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a voice for men a woman is always to blame advocacy of violence antifeminism boner rage divorce domestic violence empathy deficit entitled babies evil moms evil sexy ladies evil wives excusing abuse imaginary oppression men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA oppressed men patriarchy paul elam playing the victim taking pleasure in women's pain

She deserved the ass-kicking of a lifetime: Paul Elam of A Voice for Men justifies violence against women in a disturbing short story

 

Men being oppressed by domestic violence treatment
Men being oppressed by domestic violence treatment

A Voice for Men founder Paul Elam is so full of it on virtually every subject he opines about – from domestic violence to women’s spending habits – that much of what he writes might be best classified as fiction. He would no doubt disagree, but then again he’s not big on self-awareness.

But in addition to writing much inadvertent or unadmitted fiction, Elam has also tried his hand at fiction of the more traditional sort. I ran across one of his short stories the other day, and I’d like to share it with you, because it is quite possibly the most revealing piece I’ve writing I’ve ever seen from him.

As fiction, it is, of course, terrible, written in a clunky, melodramatic style one can only describe, with a shudder, as highly Paul Elam-esque. Elam doesn’t exactly have the skills or the subtlety to create an even vaguely believable fictional world. The story is essentially a polemic in story form – an extended argument justifying domestic violence against women.

No, really.

The story is called “Anger Management,” and it ran in something called “The Oddville Press,” an online journal. A copy of the issue with Elam’s story in it is available through Google books.

As Elam explains in his intro, the story is based on the nearly twenty years he claims to have been a drug and alcohol counselor. He notes that domestic violence was a recurring issue with those he counseled, but then goes on to say that “sometimes the stories were not as predictable or stereotypical as what people hear about.”

The story he tells, which takes place in some sort of court-ordered Domestic Violence treatment group, purports to be one of these less-stereotypical tales.

In the story, a domestic abuser named Howard Franks reluctantly opens up to the group about the domestic violence incident that landed him in jail, and which is now forcing him to attend the group.

His is a story that could have been ripped from the headlines – of A Voice for Men.

For Howard, you see, had been living a blameless and seemingly perfect life until six weeks earlier. He was happily married, with two wonderful daughters, and a thriving business. Then his father died, and his wife convinced him it would be best for him to fly alone to Baltimore to attend the funeral.

And that’s when the misandry hit the fan. As Howard tells his rapt audience in the DV group,

flowers

Oh no she didn’t! Oh, yes she did.

Arriving home, he finds the house empty. His wife had taken his money, stashed the kids with her mother, and run off with his business partner, who also claimed their joint business as his own, because apparently if you run off with your business partner’s wife you’re just allowed to do that.

He heads to his business partner’s house, where, adding insult to injury, his wife comes to the door “wearing a silk robe I gave her last Christmas.”

All he can ask is why. And so she tells him what every woman who suddenly and unexpectedly decides to end a 16-year marriage tells her poor, innocent, soon-to-be ex-hubby: because he just wasn’t cutting it in the sack.

loser

Oh, but Howard’s sad tale of sexual humiliation isn’t done quite yet. And ex-wife isn’t done talking:

cock

Because that’s totally something a real woman would say to her husband of 16 years after having unexpectedly left him while he was attending his father’s funeral.

Elam has also answered a long-standing question of mine, which is: what is the proper verb to use when a tear [blanks] down your cheek? The proper verb is “to track.”

Well, naturally – naturally! – our hero Howard has to respond somehow to soon-to-be-ex-wife’s terrible insult. So, like a totally reasonable fellow,

nose

Ah, yes, Howard is just another sad statistic of domestic violence!

Because of course, in Elam’s story, Howard is the real victim here, so cruelly forced to go to jail for totally understandably breaking his wife’s nose. So cruelly forced to sit in a room with other dudes and talk about how he broke his wife’s nose, as if it were a bad thing.

The DV counselor, the aforementioned Ms. Pitts, asks him if his wife deserved a broken nose.

asskicking

Even the DV counselor is so humbled by the righteousness of Howard’s anger that she sits silently as he details the final indignity of his case: that he’s not allowed to see his daughters until his treatment is done – just because he broke his wife’s nose with his fist.

There’s nothing subtle about Elam’s story or its message. We are supposed to empathize entirely with Howard and his plight. We are expected to mutter “fucking A, right,” along with the anonymous man in his audience after Howard explains that his wife deserved more than a broken nose. We are supposed to look with disgust on the “white knight” who interrupts Howard’s narrative to point out that what he did was wrong.

