Open Thread for Personal Stuff, July 2014 Edition
An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.
As usual for these threads: no trolls, no MRAs, no arguments.
Posted on July 17, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 715 Comments.
About We Hunted the Mammoth
" ... a delirious and incisive page against misogyny." -- El Pais, via Google translateWHTM, written and edited by David Futrelle, tracks and mocks the New Misogyny online, focusing especially on Men's Rights, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), and Pickup Artist (PUA) sites.
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By the way, I had plenty of fun with this article: http://the-toast.net/2014/07/15/the-ocean-is-full-of-worms-and-gonads/
And I confess that I did stare at the picture of “penis lizard” for a long, long, long while. Nature is truly wonderful… and weird.
Welcome, TheVitulus. This is a caring group of people.
Adding more hugs to anyone who wants one!
bunnybunny, About that Rhode Island study, to me it just really brings home the issue that we need to make sure that no one is doing sex work because they are economically or physically coerced into it — that it is freely chosen work (as much as any of us freely choose our work in a capitalist system, anyway). Otherwise I look at that study and think, “Are we forcing poor women to have sex with rapists to spare (some of) the rest of us?” And it kind of makes my skin crawl.
The misters are, of course, all over that study, with their usual (a) complete and total lack of regard for the health and safety of sex workers, and (b) assumptions that feminists who are critical of the actual living practice of sex work are so because we don’t want the “competition.”
More ick.
Thanks for the responses. Came down to visit my dad last month for an indefinite period of time and it’s been difficult. I’m actually on academic probation in the fall, so I won’t be going back to school, but I don’t want to be here, so I’m not exactly sure where I’ll go. I’ve stayed with my partner and her parents before, but they — or at least her dad — been kinda hinting that they don’t want me doing that anymore, so I dunno. It’s been stressful and I’ve just kinda been escaping into minecraft all day so that I don’t have to deal with shit. This, of course, has given my dad more shit to throw at me. “Why are you in your room all day?” “You should be exercising more!” Whatever.
@TheVitulus
When I used to live at my dad’s place, I often stayed in my room by myself. It was my safe space because I knew that there was a high possibility of him screaming at me and berating me for not being an obedient “son”. And he would also berate me for being “fat” and not exercising enough. All of this was heavily traumatizing to me to the point that I have developed PTSD. I’m not equating your situation to mine, but I can relate and I’m so sorry you have to deal with such a father.
I can also relate to your anxiety about where to stay in the future. After I ran away from my dad’s place, I went to my step-dad’s place, and he made me do all kinds of intensive farm labor for him even though I was terrible at it. And he would constantly put me down for being lazy. I was also blamed for putting financial strain on the family, which was true, but also hurtful to hear. I eventually left and now I’m living with some trans friends of mine.
Speaking of that, there’s this Tumblr called the Transgender Housing Network that is there to help trans people find housing and help people with housing advertise it for trans people. Perhaps it could be of some help to you.
@Bunnybunny: If numbers really fell that low after indoor sex work was decriminalized, it seems much more plausible that the rapists nowadays prefer to rape sex workers since they figure that there’s hardly any risk of getting caught that way, no one’s gonna believe a sex worker who charges someone with rape etc, rather than raping other women – not that they magically stopped being rapists.
The idea that men become rapists because of sexual frustration, and allowing them to buy sex makes them nice again, is just… SO much wrong.
Sorry, was too quick to reply. The article mentions alternative hypotheses too, like maybe sex workers have better security now so it’s more difficult to rape. And they don’t say that rapists used to rape because of sexual frustration. So, made an angry response before properly reading the article, sorry.
I think one major reason for the decline in rape is that, since sex work is decriminalized, sex workers are less afraid of reporting their rape to the police. I doubt that sex workers have a good chance of getting justice because there is still institutional bias heavily stacked against them, but surely an increased proclivity to report does to some extent increase the chances of serial rapists being caught.
