About these ads

She deserved the ass-kicking of a lifetime: Paul Elam of A Voice for Men justifies violence against women in a disturbing short story

 

Men being oppressed by domestic violence treatment

Men being oppressed by domestic violence treatment

A Voice for Men founder Paul Elam is so full of it on virtually every subject he opines about – from domestic violence to women’s spending habits – that much of what he writes might be best classified as fiction. He would no doubt disagree, but then again he’s not big on self-awareness.

But in addition to writing much inadvertent or unadmitted fiction, Elam has also tried his hand at fiction of the more traditional sort. I ran across one of his short stories the other day, and I’d like to share it with you, because it is quite possibly the most revealing piece I’ve writing I’ve ever seen from him.

As fiction, it is, of course, terrible, written in a clunky, melodramatic style one can only describe, with a shudder, as highly Paul Elam-esque. Elam doesn’t exactly have the skills or the subtlety to create an even vaguely believable fictional world. The story is essentially a polemic in story form – an extended argument justifying domestic violence against women.

No, really.

The story is called “Anger Management,” and it ran in something called “The Oddville Press,” an online journal. A copy of the issue with Elam’s story in it is available through Google books.

As Elam explains in his intro, the story is based on the nearly twenty years he claims to have been a drug and alcohol counselor. He notes that domestic violence was a recurring issue with those he counseled, but then goes on to say that “sometimes the stories were not as predictable or stereotypical as what people hear about.”

The story he tells, which takes place in some sort of court-ordered Domestic Violence treatment group, purports to be one of these less-stereotypical tales.

In the story, a domestic abuser named Howard Franks reluctantly opens up to the group about the domestic violence incident that landed him in jail, and which is now forcing him to attend the group.

His is a story that could have been ripped from the headlines – of A Voice for Men.

For Howard, you see, had been living a blameless and seemingly perfect life until six weeks earlier. He was happily married, with two wonderful daughters, and a thriving business. Then his father died, and his wife convinced him it would be best for him to fly alone to Baltimore to attend the funeral.

And that’s when the misandry hit the fan. As Howard tells his rapt audience in the DV group,

flowers

Oh no she didn’t! Oh, yes she did.

Arriving home, he finds the house empty. His wife had taken his money, stashed the kids with her mother, and run off with his business partner, who also claimed their joint business as his own, because apparently if you run off with your business partner’s wife you’re just allowed to do that.

He heads to his business partner’s house, where, adding insult to injury, his wife comes to the door “wearing a silk robe I gave her last Christmas.”

All he can ask is why. And so she tells him what every woman who suddenly and unexpectedly decides to end a 16-year marriage tells her poor, innocent, soon-to-be ex-hubby: because he just wasn’t cutting it in the sack.

loser

Oh, but Howard’s sad tale of sexual humiliation isn’t done quite yet. And ex-wife isn’t done talking:

cock

Because that’s totally something a real woman would say to her husband of 16 years after having unexpectedly left him while he was attending his father’s funeral.

Elam has also answered a long-standing question of mine, which is: what is the proper verb to use when a tear [blanks] down your cheek? The proper verb is “to track.”

Well, naturally – naturally! – our hero Howard has to respond somehow to soon-to-be-ex-wife’s terrible insult. So, like a totally reasonable fellow,

nose

Ah, yes, Howard is just another sad statistic of domestic violence!

Because of course, in Elam’s story, Howard is the real victim here, so cruelly forced to go to jail for totally understandably breaking his wife’s nose. So cruelly forced to sit in a room with other dudes and talk about how he broke his wife’s nose, as if it were a bad thing.

The DV counselor, the aforementioned Ms. Pitts, asks him if his wife deserved a broken nose.

asskicking

Even the DV counselor is so humbled by the righteousness of Howard’s anger that she sits silently as he details the final indignity of his case: that he’s not allowed to see his daughters until his treatment is done – just because he broke his wife’s nose with his fist.