This is, to put it bluntly, a story suggesting that in many cases violence against women is justified, and then some, by their bad behavior – and that the real victims are the men who are punished for their violence by spending a short time in jail, by having to go to DV treatment, and by prohibitions on contact with their children.

In Elam’s notorious post advocating “beat a violent bitch month,” his excuse for justifying violence against women was that the “violent bitches” he was talking about had started the violence – even though the extreme retribution he suggested was justifiable went far beyond simple self-defense.

In this story, though, there is no question of self-defense; he is suggesting that violence towards women is an appropriate form of retribution for women who “do men wrong” by leaving them for other men. It’s striking that the trigger for Howard’s violence is sexual jealousy and humiliation – specifically, the thought of his wife, even after she’s left him, fellating another man.

And yet Elam convinces himself – and tries to convince his readers – that Howard is the real victim here. I scarcely have to add that this is how actual abusers think. And that no one who thinks this way can conceivably be considered a “human rights” advocate of any kind.

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kittehserf
6 years ago

It’s how ordinary girls used to get pregnant most of time.

Showing that not only is he a disgusting rape apologist (and wannabe or actual rapist) but he knows jack shit about history.

Also, A+++ for your comment.

You’ve a stronger stomach than I have, WeCookedTheMammoth, going to that site.

WeCookedTheMammoth
WeCookedTheMammoth
6 years ago

@ kittehserf:

Believe me, most of the comments on that site seriously make me nauseated. But the only way for this disgusting “movement” to be exposed for what it is – thinly-veiled, pure hatred of women and open condoning of violence against them – is for people to read those nauseating comments and articles and show them on sites like this one.

Ally S
6 years ago

[CN: rape]

“Truth is women like forceful sex, because you then represent one of the men that have just conquered her village by force, killed her father, brothers and sons and raped her. It’s how ordinary girls used to get pregnant most of time. It is the reason why women are hypergamous too. Mentally they are ready to submit to the stronger and more powerful men because the alternative is getting killed like the rest of the peasants from her village.”

And yet when Susan Brownmiller said that “[Male-on-female rape is] a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear”, somehow she was just making things up. PUAs are severely lacking in self-awareness. And empathy as well, given that despite inadvertently confirming that men as a class instill the fear of rape in women, they conclude that women just like to be raped.

(Also, in case it’s not clear, that Brownmiller quote doesn’t imply that all men are rapists – it just implies that even the non-rapist men benefit from this power dynamic.)

Ally S
6 years ago

@WeCookedTheMammoth

Nthing the notion that your username is fantastic.

kittehserf
6 years ago

WeCookedTheMammoth – truth. It’s one more reason I’m grateful to David, and you, and the people who go to these sites. I don’t think I could do it. Or if I did, I’d need SO MUCH brain bleach afterward that I’d have no time to do anything but look at kitty videos.

Speaking of which: Kodi!

http://youtu.be/wK9Hvyyp7RE

WeCookedTheMammoth
WeCookedTheMammoth
6 years ago

@ Ally S:

Thanks. 😀

Yeah, the whole “women love forceful sex, especially forceful anal sex” is a recurring trope in the “manosphere.” Allegedly, the more you f*** a woman extremely coldly, forcefully, brutally, and harshly, the more she will cling to you and become your “bitch slave” because she recognizes you as a dominant alpha. She will even be begging for your cock so much that you will have to fight her off! I wish I were making this up, but I see this shit over and over in that comment section. Word for word.

My only hope is that these males really are just mostly Internet tough guys and keyboard jockeys, and that their real-life experience with real women is severely limited.

WeCookedTheMammoth
WeCookedTheMammoth
6 years ago

@ kittehserf:

Re: the kitty video. SO TRUE!!!!

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Can I just point out the complete absurdity of anyone expecting some random woman who just had her earbuds yanked out to respond as if she were a fully trained EMT? That’s taking the idea that woman=mommy to brand new heights of ridiculousness.

