A creepy expat in Southeast Asia explains why money = tits and how this makes exploiting poor women for sex ok
The sexiest man alive?
Over on Random Xpat Rantings the terrible excuse for a human being who calls himself Xplat sets forth an intriguing proposition: for men in search of sexy times, having money is the equivalent of a woman having tits.
In other words, it’s not absolutely necessary for a man to have big bucks to garner the attention of the opposite sex, just as it’s not absolutely necessary for a woman to have something in the tit department in order to garner the attention of men, but it helps. A lot.
Oh, by the way, the title of the post in which he sets forth this theory is “ALL women are inherently gold diggers down to their pussy juice.”
Let’s let him explain, in his own icky way:
Women know their value. They know they can trade their value for their benefit. In [South-East Asia] this is not a dirty little secret. It’s not even an open secret. It’s just a fact of life. Money is part of the equation, blatantly and openly. …
Money-and-power-and-social-status is exactly equal to breasts. It can be a cause of sexual attraction in and of itself, and can maintain a relationship when there is nothing else being offered.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure when someone is literally interested in nothing about you except your money, you’re not actually in a “relationship” with that person.
Women aren’t men with vaginas. Their sexual attraction triggers are different. It’s not just that they fuck for food. Not JUST a matter of pragmatic sales of a service. Actual attraction is ALSO involved.
I like big bucks and I cannot lie?
Now, of course Xsplat here is challenging the common PUA gospel that men shouldn’t rely on money to win over their “targets” but rather on being cool and caddish and, you know, going to places where there’s a good chance a lot of the women will be pretty drunk.
Manospherians hampsterbate about this with a zillion “ya buts”. Ya, but you don’t NEED money. Yup, and girls don’t NEED tits.
Having tits is better and more attractive anyway, and girls with tits can get more and better quality men.
Having money is better in exactly the same way. You don’t see many flat chested Penthouse centerfolds, nor are there many broke romance novel heros.
Well, I don’t know much about romance novels, but from what I hear there’s a shitload of slash fiction about two dudes named Sam and Dean who basically live out of their car.
It’s not the case that SOME girls are gold diggers.
It’s just a matter of all the gold diggers mining for gold in different ways.
And of course all of this turns out to be a justification for Xplat’s own use of his relative wealth, as a western expat living in Southeast Asia, to exploit impoverished women for sex.
For me sex is about ecstatic intimacy. Money helps to get more intimacy with a greater percentage of girls, and higher quality girls. I choose to allow egoic esteem to include finances. Money is not cheating. Money helps to skin the cat. Money is not separate from my fantastic ethereal self. Money is part of what I am; part and parcel of what I am to a woman.
That’s got to be one of the creepiest and most delusional excuses for sexual exploitation I think I’ve ever run across in the three years of doing this blog.
Posted on November 24, 2013, in creepy, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, PUA, sexual exploitation and tagged misogyny, pick-up artists, PUA, sexual exploitation. Bookmark the permalink. 607 Comments.
Cloudiah — I had some dweeb tweet me by my legal first name, but it isn’t impossible to find if you’re any good. Except ages ago I sent pecunium on the task of finding everything he could about me — with my full legal name and plenty of info to work from. He found my resume.
I’m just quaking in my boots that some MRA loser thinks tweeting me by my legal (and obscenely common) first name is going to do more than make me laugh.
Seems more a pitiful attempt to scare us than anything else (and this was like two days after FemBorg launched so I was kinda an easy target)
Today in shit that never happened…
http://maybemaimed.com/2011/09/02/raging-chrysalis-the-end-of-the-mute-submissive-masculine/
(Dear Diary section starts here)
I occasionally get very mad at trolls here, and I think (I hope) that my worst wish for them has been that I hope they become self aware — i.e. that I hope they become better human beings.
I was pretty sure no one had been doxxed, but it’s good to hear that is the case.
