Return of Kings: Beware the insidious danger of the short-haired girl!
Hideous short-haired monster Jean Seberg poses with adorable mouse.
Having previously taken on such dire threats to Western Civilization as “fat girls,” “manginas,” and “rape tourettes,” the pickup-artists-cum-worldly-philosophers over at Roosh Valizadeh’s Return of Kings blog have decided to take on an even more insidious danger: Women — sorry, girls — with short hair.
In an alarming expose, guest blogger Tuthmosis reveals the shocking tuth, er, truth:
No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks.
So why are so many women choosing to cut off the long hair that men so universally admire (allegedly)? Tuthmosis has a few theories. One is that other women are convincing them to do it so that they can have all the short-hair-hating men to themselves. Yep. It’s hair sabatoge!
Women are quick to encourage other women to cut their hair by telling them how “cute” it is. While I’m no scientist, I’m convinced this is some deep, genetic programming at work, one that forces women—who compete with one another on a physical level on a daily basis—to encourage any behavior that might eliminate competitors in the dating pool.
And straight men contribute to this sorry state of affairs, too. Well, “cowardly and deluded men” anyway, according to Tuthy — though why exactly being “cowardly and deluded” would cause men to encourage women to cut their hair is never quite explained.
Tuthy also blames gay men, who apparently have the power to sway the minds of women en masse.
The plaudits a Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, or Anne Hathaway receive when they cut their hair off—from people who have no business commenting on the attractiveness of women, like gay men—creates a copycat cycle that increases the trend geometrically.
So what exactly is the problem with short hair? Don’t get Tuthy started on that!
Seriously, don’t get him started, because what he says makes no fucking sense.
The truth of the matter is that long hair’s almost universally attractive to men, when they’re actually speaking honestly (without trying to appease women in the room). Furthermore, it’s a symbol of youth, femininity, and health. Why can’t old women grow long hair? Because it’s an ephemeral trait of your fertile years.
Women instinctively know this, which is why every American girl who cuts, and keeps, her hair short often does it for ulterior reasons. Short hair is a political statement.
A political statement of what? A political statement that she won’t put up with assholes like you?
And, invariably, a girl who has gone through with a short cut—and is pleased with the changes in her reception—is damaged in some significant way. Short hair is a near-guarantee that a girl will be more abrasive, more masculine, and more deranged.
Ah, ok. So it does mean that she won’t put up with assholes like you.
I’d developed that belief on years of platonic interactions alone. The bitchiest work colleagues, the most difficult cashier, the most confrontational, aggressive cunts in bars have all shared one trait—short-ass hair.
Yep, it definitely means that.
Tuthy then relates the horrors he faced during his own brief experiences dating women with short hair.
One had rape fantasies and used four-letter words! (These are your complaints? The guy who runs the blog you’re posting on is an actual admitted rapist, and you yourself just used the word “cunt.”)
Another used racial slurs and later got an unflattering “soccer mom” haircut! (Racial slurs? I mean, that’s a dealbreaker for me, but you’re writing for a blog that’s crawling with out-and-proud racists. Aren’t racial slurs right up your alley?)
Yet another jerked him off while texting! (You’re not going to at least give her credit for her manual dexterity?)
He concludes with this:
Not only is short-hair unattractive, it’s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair.
In other words, short hair on women appears to repel a certain kind of asshole. Make use of that information as you wish.
EDITED TO ADD: Oh dear. Apparently Tuthy’s dumb post was so dumb and offensive it managed to “go viral”” and generate a ton of hate-traffic for Return of Kings. Roosh, naturally, has decided to try to fan the flames with a “publisher’s note” reiterating Tuthy’s, er, “argument” and helpfully revealing to his new readers what a shithead he is.
Here are some quotes, along with some photos to remind us just who it is who is lecturing women about their hairstyles.