WeCookedTheMammoth
WeCookedTheMammoth
6 years ago

OK, I’m gonna call it a night, guys and gals, but before I go, I wanted to inject a little positivity and maybe hope that there are actually people who see this bullshit “movement” for what it is this. This is a quote from someone named Martin from the comment section of Return of Kings (I quoted him previously on another WHTM article). I think he has seen the light:

“I am a man who cares deeply about issues that affect men, such as prison rape, paternity leave, fathers’ rights, the sexual abuse of young men and boys, and prostate cancer. The difference between myself and the idiots on this site is that I actually DO something about these issues; I am an activist, and I think some of you skells here would be surprised that there are MANY feminists (yeah, those same feminists who are out to destroy you! Ooooooohhhh scary!) who are active supporters of men’s causes. Fancy that! Of course, being keyboard jockeys who spread hate and negativity and never actually leave the house to volunteer for any of these causes, you’d never know that.

When I was introduced to the MRA movement, I mistakenly assumed that it really did genuinely care about issues pertaining to men. What I found was a loose collection of “game” bullshit, interwoven with half-assed PUA nonsense and prevailing current of absolute, pure, unadulterated hatred for women.

This “movement” is fucking garbage. I’m a working man who goes to school, has an awesome girlfriend, lots of friends, both male and female, gay and straight, black and white. I refuse to get sucked into this hateful dark pit which, underneath it all, has absolutely nothing to so with male issues whatsoever.

This weekend I will be marching in a protest against male prison rape. My girlfriend will be right by my side, as will my sister and several female friends. What will you all be doing? Spewing hate into the Internet while doing nothing to improve the situation with which you are so purportedly outraged?

You cretins make me laugh. I am done with this site.”

Interestingly, he has 5 upvotes and no one has countered him yet.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

You’ve a stronger stomach than I have, WeCookedTheMammoth, going to that site.

Truth. Before I discovered this site, I checked the Spearhead out of morbid curiosity. Oof! Never again. It had something to do with sexual harassment at conventions and the comments section was full of fantasies about beating up women who complained about sexual harassment.

kittehserf
6 years ago

If I were having a heart attack, or a stroke, yanking someone’s earbuds is not what I’d be doing.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Niters, WeCookedTheMammoth! That Martin bloke has nailed it.

Marie
Marie
6 years ago

@kittehs

If I were to have a heart attack, I’d probably be flailing on the floor hoping someone would notice. Or, more realistically, not notice, and then wonder why I’m getting deader* :p

*many heart attack symptoms in women and panic attacks have lots of the same symptoms

Marie
Marie
6 years ago

wow everything in the phrasing in my last post sucks and my brain isn’t working with me atm :/

kittehserf
6 years ago

Nah, your phrasing was clear, Marie.

I did wonder what was happening the only time I had a panic attack. It was scary – in fact I suspect it would have been less scary if I’d thought it was a heart attack (because then maybe I’d get the hell OUT of here and go Home permanently).

Marie
Marie
6 years ago

@kittehs

Bloop. Panic attacks suck, sorry that you had one 🙁

I’m all out of my happy panic attack pills this makes me sad.

The first time I got a panic attack I thought I was simultaneously dying and over reacting. The fact that I didn’t die made me assume it was an overreaction, and I went undiagnosed with them for like…at least 4 years I think.

wow I hope I’m not derailing.

My phrasing was off cuz I didn’t do the words right? I think the posts I’ve seen on heartattacks in women are very focused on cis women and don’t say much on what causes it or saying symptoms if they are same/ different for trans women or non binary people and I couldn’t articulate that the moment I typed so I just went

Um many symptoms heart attacks + panic attack symptoms lots and hoped I got all my words right and really …didn’t.

I hope this worked though, cuz I feel like I actually articualted shit here.

wow I just realized this is kind of a derail…

contrapangloss
6 years ago

@cassandrakitty

Can I just point out the complete absurdity of anyone expecting some random woman who just had her earbuds yanked out to respond as if she were a fully trained EMT?

Truth. I really, really can’t argue with that. Feel free to point it out, and any other absurdities that you notice.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

@ contrapangloss

That comment wasn’t aimed specifically at you, btw! I was just getting annoyed with the way the conversation in general was drifting for a while.

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

No problem. It is not guilt-tripping, as I see it. Ken’s response just sounded common sense to me. I am one of those people whose initial impulse indeed would be to check on the person approaching me in a startling way to make sure they are OK first, but I understand it may not be the optimal or even appropriate response, depending on the situation.

