Heartiste: Cunnilingus is for betas because vaginas are icky

Man horrified by glimpse of vagina.

Man horrified by glimpse of vagina.

Oh, Heartiste, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been trolling us all along. I mean, what kind of master pickup guru is this squicked out by vaginas?

Eating a girl out anytime during the first few weeks of dating is beta. When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her. Men normally do not want to go down on women and bury their mouths in that fetid, humid mess unless they find her so overwhelmingly hot that they can’t help themselves.

“Fetid, humid mess?” Seriously, dude, if you hate vaginas so much, why do you devote your entire life to trying to gain access to as many of them as possible?

Women instinctively know this, so they correctly gauge that a man who goes down on them on the first date must feel he’s with one of the best he’s ever had. This, in turn, will sour a woman’s attraction for a man, since no woman in the history of the universe has ever felt raging lust for a man she believed lower than herself in value.

And you know this how? Somehow I doubt that Heartiste and his followers are getting a lot of return engagements from their unfortunate dates.

Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.

But isn’t her, er, piledriving hole just as icky as ever? Wouldn’t this still be a beta thing? Does any of this make any kind of sense, even if you buy into Heartiste’s Alpha-Beta claptrap?

If I didn’t already know that Heartiste was a dude in his 40s, I would have assumed he was actually a 15-year-old naif with a chip on his shoulder and a vivid imagination.

Thanks to Wrecksomething on r/againstmensrights for pointing out this Heartiste classic.

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Posted on July 14, 2013, in alpha males, beta males, disgusting women, gender policing, heartiste, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, PUA, sex, vaginas and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 178 Comments.

  1. @katz

    It’s been a difficult couple of days, so I made you guys a present.

    <3

  2. Maybe they’re thinking this is like a Cronenberg movie and there are asses that can talk, and therefore lie?

    Best hypothesis so far!

  3. [blockquote]Maybe they’re thinking this is like a Cronenberg movie and there are asses that can talk, and therefore lie?[/blockquote]

    An Assfax Pictures production.

    Starring Charlie Sheen and Christian Bale.

    “They know their own worth… now they’re making it known to all.”

    Coming this fall.

    A David Cronenberg movie:

    ”God, What an Asshole”

    In cinemas near you.

    Very near.

  4. Whoops. Wrong sort of brackets. Oh well.

  5. Random.
    But I swear if this dude ever tried to talk to me I’d just start singing this and walk away:

  6. “And all I’m seeing in auggziliary’s comment is Bodily Reconstruction from LBT. Because yeah, trans* dude being uber macho to prove he’s a dude? Totally A Thing (and trans* women pretty much have to but no one here wants to hear another rant about trans* gatekeeping, so moving right along then!)”

    I’m not talking about trans* people, I’m talking about gay or bi cis dudes.
    And yes, some gay or bi people do act “über macho” or “über feminine” when they have internalized homophobia. Take me for example(though I haven’t had issues with it lately). It’s not exactly uncommon.

    “I mean, I wouldn’t really appreciate a bunch of strangers guessing that I’m really straight because I’m better with innie-genitals, so I’m not a big fan of hearing the folks here play fortune-teller with the guys either.”

    I don’t understand how I’m playing fortune teller. I wasn’t agreeing with saintnick86, I was just saying something that was somewhat on topic to what he said. Its not like I said this out of the blue.
    I really would be shocked if there *werent* any MRAs who were actually closeted gay cis dudes trying to be macho, due to my experiences with internalized homophobia. Does that mean I’m saying that most of them are? Or that specific individuals are? Or that I’m making some joke or excusing their awful behavior?
    That’s not fortune telling to say that “some of these guys might be behaving this way because X”, because that might actually be true. Now had I said “these guys are behaving this way because X” then yeah that would be fortune telling.

  7. Andrea Dworkin said a lot about the combination of men feeling disgusted by women’s sexuality while also being compelled to try and fuck women. Funny how when she says it its ‘ridiculous’ and ‘hateful’ but when dudes say it then its some kind of Alpha Truth.

  8. katz, that welcome present is AWESOME. I’m jealous of your skills.

    Argenti, I was awoken at about 5 this morning by a fucking beetle biting my arm. After that, I couldn’t sleep, so now I’m tired and have a red irritated bite on my arm. :( I can sympathize with having gd beetles waking you up.

    I have nothing to add to the thing about g0ys, closeted gays, ect, except that I think what people get more upset over, than the clumsy use of language, is that people try to justify/explain why they said what they said, instead of just apologizing and then dropping it. That’s prolly why you got backlash saint.

  9. Ally S:

    Props also to the aloof and indifferent lack of attention to punctuation. Chicks eat that shit up.