Oh, I mean to post the MR take on that Rhode Island study — they actually talked about it twice:
http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2azhdm/when_rhode_island_accidentally_legalized/
and
http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2b275r/when_rhode_island_accidentally_legalized/
Sure, that is true. All of that, I mean – we are not your therapists and we are not responsible for your well-being. Nor is it this neccesarily the forum that will, in the end, grant you the most optimal means to make your life as you want it to be, but, in all honesty
so fucking what?
It’s an open thread, and I, for one (and more than one with the others above mirroring the sentiment) welcome you to be open in this open thread with the things in your head and the way you happen to feel. Something just writing stuff out is exactly what you need, and if we can provide that then that is great and you are welcome to talk the talky talk.
Depression is rough.
Especially rough when you go through the mental samba routine of telling yourself: “Wait, I shouldn’t be depressed, look at my awesome life, it’s awesome, other people have it way worse than me, why am I feeling so pathetic? That’s pathetic! I’m so pathetic for being this pathetic and…” on and on and on it goes etcetera infinity.
I know because that happens to me. I keep a journal. I can quote myself going through that exact process repeatedly. I won’t, on account of not wanting to splurge all over this thread. But I know that mental train of thought very well, and often wonder how to derail the cargo transport of misery headed straight for self esteem station. Or… something. Honestly this metaphor kind of ran off the tracks for me now. I de-railed myself, you might say.
( Okay that was bad )
Anyway, let me just find my track of thought so I can arrive at some cogent conclusion in relation to all the above.
—-
I remember an odd sensation some time ago, the details of which are insignificant, but which can best be summed up as the fact that I had all the logical rational reasonable reasons in the world to feel great, and even more reasons that were neither logical, reasonable, rational or particularly sane to feel even better and… I just didn’t. The best thing I could do with it was make a half attempt at telling someone I knew that “You know, I don’t feel all that… anything. I don’t really feel anything. It’s a bit odd”. Sometimes that goes away these days, sometimes it doesn’t.
Depression is rough. It’s okay. It’s an open thread. Tell us what you want to tell us, if there’s anything you want to talk about.
Oh, you forgot the real good one in this line:
Right, I didn’t mean to say that the article was only offering that one explanation (although the substitution hypothesis was arguably given the most attention).
@cloudiah: Wow, great commentary as always from the MR subreddit. MRAs think that feminists are opposed to the legalization of sex work? Huh.
@bunnybunny
To be fair, there are quite a few SWERFs (sex-worker-exclusionary radical feminists) out there. But MRAs don’t care about criticizing SWERFs for their rank misogyny and whorephobia. They just care about scoring anti-feminist points.
That’s a bummer, Ally. I guess I just haven’t encountered them much.
OK, so, this isn’t a big deal or anything and I’ll be fine and so will just about everyone else but once upon a time (like, three years ago?) I had some weird devotion/hope for the forum http://www.rationalskepticism.org/. Turns out, just like the rest of the interwebs, they’re mostly scum and worthless but that’s to be expected.
What’s just fucking sick and hilarious if you’re in good spirits and able to laugh at such…. conduct is they, a forum that explicitly states sexism is a violation of their forum users agreement, have been tolerating the misogynist rantings of one Tim Murphy for several weeks now. It occurs to me that were any of the things being said about women by this mister being said about people with disabilities or people of colour or the poor or the elderly or pretty much any other disadvantaged group, the forum and it’s membership would come down on this fellow with the full wrath of their forum user’s agreement. Instead they’ve demonstrated that what he’s spewing isn’t really that terribly bad because, while most of them disagree with him, many of them are engaging with him and basically no one has called for his sanctioning much less excision from the forum. It’s really a very beautiful demonstration of “We don’t consider profound misogyny worthy of sanctioning”.
Why is it OK to be bigoted towards women to an extent it isn’t towards other social minorities? Why are we still having this fight? Why do we still deny and downplay misogyny to an extent we often don’t racism? Why is it less bad than other bigotry?
Anyways, way to go, Rational Skepticism, for your abject failure to sanction misogynists and your stellar demonstration of leniency and tolerance towards hatred and mistreatment of people who are female. Good to see exactly the kind of discourse you’re in favour of and keep me voluntarily banned please!
