Paul Elam of A Voice for Men: In His Own Words

Paul Elam on 20/20

Paul Elam in a web-only clip from the 20/20 segment that never ran on television.

Paul Elam, the founder and primary animating force behind the website A Voice for Men, is probably, for better or worse, the most influential figure in the Men’s Rights movement (or, as he prefers to call it, the Men’s Human Rights Movement).

Elam is also a fierce misogynist with a penchant for angry, violent rhetoric full of only-slightly veiled threats. But don’t take my word for it. Perhaps the best way to get to know Mr. Elam is through his own words.

So here are some of Elam’s thoughts on a variety of issues, taken from postings on his own website.  I have linked each quote back to its source on A Voice for Men.

Elam may try to soft-pedal his views on 20/20 to appeal to a wider audience. This is what he really believes.

Paul Elam on Domestic Violence

That’s it. In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.

I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.

And then make them clean up the mess. …

Now, am I serious about this?

No. Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. …

But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.

Here, courtesy of the Wayback Machine, is the post as it originally appeared on A Voice for Men in 2010, where it was illustrated with a picture of a woman with a black eye, captioned “Maybe she DID have it coming.”

Elam now says this was “satire,” though its hard to see how it is “satire” when he clearly says that he doesn’t think his allegedly “satirical” solution is wrong. When Swift wrote his Modest Proposal he didn’t think that eating babies was actually a good thing; if so, it would not have been a satire.

Paul Elam on Rape

I have ideas about women who spend evenings in bars hustling men for drinks, playing on their sexual desires … And the women who drink and make out, doing everything short of sex with men all evening, and then go to his apartment at 2:00 a.m.. Sometimes both of these women end up being the “victims” of rape.

But are these women asking to get raped?

In the most severe and emphatic terms possible the answer is NO, THEY ARE NOT ASKING TO GET RAPED.

They are freaking begging for it.

Damn near demanding it.

And all the outraged PC demands to get huffy and point out how nothing justifies or excuses rape won’t change the fact that there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.

You can find this quote in context on A Voice for Men here. Trust me, it’s not any better in context.

Paul Elam on Why He Would Vote to Acquit All Rapists

Elam feels that courts are “patently untrustworthy when it comes to the offense of rape” and so, he explained in one post:

Should I be called to sit on a jury for a rape trial, I vow publicly to vote not guilty, even in the face of overwhelming evidence that the charges are true.

Original post here.

Paul Elam Explains How the Thought of Harming His Critics Sexually Arouses Him

No, I’m not making this up. Here are the strange, threatening remarks he addressed to an opponent of his Register-Her website (on which, more below).

Do you think I am going to stop?

It’s a serious question, because the answer to that question … should inform you of what will work for you or not work for you in dealing with me.

And the answer is, of course, no, I am not going to stop. You see, I find you, as a feminist, to be a loathsome, vile piece of human garbage. I find you so pernicious and repugnant that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.

Original post here.

Paul Elam on the Necessity of “Inflicting Pain” on Opponents

Progress for men will not be gained by debate, reason or typical channels of grievance available to segments of the population that the world actually gives a damn about. The progress we need will only be realized by inflicting enough pain on the agents of hate, in public view, that it literally shocks society out of its current coma.

You can see this quote in context here.

Paul Elam, the World’s Strangest “Pacifist”

From a post on family courts:

I am a pacifist. I do not advocate violence. But I tell you this. The day I see one of these absolutely incredulous excuses for a judge dragged out of his courtroom into the street, beaten mercilessly, doused with gasoline and set afire by a father who just won’t take another moment of injustice, I will be the first to put on the pages of this website that what happened was a minor tragedy that pales by far in comparison to the systematic brutality and thuggery inflicted daily on American fathers by those courts and their police henchmen.

It would not even so much be a tragedy as the chickens coming home to roost.

You can see the comment in context here.