    “Your run-on sentences turn me on.”

    “That misplaced semicolon is making me horny.”

    Said no one ever.

    Oddly enough, I’ve had the exact opposite conversation. Back in the early days of HTML chat (roughly the early-mid nineties), I discovered there were a large number of women who enjoyed flirting with people who could actually type intelligible sentences. Jokingly flirting about how hot they found it when someone would use a semi-colon properly was commonplace among this set.

    So, yeah, as usual, to find reality, it’s best to take the MRA/PUA position and turn 180 degrees.

  10. On the other discussion:

    I would never say that most of these asshats are gay. I WILL say that they all show signs of a severely fucked-up notion of human sexuality, and a needs-counseling level of bad understanding of their own sexuality. But whether that’s from being a self-hating closet-case, an “all sex is impure but I can’t stop thinking about it” fundie upbringing, or whatever else it might be (I can think of several more, most of them fairly distressing, so I’m not going to list them all) is almost impossible to identify from someone’s online writings. And therefore, jumping on the one case that so many folks like to use as their go-to is, at best, overly simplistic, and at worst, utterly insulting.

  11. If cunnilingus is for Betas, then call me the king Beta-Male lol! This is just another stupid take by Roissy I’d say. Some guys seem to think that it’s submissive to go down on a woman. I don’t see it that way.

  12. I’ve often thought that the reason some guys are so obsessed about the looks of the women they date (they always have to be with women whom they think rate high, otherwise they think they’ve failed in life) is that they think the possession of extreme good looks is a counterweight to the basic ickiness of women. In other words “I may have put myself in a position to get cooties, but look at the excuse I had; ergo, my brothers, I’m not to be blamed.”

    Same with other things. “I’m not to be blamed for getting into a relationship with her, since she’s so damned hot. I’m not to be blamed for being nice to her in public with her because, hey, she’s hot. I’m not to be blamed for doing things I believe to be non-alpha things when I’m around her; her hotness absolves me.” For a guy like this the hotness of the woman operates as a beard: it’s a free pass extended for impulses which he might want to follow but which he believes don’t become him. That’s the parallel between him and a guy who is gay but doesn’t want to be out.

    This is a pretty good example. “Here I am stuck with urges which my ideology doesn’t support, but if the wench is pretty enough, I can come up with a rationale under which I can follow them anyway, after a decent interval has elapsed.” The odd part is that guys like these feel such an intense need to justify themselves, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of other dudes. Wouldn’t the real alpha move be to just do whatever it is that you’re gonna do, regardless of what anyone thinks? But as we’ve seen again and again, that’s not the way they roll.

    JMO.

  13. Bekabot, I just learned what a beard is. I read that thinking men’s beards grew little coupons for not getting judged, I was very confused.

  14. @ auggziliary:

    Okay, maybe I should have used another word (as this is something for which there are many synonyms). So next time I guess I will use one of those instead. But, I still don’t think anything I said came across as ambiguous (or as all that important or germane to the question, to be honest: it was meant to be a side note) or that any of it needs clarification. Bit of tidying up, maybe, but then I already do too much of that.

  15. Bekabot, no it’s fine! I was more amused than confused.

  16. does any one else think it’s completely bizarre that’s he’s framing showing obvious desire for your partner as a BAD thing? “When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her.” like how is that not a thing all women want, to be desired? to be so hot they make their partner crazy?

  17. This made me LOL. Captain Power asks if he can sue Manboobz for writing about him. These PUA/MRA can dish it out but they can never take it.

    http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-25958.html

  18. Wow. The G0ys. Really takes me back. Curious thing is, my husband and I fit most of their template, but I think they’re ridiculous. Haven’t asked him.

  19. I would never say that most of these asshats are gay. I WILL say that they all show signs of a severely fucked-up notion of human sexuality, and a needs-counseling level of bad understanding of their own sexuality.

    I recall a long-ago discussion about this male culture thing. It was late 60s/early 70s — when many people still advocated Freudian or semi-Freudian sexual interpretations of anything and everything. A lot of men still behaved in pubs the same way they did during the six o’clock swill days. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_o'clock_swill

    A friend of mine suggested that this liking for spending all your spare time with blokes at the pub was a signal of repressed homosexuality. My argument was that it wasn’t sexual at all, it was non-sexual or even anti-sexual. It was all about avoiding intimacy. Staying away from partners or family and preferring casual, if frequent, contact with acquaintances.

  20. does any one else think it’s completely bizarre that’s he’s framing showing obvious desire for your partner as a BAD thing?