If you want to see the shitfest I’m talking about for yourselves, which I don’t suggest: http://www.rationalskepticism.org/general-chat/mgtow-philosophy-lifestyle-t42453.html
Tim Murphy shows up at the half-ish way point, I think, with links to his brilliant YouTube vidz and the forum engages him (though, full credit to them, most of them are critical. They’re also tolerant and one has to accept the discourse he brings is condoned and encouraged by the forum it’s self.
*offers hugs to anyone who wants one* It’s a Friday, at least.
…I don’t like the idea that sex workers are stuck dealing with potential rapists. That doesn’t even sound a bit safe. I would like sex work to be legal, though, but mostly for the safety of the women and men involved, rather than the possibility that it reduces rape, especially since sex workers are at high risk for sexual assault.
Also, for the playlist, no one’s suggested Poison? The lyrics say not to trust butts and that women scheme and that you could die. Heck, in the video there is much butt focus while singing about not trusting women. Totally MRA song. Except there’s more black guys in the video than in all of the MRM.
@JJ
Poison!!!
Also, for all the beta-obsessed in the manosphere:
To fan their rampant paranoia:
RE: auggziliary
I decided Im going to be a tattoo artist so I’ve been practicing art.
Awesome! I considered doing it at one point, but my health probably wouldn’t be able to handle the hours. Good luck! Tattooing is awesome.
RE: Kittehs
sitting up late last night doing a pic of Mr K and ‘self in a bubble bath proved to be a really good idea. ;)
That does sound like a good idea!
It even allowed for a TMI-ish misandric joke!
@TheVitulus
Hello! Feel free to rant, complain, whine, whinge, rage, whatever you like. :) Lots of people here have experienced depression (myself included), so you’re in good company. Welcome!
Look, look, the greatest Monty Python tribute ever – a giant Norwegian Blue near Tower Bridge!
All the music talk in this thread reminded me of this video, which I loved way back when. Everything about it just makes me happy.
Every so often the Four Lads disappoint me.
@WatermelonSugar:
You didn’t happen to see Neil Gaiman when he came through Nashville on his Ocean at the End of the Lane book signing just over a year ago, did you? I drove all afternoon and got home well after midnight, but it was very much worth it.
@damselindetech:
Cool! My parents went canoeing up in Canada on their honeymoon, back in 1972. Their oatmeal cookies got raided by a chipmunk; the river rose on them in the middle of the night; and on their way back, some jerk with a blank-loaded revolver came up to the crowd at the train platform and “emptied” his gun at them, then proudly announced he’d “shot” them all.
Re: Gaza and the Malaysian flight — I gotta admit, seeing photos and footage of Gaza residents carrying their dead children through the streets is a bit more than I can cope with, and I have largely retreated from the situation into loving my children and playing video games.
I don’t think criticizing Israel is anti-Semitic. The long history of persecution of Jewish folk in Europe does not justify the way Israel has treated the people of Gaza. And anyway, it just smacks of trying to seize victimhood and is a blatant attempt to silence conversations.
And the Malaysian flight — it’s just horrible. In addition to all of the death, a lot of the passengers were leading AIDS researchers, so who knows how much that’s set AIDS research back? Oh, and at least one of the passengers was a Yank, so I’m hunkering down in anticipation of lots of saber-rattling.
Oh, and hugs for everyone who needs them.
I found some sweet female-fronted death, black, and grind bands recently that I have really been digging. For the extreme-music inclined, look up Vastum’s Patricidal Lust (really love that album, it is just incredible), the band Nuclear Death, and the band Myrkur (the new band with that name that just signed to Relapse, not the old one). They are fantastic. :D
Legalised prostitution leads to less rape? Really?
[content note: discussion of rape and abuse of power] I’m at work ATM but when I get home I’ll find the link about the legal sex workers trying to pursue justice after they were raped by police(!). If you’re trying to figure out which specific case I’m talking about, that’s kinda the point.
