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CRUSH MR. RIGHT: Is this Google’s gynocentric Valentine’s Day message?

Google, or Gynoogle?

Google, or Gynoogle?

Happy Valentine’s Day, gynocrats!.

Over on A Voice for Male Students, the always-reasonable and never-hysterical Jonathan Taylor celebrates this day of candies and flowers and irritating Kay Jewelry commercials with a lovely little piece entitled “The gynocentrism of Valentine’s Day, and the spoiled princess mentality.”

In it, he takes aim at a holiday he sees as rewarding the sort of woman who behaves like a “privileged princess who didn’t get her pony when she was five.”

His proof of this “gynocentrism?” The custom graphics on Google’s home page today, which I have screencapped and pasted in above.

At first glance, this all seems very innocent. We all remember these adorably crappy candies with the little messages on them. But Taylor is able to discern its insidious deeper meaning in their words:

The inclusion of the “Mr. Right” heart may seem like a small thing, but it is also rather telling, especially coming from the #1 website in the world. Women have expectations and standards. Where are men’s expectations and standards?

We aren’t told about them. Unlike “Mr. Right,” the phrase “Ms. Right” isn’t used in common parlance. The very incidence of men having standards for women is often regarded as sexist, even if they are entirely reasonable – such as not being so fat that you are diabetic by the time you are 35 and bedridden by the time you are 55.

In the age of Feminism, the only people women “answer to” are themselves.  

Now that I’ve taken a closer look at Google’s message, I think that Mr. Taylor is if anything understating its creepy gynocentric intent. Take a look again at the first two candies.

CRUSH MR. RIGHT

Clearly this is an invitation to murder. Nay, to MAN GENOCIDE.

FIRST KISS 4EVER YOURS

… because if he is dead, your first kiss will make him — or at least his corpse — forever yours.

PUPPY LOVE

Of course if he is dead, he will not be able to fulfill his normal sexual functions. So Google seems to be recommending bestiality.

BLIND DATE

And then, to cover up your crimes, it suggests that you blind all of your future dates so they can’t see the corpse you’ve got stashed in the spare bedroom. (You may also need to do something about their sense of smell.)

Has the true ugliness of this gynocentric holiday ever been more nakedly displayed?

Just in case anyone missed it, this post is almost entirely made up of

SARCASM

… except for the bit about Kay Jewelry ads, which really are irritating.

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Posted on February 14, 2014, in a voice for men, conspiracy theory, creepy, evil fat fatties, evil sexy ladies, gynocracy, I'm totally being sarcastic, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men, princesses and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 309 Comments.

  1. We were forced to taste-test Bailey’s, Kahlua, and triple sec to decide which would make the best pudding. It was a real sacrifice.

  2. @Katz
    Sounds horrific. :P Have some kitties:

  3. Bailey’s chocolate pudding sounds delicious.

  4. Ooh, that sounds good. I like the starchy kind of gum better than soft gummy bears.

  5. @katz

    In retrospect, I don’t think triple sec would have been appropriate. I mean, I haven’t had triple sec chocolate pudding, but I can’t imagine it working well for some reason. Kahlua would’ve been great, though.

  6. My mother used to make a tofu chocolate mousse with orange liqueur. It was delicious.

  7. RE: cassandrakitty

    Not really.

    Well, I tried, at least. I dunno whether being a misanthrope is much better than being a misogynist…

    RE: Skye

    (Although, oddly, this does seem to be an area where he doesn’t have a rigidly gender defined double standard, which is…interesting, all things considered)

    I guess it depends if he’s another one of the trolls who really don’t get that I’m male. For some reason, even though I’m pretty open about it, a lot of trolls seem to disbelieve it.

    RE: Ally (and katz)

    Speaking of alcohol, katz taught me how to make Bailey’s chocolate pudding,

    My husband demands the recipe. Even though we are not allowed to drink at this time.

  8. Sam is right, the CIA totally created feminism to destabilize the family unit and indoctrinate children and you know, the usual “I could move out of mom’s basement if it weren’t for this evil cabal” stuff.

