Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words
Posted by David Futrelle

Paul Elam in a web-only clip from the 20/20 segment that never ran on television.
Paul Elam, the founder and primary animating force behind the website A Voice for Men, is probably, for better or worse, the most influential figure in the Men’s Rights movement (or, as he prefers to call it, the Men’s Human Rights Movement).
Elam is also a fierce misogynist with a penchant for angry, violent rhetoric full of only-slightly veiled threats. But don’t take my word for it. Perhaps the best way to get to know Mr. Elam is through his own words.
So here are some of Elam’s thoughts on a variety of issues, taken from postings on his own website. I have linked each quote back to its source on A Voice for Men.
Paul Elam on Domestic Violence
In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.
I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.
And then make them clean up the mess. …
Now, am I serious about this?
No. Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. …
But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.
Here, courtesy of the Wayback Machine, is the post as it originally appeared on A Voice for Men in 2010, where it was illustrated with a picture of a woman with a black eye, captioned “Maybe she DID have it coming.”
Elam now says this was “satire,” though its hard to see how it is “satire” when he clearly says that he doesn’t think his allegedly “satirical” solution is wrong. When Swift wrote his Modest Proposal he didn’t think that eating babies was actually a good thing; if so, it would not have been a satire.
Paul Elam on Rape
I have ideas about women who spend evenings in bars hustling men for drinks, playing on their sexual desires … And the women who drink and make out, doing everything short of sex with men all evening, and then go to his apartment at 2:00 a.m.. Sometimes both of these women end up being the “victims” of rape.
But are these women asking to get raped?
In the most severe and emphatic terms possible the answer is NO, THEY ARE NOT ASKING TO GET RAPED.
They are freaking begging for it.
Damn near demanding it.
And all the outraged PC demands to get huffy and point out how nothing justifies or excuses rape won’t change the fact that there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.
Elam, apparently trying to project a more respectable image, has replaced the original A Voice for Men post containing these passages with a disingenuous disclaimer. But the Internet never forgets. An archived copy of the original post can be found through the Wayback Machine here. The quote is not any better in context.
Paul Elam on Why He Would Vote to Acquit All Rapists
Elam feels that courts are “patently untrustworthy when it comes to the offense of rape” and so, he explained in one post:
Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true.
Original post here.
Paul Elam Explains How the Thought of Harming His Critics Sexually Arouses Him
No, I’m not making this up. Here are the strange, threatening remarks he addressed to an opponent of his Register-Her website (on which, more below).
Do you think I am going to stop?
It’s a serious question, because the answer to that question … should inform you of what will work for you or not work for you in dealing with me.
And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.
Original post here.
Paul Elam on the Necessity of “Inflicting Pain” on Opponents
Progress for men will not be gained by debate, reason or typical channels of grievance available to segments of the population that the world actually gives a damn about. The progress we need will only be realized by inflicting enough pain on the agents of hate, in public view, that it literally shocks society out of its current coma.
You can see this quote in context here.
Paul Elam, the World’s Strangest “Pacifist”
From a post on family courts:
I am a pacifist. I do not advocate violence. But I tell you this. The day I see one of these absolutely incredulous excuses for a judge dragged out of his courtroom into the street, beaten mercilessly, doused with gasoline and set afire by a father who just won’t take another moment of injustice, I will be the first to put on the pages of this website that what happened was a minor tragedy that pales by far in comparison to the systematic brutality and thuggery inflicted daily on American fathers by those courts and their police henchmen.
It would not even so much be a tragedy as the chickens coming home to roost.
You can see the comment in context here.
Paul Elam on Mothers’ Day
To all you mothers of the world, please give your Mother’s Day flowers and give them all generously. Most importantly, give them where they will do the most good. Place a bunch of daffodils at a dumpster near you, perhaps one in which one of you, or one of your kind, has tossed an unwanted baby, leaving it there to slowly die alone in a pile of trash.