But that’s not the point, either. As kittehserf pointed out as well, Ken brought it up in a conversation about men feeling entitled to women’s attention and how they react physically if they are ignored. He didn’t provide any context, nor did he say he expected this advice to extend to men, too. As is often the case with double standards, well of cooooouurse men should be held accountable as well, but conveniently the advice is only brought up when we discuss women. Isn’t it also convienient that men aren’t usually the ones being harassed either?

To echo Lea’s comment, It is extremely arrogant to assume women haven’t thought about this stuff, like they haven’t heard the same advice that basically boils down to: “pay attention to the man who ignores your boundaries! He may be a nice guy/be your future love/be shy/be awkward/suffer from a mental issue/suffer from a disability/be having a heart attack/be the next step in human evolution in need of just a little attention from you before blooming into a mutant mastermind who saves the economy, stops war and hunger and builds a prosperous utopia for all humanity, otherwise he blows his brains out on the spot, why do you hate humanity, bitch?/etc.” a million times already.

I remember the one time I tried to give clueless “advice” like this to people who have experienced it all a million times. After being given the enlightening (and justifiably snarky) response, I was left with nothing but “yeah, I guess it was kind of a stupid thing to say.”

There is also something else off about your comment, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Wait, didn’t cassandrakitty have a good point? Where was it, hmmm…

Can I just point out the complete absurdity of anyone expecting some random woman who just had her earbuds yanked out to respond as if she were a fully trained EMT?

Oh, yeah. THIS.

kittehserf
6 years ago

be the next step in human evolution in need of just a little attention from you before blooming into a mutant mastermind who saves the economy, stops war and hunger and builds a prosperous utopia for all humanity, otherwise he blows his brains out on the spot, why do you hate humanity, bitch?

but but but

Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart would never do that!

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

@kittehserf:

but but but

Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart would never do that!

Since I don’t have a witty comeback, just allow me to say that, as a straight man, I find Hugh Jackman awesomely handsome.

And Patrick Stewart is just plain awesome. Relevant to this thread:
comment image

historophilia
historophilia
6 years ago

I’m also slightly less than inclined to be nice to Ken since he described people calling him out for ableism as “lying bullshit”.

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

Re: Patrick Stewart:
I mostly think Jezebel is terrible, but they got of lot of things right with this list IMO: http://jezebel.com/jezebels-hot-100-the-men-we-love-ranked-1578735833

See #1

katz
6 years ago

As is often the case with double standards, well of cooooouurse men should be held accountable as well, but conveniently the advice is only brought up when we discuss women.

“This statement applies equally to everyone and I just coincidentally happen to only bring it up in the context of group X” is one of my pet peeves. It’s annoying because it comes with a built-in derail.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Yeah, I’m with CassandraSays on this one. Especially since the most recent creeper, who I’ve had to avoid multiple times now on account of him hovering outside my damn apartment building, used his deafness as a way to infringe on my space and grab me and kiss me.

That shit don’t fly. There’s misunderstanding, and then there’s coincidentally misunderstanding in all the ways that allow you to grope a stranger. GEE THAT SURE SOUNDS COINCIDENTAL MISTER. (I’m hard-of-hearing myself. I know how frustrating it is to deal with a world that assumes you can hear everything. And yet, somehow, my hearing issues have never led to me groping strangers on the street.)

I’m not an EMT. I’m a stranger. And yet, somehow, all of the strangers I’ve encountered who seemed to be having health problems (seizure in one case; premature labor in another) somehow managed to have these problems in such a way that they DIDN’T grab me.

Like, seriously, what Ken is describing sounds like a whole string of unlikely coincidences that we’re supposed to accept as gold standard, when this whole fucking post is about guys trying to make excuses for infringing women’s personal space. Like, sure, it’s POSSIBLE a guy might be having a physical or mental problem that leads them to completely innocently yank a woman’s earbuds out or their hat off or something… but it’s probably MORE POSSIBLE that they’re just being an asshole.

I’m kind of surprised this is even being a thing, guys. WTF. I’ve collapsed in a subway station before crying because of health problems, I’ve been there, but why on earth in such a situation would I be so driven to grab a stranger and get in their space?

kittehserf
6 years ago

LBT – ::applauds:: Yeah, the claim that a man grabbing a woman’s earbuds might be having health problems is so full of nonsense (and I’m putting it kindly).

grumpycat – I didn’t know most of the names in Jezebel’s list, but yep, love their number one names!

