Hugs for anyone who needs them.
I think we’re a bit overdue for another open thread for personal stuff. As per usual, no trolls, no flames, no being a butthead.
I’ll paste in some recent personal comments from other threads.
Posted on November 2, 2013, in off topic, open thread. Bookmark the permalink. 993 Comments.
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Robert, you take your hobbies WAY more seriously than I do. I’d never particularly enjoyed jazz (insufficiently melodious), but I’m learning to appreciate it a little bit. My radio station is very music-centric, and the presenters are also the programmers, and they give you a little history and context of what they play. They also will answer emails. http://www.ckua.com
Ally: “so long as you live close to him”? I’m so sorry.
Robert: I’d look into taking either a Music Theory 101 course, or a Music Appreciation course (community college), and moving on from there.
The other thing would be to get a “history of jazz” book and follow the arc of the music as it developed.
That way the changes in jazz can build, and the layering effects (and the various schools) won’t be tossed on your head all cock-a-hoo.
Yeah, it sucks pecunium. Granted, now they’re okay with us going on hikes only if we tell my dad or one of his siblings and receive permission from any one of them. And we have to tell an uncle/aunt/parent about what exact route we’re taking and when we’re coming back.
I don’t even want to hike anymore. They and their infantilizing rules can go fuck off.
What does, “live close to him mean”? It’s like he thinks he’s a mid-Republic Roman Paterfamilias.
Hugs.
That was intended to be a general statement, although I ended up conveying a different idea. My fault for trying to comment while under the influence. Basically, if any of us disobey him regarding hiking, then he will kick me and my brother out of his house, and if my cousin disobeys my dad or my dad’s younger brother, he too will be kicked out and excommunicated.
Pecunium — he probably does. My father spent the first 4~ of my years in Pittsburgh calling at 4:30~4:45 (when he knew I had a 9-5 job), and making all sorts of demands, like how dangerous it was to stop at subway for dinner when I had to walk by it anyways.
It was only after I got a new phone number and asked my mother not to share it that he finally got over trying to control my every move.
I mean, one of our worst fights when I was growing up was over whether I’d wear my coat while ice skating indoors (too bloody hot for that!)
Everyone here has all the internet hugs and kittens, if they want them, from me.
My quick brain dump: My nana in England is dying. I am trying to fit time into my schedule to visit my aunt once a month – she had early-onset dementia and lives an hour away, but visiting more often will help take pressure off my dad. My stepfather’s lymphoma is in remission (yay) but he and my mum may lose their Florida house as he got sick while there (we’re Canadian) and their US insurance company is refusing to cover anything, claiming ‘pre-existing condition’ bc he had a puffer 2 years prior. $120K total. $13K for an MRI (they got a bill here for MRI’s too, totaling $200 for 3 MRI’s. Why are some USians against this new health insurance thing???)
@Amy
OMG it finally happened. Blockquote monster. I feel like I’ve been christened.
And.. some whimsy for the OT;
An animalistic view of Australia
Tracy, I am so sorry, that’s a pile o’ shit for anyone to have happening.
But welcome to the Eaten By Blockquote Monster club!
Ally – does your brother have a job? I guess it’s too much to hope that the two of you could get a flat somewhere … though I guess even if that were possible, since you work with your scuzzbucket parental alien, he’d get you booted out of work, or something equally disgusting.
Pecunium, love that! I’ve always thought (ie. since a kid) that WA looks like an Airedale’s head, but never thought of the eastern states looking like a cat.
Or Tas being cat food, for that matter. Must tell my Taswegian colleague that. It’ll make a change from two-headed Tasmanian jokes.
More hugs to all.
kitteh, my brother does have a job, but it’s not a permanent job. He works as a freelance developer so he really is limited to getting job contracts and so on. But he will make quite a bit of money for the job, and he told me not too long ago that he’s trying to save a good chunk of the money for a deposit fee once my brother and I are able to move to a new place.
So that’s something hopeful, then. Fingers crossed the work keeps coming so he doesn’t have to eat into those savings.
