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Search Term Extravaganza Part 2: All Your Questions Answered!

The Searchers: Scanning the horizon for signs of "airport lesbians."

The Searchers: Scanning the horizon for signs of “airport lesbians.”

Looking through the search terms people have used to get to my blog, I can’t help but feel a little sad, even a tiny bit guilty.

Clearly the searchers who came to Man Boobz looking for information about “airport lesbians” or “sexual spanking in animal kingdom” or even “all metaphors of bread” were likely to be a bit disappointed when they got here and discovered what the blog was really about. I’ve written about this once before.

But today, as a sort of public service, I’d like to see if I can help out some of the hapless searchers who’ve come to Man Boobz by providing answers to, or at least some sort of opinions about, their more puzzling queries. Just so you know, these are all real. I’ve left out the most perverse ones.

why women spoil easier than men

Fewer preservatives?

why do girls like animals

Because animals are awesome? (Except bedbugs. And lice. Not fond of bugs in general.)

famous pople wirh cats

Obviously that second word is a typo. Here you go.

Famous Pope With Cat

Famous Pope With Cat

kittens in war

Kitten in war

Kitten in war

stefan molyneux is an idiot

Yes he is.

want does a slut want

Pretty much what we all want, I’m guessing: Good friends, a decent job, a nice place to live, a bowl of snacks, a subscription to Netflix, and regular consensual sex with cool people.

do women love sperm

You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis.

do military guys hate eating pussy

You’re going to have to determine this on a case by case basis too.

women are just holes

I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, bud. I think you have women confused with sponges.

Here’s are some women. (I’m not quite sure what they find so funny.)

women-laughing-4

Here’s a sponge.

elamheadphones

Sorry, here’s a sponge.

sponge

Happy to help!

no sympathy for lonely women

Huh. That seems a little dickish, dude.

i detest women

Yeah, we get it.

i hate women so much

We get it. WE GET IT.

i’m a straight man who hates women

Yeah, seriously. WE GOT IT.

i hate women and i don’t respect them

What the fuck, man.

why do i hate women

I don’t know, dude. But at least you’re asking the question.

how to halve your vagina-age

Maybe have it wear a jaunty hat?

what happens to women butt as they age

Women’s butts build cocoons, and transform into beautiful butt butterflies!

what do men think about periods

Speaking for myself, I find them useful to end sentences with. Semicolons are much more interesting; trust me on this one!

the west is a cunt controlled matriarchy

I’m going to say no to that one.

show mewhere tofindyoung females tohavesexwith

No.

breeding european women

I think you might be looking for Stormfront, not Man Boobz.

when do guys pour their sperms?

I … don’t know? Is sperm pouring even a thing? Is this what the cool kids are into today? I feel so old.

how make a tide penis

No. First you need to ask yourself “why make a tide penis?” Actually, before you ask that, maybe you could explain to me what a “tide penis” is in the first place. Actually, scratch that. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

ugly girls eating cream

Can’t help you there, but here are some sad women eating ice cream. There seem to be as many stock photos of this old trope as there are of Women Laughing Alone With Salad.

emotional-woman-eating-ice-creamice-cream-in-bed-001article-2021454-0D4493AC00000578-323_468x313

why men should not have cats

Wait, what? What are you talking about? GET THE HELL OFF MY BLOG.

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Posted on January 30, 2014, in are these guys 12 years old?, boner rage, evil women, facepalm, I am making a joke, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, oppressed men and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 379 Comments.

  1. LBT:

    No problem! Let us know if anything happens, I’m hoping things will get better for them.

    Sorry I fell off the face of the planet for a bit, I had to go frolic with the teal deer. Mighty pretty, they are.

    Except when they fail the Deviantart Challenge…

    Argenti:

    Are you up to three now?

  2. As a plane geek, the giant breasts were more distracting than anything else. (I suppose I have to turn in my REAL MAN™ card now).

    Of course you do. A REAL MAN™ (emotional age about, what, fourteen?) has the reaction BOOBIES!!! and his brain shorts out after that.

    AIT – if there’s ever a manboobz pub, it’ll be the Teal Dear.

