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A Voice for Men’s Paul Elam finally admits that he’s been pocketing an unspecified chunk of site donations

Your donations will help change the life of this suffering man-child!

Your donation will help change the life of this suffering man-child!

Here are some of the things Paul Elam of A Voice for Mens has said in the past that the $80,000 plus in donations his site aims to take in every year go to:

Dedicated servers, image royalties, legal fees, internet radio premiums, various kinds of computer and media hardware — and now traveling to different locations, like Toronto, in order to do what has been in the plans all along.

Here are a few things Elam has not said the donations have been going to:

Buying him sandwiches. Paying for the down payment on a condo. Paying his cable bill. Paying for DVD rentals. Buying tasteful framed art for the walls and tchotchkes for the end tables. Buying him suits for his big important media interviews.

Well, now he’s fessed up — sort of.

After a bit of a kerfuffle about financial transparency in his site’s comments section, Elam has finally admitted what a lot of us have been assuming but that he’s been loath to admit: that he’s been living off of his supporters’ donations — and a generous girlfriend. As he explained in a post yesterday:

Donations are used to meet my personal living expenses (with the help of a supportive partner), especially as I have not yet figured out a way to do this 14-16 hours a day and also hold a full time job.

Was that so hard to admit? Apparently it was, so hard, in fact, that he chose to admit it in the quietly evasive passive voice, so as to symbolically avoid responsibility for taking his donors’ money even as he acknowledged that this was what he was doing.

Now, is there anything wrong with making a living, or a part of a living, off of a “donate button” on a web page? Of course not. I have a donate button, and I run regular fundraisers; all of the money I collect — which I greatly appreciate, though it is only a small fraction of what AVFM takes in — goes directly to me, as I’ve always made clear.

Is it wrong for activists to make a living off of their activism? No. Plenty do, though few live lavishly. Most serious activist organizations depend both on paid staff and volunteers.

But I think there are two problems with what Elam has done.

The first is that he’s basically been fundraising under false pretenses, claiming that the money was going for various other costs and never — until now — admitting that a chunk of the money was going directly to him. He still won’t say what percentage of the money goes to him — and his silence on this point suggests to me that it is probably a large one.

His unwillingness to offer any real transparency beyond admitting that some of the money goes to him seems a tad, well, ironic in light of his site’s bad-mouthing of former AVFM-er Kristina Hansen for her alleged lack of transparency with regard to a much smaller sum of donated money.

The second big problem is the hypocrisy. Elam has been essentially urging his followers to adopt vows of poverty in order to devote more money to AVFM — and thus to him. He’s bragged, on several occasions, about getting $100 donations taken from a donor’s unemployment checks.

And in one notorious post, he literally offered a big “fuck you” to men who came to AVFM seeking help, telling them explicitly to “go fucking bother someone else with your problems” — if they hadn’t already offered help to AVFM by hitting the donate button.

I am tired of seeing a handful of men and women fight for a cause that should include millions. I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them.

After a bit more ranting, he offered this advice:

If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.

Emphasis mine in both quotes.

Apparently the main “other” that doners have been helping has been Elam himself.

And as far as I can tell Elam hasn’t exactly taken his own vow of poverty. The photo at the top of the post is a partial screenshot from a recent AVFM video, which evidently shows Elam at home. To me, that doesn’t look much like the bleak studio apartment of a man living a “meager existence” on Ramen noodles.

Still, if there are men out there who want to send in hundreds of dollars from their unemployment checks to support Paul Elam in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed, that is their right, I suppose. They should just be aware that’s what they’re doing when they donate to AVFM.

NOTE: I should make clear that I don’t know what exactly Elam has spent his donors’ money on. It is possible that he has not spent any of his donors’ money on sandwiches, condos, cable bills, DVDs, art, tchotchkes, or suits. Those were just guesses. As for me, I do spend some of the money I get from donors on sandwiches, rent, cable bills, Netflix, and of course cat food.

