Anti-AVFM Conference protest happening now in Detroit; see Twitter hashtag #NoMRA for updates [No Troll thread]
Protesters head to the Doubletree
Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
Posted on June 7, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 625 Comments.
@marinerachel:
Also, zero chance of him or me tampering with birth control. I have an IUD.
Oh, okay. That’s a relief. Sorry I jumped to conclusions.
I’m glad that you have options with regards to the pregnancy. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. And I second the recommendation for the Captain Awkward forums. I’m on there, and plenty more awesome people.
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* hugs* *hugs* to you.
I’m going to tell him. I don’t know if it’s of any value and I’m certainly not going to engage in any kind of discussion with him on the matter. He won’t be part of the decision making or outcome, regardless what I chose. I don’t want his involvement or support or input. I feel ethically obligated to inform him though. I’ll do it in a medium that prevents his from responding.
@marinerachel, More hugs if they’re wanted. Let us know if we can help.
Can someone please advise me whether this justifies a visit to the ER? I don’t know whether this is an emergency yet but the fastest way to find out is an ultrasound at the hospital. Hospitals are for acutely ill people though, not people who think they may be. It will take days to get an ultrasound outside the hospital though.
marinerachel: I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Since you have an IUD and it’s failed, I’d say going to the ER is not a waste of resources. You need peace of mind, go.
I went last Monday morning for a rash all over me that turned out to be a drug reaction to an anti-inflammatory. I felt I might be wasting everyone’s time, but no one at the ER made me feel that way.
marinerachel, if you are in Vancouver, what about the USB Hospital? It’s a level below an ER and it does ultrasounds.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UBC_Hospital
*UBC Hospital
Seeing as you have an IUD and you’ve already had unusual bleeding and there’s a risk of an ectopic pregnancy, I’d say the ER is the right place to be. You really, really do not want to risk an ectopic pregnancy going to shit while you wait for an ultrasound.
marinerachel,
Ectopic pregnancies kill. Yes, you should go to the ER.
You’re not ethically obligated to tell him anything. Do what you feel best about doing, but don’t feel obligated. This has nothing to do with him at this point.
Is there someone who can go with you to the ER? I don’t know what waiting rooms are like in Canada, but here in the US you can wait all day to be seen. It’s good to have company while you wait, especially when you are feeling down.
marinerachel, we are here for you.
You might want to do a search for urgent care facilities in your area. UBC Hospital, which Auntie Alias suggested, is one in Vancouver, but if you’re living elsewhere you might have one where you are, too. They operate much like the ER, but they are for non-emergency cases. If there is no urgent care available where you are, though, you should go to the ER if that’s what you want. It’s your next-best option. In either case, I would bring a friend and a book or something, because you’re going to be doing a lot of sitting and waiting.
Anything you need, just ask. We will help you through this.
I think I’ll go to the ER at Women’s Hospital in Vancouver but I know they’re heavily bogged down by a massive population. I could probably get an ultrasound at one of the more suburban hospitals much more promptly. If I need an ectopic termination though I’ll be sent to Women’s. If I don’t, using a suburban hospital is the right option. I don’t know though.
It sounds like you have a sound plan in place. Would it be helpful to call one of the nurses at Healthlink to see where they suggest you go?
I feel very, very guilty going to emerge when I’m not symptomatic. I’m scared of waiting for symptoms to return though. I don’t want to risk preventable injury.
Don’t wait for symptoms whatever else you do or don’t do!!
If your Healthlink service is anything like ours in Australia, you’re likely to get pretty good advice on which is the best facility for your needs.
Ringing up any service and telling them you have an IUD, you’re several weeks pregnant and you’ve already had some bleeding will get them, and you, on the right path pretty quickly.
marinerachel, you are courageous. It’s brave to make yourself vulnerable to another person, it’s brave to give everything you’ve got to a relationship, and it’s so very, very brave to pick yourself up and keep moving through the aftermath. Don’t doubt yourself. You’re not worthless, you’re not stupid, you’re amazing.
cloudiah and AngryMouse have already mentioned that your ex sounds like an abuser, and I’ll give a rousing +1 to that. Even if you had managed to convince him that you were semper fidelis personified, chances were that he would have transferred his suspicions to everyone else in the world. That was my emotionally abusive ex’s MO; he trusted me , but all other people were users who were going to take advantage of my sweet nature if boyfriend let his guard down. I spent a lot of my time telling him that Economics Class Guy wasn’t a threat, he just wanted to borrow notes, and that of course BFF wasn’t talking smack about him while we were out. It’s a different blame game, but the results seem exactly the same.
