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“Would You Kill a Pony for Me?” and other real dating questions asked by an imaginary Swedish Girl

This pic has nothing to do with the post today, but it does feature a giant chicken, from a film called "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency."

This pic has nothing to do with the post today, but it does feature a giant chicken, from a film called “The Hoboken Chicken Emergency.”

Today, something a bit lighter than usual. Someone recently posted the a link in the comments here to a hilarious blog called Swedish Girl Seeking, which displays the results of a simple but wicked dating site experiment being carried out by a couple of funny Swedes.

The two – a female comic book artist and a male comedian – set up a phony dating profile featuring a “blonde, happy-go-lucky, kind of over-sexual cliché of a Swedish woman.” (The female half of the couple posed in a cheap blond wig for the pics.)

When a legion of hopeful, horny men besieged the imaginary girl’s inbox with come-ons ranging from awkward to crude, the Swedes responded with surreal silliness. And then posted the most ridiculous conversations online.

While there are a few genuinely creepy messages amongst the dozens posted on the site – it looks like the Swedish duo kept the worst messages to themselves – the most amazing ones reflect a certain willful obliviousness on the part of the hopeful male admirers. Nothing she says is too bizarre to faze them.

swedishbedwet

Well, almost nothing.

Swedishnicepics

But guy after guy just keeps on going. Heck, this guy tries to work her completely ludicrous story into his suggestive spiel:

swedishking

And this guy, it seems, is willing to promise her anything to get in her Swedish pants:

swedishpony

Dude, dude!

You’re making us all look bad.

I ended up working my way through every post on the blog. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like there will be any more: the last update was in February. Oh well.

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Posted on May 14, 2014, in awesome, creepy, funny, men who should not ever be with ponies ever, nice guys, TROOOLLLL!! and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 96 Comments.

  1. Walter, crumbs, would you really spend time on the internet sending messages to someone you know is trolling you, or who you think could be dangerous, just because it might be funny or (infinitesimaly less likely) you think you could get into her pants?

    Why bother? I mean, if you want to muck about and enjoy some silliness on the internet, you can do it without the whole “I’m only interested in sex and don’t give a shit about her as a person” messages those dudes are sending. There are so many sites where you can have actual conversations and even make actual friends. I’ve just got back from the US and guess what: I had lunch with one of the Mammotheers, and it would have been more if the Evil Gods of Ill Health and General Crapitude hadn’t stuck their noses in.

    Believe me, I spend hours upon hours on the internet too, even more now I’m out of work, but there are WAY better things to do even in that subset than wave one’s boner at strangers.

  2. OT: Vox Day has just declared on his blog that there is no such thing as marital rape:

    http://voxday.blogspot.com/2014/05/marital-sex-is-never-rape.html

    The comments underneath, in enthusiastic support of his position, are as chilling in their depravity as the original post.

  3. That thread is awful.

    Dudes, if the only tangible benefit of marriage is sex, you’re doing it wrong.

  4. Isn’t it just? And they wonder why women flee marriage in droves.

    It is ironic and deeply disturbing at the same time that VD, an unmarried misogynist extraordinaire, repulsive to womankind since the first time he opened his mouth, is dispensing marital advice for the equally misogynist masses. And they listen to him, the expert on marriage that he is.

  5. It’s also a fair bet that if that’s the only benefit they think they’re getting, then the women are getting none. Or rather, any benefit there might have been has been cancelled out, and the score is now in the negatives.

  6. emma – I think VD (oh how apt those initials are) is married.

  7. Why did I read that?

    To one commenter, this is worse than rape

    There is no justification for a wife’s repeatedly and cruelly depriving her husband of sex, telling him no over and over again, nagging and taunting him, and insulting his sexuality. And there is no justification for that woman demanding that that deprived man then give her half of the marital assets and his children and an income stream for two decades for the privilege simply of not having to suffer that deprivation any longer. There is no good warrant for supporting laws that would allow such things.

    Gross ick no

  8. it would have been more if the Evil Gods of Ill Health and General Crapitude hadn’t stuck their noses in.

    This is how I feel about that.

  9. Oh, kittehserf, that cannot possibly be true… can it? (shudder)

    There is no mention of a wife in the Wiki blurb about him. I cannot conceive of an actual human woman associating herself in any intimate capacity with this individual, but I’ve been wrong about these things before (e.g., Elam).

  10. He either
    A) has an insulting wife with a razor tongue who comments (defends all he say) under the name Spacebunny
    Or
    B) an Internet persona named Spacebunny that is him commenting, but pretending to be someone else. (If I understand the SFWA right, he sometimes does that – using more than one name on the Internet to get insulting.)

  11. katz – Grumpy Toad! O8

    I feel the same, actually.

    emma – I hope you’re right; I think I’ve seen mention of him being married, but it would only be in blog comments anyway, so it’s not exactly an indisputable source.

    I love Rational Wiki’s article on him, especially the opening lines:

    “Theodore Beale, known by his pseudonym Vox Day, is a science fiction author, game designer, musician, pseudo-libertarian, anti-vaxxer, racist, Christian apologist, pickup artist, stalker, and all-round fucking idiot.”

  12. @Walter

    To add to what other people have said, describing someone as crazy is also a common gas-lighting tactic.