Well, $580 later, Fribs is home from the vet. Her first action: sit in front of her bowl demanding food. Her second: scarfing it down. Her third: getting into her basket in front of the heater for a wash.
Maddie, meanwhile, is galloping around in a way that suggests she’s building up to a rocket fuel dump.
All right, so I thought I was going to write a block-busting “everthing that is wrong with my life” rant, but I figure succinctness would be more cathartic.
I’m turning 26 this weekend. Over the past eight years I’ve gotten two degrees and was unable to find a job in either field. Recently I was able to get into a program that left me with a basic CompTIA certification in IT. Today is the end of my third week at my new job in what is essentially a call center. I can’t really describe how much I hate this job. I don’t mind working nights, I don’t even really mind having to take calls for eight hours straight with no breaks every night, but the fact that this is my last-ditch effort to have any sort of paying career coupled with the pervasive feeling that I am massively, massively under-qualified for this job is causing me unbearable amounts of stress. Like, the kind of stress that kills my appetite and renders me unable to do anything but dread going to work for days at a time.
The more I think about it, though, the more I realize part of the problem is I don’t have anything going on in my life at all beyond this job. I’ve got no friends I’m still in contact with, I don’t even have any real acquantinces outside of work, all of my creative projects have fizzled and I don’t have any reason to get outside the house most of the time. I’m trying to fix this (volunteering for an anime convention and trying to get more in to social media), but it’s hard, you know? Especially when I come home from work most days and do nothing but worry over having to go back.
Anyways, sorry to just dump this in the thread. Hugs for whoever wants ‘em.
@Vitulus, that really sucks :/ I wish I could give you some good advice, but I can tell you I do know what it’s like to feel trapped in your room like that. You probably feel like you’ve got too much to worry about right now, but I think starting something new, something that’ll occupy you outside the house and away from the rest of your troubles might help you decide what to do next.
A few days ago I realized something: last year, during a wave of depression, I was worried about whether I’d ever be able to start transitioning soon. I told myself that I wanted to start taking hormones at least before the age of 20. It was difficult to keep telling myself that because I felt pessimistic about ever being able to transition due to interference from abusive family members. Nevertheless, I always managed to keep that goal in mind, even when my circumstances seemed bleak.
And guess what? I’ve turned 20 today, and I’ve been taking hormones since July 3rd. Somehow I reached my goal without even realizing it. :)
Well, for a given value of minority, women aren’t considered one, since technically, they’re a bare majority although that line of thought tends to erase a whole lot of the LGBTIA spectrum, which sucks. Otherwise, I don’t know why misogyny is so stubborn. It’s like that stain you got on your favorite shirt that never seems to go away no matter what new stain remedy you try.
Speaking of being erased, I’m relatively new here and this may have been covered in the past, but have all the USAian Mammotheers signed the petition at http://www.queerthecensus.org? It seems like a good first step to getting at better representation in gov’t. for those who are overlooked/dismissed/erased/persecuted on a constant basis.
I found it a bit weird that just when this playlist thing started here, I had just watched the John Cleese/Michael Palin interview from 1979 on the Friday Night/Saturday Morning BBC show (about the whole Life of Brian movie controversy) and this song performed by Paul Jones was tacked on the end. I’m guessing it’s like the musical guest thing on Saturday Night Live? It’s a pretty horrifying song, along the lines of Run For Your Life by the Beatles. Ick.
So, this is my contribution to the misogynist playlist: Boom Boom Out Go the Lights.
Finally getting calls back for interviews for the jobs I applied for nearly a month ago!
Volunteering and doing rides with the career fire/rescue squads is going well. Yesterday, they let me climb the fully extended 95 foot arial ladder, at about 70 degrees. The truck was parked so that when you looked over the edge of the ladder, you could see fish jumping in the channel.
If it means I get to climb that ladder more often, I’m totally getting a fire-1 cert in the spring (or at least, attempt to get a fire 1 cert).
Scene support and EMS are still fun, but that arial ladder is something special.
MRA Anthem suggestion: Jason Derulo’s “Talk dirty”
Happy birthday Ally!