There’s nothing subtle about Elam’s story or its message. We are supposed to empathize entirely with Howard and his plight. We are expected to mutter “fucking A, right,” along with the anonymous man in his audience after Howard explains that his wife deserved more than a broken nose. We are supposed to look with disgust on the “white knight” who interrupts Howard’s narrative to point out that what he did was wrong.

This is, to put it bluntly, a story suggesting that in many cases violence against women is justified, and then some, by their bad behavior – and that the real victims are the men who are punished for their violence by spending a short time in jail, by having to go to DV treatment, and by prohibitions on contact with their children.

In Elam’s notorious post advocating “beat a violent bitch month,” his excuse for justifying violence against women was that the “violent bitches” he was talking about had started the violence – even though the extreme retribution he suggested was justifiable went far beyond simple self-defense.

In this story, though, there is no question of self-defense; he is suggesting that violence towards women is an appropriate form of retribution for women who “do men wrong” by leaving them for other men. It’s striking that the trigger for Howard’s violence is sexual jealousy and humiliation – specifically, the thought of his wife, even after she’s left him, fellating another man.

And yet Elam convinces himself – and tries to convince his readers – that Howard is the real victim here. I scarcely have to add that this is how actual abusers think. And that no one who thinks this way can conceivably be considered a “human rights” advocate of any kind.

About these ads

Posted on May 19, 2014, in a voice for men, a woman is always to blame, advocacy of violence, antifeminism, boner rage, divorce, domestic violence, empathy deficit, entitled babies, evil moms, evil sexy ladies, evil wives, excusing abuse, imaginary oppression, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, patriarchy, paul elam, playing the victim, taking pleasure in women's pain and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 265 Comments.

  1. If I were having a heart attack, or a stroke, yanking someone’s earbuds is not what I’d be doing.

  2. Niters, WeCookedTheMammoth! That Martin bloke has nailed it.

  3. @kittehs

    If I were to have a heart attack, I’d probably be flailing on the floor hoping someone would notice. Or, more realistically, not notice, and then wonder why I’m getting deader* :p

    *many heart attack symptoms in women and panic attacks have lots of the same symptoms

  4. wow everything in the phrasing in my last post sucks and my brain isn’t working with me atm :/

  5. Nah, your phrasing was clear, Marie.

    I did wonder what was happening the only time I had a panic attack. It was scary – in fact I suspect it would have been less scary if I’d thought it was a heart attack (because then maybe I’d get the hell OUT of here and go Home permanently).

  6. @kittehs

    Bloop. Panic attacks suck, sorry that you had one :(

    I’m all out of my happy panic attack pills this makes me sad.

    The first time I got a panic attack I thought I was simultaneously dying and over reacting. The fact that I didn’t die made me assume it was an overreaction, and I went undiagnosed with them for like…at least 4 years I think.

    wow I hope I’m not derailing.

    My phrasing was off cuz I didn’t do the words right? I think the posts I’ve seen on heartattacks in women are very focused on cis women and don’t say much on what causes it or saying symptoms if they are same/ different for trans women or non binary people and I couldn’t articulate that the moment I typed so I just went

    Um many symptoms heart attacks + panic attack symptoms lots and hoped I got all my words right and really …didn’t.

    I hope this worked though, cuz I feel like I actually articualted shit here.

    wow I just realized this is kind of a derail…

  7. @cassandrakitty

    Can I just point out the complete absurdity of anyone expecting some random woman who just had her earbuds yanked out to respond as if she were a fully trained EMT?

    Truth. I really, really can’t argue with that. Feel free to point it out, and any other absurdities that you notice.

  8. cassandrakitty

    @ contrapangloss

    That comment wasn’t aimed specifically at you, btw! I was just getting annoyed with the way the conversation in general was drifting for a while.

  9. No problem. It is not guilt-tripping, as I see it. Ken’s response just sounded common sense to me. I am one of those people whose initial impulse indeed would be to check on the person approaching me in a startling way to make sure they are OK first, but I understand it may not be the optimal or even appropriate response, depending on the situation.