Sadly, the women who are blasting us right now with vulgar speech and masculine manner are treading the line of self-mutilation with their pixie cuts. If you know a girl who has voluntarily chopped off such a reliable indicator of female beauty and fertility, nothing short of an intervention with all family and friends is necessary to force the victim to grow her hair back out.
I part now with a message of hope. Women: unless you have a smushed pig face, your attractiveness increases at least 6% for every inch your hair passes your shoulders. Don’t listen to people who are trying to sabotage your beauty by encouraging you to adopt a lesbian haircut.
We are the only ones who will be brutally honest with you. We are not shy to state where objective female beauty comes from, unlike the saboteurs in your life who are just trying to make it harder for you to find a good husband.
And for those of you especially sick women who think that you are going to punish us by cutting your hair, you’re only punishing yourself. Being lonely and having to settle for a brood of cats is not a good life for a woman, but that’s what will happen if you keep your hair short.
Posted on January 23, 2014, in attention seeking, douchebaggery, evil fat fatties, evil sexy ladies, evil short-haired women, gender policing, homophobia, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, PUA, racism, rape, reactionary bullshit, red pill, rhymes with roosh, the c-word and tagged misogyny, pickup artists, PUA, racism, roosh, short hair. Bookmark the permalink. 464 Comments.
Tune in again for another episode of “MY FETISHES ARE THE CORNERSTONE OF A HEALTHY CIVILIZATION!” Next week, feet, and why the bobby sock is a biological marker of universally desired fertility.
I am cutting my hair TODAY.
It’s good to know “abrasive” and “deranged” belong in there with “masculine”. Way to strike a blow against misandry.
@leftwingfox: Definitely. I hate when certain very privileged groups think that because they believe something, everyone else must think the exact same way!
I lol’d. So short hair= assertive women? You’d think it would have worked when I cut my hair, but nope, I’m still the same person I was before changing my appearance.
MISANDRY!
I’ll give him one thing (other than a swift roundhouse kick to the teeth), I got the most unsolicited attention from guys when I had long blond hair down to my butt. Ironically, I had grown it out and fashioned it like that specifically for my wedding. So, right after the honeymoon, I cut it all off and haven’t looked back. He’ll probably read that as misandrist deception, as opposed to someone who didn’t have the foresight to skip all the headaches (literally – hair that long is bloody heavy) and just invest in a wig for the big day.
Proud owner of a vile and hideous head of short hair here, and I will be growing it long again some time around when hell freezes over.
It’s actually a pretty good filter though, any guy who makes a big deal out of women having short hair is in-fallibly an arsehole and therefore I can pretend they don’t exist without a shred of guilt.
Audrey Hepburn, truly a horror and a danger to western civilization… by western civilization I of course mean Tuthmosis’s boner.
I literally just got here from a forum where men were talking about how short hair was sexy, and only MRAs give a shit.
http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=11020.msg2853275#msg2853275
Then why isn’t long hair on men all the rage? It would make more sense for the “youth” part too, since men are far more likely to lose hair with age.
Also if you can’t tell the difference between someone with short hair due to a cut, and short hair due to hair falling out/malnutrition, you need to get your eyes checked.
What I also want to know is why short hair on women is such a controversial topic when everyone knows that the real hair travesty afflicting society today is men who have grown their hair long and don’t understand that healthy hair requires you to;
a) brush it
b) wash it regularly
c) that you don’t put conditioner on the roots
c) that it needs to be trimmed regularly to keep it healthy
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
“Lady, don’t you know you can’t grow that long hair? It’s ephemeral!”
@historophilia, thank you. Men with healthy long healthy hair look great IMO, but the ones that don’t do those things gross me out.
I have a friend with hair that I’m extremely jealous of. He looks like Jesus on the cover of a fundamentalist christian pamphlet.
10$ says they hate women with unshaved/tweezed pubic, leg, and pit hair. Ya know, that hair that women also lose when they get sick.
I’m pretty sure my short hair is a sign that it’s growing in post-cancer. But I’m a trouble maker in that I like it and am planning on keeping it short. Rebellion!