I wanted folks to know that I upped my meds and am feeling a lot better now. Plus, I saw a place today, and I think my odds are pretty good that I might get in and have housing soon! I’m sleeping better at my legs are working again, and I’ll be able to get by.
Thanks for the support, folks!
Yay, that’s great news, LBT!
Glad to hear that, LBT! ^_^
Yay, LBT!
LBT: *fistbump*
Oh and my conference presentation went well, so yay. But now I am tired and headachey because the meeting rooms are freezing and the noise level has been ridiculously high all day, so since I’ve finally caught up on all the threads (?) I am going to get under the covers & try to zonk out.
Nighters, cloudiah, sleep well!
Hope nobody thinks it arrogant to reply to a lot of people, but the other threads are a bit too triggery for me at the moment and I really need to get over this commenting anxiety I have. I thought the personal thread would be okay for that. (Purely selfish I’m afraid, hope nobody minds.)
Sorry it’s so long, won’t quote everyone as the threads not too busy and my comments long enough as it is.
Let the waffling commence:
@Bad_dog, I know it’s hard to be alone, but bad friends are worse than no friends in my experience. Lots of hugs if you want them.
@Arctic Ape, These things are markers in our lives. I send my best wishes.
@damselindetech, I’m so sorry for your loss, and your difficult life circumstances. My very best good vibes are coming your way.
@LBT, I’m so, so sorry, that really sucks bum. All the good vibes pointing your way too, with a side order of bad vibes aimed at whatever bastard lowered your benefits. So glad you’re feeling better though, yay. :)
@Argenti, Exactly 15 hugs for you, hope things are starting to feel better.
@crazyladyblues, I’m so sorry about the job, doggy cuddles always help, would good vibes from my puppies help? (Admittedly one weighs at least 8 stone and slobbers for England, but he’s still my baby Toby bear.)
@taitaisanchez, I’m sorry you’re feeling alone and depressed, can you get a pet? Rats are lovely if you’re not allowed larger pets. Hope you feel better.
@Cloudiah, Ouch, your poor, poorly tooth! You’re very brave about it, hope it doesn’t hurt too much. Also hope the nightmares got the hell away. I’m glad the years ending too, fuck 2013!
@AbominableSnowPickle, I’d love to see you commenting more, you seem lovely, and what a user name! :)
I’m so sorry you have so much pain right now, and I hope you start to feel a bit better soon.
I know it feels weird knowing all about everyone, I’ve been a lurker (more recently, commenter) for the past couple of years, but I think it’s just the way it is, not creepy.
@Owl cake, Oh dear, I’m so, so sorry. That must be hell. Lots of good vibes coming your way too.
@Amy, I’m so sorry your boyfriend is such a complete arsehole.
Remember though, you won over the booze and drugs, how fabulous are you? If you can get through that you can get through anything!
@pecunium, It seems to me that you are a very brave and understated person, so I think you must have hurt yourself quite badly if you said anything about it at all.
I hope you feel a bit better now and lots of good vibes if you want them. I’ve been told arnica cream is good for bruises (although I’m not sure if it’s just a hippy placebo.)
@Darkwater, I’m so, so sorry. Words just seem insufficient.
@Weeboyweeboy, Developing cysts must be terrifying, I am so glad that they are benign, but any procedure is still awful to have. Hope your appointment gets sorted out soon.
@Kim, Oh no. I’m so, so, sorry. Harvey is a lovely name. I had a lorikeet we rescued, and honestly they hide illness so well. When we did take her to the vet, he said the damage was done before we got her and that there was nothing we could do. I’m sure it was the same with your poor baby. Hugs if you want them.
@Ally, Oh my gosh! I’m so glad you are all safe. What a scary/amazing story (and beautifully written.) I think you should be so proud of yourself.
I am so sorry your father is such a horrible human being, you deserve better.
My mother used to do the call me ‘mummy’ shit. I refused to use a name for her at all until I got away from her at 17. My brother was still calling her ‘mummy’ at 34 ( probably still is!). I think it’s a control thing abusers do, I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
@DireSloth, Good luck, you’ll do great.