    If you’re lonely enough being with a dangerous person is better than being alone.

    I would like to second/third/fourth the NOPE!!

    I would suggest that hobbies are much more effective at combating loneliness than abusive relationships. Hobbies that you share with other people, even more excellent because then you have the possibility of fun *and* social interaction. :)

    One of my friends did volunteer dog walking for an animal shelter. It did wonders for his mood and his self esteem. Also, from what he said, the staff and other volunteers at the animal shelter were really kind people, so he enjoyed the opportunity to get to know them. This is just one example, but there are many other volunteer organisations doing all kinds of interesting work out there.

    @emma

    o.O

    Apparently it is possible to dislike Vox Day more.

    @kittehserf

    Also from your linked article:

    “He is the only person to be kicked out of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America in its nearly fifty year history.”

    I am torn between finding this reassuring and finding it hilarious.

  13. Buttercup Q. Skullpants

    “He is the only person to be kicked out of the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America in its nearly fifty year history

    And yet he was nominated for a Hugo? I are confused. What was he kicked out for?

    When I did online dating, I had a little thing in my profile along the lines of “use the word ‘mayonnaise’ somewhere in your reply for extra reading comprehension brownie points and hilarity!” It weeded out the guys who were only looking at my photo, and made for some fun ice-breaker emails.

  14. @Buttercup

    He was kicked out for using the official Twitter account of the SFWA to post racist rants about other authors. Guy’s a real piece of work.

    http://www.jimchines.com/2013/06/racist-takes-dump-in-sfwa-twitter-stream-news-at-11/

  15. So, the SFWA is a body of writers.

    The Hugos are a function of WorldCon, which is entirely separate. You don’t have to be in the SFWA to receive a Hugo.

    The Hugos are basically voted on by everybody who goes to WorldCon, and everybody who buys a non-attending membership and votes. (something like 40$?)

  16. Thanks for the Rational Wiki link, kittehserf. It points out that, among other things, VD already made his views on non-existence of marital rape known in 2009, and much more vividly and nastily.

    It appears, though, that in 2009, the response to his views was somewhat different, as he was immediately attacked for them. It is quite something to see that, five years later, he’s getting support and accolades (from his sycophants, but still). He does not allow anonymous commenting on his blog now, which may partially account for the difference; and maybe people “in the know” have become immune to outbursts of his depravity, but still.

  17. My post today will be on Vox Day and his terrible thoughts on marital rape.

  18. Thank you, David.

  19. zoon echon logon

    So, can a wife have surprise strapon buttsex with her husband anytime she feels like and that’s also not rape?

  20. I loved the one where the guy called her a “10” and she said “most people call me a 9, because of my toes.” Lol!!!

  21. Wow. VD is even more disgusting than I previously thought. I’m not sure what disturbs me more about him – the fact that he may actually be married, or the fact that he sounds a hell of a lot like my biological father-monster.

    Oh and Walter, if you think being with someone dangerous is better than being alone, adopt a cat. Those entitled little fuzzballs can get vicious, especially if they’re on the nip!

  22. The comments under voxpoxskankpants – its just like ‘whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’

    You like the idea of being able to do whatever you want without ever being told no. That doesn’t make you a superior highly- intellectual godly specimen, it makes you an obnoxious toddler.

  23. @Nequam: I was thinking of the Trocs when I wrote that! They do gender-fuckery with such style and grace. :) And I want to steal half their costumes. If they’d fit. :(

  24. @walter

    seconding hrovintir, it’s not “only” emotional abuse, and it really sucks that you went through that.

    @katz

    I wouldn’t spend that time doing anything worthwhile anyway. Mght as well waste it on something potentially humurous.

    Everything you say makes your life sound sadder and sadder. Shall I make you a list of volunteer opportunities and/or free cultural events in your area?

    Heck, even if it’s not doing something constructive instead of bugging girls on the internet (idk if our troll has depression, but when my depression’s acting up ‘do something useful instead’ helps 0) there are plenty of things to do that aren’t bugging women on the internet.

    Play your favorite videogame, watch bad tv, talk to people who actually want to talk to you on the internet. Cuddle a pet, if you have one. Listen to music. I know everyone’s milage may vary, but those are some things you could do, instead, walter, even if you aren’t feeling constructive.

  25. opium4themasses

    I second Marie’s suggestions. People can’t diagnose from a afar, especially nonprofessionals, but the stuff you say sounds like me at my most depressed.

    I don’t know if any of these guys are depressed either. For those desperate based on some poor sense of self-worth, I understand but don’t absolve. Hurting others because you hate yourself is still hurting others. I would hope that any such afflicted get the help they need right after they stop hurting other people.

  26. David, they made a movie out of the HOBOKEN CHICKEN EMERGENCY? Why did I not know this? 8D Daniel Pinkwater is awesome!

    RE: Walter

    If you’re lonely enough being with a dangerous person is better than being alone.

    Nope. Been abused. Been abused a lot. I’d rather be a hermit in the woods forever than do that again. Nope, nope, nope.

    You really don’t sound happy, dude.

    (Also, I never thought to be grateful that my suicidal depression was just a constant mental chant of “kill yourself, kill yourself, nobody will miss you.” Now I am, because I still find that superior to being in an abusive relationship.)

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