    But that’s not the point, either. As kittehserf pointed out as well, Ken brought it up in a conversation about men feeling entitled to women’s attention and how they react physically if they are ignored. He didn’t provide any context, nor did he say he expected this advice to extend to men, too. As is often the case with double standards, well of cooooouurse men should be held accountable as well, but conveniently the advice is only brought up when we discuss women. Isn’t it also convienient that men aren’t usually the ones being harassed either?

    To echo Lea’s comment, It is extremely arrogant to assume women haven’t thought about this stuff, like they haven’t heard the same advice that basically boils down to: “pay attention to the man who ignores your boundaries! He may be a nice guy/be your future love/be shy/be awkward/suffer from a mental issue/suffer from a disability/be having a heart attack/be the next step in human evolution in need of just a little attention from you before blooming into a mutant mastermind who saves the economy, stops war and hunger and builds a prosperous utopia for all humanity, otherwise he blows his brains out on the spot, why do you hate humanity, bitch?/etc.” a million times already.

    I remember the one time I tried to give clueless “advice” like this to people who have experienced it all a million times. After being given the enlightening (and justifiably snarky) response, I was left with nothing but “yeah, I guess it was kind of a stupid thing to say.”

    There is also something else off about your comment, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Wait, didn’t cassandrakitty have a good point? Where was it, hmmm…

    Can I just point out the complete absurdity of anyone expecting some random woman who just had her earbuds yanked out to respond as if she were a fully trained EMT?

    Oh, yeah. THIS.

  10. be the next step in human evolution in need of just a little attention from you before blooming into a mutant mastermind who saves the economy, stops war and hunger and builds a prosperous utopia for all humanity, otherwise he blows his brains out on the spot, why do you hate humanity, bitch?

    but but but

    Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart would never do that!

  11. @kittehserf:

    but but but

    Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart would never do that!

    Since I don’t have a witty comeback, just allow me to say that, as a straight man, I find Hugh Jackman awesomely handsome.

    And Patrick Stewart is just plain awesome. Relevant to this thread:

  12. historophilia

    I’m also slightly less than inclined to be nice to Ken since he described people calling him out for ableism as “lying bullshit”.

  13. Re: Patrick Stewart:
    I mostly think Jezebel is terrible, but they got of lot of things right with this list IMO: http://jezebel.com/jezebels-hot-100-the-men-we-love-ranked-1578735833

    See #1

  14. As is often the case with double standards, well of cooooouurse men should be held accountable as well, but conveniently the advice is only brought up when we discuss women.

    “This statement applies equally to everyone and I just coincidentally happen to only bring it up in the context of group X” is one of my pet peeves. It’s annoying because it comes with a built-in derail.

  15. Yeah, I’m with CassandraSays on this one. Especially since the most recent creeper, who I’ve had to avoid multiple times now on account of him hovering outside my damn apartment building, used his deafness as a way to infringe on my space and grab me and kiss me.

    That shit don’t fly. There’s misunderstanding, and then there’s coincidentally misunderstanding in all the ways that allow you to grope a stranger. GEE THAT SURE SOUNDS COINCIDENTAL MISTER. (I’m hard-of-hearing myself. I know how frustrating it is to deal with a world that assumes you can hear everything. And yet, somehow, my hearing issues have never led to me groping strangers on the street.)

    I’m not an EMT. I’m a stranger. And yet, somehow, all of the strangers I’ve encountered who seemed to be having health problems (seizure in one case; premature labor in another) somehow managed to have these problems in such a way that they DIDN’T grab me.

    Like, seriously, what Ken is describing sounds like a whole string of unlikely coincidences that we’re supposed to accept as gold standard, when this whole fucking post is about guys trying to make excuses for infringing women’s personal space. Like, sure, it’s POSSIBLE a guy might be having a physical or mental problem that leads them to completely innocently yank a woman’s earbuds out or their hat off or something… but it’s probably MORE POSSIBLE that they’re just being an asshole.