Hey guys I put up a post on feminist borg to start The Miss Andry Issue magazine so if anyone wants to help me please let me know! :)
Bunnybunny — that article…first, BLARG CITE YOUR GRAPH AND USE REAL NUMBERS!!
That aside, looks like RI’s rape rate in 2003 was 40 rapes per 100,000 people, down to, eh, 27? in 2010 (I fucking love trying to guess where the line falls >.< )
Meanwhile, in the US at large, per the FBI the number were 32.3 and 27.7…less impressive than when compared to select states that had 2003 rates above the national average. I could, quite easily, say that RI had an abnormally high rape rate that fell back in line with the national average because whatever made it abnormally high ceased to be an issue. (FBI stats — http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/table-1 )
Still catching up here though!
Hmm, the idea about less rapes because more serial rapists getting caught is an interesting one, seeing how various studies have shown that while serial rapists are a small proportion of rapists, they commit the majority of rapes. So stopping them on their first rape would probably lower the number of total rapes. I’m still annoyed at the lack proper citations though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY!! Can’t wait for my mother to get home from work so I can start the “you were in labor this time 29 years ago, wanna splurge on someone else making coffee?”
Fruitloopsie — I’ll pop over to the Borg in a bit to see what you’ve got up :)
Hey guys I’m planning a surprise trip for my girlfriend with a trip to Milan, Itlay. Has anyone here been? Can anyone tell me what are some cool things to do there besides the usually tourist type stuff
I used to bring my mother roses on my birthday. She appreciated the gesture, especially when it was accompanied by Almond Roca.
I need some advice, y’all.
I previously mentioned I was chatting with a nice man who, literally mid-message exchange, stopped responding. My last message had been innocuous. He just didnt respond to it. We’d been talking for weeks daily and often throughout the day. Then communication on his end just stopped.
I’m an online acquaintance so I don’t feel entitled to information about his life. I do feel entitled to a head’s up that the person I’m talking to will no longer be speaking to me though. No one likes to be left hanging. Ideally he’d tell me why he would no longer be speaking to me in case it provides insight from which I can learn something. Really though, I just would have appreciated a “GTG4evabai”. I feel disrespected.
Worse than feeling disrespected though, I’m worried. Maybe he died. I’m pretty distressed about this person’s sudden disappearance.
A couple days after his disappearance, I messaged him with “So, what happened?” I didn’t want to come off as hostile or nagging or freaking out but I wanted to portray my desire to understand what had happened. No response.
I’m worried about him. What I know is he’s in the UK on vacation but we were chitchatting after he’d arrived there so that shouldn’t impact his ability to respond. It doesn’t appear he’s blocked me because I can still see him on Google+.
I don’t want to pester or make demands of an online acquaintance but is it reasonable that I try one more time to make contact with him? I was thinking something along the lines of, once he’s back in the country, “Really, it’s cool if you don’t want to chat but please let me know you’re alright. I’m concerned”.
[TW: transphobia, Hobby Lobby decision]
My eye twitch has made an appearance — http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/doe-grants-religious-exemption-quaker-school-discriminate-transgender-student
Argenti
“Fruitloopsie — I’ll pop over to the Borg in a bit to see what you’ve got up :)”
Thanks I don’t know if I post it right.
Marinerachel? Has there been any activity on his google +? It he updates that, at least you’ll know he’s alive.
Online friendships can be tough, because curse this stupid thing called distance that keeps you from giving hugs to people who need them!
Hope things turn out okay. Internet hugs, for now.
Me too. I’m half annoyed and half worried. Because we don’t have an established friendship though I don’t know how to proceed. Should I even be irked with someone who, for all intents and purposes, is a stranger not saying goodbye? And is it a violation of boundaries to continue trying to make contact with a stranger who may well be choosing not to interact with me? Should I take it as a hint that he hasn’t responded or is one last effort worthwhile?