Paul Elam on Mothers’ Day

To all you mothers of the world, please give your Mother’s Day flowers and give them all generously. Most importantly, give them where they will do the most good. Place a bunch of daffodils at a dumpster near you, perhaps one in which one of you, or one of your kind, has tossed an unwanted baby, leaving it there to slowly die alone in a pile of trash.

Perhaps you could lay a single rose at the base of a bridge that has been used by a mother to throw her baby into an icy river. Perhaps you can lay it there with hands that have beaten or shaken a baby to death. …

Inspired? Good. Now perhaps some of you could place large, colorful arrangements at the abortion centers where women go to have children cut out and laid to rest in those colorful and attractive biohazard containers that are all the rage in the clinics.

He continues on in this vein for some time before getting to this:

This is not a request for some mothers, or a percentage of them, but all of you. In fact, you don’t even have to be a mother. If you have a vagina, the blood of all those children, who are abused far more at the hands of women than men, has stained your skin and caked around the cuticles of your fingers.

And he continues on for several more paragraphs of abuse, until this:

In Daffodils for Dumpsters the gash gets you in, and you don’t really have a choice.

After several more paragraphs of this he makes clear that this time he’s not even claiming he’s writing satire:

Now, do I really mean all this? Yes.

You can read the whole remarkable thing here. He also wrote a similarly unhinged post about Valentines Day, which I wrote about here.

Now, Elam not only says many terrible things; he also does terrible things. Here are a few posts detailing some of these things.

Here’s a post about his website Register-Her, a fake “offenders registry” where feminist writers and activists are vilified alongside female murderers and child abusers, and threatened with the exposure of their personal information, in an attempt to silence them.

Here’s a post about A Voice for Men’s glorification of Thomas Ball, a disturbed man and self-admitted child abuser who set himself on fire on the steps of a courthouse in hopes that his death would inspire Men’s Rights activists to launch a campaign of firebombing attacks against courthouses and police stations.

Despite Elam’s claims of non-violence, A Voice for Men published Ball’s long terrorist manifesto — including his calls for firebombing — on its website, in its “activism” section. It was only after the Boston Marathon bombings that AVFM finally took the manifesto down.

Here’s a post about the time Paul Elam (along with a ragtag team of online misogynists and white supremacists) viciously attacked a young woman as an anti-male, anti-white bigot, resulting in threats directed at her and at her alma mater, Georgetown University. As it turned out, all the attacks on her, from Elam and other, were based on bogus information — as Elam would have known if he had taken ten minutes to fact check his sources.

These quotes, and these articles, are really only the tip of the iceberg. I invite anyone interested in finding out more about what Paul Elam believes to look through my archives at some of my other posts about him, and about A Voice for Men more generally.

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Posted on October 18, 2013, in a voice for men, a woman is always to blame, abortion, advocacy of violence, antifeminism, domestic violence, evil sexy ladies, evil women, harassment, hate, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, not-quite-explicit threats, not-quite-plausible deniability, paul elam, playing the victim, rape, rape culture, taking pleasure in women's pain, terrorism and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 439 Comments.

  1. @Alice

    It’s very much possible that we spoke of two different things. In the initial post, “resting” was meant as “stay in bed and don’t get out or you’ll hurt your delicate ladybrains” (sentiment given by the narrator’s husband/doctor in “The Yellow Wallpaper”).

    Yeah, I got that, I probably shouldn’t have butted in, since my rambling was off topic. Just that I felt weird hearing ‘resting’ wasn’t good when you were depressed because I associate it with trying to regain my mental health so I got a case of rambles. Idk if that makes any sense? Anyway, sorry for the confusion.

  2. Yes Marie, thank heavens for those people! My hubby is very good at helping me and even spotting it before it gets outta hand. Like if I’m starting to want to sleep more or doing that zombie thing where I sit and stare and look pitiful. It’s like central casting for any antidepressant commercial “Depression hurts, but you don’t have to!” Lol.