@CassandraSays, That’s fucking weird thathappened.txt
I’ve never had anyone doxx me. Honestly, what could they do with it, really? I’m already legally bonkers, so it’s not like anyone in the government cares. My friends know. My family’s gone. My fanbase wouldn’t care. My legal information is freakin’ outdated and my location is constantly changing.
I think I may have actually become too big a bum to dox.
And more and more, I feel very glad that I have a few nice kinky friends and a sweet kinky hubby, and that I actually feel safe and not afraid in their company. JEEZUS.
Something tells me he doesn’t understand the concept of intimacy.
LBT said:
” (An acquaintance is getting really gruesomely bullied online by someone else, at a level that actually makes the trolls HERE look civil. It’s… really awful, and I want to be helpful, but there’s not much more I can do at this point, plus my husband feels pretty shitty and just ugh all around.)”
I don’t want to interfere but I would suggest having a little chat with Anonymous. I believe they have an anti-bullying campaign at the moment and since they’ve been very helpful to me when I was being trolled about about my cancer, they might find a way of helping your friend.
There are three possible outcomes if I am doxxed:
1) I’ll be outed to my dad
2) Some asshole will come to my doorstep and my dad will either physically assault hir or kill hir
3) Everyone in this fucking house will be in danger, especially me and my little sisters
Most likely it’ll be all three. Fucking human rights movement right there.
Well I just went digging in maymay’s site and for someone claiming to be an expert web developer…well, let’s just say my first thought on loading his page from that first link was “why in hell is he doing font replacement like that? Tell me those aren’t images?!”
They aren’t, but @font-face is basically a standard now (older IE can default to arial for all I care). And his resume is a blatant abuse of text-shadow.
In short, his web design skills need to review functionality and modern standards.
Seriously, if you’re going to claim to be an expert, my first thought on loading your blog should not be playing spot that error. (Versus komodomedia.com which you should all go play with, the add foliage JS is fun)
@Seranvali, You were trolled about your cancer? That makes me cry. Hugs if you want them, and sorry that some people can be so terrible.
Cloudiah:
TW!!!!
Thanks Cloudiah, internet hugs are always welcome. I think I’m OK now (diagnosed three years ago) but the trolls gave me hell. If it wasn’t “you’re just lying to get attention” it was “I hope you die slowly and painfully” . I responded very badly to Meller’s little joke about feminists dying of cancer as punishment for being feminist. I was just out of surgery when I read that. I don’t really know who they were but having slapped Meller publicly I probably shouldn’t have been surprised. Eventually, I got shot of them and went to Anonymous and they helped. The trolls would go silent for a few months and then come back and I’d ask for help again. They were pretty cool.
Everybody have some doggie snuggles, snores and pictures:
What is it with pets and shoes? My father was all cranky to find his slipper in the middle of the kitchen (he stores them by the door in there) with the kitty’s favorite toy placed atop it. I’m like “I think it’ say peace offering” (he Does. Not. Like. Her.)
Still catching up, but how does one know if one’s doxxed, unless they tell you about it or direct you to whatever site they’ve done it on?
I dunno … I mean, dark chocolate … that there says leadership material to me.
That could be the ultimate weapon – never mind The Moment, what about The Lego of Self-Awareness?
Ha! HA! What would he know about not specific enough porn, I say? Amateur! (I made my own in years past too.)
A meatspace troll, or the last word in masochism? Ugh.
He’s met NWO!
Seranvali – holy shit, that’s … I don’t even have the words. More hugs if you want them (with free coating of cat furs for extra quality).
Hi there Seranvali, and I’m sorry you had to deal with such assholes. May they all, as it’s said on here, step on all the Legos.
And some hugs from me if you want them. =)
Argenti,
I don’t know what is is about pets and shoes. The smell, maybe?
All I know is that when I first got my cats–and less commonly, later on–Pan used to get into full-on wrestling matches with my shoes. Kicking back legs and all.
When I first got him, he was about the size of my shoes as well, so I used to joke that he was losing.
Mads is wildly in love with my shoes, especially rubber-soled ones. Rubs herself all over them, licks them … strange child. She’s the same with my walking stick’s rubber stopper.