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Posted on January 6, 2014, in $MONEY$, a voice for men, hypocrisy, irony alert, mantrum, men who should not ever be with women ever, MRA, narcissism, paul elam, things that aren't satire and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 256 Comments.

  1. Those are great stories, Cassandra

    ??

    Is this a “cool story, bro sis” ?

  2. Marci definitely beats me, but like Our Host, the wife and I have been dealing with ice on the windows. It’s especially common, I think, in apartments with steam heat, which are still quite common in the Chicago area. (It’s almost guaranteed if the listing for the apartment uses the word ‘vintage’.)

  3. @Bina

    Myoo, that’s perfect! Is it yours? And if so, may I steal it?

    It’s just an edit of a picture of Lucy I found, but sure, steal away :)

  4. I think we’ve moved on from the Shakesville topic, but from reading a bit of the linked posts it is becoming increasingly my opinion that Melissa McEwan is not having fun running SV and maybe she should stop if it’s making her miserable.

  5. *Reads Ty Henderson’s wall of text*

    *Pops popcorn*

  6. Those who claim he or any other administrative person at AVfM are homophobes, racist, women haters, etc, HAVEN’T BEEN TO HIS SITE AND ACTUALLY READ IT, ENOUGH OF IT, INCLUDING THE COMMENTS. IF THEY HAD, THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SAY THE LIES THEY ARE SAYING HERE WITHOUT BEING ADMITTED LIARS. AVfM and Paul Elam are/is not women haters, homophobes, racists or any other manipulative label said so shallowly. The proof is in the pudding.

    http://manboobz.com/category/racism/

    http://manboobz.com/category/homophobia/

    http://manboobz.com/category/evil-women/

  7. We want more change than just a website that despite its helpful appearance, does nothing in the way of organizing protests, marches, legislation, studies, and creating additional funds to make things change toward true equality—which most women fear.

    And I thought you were trying to defend the MRM from the accusation that it’s misogynistic.

  8. Those who claim he or any other administrative person at AVfM are homophobes, racist, women haters, etc, HAVEN’T BEEN TO HIS SITE AND ACTUALLY READ IT, ENOUGH OF IT, INCLUDING THE COMMENTS. IF THEY HAD, THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SAY THE LIES THEY ARE SAYING HERE WITHOUT BEING ADMITTED LIARS. AVfM and Paul Elam are/is not women haters, homophobes, racists or any other manipulative label said so shallowly. The proof is in the pudding.

    Chocolate, or tapioca?

    http://manboobz.com/2013/10/18/paul-elam-of-a-voice-for-men-in-his-own-words/

    Lets are some frothy rage-hate.

    http://manboobz.com/2013/04/08/an-unsolicited-update-from-paul-elams-pnis/

    http://manboobz.com/2012/09/09/paul-elam-on-stupid-lying-whores-rebecca-watson-and-how-he-never-claims-to-be-a-victim-even-though-he-totally-is-one/

    Here’s some homophobia:

    http://manboobz.com/2012/12/19/homophobic-asshole-throws-other-homophobic-asshole-out-of-mens-rights-movement-for-homophobic-assholery/

    That’s just a couple minutes search on this site (which directly quotes and links back to Paul Elam’s actual words). There’s more, but I can only wade through so much shit before I need a break.

  9. Is this a “cool story, bro sis” ?

    I think it was a thank you for the cute puppy rescue story (which is part of a list of other happy animal stories).

  10. Re: Ty Henderson (lots of others have quoted the fun bits, so I’m going to skip them)

    The pudding seems to be chalk full of hatred. Big, nasty chunks of it. Or is this another sad attempt at ‘post’ racism/sexism/etc? Because it’s not working.

  11. “women have had nearly EVERY burden and sacrifice lifted from them but still think hardly anything positive has changed for them.”

    I didn’t realize basic rights like owning property and voting were “burdens”.

  12. HAVEN’T BEEN TO HIS SITE AND ACTUALLY READ IT, ENOUGH OF IT, INCLUDING THE COMMENTS. IF THEY HAD, THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SAY THE LIES THEY ARE SAYING HERE WITHOUT BEING ADMITTED LIARS.

