Open Thread for Personal Stuff, Part Deux
Hugs if you want them.
An open thread to discuss personal stuff, continued from here.
No trolls, no arguments.
Posted on July 2, 2013, in off topic, open thread. Bookmark the permalink. 615 Comments.
About We Hunted the Mammoth
" ... a delirious and incisive page against misogyny." -- El Pais, via Google translateWHTM, written and edited by David Futrelle, tracks and mocks the New Misogyny online, focusing especially on Men's Rights, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), and Pickup Artist (PUA) sites.
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I had somewhat of an unnerving experience on the train last weekend, followed up by a really frustrating conversation about it with my friend.
A few rows back from me was a man and a woman, presumably a couple, and they were clearly in the middle of an argument. It was quiet, but you could tell from the tone and the occasional “fuck” that it was not a happy conversation.
Suddenly, the man stood up, and yelled “I’m fucking done with your shit, you fucking bitch” and similar things, and shoved his way past her to the aisle and stomped away. She almost fell out of her seat. She was saying things like “please babe, calm down”. At the next stop, she got up and followed after him.
I said to my friend, after she left, that I wished she hadn’t followed, that she deserved better. He responded, “Yeah, I don’t see the attraction. He looked, like, 20 years older than her.”
I was like “ummmm… I thought the more obvious problem was that he was being an asshole.”
And then my friend launched into this whole thing about how sometimes getting up and leaving an argument is the better choice, and that he probably made the right decision and is therefore probably not an asshole.
Guys, that dude did not “get up and leave the argument”. He made a huge scene on crowded public transportation and could only have been more violent in his exit if he had turned around and punched her first.
I explained this to my friend and he went on about how we should give people the benefit of the doubt and not pre-judge.
Why do I know so many people like this? Argh! It’s like every friend I make (and I’m trying really hard to meet new people since my relationship ended — and that guy I was with was so good about these things, he really understood where I was coming from argh I miss him) is the sort of “rational” “liberal” who seems to think that calling something racist is worse than racism, calling something sexist is worse than sexism, and thinking someone is an asshole for making a huge scary scene of intimidating his girlfriend is worse than, well, making a huge scary scene of intimidating one’s girlfriend. Because everything can be logic’ed away, there’s always some way of creating doubt, of making excuses.
“Oh no, the writers of the Game of Thrones show aren’t being sexist, there were REASONS for all these ladies to be naked all the time, and there are REASONS why there’s so much rape, and there are REASONS why the stories of all the major female characters have been neutered, and BLAH BLAH BLAH how dare you call it sexist, they didn’t MEAN to be sexist, I’m sure they aren’t cackling in their beards about how their going to ruin feminism with this TV show…”
With friends like these, I don’t think I want to have friends anymore.
Why are friends so hard?
Hugs for everybody who wants hugs. You are all wonderful people and I’m sorry to hear about all the negative things going on with you guys and the people you care about.
@Deniseeliza: That sucks!
IDK why so many people go on about how interesting it is to have friends or a spouse who thinks completely different from you and contradicts you, like some fucking Dharma and Greg. I think the world is filled with people who think differently from me and will contradict me… I don’t need to search for that.
Exactly. I appreciate knowing people who know different things from me, but I’d prefer to have friends who have a similar worldview to me. I don’t want to be constantly debating the existence of sexism and racism with my friends. I can get enough of that literally anywhere else I go.
Hugs, donuts, gluten-free pastries, and babies here!
Help yourselves!
Everything about those babies is just so adorable.
deniseeliza, that sucks, majorly. When you wrote “Because everything can be logic’ed away, there’s always some way of creating doubt, of making excuses” it struck me how gaslighting is a much broader thing than one person specifically targeting another in a relationship (or to coerce them for whatever reason).
I had an awesome friend who randomly showed hoe funding racist he was. He thought inter racial “breeding” would cause the human race to become one color, and then we’d all be having incest because of it or something.
Also he thought Haiti deserved the earthquake because of satanism or something.
I hope this isn’t completely inappropriate but LBT has advertised their fund raising projects here so I hope I’m ok.
Since losing my phone and needing to buy a new one I am selling Gallifreyan cards with whatever message you want on them, translated into Gallifreyan and hand inked in black or brown.
I have some pictures of the work I do here http://faeboy.deviantart.com/ and I’ll upload more later today
. Cards like the one there, or as proper folded gift cards and envelopes are 2 for $10 nzd, a four line poem is $12 and a poster is $30 ic you want the Robert Frost poem I’ve already translated, or $50 if you want me to do something completely new.