I’d be amazed if they were even ABLE to dox me, given the fact that
1. The email address attached to this account is not linked to my real name, nor is it linked to any other real life information (save my birthday).
2. I actually work hard to be ambiguous about what I’m doing—I don’t actually state EXACTLY what degree I’m getting, for example, and I don’t actually mention what school I attend. I guess if you work hard and pay attention to the details you might get it, but…
3. No photographs of me. Or at least no photographs in which I’m the lone subject which are accessible via a Google search of my legal name.
Of course, if they did actually figure out my name, I’m totally fucked, but until then…
Also, the douchebag telling Cliff to kill himself? Disgusting asshole. Ew. Step on Legos and may you finally realize how shitty of a person you are.
And privilege much? What makes you think that being a sub and Jewish and whatever is enough to be a “feminist leader”? What the hell do you want, a fucking cookie? Get over yourself.
Seranvali – WTF? I’m so sorry that people were shitty and trolled you for cancer.
Doubt it’s a peace offering- it’s more like ‘this slipper is now MINE’.
I think Kitteh asked this, but how would you know you were doxxed anyway? BTW, is doxxing in general illegal?
And holy shit, I am sorry, everyone who has been harrassed online. That sounds terrible.
I have nothing to say about the OP, really. He’s one of those people who sounds very, very sad, and is trying to rationalize his pathetic and creepy life.
Finally, here is the ultimate animals with shoes picture. A true classic:
Tuxedo kitteh’s never getting those shoes back again …
You’re asking me for those shoes back? *ohshitfuckimfuckedimfuckedohshitoshitoshit*
Why yes, your shoes are right here. On my paws. What about them?
baileyrenee – Totes not a legal expert, so don’t take my word for it, but I think it depends on the method of gathering the information. Like, if it can be found by a Google search, that’s legal. But if you hacked someone’s account to get that information, I would think that the hacking itself is illegal.
Disclaimer – I am not, nor have I ever been, awarded a law degree. I have not, nor have I ever been, studying for a law degreee. Please consult an attorney for all legal advice. This post is not to be constructed as legal advice.
Also fuck you mobile devices, you suck in regards to the spelling department.
Alice, that’s sort of what I thought too. Would finding out your IP address and doxxing that way be illegal? I think it is, but I’m no expert either. Either way, I don’t understand doxxing at all. It can definitely fuck up someone’s life, but how often does it really get out of control? I would imagine (and hope) that it usually only gets to the point of really terrible e-mails and stuff like that. I don’t understand why anyone would get so angry over arguing online that they want to either A – send a bunch of really anrgy e-mails, letters, or phone calls, which is really childish, or B – actually threaten with violence and maybe even act on it, or get someone else to.
I don’t get it. The vast majority of people getting doxxed just have a different opinion or are an asshole (or just seen as one), not actually dangerous people. I can’t imagine hating someone I’ve never met so much that I want to expose them like that, and there are a lot of fuckers online who I really, really hate. Doesn’t anyone consider the roomates or family of said person too?
Sorry for the weird block of thoughts on doxxing. I just… don’t get it. People who do it, or threaten to, must be really fucked up and terrible.
*are assholes.
Honestly, I think it depends on how they get it.
Example: if you comment on my blog, I can see your IP addresses on my dashboard. From there I could, if I wanted to, Google the IP address and find out where the IP address comes from (theoretically). I got your IP address through legal means (you posted a comment on my blog, which means you gave me implicit permission to see your IP address, ’cause I need to moderate my comments), so if I publish the list, it would be wrong (and to me, utterly unethical), but not illegal.
I don’t presume to know if there’s a way to illegally get someone’s IP address, of course. There probably is though. If you got it through hacking, the hacking is illegal.
Also, on doxing: I think that people do it because they want to have control. If the asshole knows where you live, just the threat of harm might be enough to frighten you into silence or whatever. It’s essentially blackmail: I know who you are and where you live, so if you do [thing I don't like], I might decide to drop in and give you a “much deserved” “present” (note the scare quotes).