@Yutolia: Yeah, it’s a pretty common theme. You also see it a lot with the Christian patriarchy groups. “I’m not kinky! Male dominance and female submission, with spankings, is god’s will!”
I didn’t realize the pillars of our modern civilization were literal.
I cut my hair short when I was 16 because of practical reasons… which turned out to be a good thing as thanks to stress much of it fell out in college some years later.
It didn’t even keep the creeps away, though.
Their thought processes were probably: Fat, not conventionally attractive, socially awkward she obviously won’t have any standards. But I had standards and thanks to bullying their creeping me out got nasty fight-or-flight reactions. :]
I think I look better, but I’m assuming my opinion doesn’t count. My stylist also thinks I look much better with short hair, but he’s gay and apparently has “no place” having an opinion.
I’ve been keeping my hair short because I like it better, but if it also serves as PUA repellent, so much the better!
@amandajane, congrats on being post-cancer!
I’m baffled by the idea that old women can’t grow long hair. As a long haired person, something I’m looking forward to is when I can have waist length silver hair.
This guy liking long hair makes me wonder if it isn’t worth cutting it off, though.
Oh, and he left out the other really obvious and boner-killing reason women cut their hair short: because other women think it looks good. As in, lesbian/bi/pan women. As in, I think women look fucking hot with short hair and I hope they think I look fucking hot with short hair.
Except in cultures where that’s not true (like the Maasai). Oops, did I spill some cross-cultural awareness in your evopsych?
I currently have long hair, and my boyfriend has gorgeous shiny brown locks befitting a model for a cover of a romance novel (I’m not the only one who thinks that, one of his friends saw a romance novel cover that looked EXACTLY like him, lol).
However, I grow my hair for locks of love, so I let it grow out absurdly long, then cut it back to pixie short, and repeat. Been doing that for over a decade now. It grows quick, so it only takes a year and a half for it to get over 15 inches. Strangely, my hair preferences have nothing to do with fashion or sex…hmmmm. It’s almost as if the things Tuthy posts are not true…
If my boyfriend cuts his hair I might just die of the sads though. But he is starting to get some of the George Clooney distinguished temple greys *swoon*, so maybe I could live with it ;)
I’m quite sure my boyfriend isn’t lying to me when he says he prefers my hair short, but he’s bi, so clearly he’s secretly a mangina or something, and thus excluded from the “almost universal” love of long hair that all males have.
And, as a bisexual woman, the idea that “No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks.” makes me laugh. Since short hair on women is a major turn-on for me. But looking better is all in the eyes of the men, who are the only people that matter, right?
@emilygoddess Sorry, but these studies of mostly western white college students disagree with you. Obviously, by studying mostly western white students we can understand fundamental truths about all humans and their fundamental desires for all of history.
“Oops, did I spill some cross-cultural awareness in your evopsych?”
*Hands emilygoddess a towel*
Better mop that up before it soaks in. I hear it stains badly.
I dunno, when I’ve spilled cross-cultural awareness, it’s usually just beaded up and run off.
“short-ass hair”
Do people have long-ass hair? I mean not to police other people’s aesthetic choices but not sure why Tuthy wants long ass hair.
58 years old and hair almost to my waist… So when does it all fall out? At 60? 70? I like long hair – it’s cheaper. I get my sister to whack off an inch or so every few months, and don’t have to mess with beauty shops, etc. These guys are sooooo weird. T. Beale is also pushing this post in Alpha Game but as a good thing – guys can tell when women have “issues” that might make them bad wife material…. A whole 1 woman told Tuthmoses (the original came from a culture where women shaved their heads and wore wigs, btw) that she thought short hair made her unattractive because men were hitting on her 90% less! but that she liked it because she wanted to be left alone after a breakup, which of course, means that all women do that stuff. Vox goes on to compare short haired women to men who do not bathe for extended periods of time and suggests that women who have short hair have mental problems as well as “issues”, because of course, there is nothing women want more than to be attractive to the men. Ick. I’ll stop now – I’m getting nauseous.
