Anti-AVFM Conference protest happening now in Detroit; see Twitter hashtag #NoMRA for updates [No Troll thread]
Protesters head to the Doubletree
Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
Posted on June 7, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 625 Comments.
So what you’re saying is that when I take my breaks at work tonight, there will be lots of delicious MRA whining and flailing to catch up on? Sweet :-D
The great thawing of frozen peaches will soon commence. Oceania is literally already here.
Those haters, vying for workplace equity and equal funding for domestic abuse and suicide prevention for males, and promoting discussion and real debate instead of shaming and baseless accusations of hate speech. how dare they.
At least we can hope the most annoying MRAs are at the conference and won’t be here to bother us.
The article in Ms. is absolutely perfect!
Hope Sarah and the other Detroiters will update us too.
I will probably be chastised for saying this, but the best thing to do with these idiot MRAs is to ignore them. They thrive on negative attention. They’re narcissists, they can’t get positive feedback, do they feed off whatever they can get.
That would work in other places, except the purpose of this blog is to mock them. :)
I think the most effective way to counter MRAs is to (a) mock them, AND (b) make sure they will never outrun their most vile words and actions. Speaking of which, it appears that there’s more doxxing in store:
@paul, how have they actually helped those issues again?
Even with those issues, most don’t make sense. Workplace equity? How is that a men’s issue? Equal funding for DV? Why the fuck would you want it to be equal? Give how much is needed, making it “equal” would either waste a ton of money or leave one gender with too little.
And it’s funny that a hate group is accusing us of “hate speech”. Lol.
Men already have workplace equity. In fact men are privileged. The further you go up the ladder, the more thin the female population is.
The VAWA is not gender segregated. Men can use the programs it funds.
Mental health services are not gender segregated either. You can make the case that there should be more funding for both DV and mental health services. I would love for that to occur. However, you seem to want men to be privileged and receive more services. That would violate the law, so it isn’t happening.
Nice try.
Yes, dear, the nerve of those uppity womens not wanting Hilton to support a group whose leader thinks “bash a violent bitch month” is a grade-A idea. Prove that AVfM has ever actually helped a man besides Paul Elam.
Run along, the grown-ups are talking.
RE: paul
Those haters, vying for workplace equity and equal funding for domestic abuse and suicide prevention for males, and promoting discussion and real debate instead of shaming and baseless accusations of hate speech.
Yeah, because these assholes really care about male victims as people, and not just beating sticks for feminism. And I’m a male survivor, I know what I’m talking about. How many shelters have they set up for men? How much money have they raised for the purpose?
I’ve had MRAs specifically tell me there is no place in their movement for me, and I believe them. Your movement doesn’t give a shit about guys like me, unless we can be used to hate women.
There were about a dozen men along the route of the march, taking pictures and video.
The woman who was followed to her car got a picture of the guy who followed her and took a picture of her license plate, but I forgot to get her email address after the march. :/
Couldn’t make it to the protest but I have been on Twitter. Man is that GirlWritesWhat a trip, haha.
I’m sorry, JudgyBitch – she spins on her top easily.
Holding the AVfM conference right on the heels of the Eliot Rodger killings is eerily reminiscent of the NRA tendency to hold rallies at the scene of mass shootings (Columbine in 1999, Tucson in 2002, VA Tech in 2007, Northern Illinois in 2008). It displays the same level of colossal “fuck you” tone deafness and refusal to engage with their role in fanning the resentment that led to Rodgers’ killing spree.
Even if it was already planned months ago and they couldn’t postpone, at least acknowledge the unfortunate timing. Try to pretend like the public’s opinion matters.
But no, as long as they get their frozen peaches, they don’t give a damn about the collateral frostbite.
I hope all the Detroit protesters stay safe. Thank you for your courage in standing against hate.
First time commenting.. Ive been following #NoMRA, and where is the Detroit media? Is this march not news worthy? And also, is anyone ever going to find out WHO sent the letter from Doubletree, and “verify it”? Its would seem like that is an important piece of information, because the DP and the FBI BOTH say there have been NO “death threats” reported. I would love to have THAT brought out into the light of truth! Thanks, love this site.
Thanks to the protesters. The MRAs are violent, dishonest misogynists. Thank you for standing up for what is right. I hope you all stay safe and that your protest is a success.
“Safe” being a relative term in the context of Detroit…
Sorry, I couldn’t help it. :D
It’s frightening that they are following protestors with cameras and taking pictures if their license plates. :(
Downtown is pretty safe, actually.