There was a piece on Sir Ian and Sir Patrick in The Age this week. Didja know that Sir Ian was the celebrant at Sir Patrick’s wedding? Someone asked him before it happened, “What are you doing this week?” and he answered, “Marrying Patrick Stewart.” 😛

Okay, the weirdest thing ever has happened to my keyboard – when I try to type a double quote, the @ shows instead, and vice versa. Has anyone had that happen – symbols suddenly going from different keys???

neuroticbeagle
6 years ago

Okay, the weirdest thing ever has happened to my keyboard – when I try to type a double quote, the @ shows instead, and vice versa. Has anyone had that happen – symbols suddenly going from different keys???

Have Mads or Fribs been playing with the computer? The Furrinati do enjoy messing with computers.
comment image

kittehserf
6 years ago

LOL I love that pic. Makes me think, now, of the bits in the Joe Grey books where Joe and Dulcie make anonymous tip-offs to the police.

Mads and Fribs are innocent, in this case, unless it was their superior cat brain beams doing it. It happened between one comment and the next. Apparently it is a thing – I found other people asking about it via Google. Fixing the region settings and restarting the computer has cleared it, for the moment.

Such a weird thing to happen, and why those keys?

neuroticbeagle
6 years ago

Who knows? Computers are the one thing that love screwing with people’s minds more than the Furrinati.

Owen
Owen
6 years ago

Looks like your keyboard layout got switched from US to UK. And for the rest of the thread, and the OP, what everyone else said, and argh! as appropriate.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: Kittehs

I mean, sure, for just about any scenario under the sun, you can think of some unusual exception. She could be born with it… or maybe it’s Maybelline! That kind of shit.

The thing is… those are UNUSUAL scenarios. That’s kinda the whole point! Like sure, maybe that person waving a gun around is actually suffering some kind of episode and the gun is totally unloaded and harmless… but a lot of people aren’t going to take that chance.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Owen – yeah, that’s what I thought, but it was still on UK settings. It’s still working after a couple of restarts.

Now if only I could find a way to permanently delete that *&$#%^ Homegroup icon from my desktop. Zombie thing keeps coming back however often I kill it.

My ex-boss’s rude remarks about Bill Gates and gumboots come to mind at the moment.

lowquacks
lowquacks
6 years ago

Not terribly related:

Was administered a survey today (one rather clumsily and transparently designed to lead the survey-taker to whichever brand of Christianity the surveyors were representing, but I did my bit anyway) by a man who was the spitting image of Paul Elam. Bloke seemed nice enough but it was tricky to not look at him and think “scumbag” through no fault of his own.

Was scary going from “oh wow, that guy looks just like Paul Elam” to “oh shit, he’s talking to me.”

kittehserf
6 years ago

lowquacks, long time no see! How are you?

Gad, an Elam look-alike taking surveys?

lowquacks
lowquacks
6 years ago

@kittehs

I’m doing pretty well! Have just been doing a lot less online MRA-mocking. Two new members of the Furrinati in the household now; housecat in a suburb up north had had a litter, so they’re sisters (neuter your pets, everyone!) . They’re teeny-tiny little whitey-gingery-tabby shorthairs, which is a change from the enormous fluffy dark-tabbies we’ve had before, and they’re adorable (and very spoiled). They’re a little delicate and pale-skinned to be outside cats but we’ve made them a little run out the back with catgrass and a ramp and a hanging toy and all the usual benefits of being outside. Beautiful cats. Still play with each other, groom each other and fall asleep cuddling each other.

Dessie’s still not sure about them but there’s a truce of sorts in which she’s recognised as Top Cat and she can always go outside or into her designated sanctuary in my room so she’s not too unhappy.

Rest of my family is actually heading down your way week after next, but I’m staying back to do my last week of uni and look after the house/kitties.

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
6 years ago

I do find it a bit of a pity that Patrick Stewart is sooo gendered always wrt DV but I still love him with all my heart. He is downright angry about DV and that just gives him a special place for me; he also shares my brand of cynicism (wrote a foreword for Transmetropolitan, which if you know what it’s about you’ll get), is super openly anti bigotry in general, and seriously just seems like a cool person.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Squeeeeeeeeeeeee new kitties!

I hope (she said in her best school principal voice) there will be citations photos.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Wants kitten pics.

lowquacks
lowquacks
6 years ago

@Kittehs

I don’t really have anything that properly captures the pure kinetic energy of the pair, but here’s Kishie, the bigger of the pair. She’s also the biggest fraidy cat, but is highly protective if she thinks her sister’s in danger, which is often, because she’s a little bit of a paranoid puss. She’s got one pink pawpad and was going to be called Kochka, which is Russian (basically) for a lady cat, but then Mum decided it’d be shortened to Kochie and that’d just be unfortunate.