That short hair post was one of the funniest things ever to come out of the Manosphere. Plus, in the last couple of months, not less than FOUR Manosphere bloggers have tackled the problem of female short hair.
And check this – they’ve really tapped a vein of angst. Tuthmosis’s post got more than 2,500 comments. That’s literally hundreds and hundreds of men who are weeping over lost hair.
You can see why they keep saying men are superior. It’s their attention to detail.
Minute, trivial, silly detail.
@leftwingfox:
I’ve noticed that a lot of these MRAs/PUAs claim to be into BDSM, particularly the sadism aspect. They’re hiding their own messed-up personalities under the guise of being “sexually liberated” and “kinky,” it seems. If they claim not to have a fetish, then they turn around and claim that it’s the “natural order of things.”
My concern is that sooner or later these guys will try to justify lust murder by claiming that it’s “natural.” After all, Heartiste once claimed that *all* women are attracted to “bad boys” and violent predators. When law enforcement acts and locks these guys up, the PUAs all claim that society is “demonizing male sexuality.”
It’s an evolutionary advantage. During cave men days, women would get together and braid their ass hair, and be social(hence why little girls are always preening each other’s hair, it’s an instinct). The braids allowed men to grab onto something during sex, and they were a symbol of health. Hence why women with ass hair down to their knees have always been regarded as a symbol of beauty.
I bravely (stupidly?) checked out the post and the comments. Thankfully, most of the comments are men and women saying “Uh… no? How about no?” and only a small handful of fanboys are agreeing with the original post. I’d say “not all hope is lost” but this really is too silly for it to have any impact on humanity as a whole, so I say “meh.”
I’m still not sure why jerking him off while texting is supposed to be a bad thing. Is it because she’s not paying her full attention to him? Or is he just letting his double standard shine through: “If you fail to play with our peen, you are actively oppressing us! And if you do play with our peen, you are dirty and ruined!”
Oh, and if one man’s boner is enough to what’s historically and universally appealing to men, I hereby declare that all men everywhere ever like assertive women with short hair and a Venus of Willendorf figure. Can’t argue with it, it’s genetics.
Apparently Tuthy’s post has gone viral, as they say, and Roosh has written a little “publishers note” about it. I added some quotes, as well as some pics of Roosh and his various styish hairdos.
I love having long hair because I’m lazy, and a hairstyle that requires nothing more than a few trims, conditioning, and a bun at night is the winner for me. Clearly though my laziness was really just fertility and youth all along?
How cute when these people think the worst fate is not getting with a man like themselves, because they can’t imagine a life that doesn’t revolve around them.
To prove what’s historically…
How is something an indicator of beauty? Like you see a woman with long hair from the back, and she’s statistically more likely to be “pretty”?
Also this is creepy as fuck. Friends and family should force women to keep themselves appearing beautiful and fertile? I think we should force shampoo in his hair, so he’s forced to wash it. That’s fair, right?
My reaction to the edit:
Pwned
Hair advice from a guy who seems to have never heard of shampoo or soap.
Okay.
See, that’s why it’s important to have a good Ignorance Seal. That way you don’t have to worry about inconvenient facts soaking into your psyche and making you question your assumptions! Beads up, runs off, ignorance intact!
bodycrimes:
AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, that was good. I needed that. I’ve had a long day at work.
I’ve had short hair since I was sixteen, bar a period in my final year of university, when it grew out because I was too lazy and stressed and broke maintain a short style. My boyfriend at the time was open (in a polite and no-pressure way) about the fact that he was a fan of long hair on girls. But after finals, I got it all cut off again, and the next time I saw him, his jaw dropped and he said, “OK, shit. I was wrong about everything, you look ridiculously hot.” And I was like, “I know, right? It just suits me better!”
But you know, obviously he hated me and just wanted to sabotage my objective female beauty by lying to me. Thank heavens I have Tuthy and several hundred whining man babies to be honest with me. Because it’s very clear that they have the best interests of all women at heart.