Also, please don’t feel badly about getting the medical care you need. You’re taking care of yourself, and you’re being as proactive as you can. There’s no cause for shame in that. You only get one body, and yours deserves the best.
Absolutely you are justified in going for emergency treatment when there is a chance this could be an ectopic pregnancy. If you’re worried about wasting people’s time, think about it like this, if you get it dealt with before symptoms and complications emerge, it’ll be much easier and quicker to treat. Whereas if you wait until things are more advanced and more complex then it’ll be a lengthier and complicated treatment. So if you go now, you’re actually saving them time!
We in the UK have a similar phone service for when you aren’t sure where to get healthcare but you need it quickly. But it sounds like calling Healthlink is a good idea. And if in doubt, get yourself to ER.
He could have been the one. He just chose not to be because I wasn’t worthwhile. That’s so much worse than just being incompatible. I wasn’t worth getting a little psychiatric help. He moved heaven and earth to make his past relationships work but he just disposed of me the first time I asked something of him. I gave him everything and he means the world to me. I was the only one putting anything in though.
I spoke to a nurse at Women’s Hospital where I’d have the surgery if it’s an ectopic and there’s risk of rupture and blood loss. They said, because I’m asymptomatic, they can’t push me to the front of the line for ultrasounds (lots of sick ladies there already) but the women’s health centre, the abortion clinic, will squeeze me in for a transvaginal this morning before they begin their day of assessments and procedures. If they find a uterine pregnancy they’ll take out my IUD and send me home. If they find an ectopic pregnancy, they’ll determine my risk of rupture and based on that will either give a methotrexate injection or ambulance me to Women’s Hospital to have the fetus and placenta removed surgically.
@marinerachel:
He just chose not to be because I wasn’t worthwhile.
No, he chose not to be because he was too cheap to make the effort of being a good boyfriend. Seriously, this is the guy who’s just dumped his *pregnant* girlfriend because he couldn’t be bothered to deal with his insecurity. At this point the only person in the world who could possibly have any respect for him is Paul Elam. None of the things he’s chosen to do has any bearing on you. You’re lovely, and way too good for him.
He moved heaven and earth to make his past relationships work but he just disposed of me the first time I asked something of him.
He says he moved heaven and earth to make his past relationships work. You only have his word for it. Have you spoken to any of his ex-girlfriends? It’s possible they have a story that matches yours. A leopard doesn’t change his spots.
@marinerachel: Thank goodness for Canadian healthcare. Good luck with your ultrasound!
Not true at all! You were the one making all the effort and he wasn’t willing to give anything. That’s not because you aren’t worth it; it’s because he is selfish. Even if his behaviour is due to an undiagnosed mental illness, if he wasn’t willing to seek help, it’s not a reflection on you. He’s in denial that he has a problem. It’s far easier for him to shift the blame to someone else – in this case, you.
marinerachel, I am so glad you are getting the healthcare you need! Fingers crossed that it all goes well.
marinerachel, I’m so glad you called the hospital and have a plan in place. I’m wishing you all the best. Warm hugs if you want them.
QFT
But don’t feel you don’t get to mourn the end of the relationship, marinerachel. You have lost the person you thought he was, the person who might have been the one. And you get to mourn the loss of that love for as long as you want and need.
Please know that there are people across the world who think the best of you, who wish the best for you, who are frustrated at not being able to be there for you in person and who will be ready to provide what support they can, here, whenever you need us.
marinerachel — everyone’s already been more eloquent than me, so I’ll just add to the hugs and good luck wishes!
@marinerachel:
If he really “moved Heaven and Earth” to make his past relationships work, then he probably sucks at it seeing as none of them worked.
I ditched a best friend this last year because it became clear he was an abuser. The tipoff came when he was ranting about his then-current girlfriend, trying to convince me she was abusive. Suddenly I realized it was the exact same song and dance I’d heard when he was trying to justify why he’d cheated on his LAST girlfriend, except waaaay more frantic and hysterical.
So what I’m saying is, I’d give it a 90% chance that nothing about his past relationships was anything like he described. I guarantee that when he describes how this one went down to the next girl, he’s going to be the long-suffering hero who finally realizes that he can never change enough for the woman who “just wants to control/change/own me”.
So all the hugs, I’m glad you have access to healthcare, ectopic pregnancies can kill if not handled with care.