Detroit is awesome. You should come visit.
Ahhh I wish I could go. I would’ve protested too. The things that are happening are really bothering me. Taking photos of license plates? It really shows what the mras are really like.
Dean is claiming in the comments on a local news site
http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2014/06/activists_call_international_m.html
that they do not condone the stalking, but I think he was there. I was not able to get a decent picture of the guy with a walkie-talkie who looked a lot like him.
sarah, thanks for the reports from the event! Also, I want to confirm that Detroit is indeed a fascinating city. I used to travel there regularly.
The guys who took pictures weren’t harassing in any other way besides the guy who followed a woman to her car.
There were like, 8 guys at Washington and Grand River who were yelling something at us. So we got a little louder :)
What Sarah said – downtown is quite safe. Also, Detroiters are wonderful, fun people! Chill out with some. :)
Sarah, thanks for the updates.
Any time I hear Detroit being described as if it was an open-air “Escape from New York” LARPing event, I remember that I live in Oakland. It’s actually quite nice, although you wouldn’t know it from what you tend to hear.
Huh, sounds like Detroit has changed a lot in the last couple of decades! When I was growing up just outside Windsor, the only non-awful places I remember there were going to the DIA or the Joe Louis for a Red Wings game. I’ll never forget when I was a teenager and got lost with two friends in a downtown wasteland part of Detroit on our way to a ballet exam. The cops we asked for directions laughed at us, and told us to lock our car doors and not stop for anything!
At least there are some decent people standing up for what’s right in the world.
I got dumped today because the guy I’ve been loving for the past year doesn’t actually care about me. After a year of tolerating his paranoia and constant accusations, doing everything in my power to make him feel safe and assuage his concerns, I told him I needed him to put a little faith in me. It’s the first time I asked anything of him. In response, he dumped me. I feel so fucking worthless right now I can’t bear it. I don’t want to feel anymore. I hate myself and I feel so stupid. I can’t do this anymore.
I’m sorry to hear that Marinerachel.
Hugs if you want them. You’re not worthless or stupid.
I’m so sorry, Marinerachel. You are not worthless. I promise you that. You’re in pain and everything sucks, but you are not worthless, and you’ll make it through this.
*hugs if you want them*
I’m sorry Marinerachel. It will get better though.
Give yourself a couple of weeks – a couple of months even – to rage and cry and feel what you feel, think what you think.
When it’s all had time to settle, you’ll look back on this as a lucky escape. You really wouldn’t have liked investing even more time, effort and love into someone who would have shown his uncaring, unhelpful side at some time or another. If he’d do it now, he’d do it some other time.
Adding to the “hugs if you want them”.
And no, you aren’t stupid or worthless.
@Marinerachel
I’m so sorry to hear about your pain. You may feel worthless, but you are not worthless. I have felt the same pain, and boy, does it hurt.
You say you can’t do this anymore. If you are feeling suicidal please call someone. (If I misinterpreted what you said, please forgive me.)
What mildlymagnificent said, marinerachel. If anyone’s going to be called worthless in this scenario, it’s him, not you. For all the pain now, you’re better off without him. You’ve had a year of paranoia and accusations – I’m betting it would have gotten worse; he sounds like an abuser in the making.
Lots of hugs from me.
All the hugs, marinerachel! He may not have been physically abusive, but the way he treated you was emotionally abusive. I’m glad you’re away from him, and hope you find happiness soon because you deserve it!
I’m new to commenting here, marinerachel, but I agree with the other posters.
hugs.
@marinerachel: sorry, been sleeping (thanks codeine! :) ) so have only just read your post now. It just fucking hurts when someone you love, that you have given so much support to, quits on you.
I give you the Victoria Cross* of being a loving, supportive partner to an emotional black hole. That’s what he is: he has sucked your attention, money, love, and affection for a year, they have gone past the event horizon never to be seen again. He’s so self-important he’s made himself the singularity in your life.
* You don’t get a Purple Heart because (1) you put yourself out on the battlefield of life and we’re recognising your fighting skills instead and (2) you’re a way cool person and that is also Victoria Cross material and (3) I’m not American so I’m not up on the medal system over there and I only know Purple Hearts from movies and fuck that shit.