@Fi, God I’m so sorry. You should get a better GP, really, yours sounds crap. This is just a trivial thing but have you tried 4head stick? I find when I get a migraine it really helps. They say “Headache relief without pills”. I say “With pills it gives a little relief.” (I also found the stick better than the strips.)
http://www.4headaches.co.uk
@neuroticbeagle, hadn’t heard of Black Friday, but it sounds sucky. I’m sorry, they’re wankers! I know I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating, I love your pictures, they make Mr M and me smile everyday. :)
@toujoursgay, I have been in your situation, I did exactly what Fibinachi said. I wrote a brief letter giving my notice, they asked me to stay, I smiled, and said no. Just stick to your guns. Good, good luck, if I can do it you can too.
@Robert, hmm, I know nothing of ‘The Jazz’ blues is more my thing. Hubby says (he’s the best musician, in our house, I’m just learning.) learning music on a simple instrument would be the best way to start. I know you said you don’t particularly want to, but he says you’ll probably get the understanding you seek quicker if you actually have a go. Remember, you don’t have to be good. I’m awful, but it’s fun.
@Tracy, Oh bloody, bloody hell! Words are just so useless! I’m just really, really sorry. Lots of hugs if you want them.
(Hope my spelling is okay, iPads playing up so I’m spellin’ without a net.)
Ophelia – that concurs with some of my most uncharitable assumptions. I.e., that jazz is best, or perhaps only, truly appreciated by people with musical training. Which would neatly explain why it is no longer popular music.
Thanks! Forgot to say that.
Ophelia, of course it’s not arrogant to reply to lots of people in one comment – if anything it’s considerate, it means someone’s not doing scads of posts all at once (whaddyalookinatmefor?). I don’t think you’re a waffler or arrogant (though you have a splendid Kill Teh Trollz laserbeam which is a joy to watch).
Also, open thread, personal stuff, ergo talking about personal things isn’t derailing or selfish (that’s for everyone).
On the subject of jazz, closest I can get to it is Glenn Miller. I really like a lot of his music. But stuff like trad jazz … ouch, it’s second only to doof-doof in my list of things I don’t want to sit through. :)
Thanks, freemage and opheliamonarch.
Yay, LBT!
Glad your presentation went well, cloudiah.
And for everyone who likes fuzzy creatures, a hamster: http://images1.fanpop.com/images/photos/2400000/hamster-hamsters-2475025-500-375.jpg
Ohhhhh the hamster! That hamster is Doin’ Cute on purpose!
::dies::
@Kitteh, you are so lovely. :) (I think I deserve that smilie because I wrote a novel above and managed to use only three!) oo, just got that email alert, will reply shortly.
@Robert, I think you might be on to something there, jazz is incredibly complex, and from what I’ve heard they never play the same piece twice, which is just boggling to the mind.
I don’t think that being an expert musician is necessarily compulsory to gain a thorough appreciation of jazz, although I’m sure it helps with the finer nuances.
In my case, I have a Roland electronic drum kit and I have found, even though I’m practically useless, my ears are hearing rhythms everywhere.
As I said, I like blues, just something clicks for me, at the moment I’m enjoying Son House.
I’m also a massive Jack White fan (Although the man is a fool, his music, I love.) and I thought his drumming was great before, now I realise it is just amazing.
What I mean is, I don’t have to be good, but the basics have really opened my eyes and ears.
Don’t even get me started on Dave Grohl! I will never drum like him, but now I appreciate just how hard what he does is and why he does it the way he does.
P.S. I know my taste in music is nothing like your own, but I think the principles still stand.
@toujoursgai (so sorry I spelt it wrong before, having to flick between notes and comments with my fuzzy brain, pronounced it in my head, then screwed it up.)
Anyway, Hamster. I Love. :)
Totally taking over this thread, will shut up now.
Again, sorry if my spelling is bad, I want my spell check back! (IOS 7, pah!)