I don’t have advice that anyone else hasn’t already given, but if you want brain bleach, have some baby fennecs.
http://animals.io9.com/baby-fennec-foxes-are-the-cutest-things-youll-see-all-w-1587603773/+rtgonzalez
@ marinerachel
After a year of this guy chipping away at your self-esteem by taking everything you can give and not giving anything back it’s not surprising that you feel like this is happening because you’re not worthwhile, but it’s not true. Please listen to what people are saying – taking and taking and then bailing the moment the other person asks for anything in return is a classic abusive pattern. Good people who’re worthy of your devotion don’t do that. The way he reacted to your request for some consideration doesn’t say anything about you at all, but it says a lot about him.
marinerachel,
His choices are not about you or what you are worth. Some people are just no-account. It sounds like he’s one of those people. You were smart to stand up for your boundaries and you are better off without him in your life.
Don’t treat yourself the way he treated you. Love yourself. If you cannot feel your worth today, fake it until you make it. Mourn the loss of your lover as long as you need to, but let his issues leave with him. He’s the problem, not you.
THIS!
Binjabreel,
Cheaters always have a sob story, don’t they? They’d NEVER cheat on YOU. They just had to cheat on the last person because reasons.
…until they do because they HAD toooo.
Whiners.
Here’s something that I’ve found useful in the past when the “this is happening because I’m worthless” feelings start getting to people. These things you’re telling yourself about yourself – how would you react if you heard someone saying the same things about someone who you love? Would you agree with them, or would you try to convince them that they’re wrong? Wouldn’t it make you sad, to hear them putting themselves down like that?
If your first reaction would be “of course that’s not true, and there’s no way that situation is your fault!”, then chances are it’s not true in your own situation either. Be kind to yourself, and recognize that whatever the person whose behavior caused you to feel this way did to make you feel that way wasn’t kind at all. Someone who isn’t kind to you doesn’t deserve to be part of your life, but you absolutely deserve to be kind to yourself.
@marinerachel,
Seriously, all the hugs you want. I’ve been in a situation quite similar to yours, and I can tell you this piece of shit will find a way to make you feel like shit whatever you choose regarding the pregnancy. I understand the want to tell him, but don’t feel obligated. There ARE better men out there. You WILL find them. And I know it might seem impossible now, but hang in there. You will eventually get to that angry-and-it-feels-good stage where you can happily rant about him with all your friends and see how pathetic he is when he tries to crawl back. The mourning period sucks, though, and the fact that you’re pregnant at the same time sucks even more. I prescribe foods you like, people you can safely vent to, long walks if the weather’s nice, and movies and music and shows and books you like that can take your mind off it. The negative feels will come in waves, but the waves will become less and less devastating. Take the time you need to mourn (it was ten months for me), but you’ll be stronger after this and see that this relationship was a bob-omb dodged. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs if you want them. You’re not worthless; you’re kind and accommodating and selfless and he took advantage and wasn’t willing to give anything back because he’s self-centered and entitled. The problem was with him, not you.
marinerachel, I am so sorry you’re in this position. nthing that this is *not* a failing of yours. Deliberate or not, he has systematically worn you down so you are blaming yourself for his lack of love. People shouldn’t treat people like that, you do *not* deserve to be treated as worthless.
Lots of luck and hugs and anything you want and nothing you don’t want. If there’s anything I can do to help via the internet I will: I wish there was more that I could. :(
marinerachel – so glad you’re getting checked out today. Please keep us posted. If it is ectopic and you end up getting methotrexate or surgery, make sure they schedule you for followups and HCG monitoring, and do everything they can to protect your future fertility.
Definitely don’t beat yourself up. There’s nothing to regret. You did everything you could. If you gave the relationship your all, and he still didn’t turn out to be “the one”, then he wasn’t the one. Someone else, sometime, somewhere, will see just how worthwhile your love is, and thank their lucky stars they met you. You’ll look back and realize this guy was just a speed bump on the road to your destiny. (Or alternatively, a bunch of Botts dots on the freeway of love…there’s a country and western song in there somewhere). Being hurt is a normal, understandable reaction to losing everything you invested. Pain means the part of you that’s capable of love is working correctly, and that bodes well for your future relationships. Unlike you, your ex isn’t going to walk away from this a better, stronger, more self-aware person.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself, seek out compassionate people, and do what makes your heart feel good. You have a lot of healing ahead of you.