    I’m kind of surprised this is even being a thing, guys. WTF. I’ve collapsed in a subway station before crying because of health problems, I’ve been there, but why on earth in such a situation would I be so driven to grab a stranger and get in their space?

  16. LBT – ::applauds:: Yeah, the claim that a man grabbing a woman’s earbuds might be having health problems is so full of nonsense (and I’m putting it kindly).

    grumpycat – I didn’t know most of the names in Jezebel’s list, but yep, love their number one names!

    There was a piece on Sir Ian and Sir Patrick in The Age this week. Didja know that Sir Ian was the celebrant at Sir Patrick’s wedding? Someone asked him before it happened, “What are you doing this week?” and he answered, “Marrying Patrick Stewart.” :P

    Okay, the weirdest thing ever has happened to my keyboard – when I try to type a double quote, the @ shows instead, and vice versa. Has anyone had that happen – symbols suddenly going from different keys???

  17. Okay, the weirdest thing ever has happened to my keyboard – when I try to type a double quote, the @ shows instead, and vice versa. Has anyone had that happen – symbols suddenly going from different keys???

    Have Mads or Fribs been playing with the computer? The Furrinati do enjoy messing with computers.

  18. LOL I love that pic. Makes me think, now, of the bits in the Joe Grey books where Joe and Dulcie make anonymous tip-offs to the police.

    Mads and Fribs are innocent, in this case, unless it was their superior cat brain beams doing it. It happened between one comment and the next. Apparently it is a thing – I found other people asking about it via Google. Fixing the region settings and restarting the computer has cleared it, for the moment.

    Such a weird thing to happen, and why those keys?

  19. Who knows? Computers are the one thing that love screwing with people’s minds more than the Furrinati.

  20. Looks like your keyboard layout got switched from US to UK. And for the rest of the thread, and the OP, what everyone else said, and argh! as appropriate.

  21. RE: Kittehs

    I mean, sure, for just about any scenario under the sun, you can think of some unusual exception. She could be born with it… or maybe it’s Maybelline! That kind of shit.

    The thing is… those are UNUSUAL scenarios. That’s kinda the whole point! Like sure, maybe that person waving a gun around is actually suffering some kind of episode and the gun is totally unloaded and harmless… but a lot of people aren’t going to take that chance.

  22. Owen – yeah, that’s what I thought, but it was still on UK settings. It’s still working after a couple of restarts.

    Now if only I could find a way to permanently delete that *&$#%^ Homegroup icon from my desktop. Zombie thing keeps coming back however often I kill it.

    My ex-boss’s rude remarks about Bill Gates and gumboots come to mind at the moment.

  23. Not terribly related:

    Was administered a survey today (one rather clumsily and transparently designed to lead the survey-taker to whichever brand of Christianity the surveyors were representing, but I did my bit anyway) by a man who was the spitting image of Paul Elam. Bloke seemed nice enough but it was tricky to not look at him and think “scumbag” through no fault of his own.

    Was scary going from “oh wow, that guy looks just like Paul Elam” to “oh shit, he’s talking to me.”

  24. lowquacks, long time no see! How are you?

    Gad, an Elam look-alike taking surveys?

  25. @kittehs

    I’m doing pretty well! Have just been doing a lot less online MRA-mocking. Two new members of the Furrinati in the household now; housecat in a suburb up north had had a litter, so they’re sisters (neuter your pets, everyone!) . They’re teeny-tiny little whitey-gingery-tabby shorthairs, which is a change from the enormous fluffy dark-tabbies we’ve had before, and they’re adorable (and very spoiled). They’re a little delicate and pale-skinned to be outside cats but we’ve made them a little run out the back with catgrass and a ramp and a hanging toy and all the usual benefits of being outside. Beautiful cats. Still play with each other, groom each other and fall asleep cuddling each other.