This one‘s Billie, named in homage to the Belgian cartoon. She’s a little louder and more inquisitive and has just about every type of fur colour or pattern you can imagine in a cat at least somewhere on her (no blue) and nose and pawpads in both dark and light colours.

Both have incredible deep strong thrumming purrs and looking into their little shared tent-bed thing while they’re cuddled up purring together is pretty incredible.

lowquacks
lowquacks
6 years ago

The link with “Belgian cartoon” should point to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_the_Cat.

For international readers: Kochie, in Australia, calls up visions of a particularly corny breakfast-TV host.

kittehserf
6 years ago

::collapses into puddle of squee::

They are ADORABLE! So pretty! Bille’s torbie colours are very much like Maddie’s.

lowquacks
lowquacks
6 years ago

You’ll notice Bill’s got some attention-seeking makeup on. Different eyeliner on each eye! And a male-sounding name. Such a misandristic kitty cat.

kittehserf
6 years ago

Kitties are the best at misandry.

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
6 years ago

Beeeeautiful kitties, lowquacks. <3

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Cute kitties. Dracarys also has black eyeliner on one eye like the misandering trollop she is 😀

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

For Hrovitnir (and anyone else): Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen play “The Newlywed Game”

chimisaur
chimisaur
6 years ago

Okay, coming super-late to this thread, and responding to a derail, at that, but…

The first time I got a panic attack I thought I was simultaneously dying and over reacting.

This is eerily identical to my experience, right down to concluding “overreaction” thus failing to find treatment until things got much, much, worse. I wonder if this is a common thing come of general societal gaslighting of women as a whole. I know when I contracted a kidney infection in high-school I was treated as a hypochondriac by actual doctors for a good week reporting non-specific abdominal pain before I managed to spike a fever and look legit enough for treatment, and something tells me that attitude regarding female pain is not uncommon, nor unnoticed by women in general (/rant)

As for the headphones thing (attempting to atone for my derailment sins with on topic stuff), not only are creepers prone to using ‘disability’ as an excuse for shitty behavior, but it is totally possible for the disadvantaged (either physically, mentally or pharmacutically) to be assholes too, because that’s just a chance with all humans. The last person on the train that seriously invaded my boundaries obviously had something off with his speech (although I’m inclined to think it was probably drug related, but that’s neither here nor there) but that was no excuse for grabbing me and letting me know about his personal foot fetish and what he wanted to do to my pretty shoes, then chasing me around the station yelling “pretty feet” until I felt so unsafe in the (very crowded) station that I ran into the first (wrong) train that showed up as the doors shut. The fact bystanders saw this as either funny or not enough of a problem to intervene underlines the point that women’s feelings of personal safety are not often taken seriously, and over time this does lead to a bit of touchiness when we are asked to consider the other party in any way as a response to expressing feeling unsafe.

P.S. – Patrick Stewart is amazing 🙂

chimisaur
chimisaur
6 years ago

KITTENS! 😀 I WANT TO SQUISH THEM!!! (in a loving, not harmful way). You are a lucky servant of the furrinati to be so blessed with tiny fuzzy overlords.

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
6 years ago

@emilygoddess: That video is pure perfection! I love those two together!

@lowquacks: Those kitties are the most squeeable misandrist things!

Marie
Marie
6 years ago

@chimisaur

This is eerily identical to my experience, right down to concluding “overreaction” thus failing to find treatment until things got much, much, worse.

If you don’t mind me asking (ignore if this bugs you) how bad did yours get? I had them for ages and never did anything about it, until I was incapacitated for a whole day because of them. 🙁 Which I’d hope isn’t common, but I’m guessing not.

I wonder if this is a common thing come of general societal gaslighting of women as a whole. I know when I contracted a kidney infection in high-school I was treated as a hypochondriac by actual doctors for a good week reporting non-specific abdominal pain before I managed to spike a fever and look legit enough for treatment, and something tells me that attitude regarding female pain is not uncommon, nor unnoticed by women in general (/rant)

I’m pretty sure it is common thing in society. but idk how to put in words why.

@lowquacks

your kittens are so adorable! :3