That sounds awesome WeeBoy.
::wracks brains for something to translate into Gallifreyan::
::Bingo! Find one of Louis’s poems!::
They look awesome weeboy. I shall have a think about something to translate too. Those would look really cool as papercuts too.
Thanks, cloudiah!
Yesterday I had a cyst removed from my earlobe. The surgeon said the local anesthetic would give a tiny sting. Tiny sting my AAAAAAGH!! But at least the stuff worked. The rest of the procedure went well. It was pretty weird and kind of scary, though. Since the surgery was right on my ear, I could hear the snipping and cutting. It sounded like cloth being ripped. After they stitched my ear back up, I asked to see the cyst. It looked like a little baby tooth.
Local anaesthetic via injection, BritterSweet? And zie said it’d just sting? Pffffffft not bloody likely!
Surgery with local anaesthesia is weird. I had a couple of papilomas removed from my feet when I was a teenager, one on the ball and the other on the heel (one each foot, great). The injection felt like it went all the way up my leg, and then I lay there watching SMOKE going up from my feet while the doc burned the things out.
Then I had to walk home …
@ auggziliary
That racist guy makes no sense. By his logic, if we avoid interracial breeding and only stick to mating with our own race, then *that* would be closer to incest than what he described.
@auggz – what BritterSweet said. Plus, if someone’s skin colour was the only way to tell if they’re not closely related to you, you’d have to do interracial sex.
Logic, he haz it gud.
Surgery with local anesthetic on both feet, and you had to walk home?! No way…
It was only a five-minute walk and since we had no car, there wasn’t any option. Didn’t hurt until we were nearly home and I thought I had a stone in my shoe. Took the shoe off and my heel was all bloody! I limped dramatically for the last few yards. :)
Kittehs, you should have called me! I would have flown there from the US, rented a car, and … maybe that is not realistic.
Especially since it was about 35 years ago! Where’s that TARDIS when you need it?
@misery
Sounds like you did the right thing, and didn’t need any advice. You used your words and asked her, and now you know. There is no magical way you can ask someone to go out with you and have them say yes if they would otherwise say no, so just asking, respecting their answer and getting on your life is the best way to do things.
(Unless the “magic” is cohersion/gaslighting of course, which is what those PUAs will tell you. But if you want healthy relationships, the cultural narrative that you can make someone like you is very unhelpful. But I’m sure you knwo all this if you’ve been reading here for any time at all.)
In short, go you!
I’ve started a tunic in dark brown Adorn Silky (4ply, 90% merino, 10% silk) yarn. It’s one of those trapezoid shapes, just two truncated triangles, so it’ll sit loosely and have points at the sides of the hem. I happened upon a cool variation of cable when I was doing a test piece last night: interrupting it with lines of reverse stocking. Not that broken cable’s original, but I haven’t done it before. It makes it look like the cable’s threaded through the main fabric. I spent the evening figuring out the stitches and writing the pattern, so fingers crossed* it works!
*possibly not the best phrase in this context
Misery- Sorry you got rejected, it sucks. But well done on fronting up and asking her, thats a tough thing to do.
Process your feelings away from her, don’t keep asking why. There is no satisfying answer. Tell yourself she doesnt want to go out with you cos shes not into men- shes not into you so from your POV its the same thing. Keep doing the stuff you enjoy doing with her (if you can handle it feels-wise) and hopefully she will recognise your awesomeness and emotional maturity and introduce you to her girlfriends who might be into you and you into them. Plus you get to have a cool friend. (I assume shes cool otherwise you wouldn’t have asked her out.)
Scrolling upthread, I love the way Falconer’s babies have that “Oh no Dad’s got that weird machine out again” look. :D
Brittersweet,
Yeah, he wasn’t exactly aware of that problem. Also the other hundred problems with being anti interracial.
Also, ears are weeeiiiird. If you are squeamish about piercings and such then don’t read…
2 years ago, I got bored during summer break and did my second ear lobe piercing myself. I used a stitching needle. I thought it would be really easy, just 1, 2, 3, boom. I ended up spending 30 minutes on each ear because they’re so tough! It was like once I got through the top skin, the hole squeezed the needle and made it harder to push, or even remove.
I heard the needle push through 3 layers, top skin, then some fatty layer, and then the bottom skin. “Pop”…. “Fwa” …. “Pop”.
Then I spent another 15 minutes on each ear trying to get the jewelry in. The skin really does shrink around the holes. And the 3 layers slide around a bit, so you have to locate 3 shrunken holes per ear almost.