Ophelia — the only thing I’d worry about with replying to lots of people at once is the blockquote monster :)
Ophelia — you’re awesome, I think I love you. You reminded me of the peppermint oil treatment which is actually pretty good!
Had a meeting with the hospital rehab unit’s social worker yesterday to discuss rest homes and swap valuable information, and when she asked if they could be doing more to help me personally, I asked if they could find me some proper psych care. Let’s see what happens!
In happy news, even though it was Guy Fawkes Night last night, my furry people were unperturbed. Probably something to do with being shut inside and relentlessly snuggled.
For Ally and Ophelia and everyone else:
Nobody makes bunny jump a hurdle.
Look at those goalposts move! That bunny is a master!
Enh, I was most into jazz when I was in primary school, and even then, there are some forms of jazz I CAN NOT STAND. (Ugggggh, classy cocktail jazz. Makes me want to fall asleep crying.) I’m a ragtime, cajun, New Orleans street jazz kid. And it has nothing to do with my musical training either.
I’ve mostly been listening to ELO, Fleetwood Mac, and various video game OSTs these days (plus a little Diana Ross). It’s an interesting combination. Soon I’ll be going back to listening to metal and prog. rock as usual. I’m okay with jazz, but it’s kind of hard for me to get into for some reason.
Haven’t caught up, but babbies!!!
Oh! This is the place to put this: Know anyone who wants to buy yarn?
I have a soft spot for Final Fantasy tunes, myself.
Although Tumblr has taught me that if Sephiroth is known on the Internet, and Spongebob Squarepants is known on the Internet, sooner or later they’re going to get merged.
DON’T CLICK IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO “CANNOT EVER UNHEAR.”
So, today I learned/realized that the Air Force is the only branch of the U.S. military that… well, look at it:
Army Soldiers
Navy Sailors
Marine Marines (heh)
Coast Guard Sailors
Air Force… Airmen
There is no non-gendered term that covers all members of the Air Force (‘pilot’ covers the folks doing the actual flying, but they have ground crew and commanding officers, too). Navy also traditionally uses the term Seaman, of course, but that can at least be worked around.
Hurr hurr… ‘seamen.’ *is twelve*
Pecunium: I just linked a FB friend to that post about yarn–if someone named Penny replies, that’s from me.
Ally: So much hope you and your brother are able to get to a place where you can force your father to either accept your independence or let you break free (which he’ll paint as him casting you out, of course, but if you’ll pardon the reference, the whole damn world would be your briar patch…).
LBT: Glad to hear you’re feeling better. Good luck on the housing!
LBT: Heh. I can’t even look at the word without thinking about the penis/submarine joke.
Yeah, I’m going to be checking out more places on Friday, and hopefully will be spending tomorrow at another place.
In also fun life news, hubby’s birthday’s in a couple weeks, plus our anniversary, and he has full intention of taking us to the beach, shacking up in a little B&B and… er…. celebrating having privacy and money. It’ll be awesome (if a little expensive, by my standards)!
Yay for birthdays and anniversaries!
freemage: <i.So, today I learned/realized that the Air Force is the only branch of the U.S. military that… well, look at it…:
If it makes you feel better, calling an enlisted member of the Navy a sailor is not going to go over well; the official term is seamen (which is a holdover from the past, when they didn’t want to be confused with common sailors in the merchant service).
They are pretty adamant about being called seamen (even the female members of the service) just as members of the Air Force are about airmen.
I’ve been feeling very sad this evening. Even when I was staring at my reflection in a window of a train I was getting really self-conscious and feeling dysphoric. It’s just a lot to bear.
I’m also worrying about getting a new job – my programming skills aren’t very good. All I know is some Java, a tiny amount of C, some Ruby, and some basic web development stuff (HTML5, JS libraries, CSS, SQL databases, etc.). That might sound like a lot, but I have big gaps in both my knowledge and my experience. I’m also considering applying for a part time position at RAINN, but I need 2 reference letters, and I just don’t have those. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need at least some kind of job soon or else my life is going to get way harder very quickly.