    Dessie’s still not sure about them but there’s a truce of sorts in which she’s recognised as Top Cat and she can always go outside or into her designated sanctuary in my room so she’s not too unhappy.

    Rest of my family is actually heading down your way week after next, but I’m staying back to do my last week of uni and look after the house/kitties.

  26. I do find it a bit of a pity that Patrick Stewart is sooo gendered always wrt DV but I still love him with all my heart. He is downright angry about DV and that just gives him a special place for me; he also shares my brand of cynicism (wrote a foreword for Transmetropolitan, which if you know what it’s about you’ll get), is super openly anti bigotry in general, and seriously just seems like a cool person.

  27. Squeeeeeeeeeeeee new kitties!

    I hope (she said in her best school principal voice) there will be citations photos.

  28. cassandrakitty

    Wants kitten pics.

  29. @Kittehs

    I don’t really have anything that properly captures the pure kinetic energy of the pair, but here’s Kishie, the bigger of the pair. She’s also the biggest fraidy cat, but is highly protective if she thinks her sister’s in danger, which is often, because she’s a little bit of a paranoid puss. She’s got one pink pawpad and was going to be called Kochka, which is Russian (basically) for a lady cat, but then Mum decided it’d be shortened to Kochie and that’d just be unfortunate.

    This one‘s Billie, named in homage to the Belgian cartoon. She’s a little louder and more inquisitive and has just about every type of fur colour or pattern you can imagine in a cat at least somewhere on her (no blue) and nose and pawpads in both dark and light colours.

    Both have incredible deep strong thrumming purrs and looking into their little shared tent-bed thing while they’re cuddled up purring together is pretty incredible.

  30. The link with “Belgian cartoon” should point to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_the_Cat.

    For international readers: Kochie, in Australia, calls up visions of a particularly corny breakfast-TV host.

  31. ::collapses into puddle of squee::

    They are ADORABLE! So pretty! Bille’s torbie colours are very much like Maddie’s.

  32. You’ll notice Bill’s got some attention-seeking makeup on. Different eyeliner on each eye! And a male-sounding name. Such a misandristic kitty cat.

  33. Kitties are the best at misandry.

  34. Beeeeautiful kitties, lowquacks. <3

  35. Cute kitties. Dracarys also has black eyeliner on one eye like the misandering trollop she is :D

  36. For Hrovitnir (and anyone else): Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen play “The Newlywed Game”

  37. Okay, coming super-late to this thread, and responding to a derail, at that, but…

    The first time I got a panic attack I thought I was simultaneously dying and over reacting.

    This is eerily identical to my experience, right down to concluding “overreaction” thus failing to find treatment until things got much, much, worse. I wonder if this is a common thing come of general societal gaslighting of women as a whole. I know when I contracted a kidney infection in high-school I was treated as a hypochondriac by actual doctors for a good week reporting non-specific abdominal pain before I managed to spike a fever and look legit enough for treatment, and something tells me that attitude regarding female pain is not uncommon, nor unnoticed by women in general (/rant)

    As for the headphones thing (attempting to atone for my derailment sins with on topic stuff), not only are creepers prone to using ‘disability’ as an excuse for shitty behavior, but it is totally possible for the disadvantaged (either physically, mentally or pharmacutically) to be assholes too, because that’s just a chance with all humans. The last person on the train that seriously invaded my boundaries obviously had something off with his speech (although I’m inclined to think it was probably drug related, but that’s neither here nor there) but that was no excuse for grabbing me and letting me know about his personal foot fetish and what he wanted to do to my pretty shoes, then chasing me around the station yelling “pretty feet” until I felt so unsafe in the (very crowded) station that I ran into the first (wrong) train that showed up as the doors shut. The fact bystanders saw this as either funny or not enough of a problem to intervene underlines the point that women’s feelings of personal safety are not often taken seriously, and over time this does lead to a bit of touchiness when we are asked to consider the other party in any way as a response to expressing feeling unsafe.