    ROFL

    You don’t get it, do you, child? David goes to AVfM and reads it. Then he quotes it. You know, verbatim. Maybe you don’t know what that means.

    Nobody needs to make stuff up about Elam. He’s all the things you’re frothing about. He has said he would vote not guilty in a rape trial even when he knew the (male) defendant was guilty.

    Squeal all you like, sonny. It won’t get you anywhere.

  13. The proof is in the raging, odious, bigoted pudding; it sure is.

  14. Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III

    “They still are shackled to their conscripted mandates too”

    They are still chained to their coerced commands also

    They are still fastened to their pressured injunctions as well

    They remain stapled to their forced decrees additionally

    They do be tied to thar press-ganged windlass, Jim Lad, ahr it be the black spot, it be

    They are yet pasted to their bossed stuff withal

  15. “Shackled to a conscripted mandate” sounds like a really kinky escort agency.

  16. Ooooo, Mangry Wall-O-Text with ALL FUCKING CAPS SCREAMING. Let me see, do I take that shit seriously?

    >scratches ass, thinks<

    Nah.

  17. Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III

    @ kitteserf – The Defiant Ones Dating Bureau

    @ Bina – YOUR LYING LIES MAKE YOU AN ADMITTED LYING LIAR! Or something.

  18. The proof is in the raging, odious, bigoted pudding; it sure is.

    Righto. Now, who’s gonna find it by eating that toxic motherfucker?

  19. Hm, the conscripted part would have to be role play, for consent’s sake, but I could totally go for a Shackled to Conscripted Mandate service.

    Though I prefer manacles.

    Cassandra — that story got a round of AWWs from my mother and brother, once they were done wishing that whomever hurt the puppy is arrested.

  20. @ kitteserf – The Defiant Ones Dating Bureau

    ::dies::

  21. I just had a thought…

    Mr Elam claims to be a mgtow and also claims to be “damn angry” about, and opposed to, hypergamy.

    But he lives with, and is supported by, a generous female partner.

    Does any of this actually make the slightest bit of sense?

    I just watched one of his Youtube videos where he vowed never to allow a woman to become a financial anchor.

  22. Careful, Anenome! If you go expecting sense or consistency from Elam &co your head might explode.

  23. AVfM and Paul Elam are/is not women haters, homophobes, racists or any other manipulative label said so shallowly.

    This may well be the most perfect example of the wah my feelings are hurt and now I will try to prove I’m right by being both pretentious and rhetorically inept comment I’ve ever seen. Congratulations, unknown dude who sounds like he’s 12 but who is probably an adult.

  24. (Scrolls back and reads the rest of that comment)

    Indeed, a perfect example of the genre! Well done, you hilarious dumbass.

    @ Falconer

    I think zie meant the story about the pit bull that rescued a puppy while it was out on a walk.

  25. he vowed never to allow a woman to become a financial anchor.

    I guess she’s more of a financial tugboat.

  26. Ty Henderson wrote me a long and irate and often quite pretentious email denouncing me for my “cowardice” for deleting his comment.

    As you may have noticed, I didn’t delete his comment.

  27. Nevertheless, it was cowardice to let the comment slip onto the next page.

  28. A brave blog host would repost the comment at the top of each new page.

  29. Nawh, without vowels, in comic sans, behind a spoiler tag and with a Borg troll atop it.

    Yes, I can do that, except the top of each page thing, and no, I will not code that in!

  30. Clearly Ty-Ty is too frothy and filled with rage to read the comment policy. I’m sure his email to David was very bit as stupid as his comment.

  31. Oh Ty… you won’t believe this (religious fervor and all that), but we have read Elam’s own words.

    This leads to a small set of possibilities.

    1: You haven’t.
    2: You have.

    2a: Having read it you didn’t know enough to see the misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc..*
    2b: Having read it, you didn’t think there was misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc..

    If 2b, you too are a misogynist, racist, homophobe, etc..

    *This is not an MRM two-dot ellipses, it’s a period after an abbreviation.