You’re allowed to cry and cuss and mourn for the loss of your dreams. But from one who may have been in similar shoes to what you’re in right now, I am celebrating at my end over the fact that you have such a brighter future now than what you would have had with that guy. You are an awesome person, and he didn’t deserve you. I know you possibly don’t feel like at the moment, but you will. And it will be true! :)
I will pet each of my cats and tell them the pats are from you (I hope that’s okay).
Fuck I wish I lived closer to each one of you, because I hate being so physically distant and just typing over the internet feels like a cop-out. :(
Leander says he hopes you’re okay and sent you a bunch of purring. Sebina came back for more pets and purrs for you too. Panda wanted lots of petting, as did Tukituki. :)
Marinerachel:
That’s really horrible, I’m so sorry. You aren’t worthless or stupid and please don’t let this arsehole persuade you to hate yourself. He’s obviously a manipulative user and really not worth another thought.
I have a whole bunch of hugs over here if you’d like them.
Oh god, THIS.
Marinerachel, you are really strong for asking for what you needed. I’m sorry he couldn’t give you his trust. You are not worthless or stupid – you’re brilliant. Hugs.
marinerachel: I’m sorry you’re hurting, but from what you’ve said it sounds like he did you a favour. People like that are toxic. You aren’t stupid and worthless, the fact that he dumped you right when you stood up for yourself is very telling. You showed your worth and your smarts and he chucked a hissy fit because he couldn’t break you down. Abusers don’t want smart, confident people but most other people do. I hope your pain heals soon and you move on to be your awesome self.
Marinerachel, everything the others have said is absolutely true. He is the one with the problem, not you, and you have very fortunately dodged a bullet here. There is someone out there who can give you what you need and love you for who you are, but also you have everything you need to be happy within yourself. You sound like an open and honest person with much more emotional maturity than the dropkick who has just dumped you. Dust yourself off and keep an eye on the future. It is full of possibility. Continue being awesome :)
Marinerachel, you are one of the kindest people I’ve met in this site’s comment’s sections. You are not worthless; you are wonderful.
I’m sorry for your pain.
Hugs if you need them.
Love, hugs, and chocolate fudge cake heading (virtually) your way, marinerachel. I know it probably doesn’t feel this way right now, but your life will be infinitely better without that man in it.
Speaking of soul-sucking emotional vampires who never deserved the support and attention of women in the first place, has everyone seen this shit from the Good Men Project?
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/cc-you-should-have-given-it-time-an-open-letter-to-elliot-rodger/?utm_content=buffer23977&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Why anyone ever thought they were anything other than MRA-lite to begin with I’m not sure. I guess it’s that whole women being socialized to give men the benefit of the doubt thing again.
Cassandra,
That part about the nice Norwegian girl creeped me the fuck out.
Also! Just saw this.
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/27/republican_lawmaker_very_sorry_he_said_men_should_be_able_to_rape_women_if_abortion_is_legal/
What war on women, you guys? Everything looks fine to me. I mean, the guys at AVFM say they love their moms, so everything is fine, right?
Marinerachel, what a total tool. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserve better.
I’m twelve weeks pregnant. The first eight weeks featured unusual bleeding I mistook for a period and initial pregnancy tests were negative. Now all bleeding has ceased: no unusual spotting or sort of periods – and preg tests are consistently coming back positive. I want to die. I can imagine few things worse than this. I just want to die.
@marinerachel: *internet hugs to you* He’ll probably be back with roses and excuses. I know you’ll be tempted to take him back, because you’re an awesome and kind person, but take a break from him and I’m sure that after a while you’ll realise that you’d much rather go through the pain of a break-up than stay another minute with this guy.
@ cassandrykitty
Regarding that Good Men Project shit, I didn’t read all of the article or the comments (I know better), but I did catch this part in the author description: “He has a wife and two boys, but that could change if his wife ever gets her way…”
That tells me all I need to know.
@ marinerachel
Are you in a place where you can access abortion care easily, if you decide that’s what you want? If not, and you need us to help you find options that might be available to you, let us know. If that’s not what you want, and you need alternatives, we can probably help with that too. If what would help most would be just having people to talk to about what you’re going through, then we can be your sounding board too, if you want.
We have a lot of people from a huge variety of backgrounds here, including a bunch of people who’ve been knee-deep in feminist activism for years. This is exactly the kind of situation in which we should and hopefully can serve as a resource for a community member who needs help. So please, if there’s anything that you need that we might be able to help with, just ask.