    P.S. – Patrick Stewart is amazing :)

  38. KITTENS! :D I WANT TO SQUISH THEM!!! (in a loving, not harmful way). You are a lucky servant of the furrinati to be so blessed with tiny fuzzy overlords.

  39. @emilygoddess: That video is pure perfection! I love those two together!

    @lowquacks: Those kitties are the most squeeable misandrist things!

  40. @chimisaur

    This is eerily identical to my experience, right down to concluding “overreaction” thus failing to find treatment until things got much, much, worse.

    If you don’t mind me asking (ignore if this bugs you) how bad did yours get? I had them for ages and never did anything about it, until I was incapacitated for a whole day because of them. :( Which I’d hope isn’t common, but I’m guessing not.

    I wonder if this is a common thing come of general societal gaslighting of women as a whole. I know when I contracted a kidney infection in high-school I was treated as a hypochondriac by actual doctors for a good week reporting non-specific abdominal pain before I managed to spike a fever and look legit enough for treatment, and something tells me that attitude regarding female pain is not uncommon, nor unnoticed by women in general (/rant)

    I’m pretty sure it is common thing in society. but idk how to put in words why.

    @lowquacks

    your kittens are so adorable! :3

  41. @chimisaur

    you’re definitely not wrong.

    this is just one example. i really haven’t done much research on medical misogyny*, so i don’t have too much stuff on hand to talk about it.

    *that’s what i call it at least i think it might be a real term.

  42. I will point out that Neilson’s moving the timing/changing the nature of the course makes it easier for the person being divorced to stop it. Since the courses must be finished before the divorce can be finalised, all someone who wants to prevent it has to do is refuse to show up to the class.

    Which means the person who wants/needs the divorce can’t get it without going to the effort to show the court the other party is failing to attend.

    No way for that to go wrong/take forever/end up with a judge who thinks, “she ought to work things out”.

    So, I think it’s even worse than it looks.

  43. Ken L. what I said was “@emma First retake you buds. figure out if he is mental disabled or in need of actual help. if not tell him, in anyway you like, not to do that again. then if the problem goes on spray.” now if you can’t tell the difference between what i actually said and what you think I said it your problem not mine.

    Then I have a problem too. If the first thing you reach for as an explanation of his behaviour is, “mentally disabled”… that’s fucked up. It’s ableist. It presupposes the likely cause isn’t he’s an entitled douchenozzle, but he has a mental disability.

    No. Just no.

    And I’m with marie on clean slates. We all have to live with what we’ve done. Yeah, you are upset that she thinks badly of you. Tough. She’s upset by what you said. You are asking her to ignore that, and treat you as if you didn’t do it.

    So you win, and she loses.

    Again, no. Just no.

  44. @Marie – nah, I prefer to be as open as I can about stuff, so it’s cool, although I have trouble expressing my experience from an internal perspective and more “how bad” by the consequences, so sorry if it’s not the response you need/expect.

    CW – brief descriptions of abuse, mental illness, and an ableist term/thinking

    Well, it got bad enough that I very uncharacteristically ended up in, and then stayed, in an extremely emotionally and by the end physically and sexually abusive relationship, which in the end had worsened my symptoms by itself (what with the gaslighting and stuff coming from said partner) that by the end I went from a very high-performing student to failing all of my classes and dropping out of school because I was afraid of disappointing him/leaving my room/ having a panic attack (they were about once, maybe twice, a day, with heart palpatations, shaking, crying and even fainting) and causing others unnecessary worry over my inability to deal/professors thinking I was a nutcase (sorry about the ableist language, my thinking was in NO way correct at the time). I stopped really sleeping because my brain wouldn’t let all that worry go and just kept repeating every little disappointment I was certain I was for my family/friends/stupidface ad infinitum. Luckily stupidface got hired by a lab working for CERN and went away to Geneva the last summer I was enrolled, and I got a bit better (although not enough to save my grades) and ventured outside long enough to have one of my (less frequent at that point, but still weekly at least) panic attacks in front of a friend who convinced me to go to a doctor with him. The “bad time” was the better part of a year, but I’ve been told by psyc-types that mine is an extreme case, so I think/hope most affected folk have better sense than me. Treatment is another long, boring story, (I share your mistrust of psychiatrists now, and have an unreasonable love of internal medicine specialists), but things are SO MUCH BETTER NOW (so, really, this is not a call for sympathy or worry at all, that was crap, of course, but years ago and over).