One thing that helped me when I went through a break-up that was very much not what I wanted was to remember that a person who doesn’t want to be with you is NOT who you want to be with. It’s not that YOU are worthless. It’s that THEY are not the right person for you, by the very fact that they broke up with you.
I know right now your brain wants to tell you that being the person he loves is the thing you want most in the whole wide world, but I know that you know that’s not true.
You’ve already tried subsuming yourself in his desires. You’ve already tried being everything he needs and never asking for anything for yourself. And that didn’t work out for you. You weren’t happy, and you know that you couldn’t have gone on like that indefinitely. You didn’t ask for his trust because you’re a Big Ole Meanypants Who Wants To Ruin Everything. You asked because it is something that you need, and it’s a super reasonable thing to need, and you wouldn’t be happy in a life with someone who didn’t trust you.
Sure, *right now* you’re feeling pretty fucking bad, worse than you felt when things were just quietly frustrating. But once you’ve gone through all this badness, you will find yourself free to be with someone who has all sorts of wonderful qualities PLUS they don’t make you feel like you’re slowly drowning in someone else’s nightmare.
@marinerachel
I wish I could offer some advice, but I haven’t been in a relationship before, so all I can do is offer hugs.
@marinerachel
I wanted to remind you that in BC you can call 811 any time to speak to a nurse who can help you decide what to do and give you information about resources.
@marinerachel
That is the BC nurse hotline operated by Healthlink.
I’ve found them to be helpful in deciding whether an visit to emergency is called for, and they are very compassionate.
Have you guys seen this reddit thread?
http://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/27m68v/crazed_woman_attacks_man_for_flying_drone_on_beach/ci26aob
I swear to god I’m so sick of that place. Only on Reddit can a story of a “crazed” woman attacking a man and getting arrested for it become a circlejerk over how evil feminism is. Plus, you get the “2XC is a sub for hating men” and “Lol, stupid woman thinks she’s hot in a bikini” on top of it. How do people remember to breathe in that place? Fuck!
Is that the one about the guy who was flying a drone by women’s butts and harassing them?
Adding to marinerachel support and hugs. I’ve been in a similar situation, but after about 6 months of struggle and healing- I met someone truly wonderful who does more than just take. In my case, the asshole breakup dude was very damaged from a recent divorce and was using me to repair his ego. I gave my heart, body, soul, time and money to this guy for months, and as soon as I asked for a crumb of reassurance, be broke up with me in the worst way (suggesting that I remain available to him for sex while he looks for someone ‘more in his league’) Marinerachel- I know you are feeling low, it will take time but you will heal. Don’t do what I did and jump into the dating scene while you are still raw. That’s how I fell into a cycle of dating manipulative PUA’s who preyed on my insecurity. Do something that you enjoy and rebuild your self esteem. Take all that love and energy you were giving him and put it back into yourself. Keep reaching out to others, you can do this. Much healing and peace to you.
Actual positive news coverage:
http://motorcitymuckraker.com/blog/2014/06/08/lens-on-detroit-controversial-mens-rights-group-draws-protest/
Weirwoodtreehugger – I don’t think so. I’ve seen the YouTube video taken from the quadcopter, and it was flying around 75/100 foot elevation.
Doesn’t make the Reddit commentary any less revolting, even if the woman’s assault of the photographer was unwarranted.
@marinerachel: I hope you’ve managed to get some local health support by now – hooray for living in a country with “socialist” healthcare.
I see I am not alone in thinking that you are not ethically obligated to tell the ex anything. I think you would have a point there if you decided you were keeping the pregnancy and he would be up for child support, plus other family related obligations. However, as you have decided on a termination, this is now None. Of. His. Business. Given he has treated you emotionally abusively in the past, I am extremely concerned that you telling him will give him a whole new avenue for abusing you. He may:
– do the whole MRA thing about wanting the child, and that he “should have rights”, and guilt trip you that way
– suddenly become anti-choice and guilt trip you that way
It will be something that, if you have any contact with him later (maybe he’s part of your wider social circle as well?) that he would have the opportunity to continue this behaviour into the future as well.
Also, don’t put it past a person like this to do horrid things like contact your close friends and family (I assume he has phone numbers and/or addresses) and fucking tell them when it is None. Of. Their. Business. Either.
Please: you are really putting yourself at risk if you tell him. Please, please don’t.
As an exercise, if you feel up to it, how about writing down 10 things about you that are awesome/you’re really proud of. If you can do that in 2 minutes, push it to 20 things.