@ BritterSweet
Seriously, they’re MRAs. This shit reminds me why I chose the nym that I did, because I feel like I’ve been sitting here going “wait, how is it that other people can’t see these guys for who they are?” since one of our community members was writing for that damn site.
An MRA who claims to be a “good man” isn’t a non-MRA, he’s just a liar.
@marinerachel: oh gosh, I just read your last comment. Please don’t lose hope! I’m sure you have more options than you realise. Is there a doctor you can go to? Or if you are in the US, a Planned Parenthood? Whatever you decide, things are not hopeless, and there are people who would be more than happy to help you without judging you.
Maybe calling a women’s shelter would be a good step. If this guy has been having jealous fits and has been tampering with your birth control, that’s very serious.
oh em gee the comments under that ms article!
Someones like ‘feminists just get annoyed by our truths so they dig out some horrible thing we’ve said about rape to use as a straw man against us’.
LEARN WHAT STRAW MAN MEANS!
Gah, the weather is far too nice for this horror.
Adding to the love for Marinerachel. It must be awful but it will get better.
And I just saw the update from Marinerachel. Things are never hopeless. As cassandrakitty says there’s a whole bunch of people here with lots of experiences. Please just ask for anything you need and know that people care a lot.
@marinerachel, fuck, sometimes it feels like life just eases up a bit so it can pull it’s arm back a little further before it gives you another wallop.
Have you got someone you can talk to, to work through emotions, let alone choices and so forth? I really feel that a safe person that you can physically access, who is caring (and if you want can give you options and facts) would be so helpful.
I wish I could assist. I’m thinking of you.
marinerachel – that’s a new layer of awful compounded on the original terrible. Is your ex aware that you’re pregnant? Make every effort to keep him at arm’s length while you’re deciding what to do. He’s already demonstrated that he’s selfish, controlling, and doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Is there anyone else you can turn to for emotional support – a trusted friend, family member, co-worker, clergy?
We’re all here for you. There’s a lot of caring commenters here who can give good, realistic advice if needed, or just offer a shoulder to cry on. Internet hugs. You’re not alone in this.
We’re all here for you. There’s a lot of caring commenters here who can give good, realistic advice if needed, or just offer a shoulder to cry on. Internet hugs. You’re not alone in this.
Absolutely!
marinerachel, which country/which state are you in? if you let us know which country you’re in then we can probably give some more specific help.
If you’re in the UK, get yourself to a GP or to a sexual health clinic and they will be able to give you advice and support.
Also for more internet based advice and support I really recommend the forum, Friends of Captain Awkward. It’s a forum dedicated to giving advice and support, from everything from practical recomendations of help to pictures of cats: http://friendsofcaptainawkward.com/forum/index.php?sid=708b9e7e314204e6459ca58c5ac8b9e5
There are loads of really incredible people there who have access to helpful advice and who come from all walks of life.
We are all rooting for you and we want to help you.
I need an ultrasound to determine whether it’s ectopic. If it is, I’m going to the hospital for emergency termination. I’m trying to figure out the fastest way to get an abdominal ultrasound in BC. Unless it is ectopic, I have no business taking up space at the hospital but I don’t know how to get a referral and appointment for an ultrasound in the next day or two. I guess I’ll use a walk in clinic, tell them my concern and have the doc refer me and the office assistant make the appointment for ASAP.
If it’s not ectopic I have a decision to make but abortion services are readily available whether I choose to utilised them or not. I just know they become less accessible after twelve weeks so I have to think and act fast, certainly before sixteen weeks.
Also, zero chance of him or me tampering with birth control. I have an IUD.
marinerachel,
I’m sorry this is so hard and that you’re hurting. You have every right to “take up space”. You deserve to be wherever you need to be.
You did the right thing in standing up for your needs. You don’t need a man like that in your life. You aren’t worthless. You’re wonderful. I’m so glad you are someplace safe where you can get the medical help you need at this time. You’re going to be OK. Even though you can’t find your hope right now, it will turn up.
Have a virtual cup of hot tea on me. Hugs, if you want them.
I’m sorry I can’t give you more. You deserve all the support. I’ll be here though and so will alot of other people who care about you. <3
So glad you’re in Canada! At least that makes the access part of things easier if you need it.
@Robert
I had coffee in Grand Lake not long ago and had a good laugh about that, actually. The only scary thing there was the prices. Yes, there are sketchy parts of Oakland, and the cops are sometimes more harm than help, but really, the reason people think it’s some kind of terrifying dystopia is racism.