  3. I have a pretty strong reaction to boobs irl, but not drawn boobs of the round like a set of beach balls attached to the chest in a manner that makes no anatomical sense variety. I dunno if this is a biological thing or just that most women have, due to being in locker rooms and so on, seen more boobs just kind of hanging out doing their thing than most men have, but a lot of men still seem to have that primal response to the beach-balls-glued-to-chest thing while even women who’re both attracted to women and really into boobs mostly don’t.

  4. Cassandra: I have a pretty strong reaction to boobs irl, but not drawn boobs of the round like a set of beach balls attached to the chest in a manner that makes no anatomical sense variety.

    I think that’s also part of it. Those aren’t anything like real, so the switch isn’t flipped to get any sort of “hotness” reaction. I can tell they are sexualised, but they aren’t anything like believable, so that sort of drawing is more distracting than it is arousing, which means I think the artist has failed.

  5. I look at highly accentuated/enlarged boobs (including covered ones) and the only thought that goes through my head is “ouch”. I can’t imagine stretching my chest skin that taut.

  6. Eh, boobs often quite naturally come in very large sizes. What doesn’t occur in nature is boobs that are perfectly round like a ball.

  7. Wouldn’t there be a difference between having naturally large breasts and having ginormous implants? I was thinking of the latter, rather than the former. The two people I knew with the largest boobs both had breast reductions because *back pain*. One was a friend’s mum, who showed me the results the day after she had the operation, stitches, bruising and all.

    I’m cross that breast reduction is considered “cosmetic” and so is not covered under our socialist medical scheme here. If men had breasts and menstruation, do you think that breast reductions would be cheap and sanitary products would be highly discounted?

  8. Forgot to add, I was a teenager at the time. But strong stomach.

  9. Yeah, with people who get really big implants the skin often does look sort of stretched, and (all the TMI warnings here!) sometimes the weight of the implants plus the way the skin is stretched thin can lead to the implant actually breaking through the skin on the bottom of the breast. Do not google image search this if you want to be able to sleep any time soon.

  10. AIT — I’m inclined to only collect teal deer if it’s about something trolly. Versus someone (in the case me) says so,etching, someone else (you) replies at length and the intial person responds to what you said, also at length…that’s a conversation, so idk. Maybe two attempted to join the herd but saw the drama llama and ran off?

  11. Kittehserf:

    Please, can we start a kickstarter for that? I’d help fund that. I also may have to use that in D&D. I can always use a good name for a pub.

    Argenti:

    Ah, roger. Your herd is the trollies. Ok… well, still one then. I’m having a hard time typing this in English, after watching a movie in Chinese. My grammar is being thought in Chinese.

  12. Now that’d be worth seeing … Dr Who as played by the Muppets.

    Ask, and ye shall receive.

  13. I thought the thinking on the … planes was Here are my two favorite planes and some lotion.

    I always thought ships started getting coded female because sailors have historically been (horny) men.

    @amybethwp: I have seen my future, and it is sticky.

  14. My two cents is, I look at those …planes and I note the anti-gravity boobage but my main thought is what are they using for nipples? Gun barrels? Tires? Generic circular machined things?

    And then, and then, I look at the faces. Those horrible, horrible faces.

  15. @Falconer

    If it helps, he stopped being constantly sticky at around age four. I think sticky is a toddler super power…

  16. RE: CassandraSays

    But..I mean, what…I’m completely failing to come up with any scenario in which this would seem like a logical, reasonable thing to do.

    Well, there’s your problem. A lot of the cases my friend gets to hear about, it’s someone very specifically NOT doing the logical, reasonable thing. Thus: turtle through the windshield.

    RE: pecunium

    I don’t know what it is about the people (mostly men) who do sexualised cartoons that the breasts have to be ridonkulously large.

    Presumably because they’ve never actually SEEN breasts of that size, and bigger is better and all that shit, plus they don’t know how large boobs ACTUALLY look on the human body. (Trust me, I know. I was a 28D back in the day.)

    RE: AIT

    No problem! Let us know if anything happens, I’m hoping things will get better for them.