  3. “Yeah, I got that, I probably shouldn’t have butted in, since my rambling was off topic. Just that I felt weird hearing ‘resting’ wasn’t good when you were depressed because I associate it with trying to regain my mental health so I got a case of rambles. Idk if that makes any sense? Anyway, sorry for the confusion.”

    Marie, you gotta stop apologizing and saying that you ramble! I’ve noticed you apologize a lot, and I have never thought you needed to. I doubt anyone here has ever thought you were rambling, and you are free to butt in to anything, silly.

  4. One of the benefits of being multi is that I have added motivation and other people to help keep me in line–switching won’t magically reverse brain chemicals, and I don’t want the kids to be suicidally depressed.

    And I admit, I made The Bad Day Book and Feeling Worthless? specifically to try and counteract the whole “brain too blitzed to do anything” thing. It’s handy having the knowledge of your sane brain to help you in the future for your sick brain!

  5. Marie – No need to apologize. After all, isn’t this how conversations work?

    (I think. Right? People discuss their experiences and add on new information to better the group having said discussion as a whole?)

  6. Also Marie, you may find one day that you are supporting someone else, and all your past suffering will have made you a valuable ally to someone in need. I recently helped coordinate free therapy and meds for my depressed friend who is a laid off teacher who lost her benefits. I KNEW why she couldn’t organize her thoughts and figure out how to get help herself. None of this is in vain.

  7. LBT, ever read First Person Plural? Fascinating autobiography written by a man with DID who ultimately got his doctorate and became a therapist to help those like himself.

  8. @Nitram

    Marie, you gotta stop apologizing and saying that you ramble! I’ve noticed you apologize a lot, and I have never thought you needed to. I doubt anyone here has ever thought you were rambling, and you are free to butt in to anything, silly.

    Thanks :3 I just worry a lot.


    Marie – No need to apologize. After all, isn’t this how conversations work?

    I guess :P I just think I was being a bit confusing. Oh well, I guess things got clarified anyway?

  9. RE: Nitram

    LBT, ever read First Person Plural?

    Sure, over a decade ago. Used to own it, until the sheer amount of trauma voyeurism in multi books turned me off. Also, I think there’s been some debate over whether the guy actually told the truth or fictionalized it. I can’t remember the details, it’s been a while.

  10. LBT,

    I read it over a decade ago too! At the time I thought it was an amazing story. I did find it weird the way he wrote about his wife. Had her on quite a pedestal, and then even wrote from her point of view when she was attracted to someone else. “Ricki felt the jolt of electricity when he touched her” or something like that.

  11. Gah! I’d completely forgotten about that, but then, my memory of the book is pretty fuzzy. I just remember it as another ‘multiple goes through horrifying abuse, which they’ll happily tell you ever pulsing grisly detail of, goes theatrically mad, finds shrink who helps make everything better’ story. It’s mostly of note because as I recall, it’s one of the rare ones where the multi is AMAB and yet doesn’t try to axe-murder anyone or end up in jail for violent behavior.

  12. The Yellow Wallpaper is really excellent. I don’t know why every school doesn’t teach it.

  13. I read The Yellow Wallpaper in a collection of ghost stories, of all things. My reaction to it was that there was nothing wrong with the narrator except her douchebag husband was trying to send her insane.

  14. There was a good BBC adaptation in the 90′s. Creepy as hell.

  15. I didn’t know The Yellow Wallpaper was about bed rest specifically – that’s interesting. I thought it was just a metaphor for how confined women were in general in that era.

  16. Have you been able to move your bowels today, Dan? You were VERY cranky before bed last night.

  17. He’s been thrown in the Moderation Dunny, marinerachel, so hopefully he can concentrate on having a nice relaxing movement instead of straining his little self here.

  18. I love this pic of Elam. It shows his dark brooding serial killer eyes in all their glory. What a degenerate Elam is.

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