What are the last 5 nice things people have said about you/to you?
Here’s one if you’er stuck: you’re a really clever person who adds a lot of value to conversations in this blog. Plus, your alias is bad arse!
marinerachel, adding my hugs if you want them and just basically doing a copy and paste of everyone else’s comments. Dude was a lying abusive asshat, and he manipulated you into caring for a shadow. Take all the time you need to mourn the loss of this shadow, this false person you believed in, because your belief in him made him real. And mourn for yourself because you’ve lost some innocence here, and innocence is a brutal loss. Take whatever time you need and know that you are worthwhile, you are valuable, and you deserve to be cherished. And I know this is our first interaction but I trust the judgement of most people here, and they overwhelmingly cherish you because you deserve it.
Note to BRZ: Fuck you. You’re banned.
Thanks David.
I don’t know what BRZ did to get banned, but I’m sure Anand will sweep in here to claim it was rude to ban him.
About fucking time. Thanks, David!
Thank you, David. He’s had that coming.
I’m going to miss his manarchist diatribes, his woefully off-the-mark criticisms of feminist ideologies that he has literally no understanding of, and his abuse apologia. Not.
@marinerachel, just wanted to second what everyone’s been saying here: you deserve better. And I’m glad you’re getting the medical help you need.
This! So much this. It’s hard to love and believe in someone, only to be tossed away by them, but the reality is that the person who did the tossing is the real (and terrible) person, not the lovely character you fell for. It’s okay to feel bad for falling in love with a false front; your love was real and it’s worth mourning.
@marinerachel,the fact that you are capable of love and compassion is part of what makes you worthwhile. Trust the people here, lol; they have exceedingly good radar for trolls and other worthless people, and if they say you have worth, believe them! More hugs here, if you need some extra!
Just caught up on this thread, again.
Marinerachel, glad you’re getting checked out. Anytime there’s a pregnancy when someone’s on birth control, it’s a scary thing.
All the internet hugs. All of them. This has got to be one scary, horrible, no good feeling. You deserve way better.
Seconding and thirding everyone else’s advice and kind words. You are an awesome person. If it’s ectopic, I’m crossing my fingers for a safe resolution. It it’s actually implanted in the proper place, all my support for whatever decision you make, and all my hopes for your health and safety.
You are a wonderful person. You are worth so much. I’ll be sending all the good thoughts I can your way.
marinerachel, what everyone else has said, in big glittery capitals. ALL the hugs.
About Brz being banned at last – what Ally said: about fucking time.
I am so hurt. I have never been this hurt before. I want to die.
@marinerachel
He was an asshole. He can go fuck himself. You, on the other hand, are an awesome person and I’m confident that you will find a man who loves you and cares about you.
Your life is meaningful. Take as much time as you need to heal, and even if you find yourself making little or no progress, you still matter. You’ll always matter. Please take care of yourself.
:( :( :( hugs if you want them, marinerachel *adds to barrel of hugs*
He told me he hoped we could be friends. I wanted to ring his fucking neck. How can he say that? I’m experiencing the extraordinary pain of heartbreak and he tells me he wants to be my friend like it’s some fucking consolation prize. This is the man who pissed and moaned about his ex “friend-zoning” him at the end of their relationship. Now, what she did was not at all nice but moving on, not shedding a single tear, and thinking you can be pals with the person you just took a massive shit on and never apologised to, with absolutely no recognition of the harmful behaviour you engaged in for the duration of the relationship IS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S DOING TO ME. It just emphasized the pain of the rejection I was experiencing. It just made it more insulting. I just felt more disrespected. I have every reason to completely fucking hate him right now. He’s taken advantage of my kindness for over a year and decided now that it’s no skin off his nose for us to “just be friends”. He wants to fucking ruin me and for it to be consequence-free to him, for me to remain in his life to the extent it’s comforting to him despite the harm he’s done. He doesn’t want to reflect on ANYTHING I’ve told him that resulted in me being extremely hurt and damaged by our relationship. He insists he’s only responsible for half the harm when I was a fucking saint the whole time, thinking short term pain meant long term gain. In actuality, as soon as I needed anything from him, just for him to put a little faith in me, he dumped me. He accused me of having a life shrouded in mystery and therefore trust couldn’t develop. All we ever talk about is him so of course he knows less about my life AND his memory sucks. It’s all my fault though.
