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Christopher in Oregon “Deconstructs the Female” and Her Allegedly Very Stinky You-Know-What [UPDATE: Now With Dramatic Reading!]

Georgia O'Keefe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon's favorite painter
Georgia O’Keeffe: Probably Not Christopher in Oregon’s favorite painter

It’s time for another visit into the fertile mind of Christopher in Oregon, perhaps the most viscerally misogynistic boob I’ve ever written about on this site. Most of the misogynists I write about here like to pretend that they’re not misogynists, or to dress up their misogyny in pseudoscientific terms, talking about the evils of female “hypergamy” or citing dubious evo psych to back up their reprehensible views.

Not old Chris. He’s an old-school, women are bad because their vaginas are stinky, woman-hater. And his 2007 manifesto “Deconstruct the Female,” which I recently found reposted on MarkyMark’s blog, may well be his masterpiece.

Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

On the whorishness and deceit of all women (except Christopher in Oregon’s mom):

My mother was very vocal about women and their nasty ways. For this I will always be grateful. She told me in no uncertain terms that women were pretty much all whores and liars, and that for all practical purposes, there were no exceptions.

On the Impending Ugliness of All Women:

A woman’s looks almost always head for the gutter as she ages. … I’m not talking when she hits fifty, or even forty.

Thirty. Maybe sooner. …

This is one of the greatest secrets that few people talk about, and young men are almost never warned about. Women get ugly. BUTT UGLY.

Cellulite: Might Literally Eat You

Oh, God. Have you ever walked down the aisle in a store and observed the women waddling along in short pants? Have you ever looked at their legs? Their thighs? A ghastly sight. Cellulite jiggling in every direction. It’s like the old fifties sci-fi movie “The Blob”. Sometimes I’m afraid it’s going to jump out and envelope me.

Breasts: An Affront to All That is Good and True

Contemplate her breasts. Ah, yes. The twin orbs of pleasure that young men so foolishly lust after.

Why?

They’re a couple of sacks of fat with oozing nipples on the end. Very few women’s breasts look like the one’s you see in the movies. Normally, most breasts are NOT attractive at all. They droop. Sometimes they’re not identical. Some look like gourds. When children come along, they sag badly. Very badly. Sometimes down to their belly, which by this time is also sagging in a race to hit the floor. In a woman, everything heads south, my friends. NEVER forget this.

Vaginas: I Smelled One Once, and It Was Very Stinky

I’m going to be blunt. Have you ever smelled a vagina? Seriously. I mean in it’s natural, unwashed state? Really stuck your nose right down there and taken a deep breath?

Once.

My G-d. The stench could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces. To this day I swear there was a cloud of flies buzzing around that portal of doom. Sometimes when riding my Harley-Beasties around the rural roads here in Oregon, I encounter dead skunks. Road kill. We have a lot of them here, and when they’ve been baking in the summer sun, you can smell them a long way off even at sixty miles per hour.

Vaginas tend to be even nastier.

Vaginas, Part 2: He’s Not Done Yet

I have long said that a vagina is a cesspool of filth and disease, and that I will never place any part of my anatomy into such a sewer. With the odds that a woman has herpes or HPV, this statement is even more true today.

Nature has a clever trick to warn us of danger. Smell. If you encounter something that smells bad, or rancid, Nature is telling you to get away.

(Danger, danger Will Robinson!)

You are being warned that something is probably carrying disease, and is filthy. Definatley not fit for human consumption.

Consider what comes out of a woman’s vagina when she has a period. It’s not just blood, boys. Other nasty stuff sloughes off. If she has HPV, then dead warts (if she’s being treated) come oozing out. Or dead pre-cancerous lesions. Scabs. Brown slime that reeks.

Vaginas, Part 3: Also, They’re Near the Butt

Think about her rectum. Yep. Her butt-hole. Think about how close it is to her vagina. Do you REALLY want your gonads slapping up against her poop-shute?

Really?

How carefully does she wipe after she uses the toilet? Do you know? Of course not. You’re taking it on faith that she is very sanitary, and we all know we can trust women.

Women: They Also Have Mouths

Look at her pretty face. Think about her mouth. Can you say gingivitus? Tooth decay? Mucous? Plaque? The human mouth is FILTHY, and a woman’s mouth is no exception, bucko. She can also carry Herpes and HPV in her mouth from all those blow jobs she’s been giving out to every guy in town. Blow jobs that mysteriously disappear once married, I might add.

Oh, Eyes Too

Look at her beady little eyes. Will they look so pretty when she is squinting through glasses that are as thick as coke bottle bottoms? When they’re oozing? When they are dull and lifeless as she hits middle age?