Perhaps you could lay a single rose at the base of a bridge that has been used by a mother to throw her baby into an icy river. Perhaps you can lay it there with hands that have beaten or shaken a baby to death. …
Inspired? Good. Now perhaps some of you could place large, colorful arrangements at the abortion centers where women go to have children cut out and laid to rest in those colorful and attractive biohazard containers that are all the rage in the clinics.
He continues on in this vein for some time before getting to this:
This is not a request for some mothers, or a percentage of them, but all of you. In fact, you don’t even have to be a mother. If you have a vagina, the blood of all those children, who are abused far more at the hands of women than men, has stained your skin and caked around the cuticles of your fingers.
And he continues on for several more paragraphs of abuse, until this:
In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.
After several more paragraphs of this he makes clear that this time he’s not even claiming he’s writing satire:
Now, do I really mean all this? Yes.
You can read the whole remarkable thing here. He also wrote a similarly unhinged post about Valentines Day, which I wrote about here.
Now, Elam not only says many terrible things; he also does terrible things. Here are a few posts detailing some of these things.
Here’s a post about his website Register-Her, a fake “offenders registry” where feminist writers and activists are vilified alongside female murderers and child abusers, and threatened with the exposure of their personal information, in an attempt to silence them.
Here’s a post about A Voice for Men’s glorification of Thomas Ball, a disturbed man and self-admitted child abuser who set himself on fire on the steps of a courthouse in hopes that his death would inspire Men’s Rights activists to launch a campaign of firebombing attacks against courthouses and police stations.
Despite Elam’s claims of non-violence, A Voice for Men published Ball’s long terrorist manifesto — including his calls for firebombing — on its website, in its “activism” section. It was only after the Boston Marathon bombings that AVFM finally took the manifesto down.
Here’s a post about the time Paul Elam (along with a ragtag team of online misogynists and white supremacists) viciously attacked a young woman as an anti-male, anti-white bigot, resulting in threats directed at her and at her alma mater, Georgetown University. As it turned out, all the attacks on her, from Elam and other, were based on bogus information — as Elam would have known if he had taken ten minutes to fact check his sources.
These quotes, and these articles, are really only the tip of the iceberg. I invite anyone interested in finding out more about what Paul Elam believes to look through my archives at some of my other posts about him, and about A Voice for Men more generally.
Posted on October 18, 2013, in a voice for men, a woman is always to blame, abortion, advocacy of violence, antifeminism, domestic violence, evil sexy ladies, evil women, harassment, hate, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, not-quite-explicit threats, not-quite-plausible deniability, paul elam, playing the victim, rape, rape culture, taking pleasure in women's pain, terrorism and tagged 20/20, a voice for men, domestic violence, manosphere, men's rights, misogyny, MRA, paul elam, rape culture, terrorism, threats. Bookmark the permalink. 573 Comments.








We even have someone who has (or is about to get) a parrot, right?
Hellkell and I can provide the grog.
Sorry, fuckshite rape apologist, I can’t leave my body at home. It makes no difference what I’m wearing: you’re saying bodies, and it’s not like men are unaware of women’s bodies regardless of what we wear, as the rape of women in burkas amply demonstrates.
Besides which, you want to explain what “taunting” is being done to the men who choose to rape 90 year olds? Or women in hospital, or nursing homes, or little girls, or babies? Because rape is all about the rapist’s choice to rape. It has nothing to do with anyone “taunting” them.
Are you saying men are so pathetic, such mindless brutes, that they are aroused so easily and must shove that penis into whoever’s caught their attention? If that’s what you’re saying, you hate men almost as much as you hate women.
You’re a rape apologist. Go sit on all the cacti.
Still not willing to engage with the troll of tedium, but as an aside to everyone else – I’ve never been sexually harassed as much, and in as scary a way, as in Saudi Arabia. Want to take a wild guess at how not-very-sexy the clothes I was wearing were, and how much of my body you could see?
I’ve even been sexually harassed while wearing an abaya. All anyone could possibly have seen was my face and my hands and feet.
We have at least one parrot-servant and one about to be parrot-servant.