I don’t regret it btw, I learned a lot about skin, and also saved money. Despite being kind of weird it didn’t hurt besides a mild pinch.
Eek! What part of the ear was that, auggz? The lobe, I guess?
I think ears used to be pierced with a hot needle and a cork or something like that held at the back of the ear, so the needle could be stabbed through quickly.
Actually the bit of your experience that makes me squirm is the wriggling-the-jewellery-to-find-the-hole bit. I used to have to do that when I wore earrings and it was stomach-churning. Not that it hurt, but having the point inside my ear was just so ewwww.
Ehrmagherd, soooooo much to catch up on! Things have been crazy-making here (in the gaslighting sense) and so tonight I put my phone in the freezer and I am gonna get potted. I say we all have a party, byob, of course.
I will second (third? millionth?) the whole cancer sucks, though I am glad to see that some good things are happening for some folks, and extend my greetings and good wishes to Dalet.
Full disclosure: I have VPI pet insurance for my girls (who just turned 4 years old!!) and I’m very happy with it. Their policies cost me about $12 a month per cat, and so far I have gotten back more than I paid. The first year I sent in my monthly payment and only got the discount that my vet offers for their vaccinations (do ask the vet you think you will be working with – mine will fill out and file the paperwork for me so I am most likely to get the coverage when it is called for) but the second year Evie had an eye infection and then Adora’s front teeth started falling out and then she developed a bladder infection…
They are fine now, and in another month will be due for their next shot (and I’ll get the rabies vac free this year, because it is a booster and covered by their insurance!).
Yesterday I treated them to their typical birthday dinner of yellowfin tuna (I buy sashimi on the way home and we share, since my birthday is only a bit over a week before theirs) and so tonight they are being OMG SOOO NAUGHTY because there was no tuna when I got home tonight!
@Gillian, I wish I could get pet insurance for that little! I /would/ pay that, for sure. The lowest quote I’ve gotten was about $25, and that plan doesn’t cover very much at all.
If you guys don’t mind, I’d like to give an update, but first I’d like to apologize. I de-lurked, and all I did was talk about myself. If it makes sense, I just feel like, if I don’t have something worthwhile to say about every thread, then I shouldn’t pick and choose and should just stick to myself. I really just don’t know how conversation.
But since you guys sent me such wonderful messages, I just wanted you all to know that everything worked out with the adoption! Potential Kitty (a.k.a. Schrödinger’s Cat) is now Karma, the semi-longhair, caramel tabby, she who despises brushes, but loves tummy rubs. I took her home around dinnertime, and she’s been hanging out behind the sofa ever since. We clicked right away, and even though she’s semi-hiding I’m free to hide with her and lavish attention on her. I mean…she will come out eventually, right?
(Does anyone have tips on renaming cats? Does it matter, if they never really responded to their name? I feel a bit awkward having a cat named Karma, given that both I and her first owner are both white. Seems disrespectful, and I’d like to at least modify it, maybe name her after the Von Karma’s from Ace Attorney.)
I’m still pretty panicked, though. In less than twelve hours I’ll really have no choice but to let a confrontation with my mom happen, you know?
Dalet, no apologies! You had stuff to ask about (and it was CAT related) and this is just the spot to do it. Plus, not everyone has something to say on every thread; I’m pretty sure we all pick and choose. If we didn’t, we’d all be writing on all the threads all the time!
Yay for
Schrodinger’s CatKarma arriving! She sounds really pretty.I wouldn’t worry about renaming her – I mean, it’s fine, we renamed all our cats. Most of them we never knew what their first names were anyway. One tip I know is that a name ending with an “e” sound tends to get their attention. Can’t remember why, but the funny thing is most of ours ended up with nicknames like that – Caitlin/Katie, Freya/Fribbie, Madeleine/Maddie, Magnus/Maggie and so on.
Not that there’s any guarantee any cat will take much notice of its name. Mads twitches an ear on a good day. ;) Just go for a name that’s easy and you think suits her and see how it goes.
She will come out from the couch, just give her time to get used to the new surroundings. Fribs disappeared on her first day and we found her in a bookshelf!
Fingers crossed for her first meeting with your mother.
Dalet, fair enough. My girls were kittens when I signed them up, so maybe that’s the difference.