Women Over Fifty are Rotting Carcasses

Surely you’ve seen a middle-aged couple walking along. The man is fifty. In shape. Pleasantly greying on the sides of his head. …

Then look at his wife

She looks like an open-casket funeral. The stench of death is about her. He’s just hitting his prime in looks, while she’s flying towards death. Yes, she may outlive him. If you can call occupying a rotting carcass living.

Women: They Also Poop

Women produce the same filth and excretions as men. They require deodrants both for underarms, and even worse, for down below. What happens when a woman uses the toilet? Do you think it comes out smelling like roses? Think again.

Do Not Allow The Human Female to Use You For Breeding Purposes

Consider the other examples in nature of males being used and cast aside after breeding. Once they have served their purpose, they are useless to the female.

Do you think you will be treated any differently when the female has used you for breeding? You will only be around as long as she feels she need you financially. No longer.

Spend Your Life Exercising Furiously Instead

Clear your mind of lust. Avoid looking at women. Avoid porn. Masturbate if needed when yonger- or older. Don’t date. Don’t socialize with women. Concentrate on your hobbies. Your work. Your exercising.

Huh. That’s a lot to take in.

But there’s just one thing. I don’t want to boast, but over the forty-some years of my life I have found my nose in close proximity to a human vagina on more than one occasion, and, um, dude, I think maybe you got a bad one.

For more from Chris, check out the archives.

EDITED TO ADD: And here’s a DRAMATIC READING of the whole manifesto, courtesy of Quietuus!

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Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Katz — I knew swallowing it could be fatally stupid, but was thinking that mouth cells shed and regrow fast enough that it’d be a temporary problem. Given the inhalation risk and extreme danger of swallowing…probably plenty dangerous to gargle with. Not that I was advising actually doing it!

Also, I do not like iOS 7.

katz
7 years ago

Well, in the sense that massive bloody lesions on any part of your body are a temporary problem, yes.

grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

I hear you, SittieKitty. In my head I was like, “stay away from musical theatre goodness you asshole!”

SittieKitty
7 years ago

I knoooooow!

…Also, I have erm, an odd relationship with PotO, (I’ve mentioned it in another thread, LBT mentioned the name ?soul-binding?) but it makes me a bit possessive and I don’t want to have anything in common with assholes like that.

Malitia
Malitia
7 years ago

juliebreeze ignored my question. I haz a saaaaad. OK. Not really. Troll or not, but people, who say “somebody should do something!” generally mean the somebody as anybody except me. :]

SittieKitty
7 years ago

Malitia, I’m not sure that any troll has ever answered a question put to them… So you’re not alone in being ignored.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

So what’s this “opportunity to heal” supposed to be?

Give him a chance, ladies! OK, so he may seem like a potentially abusive creep and it’s obvious that he’s bubbling over with anger towards women, but don’t you want him to heal? It’s your fault he’s not getting better!

Also, julie, for the love of all that is good in the world please learn to structure your comments in a way that doesn’t make the gods of grammar, punctuation, and paragraph breaks cry.

Malitia
Malitia
7 years ago

The Black Fedora (I think, it was on the FAQ or such) answered me once… not that it made me less confused because he claimed that Hitler was kind of a feminist because he upheld the traditional gender roles and sent men to the war. ^^? I still don’t know what he meant. (Except maybe if he thought that war was somehow a feminist invention to Kill-All-Men. MISANDRY*! CONSPIRACY!)

* Also according to my spell checker this isn’t a word. :]

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

no one says of a racist “Well, they must have been hurt or traumatised by a PoC at some point earlier in life. We should feel sorry for them. They needs a chance to get therapy & heal.

No one says of a homophobe “Well, they must have been hurt or traumatised by an LGBT person at some point earlier in life. We should feel sorry for them. They needs a chance to get therapy & heal.”

Uh, actually, I HAVE encountered these things. A good few times, actually. So, uh, you might want to think before you try and pull those examples.

Shiy, I’m sorry, both tht you’ve had that crappery and that I’ve just been a privileged asshat. I will try to do better.

kittehserf
7 years ago

titianblue – echoing that. I had no idea either, and am sorry.

Fen
Fen
5 years ago

This is someone clearly who’s discovered that women are in fact actually HUMANS, and do not exist merely to be sexy havens in an otherwise cruel mans’ world . Though instead of being like, wow, all that sexism was ridiculous, I’m going to just chill out a bit now, he’s decided to take it as a personal affront and teach All Women Ever a lesson, despite the fact that most women themselves would be quite relieved to be treated as humans and not put on pedastals.

It’s quite sad really, he comes so close to “wow sexism is stupid we’re all the same” and then wooshes past it and decides that “if women are not heaven then they are HELL…and I’m totally not at all bitter about the fact that women are biological humans and not sex dolls. Not at all.”

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