I want to reach out one more time, maybe two, just to find out whether he’s OK. When he’s back in the country I’d like to try via email to connect one more time just to determine he’s alright. Am I overstepping boundaries by doing that to someone who hasn’t been responding to me though? My absolute last ditch effort would be leave a note at his work. He shared his name and career and place of employment so that I know those things isn’t creepy. He was very forthcoming with that information. Would a box of homemade cookies and a note saying “Welcome home, hope you’re alright. It’s fine if you don’t want to hang but please text or email me to let me know you’re OK” be pushing it?
He doesn’t use his Google+ account so, unfortunately, while I can see it which I think means I’m not blocked and he can still receive IMs and emails from me, there’s no activity to indicate he’s alright.
@marinerachel, I think, if you’ve sent a message saying you were worried, then you’re not overstepping your bounds. All he has to do is respond and say, Im fine, PFO. If he doesn’t, then you’re either irritating him or saving his life. If he never wants to see you again anyway, then it doesn’t matter if you’re irritating him.
I’ve had a surprisingly not bad 20th birthday at my uncle’s place. No one forced me into discussing awkward and/or triggering matters, and instead just tried to have a good time. I also got a massive amount of money from family members. And my step-mom got me a new hoodie, which is nice and soft and perfect for chilly weather in Santa Cruz. She even ensured that it was two sizes larger, just the way I like my hoodies.
And as expected, the food was pretty good as well. I ate only a small portion since I prefer to enjoy food rather than eat until I can’t move anymore, but it was still good. I also got a cake that wasn’t an Oreo cake – as much as I love those, it was nice to get a different cake.
Most of all, though, I sense that a lot of love went into this birthday. Even my least favorite family members managed to make me feel loved rather than some object of judgment they often see me as despite their good intentions. Everything felt genuine and very warm, and all of my family members went out of their way to be loving towards me.
Happy birthday, Ally! I’m glad it was a good one.
Happy birthday Ally! I’m happy it went so well, it’s amazing how even simple gestures of kindness can improve things so much, isn’t it?
@Marinerachel, cookies might be pushing it, but if you know where he works you could find out through them if he’s alright? Just say you’re a friend who can’t get in contact with him and just want to know if he’s still working there?
Glad you had a lovely birthday, Ally!
Happy birthday Ally!
Happy Birthday Ally!
Happy Birthday Ally! Glad it was good!
Ally: happy birthday. What is oreo cake, is that cake made with oreos or made to look like an oreo?
fruitloopsie: good luck with the blog :)
contrapangloss: that ladder sounds cool. But bloody hell, 70 degrees. I would panic, clearly you have a head for almost vertical heights.
marinerachel: sending cookies might just come across as a bit too much, as I’ve only done stuff like that for relatively close friends. I would leave it at the one email. I think he’s been rude, because I would have expected some sort of heads up about going overseas from a nodding acquaintance let alone a fuck buddy. I am shitty at him on your behalf.
update on me: radiation therapy starts tomorrow. I will probably have issues sleeping tonight but I popped a valium about half an hour ago. Does valium go off and, if so, how long does it take?
You’ll feel effects within an hour. How strong they are and how long they last is dependent on your tolerance, your mass and the dosage.
He did let me know ahead of time he’d be out of country for three weeks and followed through when I asked him to let me know when he arrived safely. We were shooting several messages back and forth every day for the first week he was in the UK.
It does seem really rude and I am annoyed. I’m a pretty quick study though and would not have expected this kind of behaviour from him. That’s why I’m wondering if something hasn’t happened.
I’m accustomed to feeding everyone so “Welcome home, here, eat this” seems very normal to me but, yes, from the perspective of most it probably seems like smothering. Won’t do dat. Come to think of it, the fact food is part of almost everything that occurs in life (it’s how you celebrate and how you heal wounds and how you welcome people and send them in their way and show them respect and show them love, etc.) to me is probably a huge contributing factor to my unsafe body fat percentage.
I am going to try one more time. If he already doesn’t want to hear from me it will only make him want to hear from me less. Nothing lost. If it results in me finding out he’s OK, it’s a win. If he doesn’t respond at all I may indulge my curiosity and poke my nose in his place of work in a few weeks to find out if he ever returned.
Happy birthday, Ally.
Hey Ally, Happy Birthday :)
Happy belated birthday, Ally! Glad you felt loved.
@marinerachel: thanks for the comments re valium. Good luck with what you decide to do.
Happy birthday Ally!!! XD
And thanks pallygirl
I hope this isn’t selfish or inappropriate to post. I’m having a pretty rough time this weekend. Nothing major is going on, just irritating brain stuff. I’m pretty overwhelmed with work (which has been horrible for a long time) + class + trying to move and feeling like none of it is ever going to get done. I feel like I’m going to end up being this big failure with no educational prospects, no job, and no friends.
I tried a few things to get me back on track today. Watched some Scrubs, ate some comfort food. I’m also trying to get through my reading, rather than just sitting on the couch. But it’s hard, and I’m all alone right now, and there’s really not a single person here that I’m close enough to that I could say “hey, I’m having a rough time, do you want to go to a movie or sit on a patio or something?” And it just really helps to talk, so that’s why I’m talking to you guys.
Happy belated birthday, Ally S! and best of wishes and hugs for everyone here.
@ Viscaria if it helps I know what you mean, everything in my life has been very stagnant and stressful, like the kind of stress that has freaked you out so much that it creates a dull headache in the back of your skull. At least, that’s what it feels like for me. Family hasn’t been much help to me for a long time and I’m very emotionally distanced from my friends who seem to do so much better than me so I keep telling myself that I have to be my own biggest fan and that’s all that matters.
Sorry >< I don't think that will help you (esp. since a lot of ppl here seem older/wiser than me) but pls chat w/ me if you like, I hope I can help you feel better.
@hannasoumaki, that does help, thank you. I’m sorry that your family and friends aren’t giving you the support that you need right now.
@Viscaria, sorry you’re having such a hard time. I’m in kinda the same place with being overwhelmed by work and not having anyone to talk about it. It’s rough, this constant nervousness and the feeling of being unable to move forward anymore. Let me know if you want to talk about it.
I definitely hear you about the nervousness. It keeps me up at night. It’s kind of comforting to hear I’m not alone in that — sometimes I think my real problem is some sort of superhuman incompetence that no one else could ever come close to — but I’m sorry, at the same time.
When I talk about moving, FYI, I mean moving homes. Boyfriend and I had planned to get a house by March or so this year. Now it’s gotten to a place where I need to move into his condo, and even that seems to be taking much, much longer than it should. 3/4 of my stuff is going into storage because there’s just no room. I’m starting to lose faith that we’ll ever get our ducks in a row. I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard? And I feel like he’s both upset at me for not taking on enough in terms of getting his place ready to sell, and at the same time, he’s running the timetable. Besides which I’m spending what little time I have that’s not school and not work trying to move out of my house and he’s not really been involved in that at all.
You aren’t incompetant, Viscaria, you’re just thinking that as a defensive measure to try and alleviate your stress. Thinking of your situation as hopeless seems easier, in the short term, than admitting a lot of things take time, no matter how much you want them to be done.
It sounds like you arent happy with how your boyfriend is helping you through this situation. You could be justified in this or not, and its fine to feel the way you do either way, but let him know how you feel. Otherwise resentment towards him could turn into another justification, you know?
:) Yeah, we’ve talked about it a bit, we just haven’t come to much of a resolution. Anyway I really appreciate you letting me vent at you. I find one of the things about anxiety and depression is they build on themselves/each other if you can’t find a way to actually let the feelings out.
Any time :)
Happy birthday Ally!
All the hugs in the world, if they’re wanted Viscaria.
Vent away as you need, Viscaria.
Hugs if you want them, Viscaria.
My radiotherapy went well, apart from I may have used a wrong deodorant this morning – it contained talc, but no aluminium or alcohol, so I had to go out and buy another deodorant and use the new one tomorrow, and take them both in to the hospital to have them checked out. Fingers crossed it doesn’t mean an extra treatment session. :(