I don’t have a wooden leg, but I do hobble on a walking stick, does that count?
Cassandra – yes, the worst sexual harassment I’ve received was in the workplace. In the first I was wearing jeans and bulky jumpers (it was the 80s but I plead not guilty to belts over knitwear) and in the second a uniform identical to the men’s: long sleeve shirt, knitwear and trousers. If “doing my job” or “walking past a section to get to my desk” counts as taunting men with my body, then it looks like invisibility is the only thing left.
It was the early-mid 80s when I got to Saudi. Think giant shirts over leggings-ish pants and really goofy hair. I’m not sure how they could even tell that I had a torso, honestly, never mind a sexily woman-shaped one.
Also, first time it happened I was 9. Oh those sexy pre-teens, taunting men with their sexy bodies.
Fuck everyone who thinks you should be able to opt out of being a parent to a child who you chose to take responsibility for. That’s just so effing despicable. “Yeah, last week you were my child and I loved you, but now my romantic relationship has ended so I have ceased to care if your basic needs are met.” GTFO with that crap.
It’s a more extreme version of the old “a puppy is not just for Christmas” thing, except normally that lecture is delivered to small children, not adults.
I’m glad Dan didn’t go and get interesting while i was taking a nap.
@ People break up. It’s called life. Single parent dating can be rough. Unless adoptive papers or signed, financial responsibility with the child ends after the relationship is over.
Dan’s a pro-rape, pro-child abandonment misogynist.
How original.
Dan is really not following this conversation at all, is he?
Prolly difficult when his head’s stuck up his arse.
Also, what prize would you like for “not sure if he’s coming or going” about Mr Sunshine Mary? :)
@kittehserf
If you sit on a man’s lap and grind your ass against his dick, you’re taunting him with your body.
If you intentionally put your boobs in a man’s face, you are taunting him with your body.
If you walk outside wearing shorts, a sleeveless t-shirt, and sandals; smile and say hit to man, you are not taunting him with your body.
It’s the MRMs new policy – ban strip clubs today!
People do break up. Children with basic needs for survival don’t disappear when people break up. If you decided to be their parent and accepted that legal responsibility, it was separate from the relationship with their parent. If you didn’t, you’re welcome to abandon the kid with their parent. If you were involved in their life in a parental role in every aspect except the legal one though, people are going to have a pretty low opinion of you when you cut a child you helped rear off because your relationship with their parent wasn’t forever.
Dan, by your “logic,” then most women are not taunting you with their bodies. Given how you are here, they’re probably doing it with words.
Admittedly, he’s probably having some trouble because this is half an argument and half a discussion. So partly we’re trying to explain to him why child abandonment is wrong and how not all parents are biologically related to the child, but partly we’re having a general conversation about the stepchild-stepparent relationship and the difficulties involved.
Who the blue fuck outside of people for whom it’s a profession and are paid to do so shoves their tits in people’s faces or climbs into their lap and rubs against their dick? No one, ever.
@ marinerachel
I think MRAs mostly solve this problem by being incapable of forming nurturing relationships with anyone, including children.
Kittehserf, you are right.
I also snatch up barely legal teens and force them to have sex in the back of my van.
I have 28 kids by 28 different women that I refuse to take care of.
Oh BTW, I am joking.
I see ABC didn’t want to air the manosphere crap. Both sides are ridiculous.
Wait, is Dan mistaking strippers for women in general?
Well, I’ve certainly sat in the laps of a few male friends at bars/parties (when it gets crowded and there aren’t enough chairs for everyone mostly), but there wasn’t any grinding going on. I’m sure that still counts as taunting though.
Dan, add “how TV news works” to the list of things you know jack shit about.
Dan, gobshite: you’re talking about two people having sexual interactions (whether at a sex club or because they, y’know, are enjoying it). If someone does that stuff to you and you don’t like it, you tell her to stop. Or you lift her off your lap.
You do. not. rape. her.
I don’t give a flying fuck how much you think you’re being “taunted” by someone, you DON’T RAPE THEM.