What about all the women with long hair that think he’s a fucking ass hole creep?(like me) Wonder how he explains that ?
Also why would women be trying to convince other women to cut their hair short to “eliminate competitors ” in the dating pool ,when the whole issue for these guys is they are “involuntarily celibate ?” Dude the “girls” are not competing for you remember ?
The idea that a woman’s hair wont grow long because she is old (past fertile years)???
Dude!
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000443/
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000510/
Way to go, Roosh. You see somebody sticking themselves in a hole, and show up to help with a digger.
I will defend to the death my (personal) opinion that short hair is easier. Yes, you need to cut it, but mine is so short that it literally can’t be styled. Hairdressers as me “where do you part it?” and I’m like “if I can part it, it’s too long.”
Hahaha, I also like the way Tuthy’s short-hair comparison picture of Anne Hathaway is of her in character as Fantine. She’s playing a dying 19th-century prostitute, she’s not exactly supposed to be glowing.
But the blow-up doll in the background of one of his pics doesn’t have long hair. Interesting…
I can only then assume that when I encouraged my wife when she wanted to cut off her hair, it was not because I thought she might look good in short hair too. No. It must obviously have been because I am a Beta Mangina and by encouraging her to get rid of her natural, long blond beauty booster I was taking her off the Alpha Cock Carousel.
It feels good that someone finally explained this to me. All this time I thought I was just being supportive and that I find many short hair styles to be beautiful on women, when I was truly just being a really prudent Beta.
“My personal fetish reflects fundamental truths about the human mind” sums up every view of MRAs about attractiveness.
Ironically, I remember in my youth reading somewhere that hetero men found the nape of a woman’s neck arousing and that this explained why, for a vast amount of history, western women with long hair put their hair up. You know, cos that whole thing about girls had their hair down and putting their hair up signified they had reached womanhood.
Like to see these assholes turn her down for a date. I wouldn’t, and I’m not even a lesbian.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000932/
“Not only is short-hair unattractive, it’s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair.”
Wow, I didn’t know cavemen could use the internet.
Roosh, I’m glad you posted your pictures online so now I can avoid you. And guess what? come summer the hair is being shorn. And a good thing too, I don’t want freaks like you to be attracted to me.
This is also why the Jazz Age is well-known for being a time of abstinence.
Emily, you got cross-cultural awareness all over the place! Someone get a mop! (seriously, awesome comment– and yeah, gotta “love” how he forgets some women with “lesbian haircuts” might actually be into women)
Here’s the funny thing: As a straight woman who had shoulder-length hair until this Halloween when I cut it all off, I’ve actually gotten significantly MORE attention from guys. It could be because, yeah, I do look older (I’m 21, but with my long hair, could have passed for high school– now I look my age), but I think mostly it just flatters my features. I’ve also been on-and-off involved with a guy who LOVES short hair on girls. He used to ask me to cut mine– never said it would be “cute,” said it would be “hot”. Although tell you the truth– “long, healthy hair” is not always “friendly” hair. My hair was long and thick and dark, but it was the kind of Jewfro that had a mind of its own, and the only products to tame it would kill it. Of course, since Mr. Tut’s primary interactions with women’s hair seem to be shampoo ads he wanks to, well…..
If being alone from this guy is my “punishment” for cutting my hair, sign me right on up!
Didn’t you know that the updo is also misandry and magically turns attractive women into ugly short-haired mimics (thankfully only temporarily, whew)! Which is why no one ever has an updo for their wedding. EVER!!
https://www.google.com/search?q=updo+for+a+wedding&safe=off&espv=210&es_sm=93&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=s2HhUuSCMM-ysAT424HoBA&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1920&bih=979
Heh, just noticed the doll in the background. Stick to those Roosh, for the safety of all women.
Men who encourage other men to cut their hair ARE PROBABLY GAY, FACT.