    Sam, thank you for combining two of my favorite conspiracy boogey(wo)men into one glorious LOL. That tinfoil fedora looks very nice on you, by the way.

  9. I second the requests for the alcoholic chocolate pudding. Is it like a mousse and, if so, is it gelatine free (I miss chocolate mousse so much)?

    Chocolate mousse is an acceptable form of chocolate. :)

  10. LBT: It’s just a small quantity of Bailey’s, no different than adding vanilla to a recipe, and if you kept it on the heat for a bit longer and/or add the Bailey’s earlier, you’ll quickly boil off all the alcohol. So it should be 100% OK for a no-alcohol diet.

    The recipe:

    Combine in medium saucepan:
    2 C cold milk
    1/3 c sugar
    2 T cocoa
    2-3 T cornstarch

    Whisk until combined. Heat on medium heat, stirring constantly, until pudding begins to thicken, about 15 minutes. Reduce heat to simmer. Add:

    2 T butter
    1 T Bailey’s (or Bailey’s to taste)

    Stir until butter is melted. Serve hot or cold. Also makes a great pudding pie or pudding pops.

  11. And yes, it’s gelatin-free and it would work great as a vegan recipe if you made it with margarine/peanut butter and soy/almond milk.

    I’m a total proselyte for this recipe. Got it out of a Mennonite cookbook.

  12. that sounds yum! Re the milk, I have full cream homogenised milk* in the house. Is there anything I need to worry about re the fat content of the milk?

    * I add milk to my tea, so the final fat content of my drinks is well below 1%. Apparently each cup of tea is around 35 calories too. I’m not worrying about those either. :) Just put here in case anyone is a rampant nutritionist.**

    ** I also drink milo (gasp!) :)

  13. Nopers, higher-fat milk will simply dissolve the cocoa better and make a richer pudding (but we’ve also made it many times with skim milk). It’s a very versatile recipe: You can substitute any liqueur (or 1 T vanilla or any extract) for the Bailey’s, or 1/3 C peanut butter for the butter, or add more or less cornstarch to make it thinner or thicker.

  14. is cornstarch the same as cornflour?

    http://www.edmondscooking.co.nz/baking-ingredients/fielders-cornflour-300g

    At least this recipe is easy if you’re not using metric cups (don’t North Americans use a different cup size, I think your litres per gallon are different too, so different gallons measure)? I’m positive I have had at least one baking failure due to not doing the North American-to-metric volume correction. But I can’t remember what it was, now.

  15. Appears to be the same.

    Conversions for those using any other measurement system~
    15 parts milk:
    5 parts sugar:
    1 part cocoa/cornstarch/butter:
    1/2 part Bailey’s

  16. Thanks Katz, ratios are helpful :)

  17. My husband has now written down this recipe. Thanks, katz! I look forward to being able to try it at some point.

  18. I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly.

    So your one of those creeps we year so much about.

  19. I think he’s trying to ask for a picture of my dick, but I don’t just give that out willy-nilly.

    So you’re one of those creeps we hear so much about.

  20. Your grammar correction didn’t help the content, Sam.

  21. I don’t think Sam understands what a creep is.

  22. Auggz: he could just go look in a mirror.

  23. Aw, hellkell, but he’s trying so HARD! Don’t-a wreck/shun his clever comeback! That’d be such a dick thing to do!

    (I can keep this up for as long as Sam keeps being boring.)

  24. Am I being penile?

  25. Again, you don’t sarcasm, do you, Sam?

    Now some unfinished business you’ve yet to address:

    1. Why did you ask LBT for a citation when ze* was relaying zir* personal experience?

    2. What rich white men created and funded feminism? Why and to what purpose?

    *I’m sorry LBT, I’ve forgotten which pronouns you prefer so I went gender-neutral to be safe!

  26. RE: hellkell

    Well, urethra being very childish, or just plain silly. Look at you ejaculating all those awful wordplays!

    RE: sparky

    I’m male. Don’t worry, lots of people get confused. It seems to have confused Sam as well.

  27. Well, exscrote me!

    That was just bad, sorry.

  28. I think we drove him off this thread! Success? *cautious party hat*

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