@marinerachel. Fuck him. He called off the relationship so he ***doesn’t*** get to make any kind of comments along the “hoped we could be friends”.
That’s just more fucking emotional abuse from him. That’s him more than having his cake and eating it too.
***You*** decide whether you want to be friends with him, or even if you want any more contact at all.
Fuck him (figuratively).
Oh, Honey, no. You want the pain to stop.
It will. You will outlive the pain and you’ll be happy again.
I promise.
Please consider calling a suicide hotline. suicidal ideation is not something you should try to endure alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
http://crisiscentre.bc.ca/
Anywhere in BC: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Online Chat Service for Adults: http://www.CrisisCentreChat.ca (Noon to 1am)
@marinerachel: this: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/can%E2%80%99t-we-just-be-friends/
Seriously marinerachel, you dodged a bullet when he left.
He might have sucked you dry for years and years. If this is how you feel after one year of him, what would 5 or 10 have done to you?
Go on and hate him. Hate the shit out of him. Hate him with the white hot heat of a thousand suns.
It won’t hurt him and it will help you move on.
Say what you will about the Dark Side, but it will sustain you for a time.
…and our cookies are the best cookies.
Marinerachel, have more hugs.
Your ex is the jerkiest jerk who ever jerked, and Sir Jerk should feel free to step on a million broken Legos, pet a thousand cacti, bathe in all the skunk musk, sleep in all the pig manure, and let a hundred Clydesdales step all over his bare feet.
You did not ask him for too much. He’s a poltroon. A right bastard. A nattering nincompoop of nabob.
I’m not feeling charitably towards mister jerk.
You are wonderful. You are strong. You are kind. You are thoughtful. You are dealing with his jerkifitude on top of one of the most stressful things I can imagine.
You are incredible.
I’m going to listen to “one more minute” by weird al, and direct it to your awful jerk of an ex. Friends, yeah, right!
Also, what Lea said.
Friends, huh? Nope!
I’m just saying, if you were to tell him all the reasons why you don’t consider him a friend, ranging from “you are a soul-sucking emotional vampire” to “why would I want to be friends with someone who doesn’t trust me?”, then nobody would blame you.
Also, I have a better non-lethal curse than the Lego one. May a cat leave many small rodents by the side of his bed in just the right spot that he ends up stepping on them in his bare feet when he first wakes up, and may he then have to clean the carpet.
He feigned concern for my health. Really, he was just curious as a medical student. The ultrasound revealed a uterine pregnancy. They removed my IUD which decreased my likelihood of miscarriage to 40% but warned me I’d have a loss in the next few days if the removal of the IUD triggered it.
I begged him to let me keep it. I have nothing left in my life. I will never love someone like I love him again. Never. I never want to be in a relationship again. I want to be alone and never want to risk that hurt ever again. I’m in a good place to have a child. We had an initial discussion of him waiving parental rights. He accused me into manipulating him into unprotected sex which I did encourage because I love him and hate condoms and wanted to feel him and I have an IUD. I did push for it. I provided vaginal contraceptive film too. He went with it. Now he feels I made him do it. I insisted there would be no consequences for him though. He’d waive rights and responsibilities. My ex who is a terrific man offered to co-parent with me. I begged him to let me keep it but to please, please agree to completely disassociate from me. He’s done so much harm. If he genuinely wanted something to do with the kid and could do so without harming me or them, of course I’d encourage it. I begged and begged for him to seriously consider zero contact though and to entertain the possibility he terminate all rights and responsibilities without me having to. I begged him to just leave me alone and let me have this. He’s taken everything else away from me. It wouldn’t require anything from him to be leave me alone to carry the pregnancy to term and let me love the kid. I told him though that ultimately the choice was his because if me having the baby meant further pain for me and maybe a child or if it would be too painful for him not to associate with a child of his I could never have them. I begged him to consider though. I pleaded. He didn’t respond.
I’m on the toilet now miscarrying. I’m also vomiting a lot. I can’t keep fluids down much less solids. I’m weak and light headed. I need to go to hospital.
marinerachel, please go to the hospital as soon as you can. Please stay safe. We’re all here for you and you matter, your health matters, and your life matters. Please take care of yourself.
Awwww, marinerachel- I swear I’ve been exactly where you are. My advice is avoid all contact with this guy, you need to protect yourself. He shouldn’t be allowed to take anymore of you. Just know that this, too shall pass- and you’ll appreciate it that much more when you do have a healthy relationship with someone.