That’s basically it. Control.
Even that can be dangerous- depending where you send the threatening emails. IF you send them to an employer, someone could lose one’s job. If yiu send them to an abusive partner, parent, ex etc. one’s life could be threatened.
I think the doxxing talk is all bluff. Unless your comments here link to a blog you’re publishing under your own name, I doubt they can find out anything.
That’s very true Neuroticbeagle. Ugh.
Expats can really be awful. I live in Turkey (but I’m from Ireland) and I have ended so many friendships with expat men here based on how they treat and talk about Turkish women. I had some douchebag tell me that Turkish girls loved him because he was American and treated them better than Turkish men. He routinely cheated on women, talked down to them and was always ranting about how “crazy” Turkish women are. I later found out he had a nasty obsession with hooking up with conservative women because they were likely to be virgins.
And I’m not even going to touch the treatment of Syrian refugees here by both local and expat men.
But I don’t think that we can understand how emotionally destroying it can be to wake up every morning to your email inbox overflowing with extrememly hate emails and to find hundreds more every time you check it. Witnessing the effect on public women it has happened to, it shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Having said that, I’ve not been doxxed and I suspect this MRA, as is their habit, is talking out of his ass.
With the ex-pats, it’s entitlement heaped on entitlement, isn’t it? Being male, from a richer country, of a priviledged (former colonialist) race. Ugh, indeed!
Thankyou Kittehserf, AlternateSteve90and Alice Sanguinaria for all the hugs, I really appreciate them!
This stuff is difficult for me to think about. I’m pretty sure they were MRAs because they kept going on about my SMV being reduced to 0 because of the surgical scars (and as it happened the scars are huge and never likely to go away). Besides, being 50+ my SMV is (according to them) 0 anyway. Fortunately Mr S disagrees on all points and was furious with them.
The Anons who helped me went a long way to do so. I think they’d started threatening to bring down their servers if it didn’t stop. Not sure if they went ahead with that but I’ve not been trolled in months now so perhaps they frightened them sufficiently to chase them off.
Yeah, I was pretty sure the doxxing stuff was a bluff — and don’t worry folks, if you’d been doxxed, you’d know. Harassment is kind of the point.
The best part is that the person making the doxxing claim seems to deleted his own accounts. Internet tough guy.
Seranvali and LBT, internet hugs to both of you for this shit.
That asshat bullying Cliff is a piece of work–every post seems to declare a blend of narcissism, entitlement and complete lack of empathy or humanity.
****
On the OP, how on earth did we get through the entire discussion without anyone mentioning “hampsterbating”? I mean, I know he’s trying to reference the ‘rationalization hamster’, but that extra ‘p’ makes it sound like he’s talking about some sort of Etsy-spawned piece of bathroom furniture–a clothing repository with fuzzy fake ears and beady black eyes attached, and then painted in a hamster-pattern, making it a ‘hampster’–and then, well, hampsterbating kind of goes from there, don’t it?
Ah… maymaym has used GWW as an inspiration to “explore” aspects of male subdom, and why it’s not as well regarded as it might be.
Zie did this by adopting the idea of “male disposability”, and did some creepy highlighting of some pretty stupid statements (…feminists will insist that these kinds of restrictions in those kinds of societies are the ultimate form of objectification. You lock up your possessions to make sure they will never be lost, or stolen, or harmed.Honestly, if I were a guy on a battlefield, I might appreciate being objectified in that way. I think if I was going to be an object, I’d rather be a sexual one, or somebody’s prized possession, than an object that can simply be thrown in the trash or smashed into pieces in the service of somebody else’s purpose.)
As to zir desire to be in the BDSM scene… zie’s got an evangilist complex, and (from reading zir posts, and various posts I’ve seen about zir), zie likes to top from the bottom, and want to do it not just his partners, but the whole scene.