How hard is this for you to understand?
Also, have you ever read the claims by pedophiles that they were being led on and taunted by their victims? I have. “She patted the bed, she wanted me there, she asked me to put her on my lap” – this was stuff said by a man who raped his FOUR YEAR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER.
You’re using the same language. Go fuck yourself, rape-apologist loser.
At a club last year there was also a very tiny woman who sat on my lap because there weren’t any spare chairs, and she used to be a stripper. Was she taunting me? She was flirting a bit, so I suppose I should have had a ragesplosion.
(Except that I’m not a hateful weirdo, so I thought it was cute and funny.)
@ rachel
I do not know anyone who has ever had a low opinion of me when I broke up with a chick who had a kid. Well, the mom cared, but I didn’t care how she felt.
Most people don’t give a crap, unless it is your biological child.
Now I see why some of you got offended why I called some folks crazies. You people are mentally ill and need meds.
Isn’t it funny (as in, pathetic) how the just, fair, logical, manly menz, with their mighty man brains, can’t actually use their words when it comes to being “taunted” by a woman’s body? They always insist that we should use our words (y’know – scream NO repeatedly) so they’ll have some idea when we don’t want their attentions. Yet they can’t say “Stop it, I don’t like that,” or anything else. No, if they’re being “taunted” there’s just nothing for them to do but commit rape.
There you have it, Dan in a nutshell. He doesn’t give a shit about other people and assumes everyone else is like him. Empathy is a sign of mental illness, apparently.
I think “taunted” is misogynist weirdospeak for “flirted with”, sometimes. Which is just sad. Let’s ban flirting because a few rage-filled assholes throw a tantrum when it doesn’t always result in sex.
I’ve sat in the occasional lap, myself. Can’t say I ever ground (that sounds wretched, talking about genitals) against their wang or pushed my tits in their face unless we were, you know, doing stuff.
Danny makes it sound like women in general just do shit like giving guys they don’t want to fuck lap dances and burying their faces in tits. Where does this happen?
Dan is starting to sound familiar. Is it just me?
When I’m sitting in someone’s lap in public I’m generally facing in a direction which would make it difficult to rub my boobs in their face unless I had a slinky for a spine.
Last time I sat on the lap of a guy other than MrSerf was a friend’s husband, at a party at their place. He invited me ‘cos 1) lack of chairs 2) he’s a big bloke and could take my weight. No grinding or shoving or anything else involved.
Come to that I don’t do those things when it’s MrSerf whose lap I’m sitting on. Not our style.
Though, hmm, I suppose I must have been taunting him when he did a foot-in-mouth of saying “I am king, I must protect my pieces” (he was making a chess joke) and I fell around laughing at his unintentional double-entendre. We abandoned chess for sitting cuddled on the couch, so now I need to know: was that taunting?
You’re wrong, Dan. Everyone here has a low opinion of you irrelevant of your breaking up with people with children.
I thought I was pretty explicit that, if you played no parental role in the child’s life, it’s not child abandonment when you ditch their parent and never see them again. If you parented the child and then, upon dumping their parent, abandoned them, you’re a loser, whether you took legal responsibility for them or not. Everyone here thinks so.
I applaud the men who were Mom’s Creepy Boyfriend for breaking up with her though. They do the women they break up with and those women’s children an enormous service by removing their loser asses from the picture.
Hear, hear!
Actually the “proudly/resentfully talk about times you were a horrible human being and how they were actually the other person’s fault and you just don’t care” modus operandi feels pretty new to me.
I think it’s less “this person has been here before” and more “selfish assholes are a dime a dozen on the internet”.
I thought sort of halfway: didn’t have the smell of sock (mind you I’ve been skimming his rubbish) but did come across as bog-standard misogynist loser.
That’s pretty sad, huh?
Ninjaed by Cassandra!
serrana: were you thinking the good doctor Pell?
Yeah, that’s probably it. It was the “I’m pretending to be sarcastic, but I’m actually telling you what an asshole I am” thing that sounded so familiar. Because they all do it eventualy!