    Thanks. Here’s hoping things get better; as it is, I feel every time I hear a loud noise, my sonar goes up desperately scanning for sounds of another beating. What shocks me is that the people around me seem to be seeing the woman who beat the guy as “a nice girl.” Dude, she hit him so hard they had to put FUCKING STAPLES in his head. WTF IS THIS SHIT. I don’t care if she’s perfectly nice when she’s not drinking, she’s obviously one hell of a violent, abusive person!

  17. LBT:

    Agreed. If you do that shit drunk, even if you seem nice when sober, I imagine acting out like that is somewhere in the back of your mind. Staples in the head? Not my definition of a ‘nice girl.’

  18. RE: AIT

    Yeah. Honestly, I want her out of my goddamn apartment building, but everyone says she’s getting help and aaaarrrgh this bothers me. But I don’t know what I can DO about it.

    You’d think as someone mentally ill myself, I’d be more forgiving. But I was the one sitting with the dude on the landing for half an hour while he bled and sobbed like a child. I don’t care if she has ever mental illness under the sun, I want her GONE.

  19. I’ve never known a drunk who didn’t act in ways they would normally, if not for social inhibitions — I turn into a flirt (I’m sure everyone who knows me is astounded!), I had a roommate who’d start singing, plenty of talk about ALL THE THINGS people, etc.

  20. LBT:

    I can totally see why. I’d want her gone too. The best I can say is hang in there, and help him if you can. Make sure if you do notice something else happen, you let appropriate authorities know. I’d talk to the landlord too. Nobody should have to deal with that mess.

  21. Re: LBT
    That’s because being mentally ill does NOT allow you to hurt another living being. I have some very explosive co-morbid mental issues and do you know what, as an adult, I have never done? I have never hurt another living thing. I can’t say for sure that I wasn’t nasty in childhood because I don’t remember, but I know it wouldn’t have been tolerated because it’s wrong. Don’t feel like you have to be understanding to someone who choose violence. It’s ok to sympathize with someone’s illness and struggles without excusing their behavior. She may be using her mental illness to get others to give her a pass. That makes me angry because I have worked HARD to not give myself that pass. It’s damaging to society’s image of mental illness to say that illness = no self control. There are enough patronizing stereotypes TYVM. The fact that she is “working on it” doesn’t make her behavior less abusive. The way to really get help is to take responsibility, not make excuses.

  22. It’s frustrating because I never see them. I presume they work most of the day, because both fights happened in the early morning– 5:30 to 7:00 AM. Just… Jesus. It’s just kinda shitty all around.

  23. And yeah, all the folks around me keep going, “I hope she gets the help she needs,” while I’M going, “Oh god, I hope he gets away from her, what other things might she be doing,” etc. etc.

  24. LBT — good response to that? “And I hope he gets the help he needs, which he can’t do with her being one of the things he needs help with” (or similar)

    Cuz yeah, I can be a real joy to be around when on a depressive self-loathing rant (and oh boy am I fun when I’ve gone and turned into a shaking PTSD triggered mess, though very few people have seen that), but you know what I’m not? Violent. Worst I can see myself doing is reacting badly if you’re stupid enough to try touching me without asking. And you know what? If I did more than swat a hand away, it’d still be violent and wrong (I consider swatting away hands a valid “no touchy” when saying that isn’t possible)

  25. Skye:

    Going back to the search terms, what on earth is an “airport lesbian”?

    It reminded me of an old Dykes To Watch Out strip from late 2001, when there was frantic ramping up of airport security.

    Sydney and Monica are flying for holidays, arguing whether privacy is really a fundamental human right. Sydney dismisses the concern with the classic “I have nothing to hide”, while a female TSA officer digs into their luggage. Then the officer holds up their dildo a bit too openly, perhaps as a gesture of subtle homophobic bullying. Monica looks like she’s dying of shame, while Sydney, unfazed, answers, “It’s not loaded”.

  26. Kittehserf:

    Please, can we start a kickstarter for that? I’d help fund that. I also may have to use that in D&D. I can always use a good name for a pub.

    Use it with my blessing! :)

  27. I ended up here cause I wanted to know what “MRA Squad Boys” meant….
    Now I know.

  28. Ok, now I need to know what “MRA Squad Boys” means …

  29. MRA Squad Boys sounds like a gay sex joke waiting to happen.

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