Ally, you’re, what, nineteen? Who is seriously going to expect you to know All The Things in programming yet? (Yes, I know job agents are arseholes; been down that path a few times.)
What about references from the place you worked before you got hauled in working with your parental unit? Or uni tutors, could they help?
Ally, maybe my U. is different, but they have some great programming jobs for students where (let’s face it) you’re kind of exploited but you get to learn a lot from working programmers. UCSC is smaller, so it may be different. In any case, I agree with kittehs that no one will expect someone your age to come in with no gaps in their knowledge. As for references, haven’t you had some part-time/project jobs? You could also do some volunteer work and get references that way.
And sorry about the sad feelings. And sorry if I’m trying to fix things, when I should just be sympathetic. Hugs if you want them.
@kitteh
I’m sure no one expects me to be a master coder, but as far as I can tell, I don’t even meet the bare minimum requirements for a lot of jobs.
I actually did have another job right in front of me several weeks ago, but I decided to reject the opportunity because I wanted to stop working for the sake of my emotional stability. I still don’t feel emotionally stable, but I felt that, if I work while super stressed out and depressed, things will only go downhill at work. Now I’m a little more able to handle a job – I think. In any case, my feelings shouldn’t stop me from getting a job because I really need a source of income.
As for those references, getting a reference from my former coworkers/boss has crossed my mind, but I feel that some people there don’t like me anymore. Maybe they would make things even harder for me if they criticized me in the reference letter (if what I’m saying sounds silly, it’s because I know very little about reference letters). Uni tutors are out of the question because I don’t even know any tutors on campus that I go to.
Ally, if your former boss (co workers can’t do reference letters, it needs to be someone senior to you) is prepared to do a reference, they should be professional enough to do it properly. I can’t recall if you can ask to see it, but I think you can, especially if you’re looking for a letter tailored to a particular job (which again, a good supervisor would want to do, because a general “Ally was a good diligent worker” is so vague it’s useless).
Second, I’m betting Jerkbrain is involved in you bering worried about them not liking you anymore. Whyever wouldn’t they? Again, what coworkers thought – tough shit, they’re not writing the letters.
Also, you don’t have to use the letter anyway!
Being worried, not bering worried. I don’t think you’ve moved up to polar bear territory. :P
Ah, references… Ally, this depends on how trustworthy you think your former coworkers/boss are, but I *always* ask in person, and phrase it as “I am applying for a job doing ___. Would you feel comfortable serving as a reference for me?” That gives them an out where they can say “I’m not sure I can speak to that,” or something even if they’re not willing to tell you to your face that they can’t say anything good. If they do say yes, and you trust them, then list them and also send them your resume/cover letter so that if they’re called they are primed with good things to say about you.
Thanks, cloudiah. *hugs back*
Yeah, I’ve heard of some coding jobs down in the LA area. My dad took one of them. It was a very simple job, too – one even I could do. But it’s out of the question now. I wonder why he told me explicitly about a job he knew I could do and then tell me that he got the position. I know he wants me to get a job. Either he’s clueless or very insensitive. Probably both. Anyway, I should do some searching on campus – I don’t know why I haven’t thought of that yet…
I might do some volunteering stuff – there seem to be a lot of cool volunteering positions that RAINN has. As well as the local rape crisis center in Santa Cruz. But while I might be sounding kind of selfish here, I really need money as well. Granted, volunteering experience can only be a good thing (especially if it’s for a good end), but my main motivation here, to be blunt, is getting income again.
I see. Thanks for clarifying. Well I mentioned reference letters in the context of getting a job at RAINN or a similar organization – I hope that a reference letter from my former boss is relevant to other employers because, well, coding and answering hotline calls are two very different things.
On that note, would it help if I got a reference from a professor at my previous college? Because I know that my philosophy teacher would want to write a reference for me if she has the time to.
@kitteh
Jerkbrain is probably playing some role, but I do think that at least my project manager hates me. Evidence: http://mellowness.dreamwidth.org/26480.html
@cloudiah
I think it would be better to ask my boss in person, yeah. He’s a personal kind of guy. And thanks for the suggestion about sending him my resume – that never occurred to me until you mentioned it.
