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Intra-vaginal anti-cuckoldry tactics and the psychobiology of semen: An Evo Psych pop quiz

Napping: A terrible anti-cuckoldry tactic

Napping: A terribly ineffective anti-cuckoldry tactic

Today, a little Evo Psych Pop Quiz for you all!

5 of the following 6 statements are actual quotes from a 2007 article in the open access peer-reviewed journal Evolutionary Psychology. Can you spot the quote that isn’t from the article?

  1. “The section on intra-vaginal anti-cuckoldry tactics focuses on sperm competition, providing fascinating descriptions of the semen-displacement hypothesis (Gallup Jr. and Burch) and the psychobiology of semen (Burch and Gallup Jr.).”
  2. “[I]ntra-vaginal battles demand men to become aroused to situations that are actually unpleasant for them, for instance the suspicion of their partner’s infidelity.”
  3. “This section also includes discussions of the interesting notions that … women should not be motivated to have sex with their main partner right after an extra-pair copulation because of the possibility of sperm displacement (the penis appears to be shaped to do just that), [and] that a man may manipulate a woman’s mood via semen content (Rice, 1996, has experimentally shown something similar in fruit flies) … .”
  4.  “One of the mating strategies examined as an early prevention method is violence against women within partnered relationships.”
  5.  “Despite this scrutiny, a man can still gain from deliberately ejaculating in front of his partner from time to time. Choosing each occasion carefully so as to display a good ejaculation can be a powerful way to advertise his continuing good health.”
  6. “Affirmative feedback did not increase men’s likelihood to allocate resources to self-morphed images, but men were significantly less likely to allocate resources to self morphed images when told the morphed image did not resemble them … . “

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Answer: Number 5 is the ringer! But, lacking confidence in my own ability to come up with something as convincingly batty as the quotes from the real article, I cheated a little here, borrowing this quote from a real Evo Psych book — Sperm Wars, by Robin Baker, a popular title from a major publisher recommended on countless Pickup Artist and “Red Pill” reading lists. It’s a truly bizarre and often quite disturbing read. (If you have a bit of Google-fu you should be able to locate a pdf of it online with no trouble.)

And speaking of pdfs, if you want tp read the article in Evo Psych I got most of these quotes from, a book review by Kelly D. Suschinsky and Martin L. Lalumière titled The View From the Cuckold, you can find a pdf of it here. See, I really didn’t just make it up!

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Posted on October 17, 2013, in creepy, cuckolding, domestic violence, evo psych fairy tales, excusing abuse, mansplaining, misogyny, penises, PUA, red pill, vaginas. Bookmark the permalink. 224 Comments.

  1. Also, riddle me this: If you were trying to judge the age of someone wearing a lot of clothes, you’d look at their face. Thus you’d expect their faces to be “younger” looking to make everyone think they’re young teenagers (ick). But Scandinavians (stereo)typically have longer, thinner faces with a more pronounced bone structure: “older” faces, while races that more often have shorter, rounder faces aren’t generally blond.

  2. The thing about blond hair is such a perfect example of how the whole field goes wrong. First they’ve made an assumption (men universally find blonde hair more attractive), and then another assumption (this is because blonde hair makes the dudes think the women who have it are young), and then another (the idea age is apparently 15, which is odd because if blonde hair is going to darken it will usually have already done so by that age, but never mind), and based on this cascade of assumptions they’ve concluded that blonde hair evolved to make women who wear a lot of clothes attractive to men. Notice the complete lack of words like “experiment” and “data”.

    And that’s before we even get into the fact that in countries where lots of women are blonde the men usually are too, or ask ourselves why selection for traits that make men horny has now apparently become the only thing driving evolution.

  3. Idk about hair, but I thought the theory why Swedes and the rest of y’all up at the Arctic circle are so pale was about vitamin d production?

    Cuz see, that makes actual sense, and is sorta testable — do people with darker skin who move up there have lower levels of vitamin d?

    In other news about the young, the current fry count is 8! Eight wee little fishies!

  4. I know the answer to this one! People with darker skin need more sun exposure to make adequate levels of vitamin D. People with very pale skin need much less in order to keep their vitamin D levels in the good-enough range. There’s actually a website where you can input where you live (ie, how strong is the sunlight in general) and your skin tone and it will tell you the minimum amount of daily sun exposure you need.

  5. How close to the equator you are really does make a difference btw. I chose a few different places I’d lived just to see the difference, and it turns out that I need 5 times as much time in the sun to make adequate levels of vitamin D in California as I did in Saudi Arabia. If I was in Scotland, I’d need to be outside a lot more than I am here to avoid a deficiency.

  6. And it will probably give me a negative number.

  7. Eh, I found it, but I haz doubts.

    http://nadir.nilu.no/~olaeng/fastrt/VitD-ez_quartMEDandMED_v2.html

    It does the vitamin d math, and time to sunburn, but it takes at least twice that long, in the summer. No way in hell do I burn in 2 hours, here, this weather. And I went for the darker option (darker Caucasian v Mediterranean, being a quarter Italian, and knowing I don’t burn, I went for the latter)

  8. *at least twice that long and no baseline tan of any sort

    I’ve burned twice, both times I was in the sun All Day.

  9. I can burn in under an hour here, no problem. Granted that I’ve lost my base tan, but I’m really not that pale, the sun here is just intense.

  10. Dear gods…that’s the same…

    I didn’t burn when I spent a week in Florida in February, from here, so no tan WhatSoEver. I did, however, change at south of the border into clothing that still fits…I was like 14. Eh, it’ score the best that I didn’t grow, means my damn twisted spine didn’t twist further.

  11. Way back upthread, M Dubz:

    Totally off topic you guys, but I’m studying Talmud right now, and I just read the Rambam’s (a 13th century Egyptian/ Spanish rabbi) commentary on why women shouldn’t be allowed to learn Torah. Basically it boils down to “a woman should only learn to pray because women tend to seek out jerks who plague them all day, even though they COULD have a totally sweet and saintly Nice Guy to marry.” One of our oldest and most venerated rabbis would fit right in on an MRA forum. This makes me both sad and I find it incredibly hilarious.

    I’m not sure I’m glad the internet wasn’t around in the 13th century or not. I have this image of Rambam sitting around typing screeds on how terrible women are.

    On sunburn: I will be red after twenty minutes in the sun even if it’s only in the mid-twenties centigrade.

    On hugging and hormones and suchlike: what about those who share stuff with their families without hugging being involved? Or those who share stuff with strangers (or relative strangers) anyway? It’s all so stupid, pretending social mores and habits and so on have no role in our behaviour, and universalising very narrow, modern behaviours (creepy men hitting on blonde teenagers) to All The Things.

  12. There are cultures where lots of hugging isn’t really a thing*. Do people in those cultures just not bond with their families (in evopsychland)?

    * One of my besties, who is Japanese, says that she can’t remember her dad ever really cuddling her. It just wasn’t done with fathers and daughters, back in the day. She and her dad still loved each other (although she wishes he had felt able to hug her more).

  13. But other cultures are not a thing! Only western dudes* are really real cultures.

    *preferably misogynistic ones

  14. It is no coincidence that blond hair evolved in Scandinavia and northern Europe,

    *cups face in hands* You know, this is embarrassing. I’m not a scientist, at all, and even I know that blond hair evolved in exactly TWO places. Northern Europe… and Melanesia. You know, those islands in the fucking Pacific, like Fiji and such? THOSE islands?

    So it doesn’t even pass the most basic sense test, because the statement ISN’T EVEN TRUE. If they can’t even get their basic truth right, when fucking WIKIPEDIA would tell you it, is just embarrassing.

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