  32. @ Falconer

    I think zie meant the story about the pit bull that rescued a puppy while it was out on a walk.

    My bad, I guess I didn’t scroll back far enough. Sorry.

  33. Pecunium — avoid the appearance of the two dot ellipsis via spelling out et cetera, nothing like a little Latin to spice things up ^.^

  34. Normal Pap Smear

    Here are a few things Elam has not said the donations have been going to:

    Buying him sandwiches.

    I blame teh wymmins. Won’t someone make that man a sammich?

  35. Pecunium — avoid the appearance of the two dot ellipsis via spelling out et cetera, nothing like a little Latin to spice things up ^.^

    Well… I have some habeñero vinegar…

  36. Save some for the next time I’m there? And on that topic, email me? I’d like it to be soonish, being here is wearing me down (you don’t even want to know how much I’m smoking at this point >.< )

  37. I get a twisted sense of pleasure when MRAs wander in here and make accusations or try to defend the words of other MRAs.

    Just because you SAY you aren’t homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic etc. doesn’t make it the truth. If you say bigoted things and try to explain away why that doesn’t make you an asshole it just shows your complete lack of self-awareness. In Paul Elam’s case, though, I suspect it isn’t ignorance, but a tactic to misdirect people unfamiliar with the actual shit they say.

  38. Mr Elam claims to be a mgtow and also claims to be “damn angry” about, and opposed to, hypergamy.

    But he lives with, and is supported by, a generous female partner.

    Does any of this actually make the slightest bit of sense?

    I just watched one of his Youtube videos where he vowed never to allow a woman to become a financial anchor.

    Well, I guess it’s not hypergamy; with him, she’s definitely “dating down”. Even more so if she’s financially supporting him.

    Still, he IS a massive fucking hypocrite…for hating women but living with one; for hating feminism, but living off the fringe benefits thereof; and for swearing up and down till all is blue that he would never…and then doing just that, with zero shame.

    And apparently, zero awareness of the screeching irony.

  39. Little Blue Dress

    How ironic. I guess feminism is okay so long as its paying his bills.

  40. My first thought on reading the headline of this article was “duh”. It’s like a church; your donations run things, including living expenses. Transparency is needed, though. And, seriously, he can’t run his site and work a full time job? Other bloggers do it. You tube vloggers do it. There are even Pastors and Reverands who have full time or part time jobs while running a church.

  41. He’s playing the martyr a little bit too much by pointing out how hard to works.

    He’s said that he loves his job and that it turns him on doing it.

    Most people would love a job like that. He should be eternally grateful that there are people who actually agree with his bizarre world view.

  42. Bigoted Pudding sounds like a rejected Earthbound enemy.

  43. Sounds like he is a con artist. He probably doesn’t believe most of what he spouts on the avfm.

  44. I agree w/ Lala on Elem sounding like a con artist, but I am not sure how much of what he preaches he believes.
    The main impression I get of him is of a cult leader:
    * “Follow my beliefs; if you disagree, you’re gone.”
    * Goes to college campuses w/his followers to find more Believers, only to run into the Heathen Others, who are yelling their heresies about your one, true faith. They could have at least given the college students vegetarian meals or bean pies, like other cults do.
    * All of these other people are against you, but if you follow me, we can fight them and win.
    * Live as cheaply as possible on ramen and in a studio apartment with two other cult followers and give all of the rest of your money not needed for the bare necessities to me. (Want to rent a DVD? Forget such luxuries! You should donate that to A Church for Men!
    * And, of course, every cult needs a good Apocalypse myth.

  45. AFVM is very cultish. I didn’t even last a week on AVFM forums. I was told to let go of my ego and not disagree. The funny thing I was accused being immature when I pointed they were being immature for pointing fingers at feminist. I am not feminist but I’m into men’s right either. If Paul wants to be honest he should register as a charity and have his books audited every few years but no he probably won’t do that.
    Men’s right isn’t about solving problems. Paul never offered good solutions other than stop dating feminist.

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