Ally, as someone who does a lot of hiring, IMO references from professors are most useful for academic stuff. If the position you’re applying for is something that needs theoretical knowledge, or knowledge of your ability to be both analytical and empathetic, that could be useful. But if you’re applying for a programming type job at RAINN, you’re going to want programming references. If the RAINN job is for the helpline, a reference from a former teacher would be good.
Does that make sense?
If things don’t happen right away for paying jobs, I do encourage you to explore volunteer positions both for the experience and so that you can earn some good references.
I’m going to sleep now. Email me if you want someone to look at your resume/cover letter. Happy to do it if you want feedback.
Pecunium: Thanks for the tip on the issues with ‘sailors’–I’ve got Marines and Soldiers in my local family, but nobody from the Navy.
@cloudiah
Ah, I understand what you’re saying. None of the positions at RAINN or Defensa de Mujeres (the rape crisis center in Santa Cruz) require coding, so I’m sure the references from professors will be okay in light of what you said.
Okay, for anyone lurking or commenting who’s been here feeling sad, or will come here feeling sad.
BEST. BLAIN BREACH. EVER. !!!
@kitteh, sorry love, you definitely need sound for that last one. :)
Even without sound it’s a hoot!
If they’d had glowing eyes they’d totally be the Midwich Sphinxes.
I wrote a bit of a rant in the Quick Check thread. I’m not going to paste it here, because it’s lengthy, but it’s likely to be lost in that thread, so I’m linking to it. It’s about the whole “we need to convert people to atheism” conversation. It’s a personal issue for me and I needed to get this stuff said, because sometimes I wonder if people realise what they’re saying when they make claims like that.
http://manboobz.com/2013/11/03/a-quick-factchecking-of-yet-another-list-of-misandrist-quotes-reveals-the-same-old-mra-sloppiness-and-dishonesty/comment-page-3/#comment-373809
Off to work, back around 2200.
You know that friend of mine I’ve mentioned who I suspected was abusing his psychiatric medicine? This morning I had a talk with him about the various things that have been making him feel depressed and suicidal, and I think now I’ve gotten much closer to him. That’s what I’ve wanted to happen for a long time. I really hope I’m in a better position to help him out now. I’ve always seen him as depressed, but the things he told me are just horrific.
*sigh* I’m starting to get pretty discouraged in my housing search. I’m finding stuff for $500 a week, places that are inaccessible for my health appointments, or just plain shitholes.
I have a sinking feeling that the closet might be the best bang for my buck — the only other place I’ve seen that’s still open is a complete dive, mold in the bathroom, paint peeling, two slobby roommates. Hubby hated it, but I’m going crazy sleeping on a sofa and I’m so frustrated that I have money for rent AND STILL CAN’T LIVE IN A ROOM.
I’m just frustrated and discouraged and know that the longer it takes me to find a place, the crazier I’m going to get. Damn it.
LBT — try boarding houses? I know Pittsburgh has them for as low as $75 a week, but, uh…more than a few were concerned for my safety if I stayed there.
And it’s MA, you can’t get MyRide or something for doctor appt’s? *huffs at MA* I thought you had impressive healthcare! Bad MA!
Also, no contact hugs, and cute kitty sneezes (she’s been sneezy, it’s adorable)
RE: Argenti
I’m checking out a flophouse in Ohio. At this point, fuck it, I’m about ready to cave. The last boarding house I was in, one housemate threatened another with an axe and I ran into strangers in the dark TWICE. Still, I’ll give a look around. It’s not like I’m in a position to be picky.
Yeah, they’re pretty shitty, but with it hitting freezing at night, better than a bridge.
Yeah. The closet folks say I’m welcome to stay with them as long as they need, but…
Gah, I fucking HAVE money now, why am I still debating whether closet, flophouse, or rustymoldyfrat place is best? I thought once I had some money, I wouldn’t have to do this anymore…