    @Fade – “medical misogyny” I like your term – it seems to sum it up nicely, and thanks for the article! Good to know I’m perceiving correctly and not simply being paranoid :)

  45. @chimisaur

    The “bad time” was the better part of a year, but I’ve been told by psyc-types that mine is an extreme case, so I think/hope most affected folk have better sense than me.

    I’d hope so too. ::offers hugs:: I’ve only fainted once, and I don’t know if it was panic-attack related.

    (so, really, this is not a call for sympathy or worry at all, that was crap, of course, but years ago and over).

    Don’t worry, it doesn’t read like a call for sympathy, just that you were sharing. Plus, I asked you about yours :)

  46. Not to excuse the doctors in the incident above, but kidney infections are notoriously hard/underdiagnosed. An ex gf of mine had her husband’s kindney infection go untreated for about eight months of “well….”. When all was said and done he had to get a transplants (thank goodness for the Evil Socialised Medicine of Canada”, or he’d probably be dead).

  47. I had a kidney infection as a toddler. Fortunately I don’t remember it. My fever went all the way up to 107 and I had to be put in an ice bath.

  48. Thanks for the hugs and reassurance, Marie – like I said, I do prefer to be open about things because keeping secrets seems to breed feelings of shame about my own brain, which is not productive, but nonetheless talking about all that makes me feel like an attention hog sometimes, or at the very least a bit dramatic.

    @pecunium – thank you for the information; it’s always good to know as much as possible about a situation before making dire conclusions, and I am willing to learn, although I still do think telling me my pain was entirely a psychosomatic cry for attention was probably a bit much.

    Is there a protocol for praying to the Evil Socialized Medicine of Canada? I wish to convert/ give thanks for your friend’s good fortune.

  49. chimisaur: Telling you that it was nonsense is unacceptable. Sadly this is common to treating younger patients, and even moreso with younger women.

    The first thing a nurse/doctor ought to do is treat the presentation presented as factual on its face; and rule things out. “Psychosomatic” ought to be the last diagnosis, not the first.

  50. I dunno about panic attacks, but I know I’ve had “episodes” for as long as I can remember. When something bad happens, I would forge through it, and then have meltdowns the moment I was alone. I’d crawl into small spaces if I thought I wouldn’t be caught and just… curl in a ball and shake and cry until it passed. Often I’d feel like I’d done something terrible, though I didn’t know what it was or how to fix it, and that any second, something terrible was going to happen because of me.

    I never bothered to really think about what they were. I just assumed it was because I was defective. Hubby hugs help me get through them quicker; these days, they usually only last a minute or two, tops, instead of before where they would last for hours.

  51. @ LBT – *offers hugs* yeah, those suck; SOs are great though; when I still do very, very occasionally have an episode, panic attack or something more similar to yours, my mate is extremely helpful and I am super lucky to have him, and your boy sounds awesome too ^_^.

  52. Sometimes I wonder if there’s any hope for humanity when people drift so far off. But then I remember the people I love and things brighten up again.

  53. Whoa. Based on this article, I can only conclude this Elam guy is a psychopath. The scenario in his story is utterly implausible and there’s only one excuse that can ever be made for violence, which is self-defense against violence.

  54. @Otis

    Trust me, plenty of psychopaths are nicer than Elam. Elam is most likely just an asshole because of his beliefs.

  1. Pingback: Paul Elam: “If a woman five feet tall and 110 pounds soaking wet hits me, I am going to hit her back.” | we hunted the mammoth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 7,459 other followers

%d bloggers like this: