Men’s Rights Redditors: Don’t help kids in distress, because a “hambeast” might accuse you of molesting her “crotchdumpling.”

I‘ve been so busy with all the shenanigans surrounding AVFM and their little conference that I’m afraid I’ve been neglecting the good old Men’s Rights subreddit. Don’t feel bad, Men’s Rights subreddit, for today I took a few moments out of my hard-core semi-vacationing to pay you a little visit!

While there, I noticed the regulars discussing a terrible quandary that faces all modern men: “As a man, would you help a child in distress?”

Here are some of the answers that got upvoted:

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 3

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 1

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 4


Yep. Upvotes for a fellow who says he let a three-year-old boy literally fall out of a shopping cart and smash his head open because, oh no, some hypothetical hysterical mother might have accused him of  child molestation.

The details of his story make so little sense I can only assume he’s making the story up — if he was walking past the bakery, how could he have been close enough to “reflexively grab” a child in a shopping cart inside the bakery?

I’m not sure which is worse, the thought that this guy actually let a kid fall and smash his head, or the thought that he made up a story about doing so in order to gain some internet points from MRAs. (Well, the former, obviously, but either way this is a mortifying spectacle.)

But not everyone got upvotes. Here’s a comment that got thumbs down from the Men’s Rightsers  — along with a heavily upvoted reply:

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14

Human Rights: You’re doing it wrong.

Thanks to r/AMR for pointing me to this lovely thread.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon,, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on July 10, 2014, in a woman is always to blame, are these guys 12 years old?, evil moms, evo psych arglebargle, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, reddit, shit that never happened and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 352 Comments.

  1. It is Bittersteel! Called it.

  2. cassandrakitty

    And Bittersteel is blog herpes. The fact that he so quickly fixated on me and has now escalated to trying to sic Reddit on me just confirms it.

    (I told you guys that he once pulled stuff from years back on the blog I haven’t posted on in forever and quoted it to me on Jezebel, and also referred to photos of me from a dating site, right? He’s a creeper.)

  3. And, every so often, while she and I were together, I’d get another one. Our actual chemistry didn’t mesh very well.

    Yeast infections can be passed back and forth between partners. Not a fun situation but it happens.

  4. I wasn’t here for blog herpes but I don’t doubt it from how he’s been described.

  5. @cassandra: I don’t remember you saying all that. Fuck creeper, he’s a stalker.

    Re yeast infections. I pissed off a male acquaintance once because his partner kept getting yeast infections, which she would treat. I pointed out to her that both parties needed to be treated at the same time, otherwise there was just going to be continual reinfection. He was not happy that thought he was harbouring yeast.

    Which reminds me, there is a stationery company in NZ called Candida ( I laugh every time, except when I am about to lick one of their envelopes to seal it.

  6. cassandrakitty

    @ pallygirl

    I take it that he wasn’t experiencing any symptoms himself and that’s why he decided that inconveniencing himself by getting treated wasn’t worth doing, no matter how much discomfort his gf was in?

  7. kittehserf MOD

    cassandra, fuuuuck, I didn’t know blog herpes had stalked you elsewhere.

  8. cassandrakitty

    Re Candida the company, my favorite name in that vein is a restaurant called Manpuku (they serve ramen). It’s right up there with the attempt to market the Chevy Nova in Central and South America without thinking that a name change might be a good idea.

  9. @cassandra: yes, he wasn’t experiencing symptoms. They were both monogamous, so she couldn’t be infected by anyone else. I realise that C. albicans is normal flora in the vagina and the issues are related to abnormal growth/spread (e.g. see and, but being reinfected rapidly post treatment seemed suggestive of partner-to-partner transmission.

    He was a manly NZ man(tm).

  10. cassandrakitty

    That seems to be the logic behind some cases where guys just refuse to deal with stuff like that. “Well, vaginas are weird, there are always freaky things growing in there (shrugs). Nothing to do with me.”

  11. Manpuku: man stomach?

    The Mitsubishi Pajero is the one that makes me laugh.

  12. cassandrakitty

    You’d think huge multinational companies would hire some sort of localization expert specifically to prevent that kind of fiasco.

  13. The No Go story is a myth.

    Snopes has a detailed explanation

  14. Localisation doesn’t completely protect against product name failure either, this springs to mind immediately:

  15. If it is Mr. Al, he’s changed his problems. But the rest of the backstory has anecdotes which are straight up BritterSteele (the one about “my feminist dude-friend says women should be able to just pick a name out of the phone book” is also repeated).

  16. cassandrakitty

    Presumably they can’t protect the public from whoever thought it would be a good idea to combine Vegimite with cream cheese either. Ew.

  17. I hate both Vegemite and Marmite, equally. I am an equal opportunity savoury spread hater.

    Related question: did you get brought up on meat paste? I used to be fed it as open sandwiches when I was growing up.

  18. cassandrakitty

    Whenever I was back in the UK my granny would feed it to me. Also, did you guys get a product called “potted meat”? Child me found that name alternately hilarious and revolting.

  19. cassandrakitty

    I hate pretty much all sandwich spread-type things other than pesto. It’s weird, feed me European or American food and I’m such a condiment hater, but put me anywhere in Asia and it’s more like “give me all of the condiments, then some more if we run out”.

  20. Not that I recall, and my diet was pretty lower-class/lower-middle-class British while I was growing up (except, no offal or dripping on toast although we had dripping in the house).

    My childhood nightmares were brussels sprouts and mutton roast. Is it any wonder I became vegetarian?

  21. cassandrakitty

    I hated British roast lamb as a kid, which was funny because I loved lamb in the Middle East, or anything Indian made with lamb. The condiments didn’t help. Like, mint sauce, wtf is that?

  22. Cheese sauce improves all British cooking, apart from brussels sprouts and mutton.

  23. And silverbeet, nothing improves silverbeet either. And I love spinach, especially as a raw replacement for lettuce in salads. Go figure.

  24. “mint sauce, wtf is that”

    The devil’s hand cream, if you ask me :)

    I love lamb. Mint does not belong with it. Or with peas!

  25. cassandrakitty

    It’s the texture/viscosity too. Like, is it a sauce or a drink? It’s watery and lumpy at the same time.

    Off to google silverbeet, since I have no idea what that is. Presumably living outside the UK is what spared me.

  26. cassandrakitty

    @ Ann

    I refer to mayo as Satan’s spooge, so have a seat right here next to me, friend.

  27. Roast lamb.

    Mint sauce? That’s for the peas.

    The gravy is for the meat and the roast taties and any other root veg.

    The cheese sauce is for the cauliflower.

    When you’re cleaning up your plate? Add more gravy to be soaked up by the bread and (real) butter.

  28. cassandrakitty

    Cheese sauce I didn’t much like as a kid either. Basically I thought I hated a bunch of vegetables until I realized that I really liked them a. barely cooked and b. prepared with some combination of garlic, ginger, something salty (soy sauce, fish sauce, black beans, yellow beans, etc), and vinegar.

  29. cassandrakitty

    Also, apparently an alternate name for silverbeet is “perpetual spinach”, which amuses me. Why perpetual? In that it leaves an aftertaste, or is it one of those things that once you plant it in a garden you’ll never get rid of it?

  30. I think it’s perpetual as opposed to seasonal.

  31. kittehserf MOD

    Add me to the WTF with mint sauce on peas or meat or anything savoury. Ditto mayo (though I’ll say this, the mayo I’ve had in the US is better than here: it’s not as sweet. I hate mixing sweet and savoury/salty flavours.

    Mixing Vegemite and cream cheese is an abomination.

    However that whole fiasco did lead to the greatest Downfall parody of all.

  32. kittehserf MOD

    Shouldn’t it be perennial spinach, then?

  33. cassandrakitty

    Perpetual makes it sound like some sort of vegetable-based curse.

  34. Or a saint. Our Lady of the Perpetual Spinach.

  35. They only had a one-day supply of leftover spinach, but it miraculously lasted forever.

  36. Actually I guess that would be a curse.

  37. kittehserf MOD

    If it was baby spinach and stayed fresh, that’d be useful. Otherwise, hmm.

  38. cassandrakitty

    It’s nature’s dwarf bread!

  39. cassandrakitty

    (For me that would be a bin full of brussel sprouts that never runs dry.)

  40. Spinach is lovely. Especially mixed with ricotta cheese and garlic, to fill cannellloni, baked with a tomato-based sauce. Or raw, as a substitute for lettuce in salads.

    Silverbeet is horrid. So is marrow, and eggplant is only edible when mooshed up and made into something like baba ganoush.

  41. I love spinach. Raw or cooked. Spanakopata is the best.

  42. I read somewhere that mothers are less grossed out by the smell of their own baby’s poop than other baby’s poop. It is a physical thing.

  43. I read somewhere that mothers are less grossed out by the smell of their own baby’s poop than other baby’s poop. It is a physical thing.

    That actually makes sense.

    Back in the 1970’s, there was an edition of the magazine “National Lampoon” that had a magazine-within-a-magazine called “Negligent Mother Magazine.” One of the “ads” in it was for the “Sparties – the seven-day diaper suit.” The picture was of a red-faced and squalling baby, wrapped up in a diaper suit that covered the poor kid from shoulders to bottom.

    I was a new mother. My first-born was a few months old. I fell on the floor laughing.

  44. I’m very squeamish in general, but I’m okay with bodily fluids from babies. I suppose it’s because I used to really want to be a mom, and so I felt obligated to be uniquely tolerant of even the grossest stuff from babies. I’m not even grossed out by the smell of kids who need to be changed.

    These days, I doubt I could ever become a mom in my lifetime due to various social barriers. But at least it’s easy for me to be around my baby cousins.

  45. These days, I doubt I could ever become a mom in my lifetime due to various social barriers. But at least it’s easy for me to be around my baby cousins.

    That just strikes me as wrong and unfair. Fertile women can have as many children as they want, whether or not they are good and loving moms. But people who truly want to give loving care to children, but do not fit whatever ideas society may have about who SHOULD care for kids, do not get to.

    Feh. There are so many kids who need homes and do not have them.

  46. RE: mint sauce

    I’ve never had it with meat, but if it’s anything like mint raita used for Desi meat dishes like seekh kababs and chicken tikka, then I’m all for it! If only the Desi restaurants nearby weren’t so damn expensive… X_X

  47. I must be weird then. I gagged at the smell of my baby’s dirty diapers after she stopped breast feeding. (Before that I swear it smelled like a combination of mac and cheese and carrot cake.) I longed for her to take to the potty. I don’t handle poo well, even though I’ve had plenty of practice.

  48. Feh. There are so many kids who need homes and do not have them.

    Yes, there are.

  49. Ally, you’d be a better mom than me!

    I can only really deal with kids if:
    a) they’re a patient and I’m just assisting with a transport to the ER
    b) they’re over 10, and speak in understandable, non-redundant, sentances
    c) I’ve gotten to know them, and they’re only around me for 30 minutes at a time
    or d) i can convince myself I’m not really working with the kid, but with the kid’s pet.

    If I have kids, I might just have to raise a puppy and a kitten simultaneously, just so I can pretend I’m really just training the kid how to care for our fuzzy overlords.

    Or I could skip little kid altogether, and foster/adopt a pre-teen/teenager.

    That’s something far, far off in the future, though. I may be an adult, but I have a lot of growing up to do before I go there.

  50. RE: pallygirl

    And silverbeet, nothing improves silverbeet either.

    Aw, I kinda liked silverbeet!

    RE: cassandrakitty

    is it one of those things that once you plant it in a garden you’ll never get rid of it?

    Nah, nah, I have it on good authority that THAT is potatoes. You really will NEVER get rid of them once you plant them. (In the area of NZ I was in at the time, anyway; they’d tried to dig ’em up years ago and I was STILL finding purple little thumb-size taters in the garden.)

  51. @samantha

    I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was 14. I’ve never really understood why, although I’m guessing that the desire partly arose from abuse trauma – I grew up wishing that I could start a family on my own that wouldn’t be abusive as the one I was raised in, as if somehow that would erase the abuse in my own childhood. It was also something related to gender dysphoria because I felt that I could finally have a legitimate claim to womanhood if I became a mom. And overall, I’ve always loved kids.

    But I eventually accepted the reality that adoption would be difficult if not impossible for me to do, due to being trans and having a very unstable financial situation. I doubt I’ll ever be able to afford it, and even if I could, I would have to deal with being a single trans mom, facing not only the stigma that single moms face but also the suspicion that I’m abusive just for being a trans woman.

    It would be a miserable life for both me and the kid, so there’s no point in wanting to be a mom anymore. I’ve accepted this fully, although I admit that after thinking about this I’m finding myself trying to not cry. (I can’t be crying in a library.) Motherhood is just a fantasy to me now.

  52. Sorry, that was a really weird and sudden comment with lots of venting in it. There’s a lot going through my mind today.

  53. That just strikes me as wrong and unfair. Fertile women can have as many children as they want, whether or not they are good and loving moms. But people who truly want to give loving care to children, but do not fit whatever ideas society may have about who SHOULD care for kids, do not get to.

    Feh. There are so many kids who need homes and do not have them.

    It’s one of those things that’s massively unfair, yet still better than the alternatives. There are plenty of foster/adoption nightmares already (eg, the market for babies from China) and past attempts to stop undesirable women from reproducing are classified as historical atrocities.

  54. cassandrakitty

    @ contrapangloss

    A friend and I in high school used to joke that if either of us ever decided to have kids we’d do an exchange where she would take my kids when they were infants, and I’d take hers once they were about 5 or so, since she loved babies, and I’m far more interested in kids that can talk and run around. I don’t dislike infants, it’s just that kids get a lot more interesting once you can have a conversation with them.

  55. Ally,
    You’re still really young. Who knows where you’ll be in 10 or 20 years? Maybe you’ll be married and financially stable. You just never know where life will take you.

  56. Ally,
    You’re still really young. Who knows where you’ll be in 10 or 20 years? Maybe you’ll be married and financially stable. You just never know where life will take you.

    Seconded. Never say never.

  57. I’m glad my typo provided such amusement!

    Pecunium — I was trying to avoid massive TMI, but the conversation was about me being bitten, and you saying you don’t do that cuz mouths and me being all “yeah, which would be a problem for the bitee, not the biter”…of course, I think you were cooking at the time, so idk why I thought you’d remember this!

    And now I want your cooking, great. Because mint sauce is gross, but somehow you’d manage to make it edible!

    Re: perpetual spinach — perennial plants grow back year after year, they don’t always stay above ground year round. So I guess a perpetual plant is a more precise term? Not that I’ve ever heard it used to describe any other year round plant, but idk.

  58. Also, Ally, yep to the “you’re still young”. Who knows where you’ll be at 30, or, for that matter, where science will be (thank you for accidentally reminding me to check up on uterus transplants, they’re starting to look quite viable!)

  59. Blarg, I guess no news is good news? Of the nine Swedish women who had uterus transplants (from living donors, mostly relatives), two rejected the uterus but are fine, and four were given IVF in early March or late Feb., no news on how that’s going. The first successful pregnancy in a transplanted uterus miscarried around 8 weeks, so I guess they’ve made it longer than that? Fuck, if they are still pregnant…they’ll hit 50/50 viability in a month…

    They’re all cis women, but if science can get a baby out of a transplanted womb this year, who the fuck knows about a decade from now? Wish I could find an update in how their pregnancies are going though.

  60. Baby poos and wees? Exploding?

    There’s a famous ad about that – “Number 3s”

  61. kittehserf MOD

    I think my aversion to small humans and their body fluids is partly from lack of exposure – I’m the youngest of my family by seven years, and my only contact with other kids was at kinder and school.

    Didn’t like most of them then, either. Gimme kitties any day. :/

    Oh, speaking of kitties: good news! Took Fribbles to the vet for her three-month checkup today. She’s put on 150 grams since the last check, which for an 18-year-old cat with hyperthyroidism and hints of kidney trouble is pretty damn good!

  62. Given that the laws are getting more progressive with respect to LGBT rights, and also the rights of non-coupled people, there’s no reason to assume current adoption or fostering norms will be this way in 10-20 years’ time. Also, you might partner with someone who already has biological children, in which case you could be a step-parent. I think they’re also making advances in reproductive technology where the contributing cells aren’t gametes, so there will hopefully be loads of options for you to be a parent irrespective of your transitioning process. I hadn’t heard of transplanting uteruses before.

  63. Great news on the cat check-up. :)

  64. I’ll be leaving my crotchdumpling at the end of the driveway, in case anyone’s interested in a free one. What. A. Grump.

  65. kittehserf MOD

    Fribbie Power!

  66. Look, I can’t imagine these wretches don’t look like wretches when they emerge, pale and blinking, from their hovels. Parents are right to be suspicious of frightened opossum-like men approaching their children, even if they have good intentions. (Can a person who thinks women and children are satan spawn really ever be said to actually have good intentions?) As for the act of intervention they won’t do, isn’t it most likely they would just make any situation worse? Frightening the poor children and bashing them on the pavement in a caveman-like fashion when they cry. Best to let them walk on by.

  67. So glad my husband doesn’t think like this. He came home one day beaming with pride, because he had run across a lost little girl in Golden Gate Park and he saved her, helping her find her family. Now that’s a human being.

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