they’re certainly not ghastly like Newman’s mob.

mildlymagnificent – well you guys had Don Dunstan, so if nothing else you can feed off that smugness for a few decades yet.

Lib-Nats: however bad you think they are, they’re worse.

pallygirl – not migraines (never had them), but I don’t like socialising in big groups anyway, never did. I hate having to talk socially in the situation you describe, too. It’s not only the sense of “I have nothing interesting to say/it’s rude to talk about oneself,” but that I’m cynically sure I will have zero interest in the other person. I hope we’re not supposed to socialise at this info session I have next week. Ain’t going to happen.

Good luck, gilshalos! Trying to reconnect with people from the distant past can be hard. I met up with some old high school friends while back (my mother decided to set us up for lunch. Nothing like being twenty-nine and still having play-dates arranged on my behalf…). We didn’t have much in common anymore, but we still had a nice time. Hope your visit goes that well or better.

And I wouldn’t worry too much about the little guy. If his parents are worth their salt, they’ll probably bring toys or books to keep him occupied. Failing that, you can always give him some stuff from around your house to play with (provided he’s at the right age for that). My kids loved/still love pretending to cook with real bowls and whisks and the like, and you can do stuff like bury little trinkets or coins in rice or beans and give him a spoon so he can dig them out. I’ve had good luck entertaining my older nephews (aged 9 and 11) with card games. If you’ve got a deck around, spades or war can keep a kid happy for a good long while, plus it’s something for you all to do (handy if conversation starts lagging).

That’s all unsolicited advice of course, so ignore it or tell me to kiss off as needed. Hope you all have a nice time :)

Hurray! Glad everybody had a nice time :)

RE: sleeping

I recently came up with a really good recipe for a drink that helps me fall asleep:

-1 tbsp of ground kava
-two teabags of Sleepytime tea (Celestial Seasonings makes it and it’s easy to find in most stores I think)
-1/2 tsp of honey

Add hot water, let the stuff steep for a few minutes, and then add the honey and kava and stir.

But, but, I always try to eat my sleep masks! D:

That’s almost as good as a clothing label whose washing instructions reminded parents to take the child out of the garment before putting the garment in the washing machine. I’m hoping this is a Chinese-English translation fail.

I have a little collection of sleep masks. Most of them are freebies, the ones handed out on planes, and a couple I made from stockings. The hot weather thing is the main problem I find – even in our latitude, when daylight fucking saving is on, it’s light late at night, so the mask’s needed, but it’s still too hot to wear it. I can’t imagine dealing with the light in an Arctic summer.

Viscaria, so glad to hear you’re feeling better!

My parents are borderline hoarders, and they have a couple of outbuildings at the farm that have collected tons of stuff over the last 30 years. We (the siblings and I) have been trying to gently persuade them to downsize for years, to very little effect. In general, they agree that’s a pretty good idea, but the idea of packing all that crap up and dealing with it has been overwhelming for everybody, and it’s emotionally hard for my mom to give up her hedge against the poverty she grew up in (50 years ago–my folks have been pretty comfortable financially for the last 40 years at least).

Lately, something has clicked in my mom’s head, and today, one of my brothers, nephew, and I removed 2 pickup trucks full of garbage and recycling, and have flagged another 2 or 3 pickup trucks worth of stuff for a future garage sale. I can’t even tell you what a relief it is. And I got a sunburn, so summer has officially happened for me this year.

pallygirl, yay! I’ll have a look on Ravelry shortly.

I started my sideways-knit jacket today. Or at least, I’ve done a swatch, figured out the needles size to use (I never believe what they have on the label) and cast on the sleeves. I guess that counts as having started. :P

cassandra, can non-USians sign the petition, or would it be ineffective/counterproductive?

So, I haven’t commented in here in a really long time, but I kinda thought y’all could commiserate with me about all these rapey/weird dating experiences I’ve had lately. Last night, I went out with a guy I met online, who I was emailing with for about a month and seemed totally fine. Until he tried to imprison me in his house at the end of the night.

The worst part is, now he’s getting in touch with me and even though I’m very strongly feeling all the hells noes, I also am lonely enough to not want to cut off any possible new friends. On top of the ingrained MUST BE NICE lady stuff that I’m already dealing with. Anyway, this is only the third and latest really bad online dating experience I’ve had since moving to a new city. I can’t help feeling like it’s my fault! My old therapist said that once you’ve been traumatized, you seek out similarly traumatic situations. So maybe that’s it?

@Bee

I’ve been in similar situations a lot. I used to deal with a lot of “friends” who were really unpleasant and unsafe to be around, but I pushed myself to be nice because I was afraid of being lonely again. Please listen to your intuition if you can, and I’m sorry you’re going through all of that. :: hugs ::

Dear gods, Bee, seconding everything cassandra said. Cut off all contact with him immediately, block him, make sure he can’t find you. That guy’s got Ariel Castro written all over him. He’s not going to end your loneliness. He might want to end your life, though.

If you’re looking for companionship, why not get away from the dating scene and look for interest groups? Taking that pressure off yourself and find people of whatever sex with common interests seems a better proposition for meeting people who might become friends, at least in the group context.