I also think zie thrives on the way these abuses play out. 1: Zie gets reviled, so zie can play some subby mind-games, and 2: a lot of people are validating it, so there is no reason to stop; in fact there are lots of reasons to continue.
It’s a scary cycle, and one which fosters more abusive behaviors as time goes on.
That highlighted bit is interesting, as it’s the classic misogynist response to women who complain of harassment, “I’d love to have all sort of female attention”. While negating the important aspects of it (the lack of agency, and that it comes from people whom one hasn’t invited to be attentive)
Pussy juice? Let me try. Ahem. Butt curry! Dick cheese!
Speaking of dick cheese, that creep can go fuck a Hot Pocket.
You owe me a new set of sinuses, Brittersweet.
What’s the difference between “expatriate” and “emigrant”?
Can someone explain to me the concept of topping from the bottom? Cuz masochist but not exactly inclined to be submissive.
Hugs to seranvali. How can people be so willfully horrible?
Ah, the typical priviledged ignorance that for women, it’s not an “either/or”. It’s an “and”.
If you are regarded as an object, even a sexual one or somebody’s prized possession, than that means you can simply be thrown in the trash or smashed to pieces in the service of sombody else’s purpose. Becasue you are an object. And the somebody whose prized possession you are can smash you into pieces and throw you in the trash whenever they choose.
That’s not even touching the assumption that the original poster will, of course, be a prized possession. Cos if he’s going to be sexually objectified, he will, of course, be a 10. So not one of those invisible, ugly women. Oh, no, he’d be “prized”. Ugh!
Privilege
Also, the fact that you might not find your harassers attractive at all.
The scenario where a non-attractive woman who continously follows, flirts with and sometimes outright sexually harasses a poor man is actually pretty common in pop culture. It would hardly be that common if men everywhere couldn’t imagine that they’d ever find female attention unwelcome, because in that case people would merely be puzzled by rather than laugh at said scenario.
titanblue – But of course. I think most people would assume that they would be the better off — cold readings about your supposed past lives always will cast someone as nobility, as royality, someone important, even if a person was more likely to be a serf or a regular farmer or a slave or similar.
I didn’t realize “expat” was a thing. Is it a legit phrase, or is it just a racist version of emigrant?
argenti: Cloudiah — I had some dweeb tweet me by my legal first name, but it isn’t impossible to find if you’re any good. Except ages ago I sent pecunium on the task of finding everything he could about me — with my full legal name and plenty of info to work from. He found my resume.
This is in part because your name isn’t unique, but isn’t so common as to be a huge raft of responses (and I don’t have lexis/nexus access at the moment; not without asking someone else to use their account). Since you are moderately careful, and there is background radiation to cover you someone has to know enough about you to not really need what they can get from free search tools/resources.
What’s the difference between “expatriate” and “emigrant”?
An expat is someone who is away from their country of identification/loyalty. The easiest example of the obnoxious expat (for a USian [Hi Mr. Al!] is the person who grew up in New Yorker who is away from NY, but never out of it. All things (from the museums, to the bagels to the quality of the panhandlers) will be filtered through the lens of, “it’s better in NY”.
To a lesser degree the ExPat who is away because something has alienated them from their country, or because they developed ties they can’t sever (say fell in love while doing a semester abroad: I have a friend who did that, and there is a wonderful travel agent from the Netherlands who is in Quito because she fell in love with someone when she was travelling in Ecuador).
Those can be very interesting people, because they haven’t left their country of origin for reasons of being unhappy, but because something attracted them more than going home pulled them. They often have very good insights about both their parent culture, and the cultures they move to, and interesting thoghts on the human condition as it relates to how people in various places solve their problems with each other (the friend who moved from one place, to marry a dual-citizen of two other places, and has now lived in both those places; and has been rearing children who are native speakers of both languages now is one such).
So there is some aspect of privilege (the “expat” can go home), but it’s more a sense of mindset, the expat is away from one place, but not fully in the other).
I am, in some ways, an expat of Calif.
auggzillary: I didn’t realize “expat” was a thing. Is it a legit phrase, or is it just a racist version of emigrant?