The pressure to cut women’s hair is coming from an uptight business woman-hating perspective, pressuring women that they should not be both powerful and sexy, while cutting their hair reduces the envy of the ultra-special boss men.
I am a man, I had short hair once, it was humiliating, being in a room with 5 other men who all had short hair and I was the only one with any sense how f—ed that was.
He could have used that as an example for his argument, like how in movies a common trope is cutting off a woman’s hair to bring sympathy, so it’s a sign that most people think that short hair = ugly*. He could have agreed with her in that sense(since that movie was intentionally making her look ugly, she’s a dying prostitute ffs), but no, it had to be “ew icky Hathaway!”.
*Not that this argument is perfect, I’m just saying, if you’re going to be a misogynist, at least *try* to make the strongest argument possible. He doesn’t even try.
Also, most of western culture liked women with their neck and decolletage bare. How does he explain that?
Xen – I saw that; way to show what a stud you are, Roosh, having a sex doll propped up in the corner.
So Tuthy’s on the same bandwagon as William Prynne, back in the 1630s? His rationale was that women’s long hair is needed to cover our bodies (apparently nobody told him humans have invented clothes) and that short-haired women were all actresses and WHORES. Oh, and men with long hair were all sodomites and blahblahblah.
Guess what the fashionable hairstyles were when he did his little rant?
He might have got away with it, but his little actresses-are-whores diatribe included Queen Henriette Marie, who liked performing in masques. King Charles was less than amused, the law took its course and Prynne ended up minus his ears.
He then had to grow his hair long to cover the scars.
(Henriette is Louis’s youngest sister, btw.)
Reminds me of the story my mom tells about how she managed to get short hair even though my dad did not want her to. She cut it a little bit at a time over several years, then — short hair! This of course was forty years ago.
The level of control a dude attempts to exert over my hairstyle choices is an excellent barometer of when to bail the hell out of that relationship. So again, Roosh, thanks for making it so easy for us to see the creepers and abusers well in advance.
It’s one thing to prefer longer haired women, but to be such whiny little shits about it is pretty amusing. Meh, they will just have to live. They’ll be ok.
Citation needed. And that’s real.
Yep, cos women’s style is totally to please men. Alwways everywhere. And no businesswoman has ever worn killer heels …
So how do you know you were the only one thinking that was fucked? Why did you think it was fucked?
Of course, women MUST have long hair to be attractive, and it should never be just up in a simple twist or bun because long hair worn down is The Right and Proper Way of All Things Everywhere and Always.
But of course those women shouldn’t spend lots of money on shampoo, conditioner, gel or mousse, combs and brushes, pins, clips and bands, blow dryers and curlers, perms or straightening, etc., etc., etc., because spending all that money is MISANDRY!!1!1!!1! and just serves to keep women working bullshit jobs that the economy doesn’t need, or unfairly spending her husband or significant other’s hard-earned cash that he spent hours toiling for in the bitcoin mines.
And they shouldn’t take more than three minutes TOPS to style that hair, because otherwise they would be wasting manly male time that would be better spent playing Grand Theft of Duty or ogling the waitresses at Hooters.
Of course they are on to exactly one thing: wearing your hair long and always down or in an elaborate updo because that’s what men prefer (as opposed to because it is what you like and enjoy) is proof that you care more about someone else’s opinion than your own time, comfort, and ability (or need) to engage in activities like work or sports, and therefore does make you perfect in the eyes of douchenozzles like Rooshy-poo and his band of whinging wankers.
@auggziliary, I know! It’s sort of insulting. Like, f you’re going denigrate my entire gender, at least be consistent and keep your facts straight, lads. You know, make it challenging! Sometimes I’M tempted to write a misogynist rant just show them how to do it right.
Much science. Wow.
Chie Santonaka:
To paraphase John Green: the venn diagram of men who try to control my appearance and men I do not want to date IS A CIRCLE.
Well hey, at least they won’t be criticizing me for having short hair; I’m a “guy” to them. Thanks for your support, RoK.
Here you go.