No, hellkell, I was thinking of another one. Bob, maybe? Somebody super tedious.
Pfft, Pell would never confess to having a bad relationship or getting arrested for a crime. All his girlfriends are 18-year-old virgins who giggle adoringly at him.
Wouldn’t it be hilarious if all the MRAs lurking took his advice? If you are arrested on rape charges, the best course of action is to yell at all the male officers and sexually harass the female ones. That will work out great! Yeah, definitely do that. What could possibly go wrong?
@ Rachel.
I do not care what people on this site think of me. LMFAO. OMFG. You crazies actually think I would care what you think.
Last year, I dumped a chick who I was in a relationship for two years. Her daughter called me dad.
I dumped her, because she was abusive, she got out of control when she consumed alcohol, and she was starting to show acute signs of psychosis.
Guess who gave me a hard time for no longer helping take care of her daughter. No one who I gave a damn about.
He does have Pell’s total inability to properly quote something, as well as his tendency to call everybody mentally ill. But I dunno.
Dan: cool story bro.
Fuck off.
Accusing a female detective of rape is not harassment. Oh wait. You people are mentally ill and can’t help your conditions. Carry on.
Since I knew I was in the clear, the chick was lying, and the detectives didn’t have anything for the DA’s office I decided to have some fun that day. I was trying to get one of the detectives to rough me up so I could get at least $5, 000 from the city. The detectives did not fall for it.
Hi, Pell. How’s Uncle Monty?
No hellkell.
Would you like to get fucked?
Would you like to get banned?
Ah, the meltdown begins. I have to cook dinner though, you guys can have fun without me.
We all knew the meltdown was coming.
What’s for dinner? I had lobster ravioli.
Yeah, abandoning a kid that perceives you as their father makes you a massive loser, dude. The fact you’re proud of it just makes it worse. “I caused a child emotional trauma via abandonment and I DON’T CARE!” What a prize you are. There must be a lineup outside your door.
And no, no one here thinks you care what they think because it’s apparent the only thing you care about is yourself and being “right”.
You’re gross. I’m glad you dumped that women and got the hell away from that child. Huge step in the right direction for them.
dammit, I was all set to eat leftovers and now I’m thinking about lobster ravioli. I really shouldn’t read Manboobz before dinner.
Leftover lasagna for me. Got to study. No time to cook.
Empathy is a mental illness now? Wow, how anti-people is that?
And of course, the “I can’t help but rape her if she’s sitting on my lap!”. Oh fuck you.
“Now I see why some of you got offended why I called some folks crazies. You people are mentally ill and need meds.”
Hey, what if we’re medicated crazies?!
And idk if I count as a woman, seeing how non-binary, but last time I sat in a lap? Uh…I guess I did pretend to take over my mother’s the other day. Non-family would be…uh…um…uh…my ex-FWB? But I wasn’t teasing. Or rather, I was, because kinky. (TMI? Sorry)
Oh and pecunium makes a very comfortable headrest when having a jerkbrain. We are definitely not a thing and the whole “platonic” thing is in no way in question.
So nope, I don’t think I’ve ever taunted a man, or woman, or otherwise gendered person, with my body. Hm, though I may’ve sat on my pharm student’s non-binary lap. Does the genital configuration determine who was taunting whom?
I made it with brown butter and parmesan. Burp.
Well, I’m nuts and I understand empathy, so the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
hellkell – Damn you, that sounds delicious.
Anyone email the dark lord? Cuz I’m pretty sure the harping on how we’re all crazy falls under bannable insults. Siegel way, I know tedious is a bannable offense.
Argenti – Me too, on two different levels! I guess I can say “oh yeah, I’m calling in sick today, I feel a little bit of empathy for someone and I need to get over it”?
I went a little overboard at the Trader Joe’s that FINALLY opened up in Austin.
That cookie butter totally lives up to it’s hype.
Argenti: I dinged the Dark Lord.
hellkill – They haz cookie butter? What’s that?