It’s a real word. I think its origin is either the wars of the latter reformation (say the period of the Marian Exiles), or the wars of Napoleon.
Ex Patriate = one who is out of their country. It implies a lack of permanence to the removal (though many expats for love aren’t ever going to move back, “home”, but they do maintain close ties, and may never sever the political one’s. Many still vote, and are attentive to the local issues of their hometowns/states/regions).
It also gets applied to people who are relocated to other countries for their work (Singapore makes a huge amount of money by being favorable to “expat workers”. Who aren’t, I think, allowed to stay for more some number of years, but don’t have the same sort of difficult work-visa requirements as a result. They just need a company with offices to assign them there. I am not certain on that, it’s just the impression I’ve gotten from the people I know who have worked in Singapore).
Or you may find that ExPat comes from the British Empire – Brits would, for example, use it to refer to a Brit living in India.
ALL women are gold diggers? What about nuns?
Ah, nuns, the ultimate gold diggers. Who has more money than God?
RE: Seranvali
I don’t want to interfere but I would suggest having a little chat with Anonymous.
I thought Anonymous were, like, the UR-trolls. But jeez, I’m glad they were able to help you. Being trolled about cancer, that’s awful! At least the online people I got trying to grief me were people I already knew, and they kept their distance.
RE: Argenti
Can someone explain to me the concept of topping from the bottom?
Honestly, I’ve mostly seen it to mean, “This sub is asking me to do things, and that’s terrible.” It’s a complain that a sub or a bottom isn’t acting as submissive and groveling as expected or earlier discussed. Not gonna lie, not a big fan of the phrase; I’ve NEVER heard of an equivalent for a dom, except for ‘service topping’ which seems to be a neutral term.
RE: pecunium
I’ve always been well aware that being in the armed service would be the second-worst profession for me in the history of ever, but I’d still choose it over being someone’s sexual object, which is the first-worst. At least as a soldier, I’d be allowed to VOTE.
Also, thanks for the expat/emigrant explanation! I was wondering that myself.
RE: Alice
cold readings about your supposed past lives always will cast someone as nobility, as royality, someone important, even if a person was more likely to be a serf or a regular farmer or a slave or similar.
Yeah, I’ve always found that amusing. I don’t believe in reincarnation, but I’d be sorely surprised if I was anything but ordinary.
I know I posted this before, but kitties and shoes! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p504qAPPCds&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Also, submissive in kink doesn’t mean someone isn’t aggressive. In fact, the stereotype tends to be that people live an opposite role in sexual vs non-sexual aspects. (Not saying stereotypes are completely accurate)
Perhaps we need to feed the troll enough that he gives up.
About the BDSM subculture, I find some (most) communities tend to exaggerate some of the more sexist aspects of western culture. I do like meetings ng the long-term stable relationships where kink is a piece of their lives, but that underneath it all they just have a human relationship.
Still, I have a feeling this guy alienates others. He probably gets more eyerolls than hugs at public gatherings.
I’ve only ever heard the word “ex-pat” used in reference to leaving your home country for work. Specifically, if you have a set amount of time (typically years) that you will be spending in another country to do your job, you are on an ex-pat. If you are planning to relocate permanently to that new country, whether it’s for work or not, then it is not an ex-pat (and neither are you). I didn’t realize that there were additional ways to use the word until today.
Breaking news in the Steubenville case: school superintendent, principal, and two coaches are facing charges.
@cloudiah Very cool. Maybe adults in these cases will consider the victim in the future. I hope. I really hope.
topping from the bottom is a way for someone to guide what’s happening, even though (in theory) the dom is in charge.
It’s one of the things which makes the, “power-brokers are subs” tropes harder to accept.
If we accept that consent is required to play safely, and the person in the sub role is willing to take very active control of what is/isn’t consented to, then they can be in charge of what happens to them; sometimes to the point the “dom” doesn’t have a whole lot of free choice in the nature of the play.