    Anything that can be read as the man showing weakness is bad as far as these imbeciles are concerned. Desire for her, if it means doing things that please her, = putting yourself in her power instead of having her desperate for your approval. Fartiste wants women to live in fear: afraid of *cough* boyfriend *cough* leaving, and afraid of what he’ll do if he stays. Showing pleasure in her company, let alone desire for her that doesn’t mean “piledriving” sex, is soooo beta as far as he’s concerned.

    On the g0y anal sex/false witness thing – does anyone reckon they’ve heard the phrase “talking out of your arse” and taken it way too literally? :P

  21. I don’t understand how they figure their whole “alpha/beta” thing. Like so much else in MRA/PUA culture, it just seems contrived to make guys with shaky and/or narcissistically overblown egos feel better about themselves. Surely (if one were the sort of asshole who was obsessed with status) an “alpha” man would be one with lots of money and influence, not some dude who needs PUA advice?

    I can’t help but think of these dudes as omega men.

  22. @Alice that thread is hilarious. SO MUCH INSECURITY.

    From Samseau: “I really hate this fat fuck. He’s written a number of attack articles on my RoK posts. If I met the dude I’d eviscerate his ego.”

    LOL, sure you would, buddy.

  23. @emilygoddess

    I love that their criticism of David Futrelle only revolves around him being fat and not being able to get laid. They simply cannot fathom that a man would be decent to women for any other reason than getting sex. They are so clueless.

  24. If I met the dude I’d eviscerate his ego

    What possible method of ego destruction relies on meeting someone? *wanders off confused*

  25. How would those clowns know about David’s private life? As far as I know from reading this blog he’s never made any of that information public. They are speculating about how frequently he has sex based on… what, exactly?

  26. testing testing, having trouble posting here

  27. Typical MRA mindsets. I suppose I should feel the same about blowjobs?

  28. These guys sound like they consume a lot of porn, and porn often treats women squirting as the ultimate kind of orgasm

    I think, actually, it’s supposed to be the hardest sort of orgasm for a women to have, so it shows how good/into it, she is.

    Thus validating the motifs in porn.

  29. guffaw-ferrets

    I asked this question jokingly in another thread, but am now genuinely wondering, and it fits better in the context here. If a man loves cats a lot, like A LOT a lot — like has hand-raised several kittens and posts many cat pictures/videos (of his own kittens and of others’ cats) to his social media account every single day …
    but he often labels these pictures “pussy”, as in “see how much I love pussy” …

    is he way alpha, or totes a beta mangina?

    Does it have something to do with cunnilingus (“beta”) or with “piledriving” (totes alpha)? Also why are these MRA dudes so freaking gross?

    On a related note, it’s so funny to me whenever any type of dudes (just mistyped ‘duds’, appropriately) are like “no, I love women, I love fucking them” or “I totally respect women, when they let me fuck them.” And by “it’s so funny” I mean, I wanna cry so much I have to laugh, then get the desire to drink alcohol until I fall asleep.

  30. RE: Freemage

    *applauds* Thank you.

    RE: Robert

    Wow. The G0ys. Really takes me back. Curious thing is, my husband and I fit most of their template, but I think they’re ridiculous. Haven’t asked him.

    You and me both. I mean, you’d think they would be satisfied with, “the sexual acts I enjoy aren’t reflected back at me by the culture around me, and I feel bad about that,” but no, they have to leap off the cliff of, “BUTTSEX KILLED THE ROMANS! PEDERASTY WAS TOTALLY OKAY!”

  31. leftwingfox: What possible method of ego destruction relies on meeting someone? *wanders off confused*

    It was a veiled statement that he’d physically attack Dave; by beating him he would show that Dave is weak, and a worm, and therefore worthless.

    Right.

    I like that he was all complainy that he got linked, and there was no traffic bump.

  32. Yo, misogynistic dudes: if vaginas are so fetid, humid and messy, then just leave them the hell alone and go find another hobby. I’m sure you’ll feel much better for it.

    I’m not one for debating what you should or shouldn’t do ‘on the first date’ because, well, I am not 15, but I can imagine I’d be more turned off by a guy acting all icky about my vagina than I would by him going down on me.

  33. Women like to havê their pussies eaten but despise men who do that. Cunnilingus is a matter for dykes and beta looser males. Besides, lesbians lick a pussy better than all men.

  34. How could a three sentence post be so full of wrong?

  35. … very enlightening. Good job, necrotroll. If my future significant other ever experiences muscle cramps, I will be sure to inform him that if he attempts to eat my cat, it will make him looser.

    And a Beta.

    And if his name is Max, we’ll just have to replace him with VHS afterwards.

  36. cassandrakitty

    Those betas should really try not to be so loose. Maybe meditation would help?

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