Paris, in the 1920’s was famous for it’s community of American Ex-patriates.
Temporally I was wrong about the time of origin for the word, Merriam Webster tells me it’s from France in 1760
The Beatles? No, wait, that was just fame….
********
On latest Steubenville news: Yes, please, more of this, America, thank you kindly.
…so what’s the problem here? Cuz, um, fuck no you don’t get to cause me pain that’ll bruise without me controlling it!
Unless you’re a cat. I suffered cat anger consequences when I reclaimed my glasses from her earlier.
Pecunium — I doubt I have anything on lexis with my legal name on it, my papers required we use pseudonyms so mine are actually all under Argenti. Most you’d get it where I went to school, and you can get that off FB, which has to be where that twit got my name from.
Whatever, armories may have less ammo than this house, I’m just quaking in my boots! Even with my resume, none of my references or former employers have current contact info.
Fuck, he only people who know my current addy either know it because they know my parents (also generic names), or are you or LBT — people who’ve sent me stuff. A couple old friends know I’m back, but they also know I have a stalker ex and wouldn’t give out my contact info. My IP comes back to the comcast substation, not here, you’ve seen how little is on my G+
Moderately careful is insulting *pouts*
And it was twitter, not my email, so who’ve it was isn’t bright, my email is silly easy to find with this nym (and fuck, the FemBorg one is posted there with a pretty form to poke me with…Lurkeria I got your message and will get back to you, I have a JS mess to unravel before I can properly think about it)
The “issue” with topping from the bottom is it subverts the theoretical paradigm in play, where the dom has total control of events, and can do whatever they like to the sub.
It’s one of the things which comes up in play environments, more than it does in relationships. The BDSM “scene” has a lot of confused aspects, and a lot of people with agendas, often in conflict.
I’ve mostly heard “topping from the bottom” used by Domly Doms, ususally in the context of telling everyone else about how they’re so hardcore and “true” and nobody else does BDSM right and subs should not have _any_ boundaries. This has made me allergic to the term. Because guess what? The second the dom oversteps or ignores the subs boundaries and communication, we’re coasting into rape and abuse rather than BDSM.
Also, I’ve dragged these monster-tits around for almost twenty years now. When will they learn how to get me coffee or write essays or pay bills?
Cats, the ultimate doms.
That notion would be one hell of a reason for me not to indulge any kinks outside a LTR. Trusting a stranger (or even an acquaintance) with my safety like that? A stranger potentially on a power trip? I don’t think so!
It’s a curious phrase meant to indicate a wrong being done by someone who is ostensibly “sub” in a bdsm sense, but still has preferences – preferences which, because the “sub” has them, means the “dom” or “dommes” constrain their available actions.
This is seen as a bad thing, because submissive “should” imply a complete capacity to submit to everything.
That was the definition without attaching a value judgement.
Here’s the definition with the value judgement:
It’s a bullshit term for crossing boundaries other people don’t want crossed, because magically, somehow, the mere act of having desires and preferences invalidates the entire concept of being submissive, which is frankly an incredible load of random strangethought. The issue props up when you express a desire, whatever that might be, and the dom now knows this desire. Having been informed that there’s something you might like, it’s clear that you are trying to steer the scene towards that, and that means you’re trying to control everything, so you’re naturally not a sub, but a dom in disguise. Curtain falls, trumpet music, dun dun duuuun.
It gets my goat so much more than many other things because the only time anyone uses it around me, they have to be braying jackasses of impeccable magnitudes, and it has so far inevitably been a code for: “Shit, someone didn’t want me to do this one thing, and that makes me angry”. So my… thinking carries the strain of some resentment there, and I apologize. Still – at some point I fully expect someone to proclaim that not wanting to get shanked is an expression of topping from the bottom. Hey, dude, if you really were a sub, you’d go along with getting the knifewound.
Bleh.
Intricicacies of power dynamics and the intersection of negotiation and interaction is all well and good, but that’s a wildly different subject. “Topping from the bottom” is a strange ghost.