My last cat was a pedigreed show cat. I know, I’m laughing about it myself, only they were serious, and they dumped her because she started to develop a white star on her chest (she was a black Angora with green, not yellow, eyes and so was breed perfect) and was therefore no longer a ‘perfect’ example of her breed (the very idea of breeding cats when so many need homes makes me go a bit wiggy, but anyway…). She had one of those weird pedigree names that I can’t remember, and it was shortened to “Venture” for ease of referring to her. Only neither of them fit her all that well. Shortly after I adopted her, she started to follow me around and sit at my feet wherever I went, like a little puddle of shadow, and so from then on she was my Shadow.
Because I used her name only with a loving tone of voice and always spoke to her with those sounds, after a while she would consistently look at me whenever I used them, which is the best you can hope for with most cats.
Call her whatever suits your relationship with her. Speak the sounds to her with love, use the name when you stroke or skritch or feed her so that she associates it with good things and she’ll be fine with it.
Good luck with your mother. There is a lot of research out there that demonstrates pretty conclusively that stroking a cat can help with anxiety and stress related conditions, can lessen the stress and even the perception of chronic pain, and that caring for an animal can help people develop good coping skills, so maybe you could use that kind of an argument for why it makes sense for you to have her? I know that even in the worst depths of my depression, I have been able to take care of my cats. When I could barely stand to shower or even to get out of bed, I still managed to see to it that there was food and fresh water for my girls (even if that was all I could manage in a day), so it was good for me on the whole to have other beings to care for and look after.
And on those days that I couldn’t manage to function, they were happy to snuggle their warm little bodies next to me and purr, and you would be surprised how comforting that can be.
Dalet – Just wanted to second Kittehs on the “no apology necessary” bit! I mean, this is the personal stuff thread, after all! And you’re telling us about your cat, which is awesome, and, of course, cats are always on topic!
Also, if it comes to apologizing for talking about oneself, I should probably apologize too, since I’m well-aware that most of what I talk about is myself… but tbh, myself is most of what I’ve got to talk about, apart from snarking at MRAs, etc, so why not. I think it’s nice to have a community in which people can air their worries and their joys, and get consolations, suggestions, and congratulations in a welcoming and safe environment. (Oh wow, sorry for the word vomit, there, haha, purple prose, here I come!)
ME TOO to all of the above!
Ohai, Fribs the literary cat!
:D
Since the series is out, I have been rereading Stephen King’s Under the Dome recently, and every time I break out the book, Adora comes running…
…to sit on the book so that I can’t see it and have nothing else to do but rub her tummy!
There’s also Hadji the Great Librarian, although I’m not sure whether he was rearranging the books or looking for a secret panel.
Oh gods yes, the Stop Doing That And Pay Attention To Me thing.
Hee! Hadji bum! Is he responsible for the books on the floor? Shadow used to go to my bookshelf and pull books down whenever I didn’t obey her (if I was late with the kibble, or late going to bed, or if the litter wasn’t scooped promptly!).
You guys really are the greatest, I can’t thank you enough.
@Kitteh, d’awwwwwwwwww! That’s a great picture, particularly the Devil eyes. Reminds me that I need a camera, too, haha.
@Gilly, that’s exactly the case I need to make to my mom, but…I just lose my voice every time. I should look up those studies for sure, though, but the problem with e-mail is that she’s free to ignore it, and does. And, of course, the bottom line for her is that just because other people can do something doesn’t mean /I’ll/ ever be able to.
Not sure if it will help, Dalet, but you can try to speak up to your mom, in a totally respectful but take-no-prisoners way, on behalf of Karma. Sometimes it is easier to defend someone else than it is to speak up for ourselves?
That’s very true. It may be a lie, but my best chance is probably to insist that there’s no way for her to be returned. I’d just feel awful saying that
Yup, Hadj had pulled out the books! We never did find out what he was so interested in. Chap has to have his secrets, I guess.
LOL the funny thing is Fribs is the least devilish of kitties. The only really evil things she does (she’s 17 now) are the Poos and Farts of Mass Destruction – timed, of course, for when we’ve just sat down to eat/watch telly or, with the farts, when she’s on my lap. ::hurk::
Dalet, do you read Captain Awkard at all? They have lots of info and suggestions for dealing with difficult/douchey family, and scripts one can use as a guide. Having words ready can help with this sort of thing (not guaranteed, but worth a try, maybe?)
Kitteh, I’d heard OF Captain Awkward, but I’d not heard that. Just knowing about it makes me feel a lot better! That sounds SO useful! I already use scripts to make telephone calls, so that really helps!
Oh cool, that’s good to know! The site has categories, iirc, so you could look up old posts that seem relevant. The commenters there are really good and usually have solid advice to add to the Captain’s. Plus, of course, if you want to write to the Captain and crew, they might be able to help, though I don’t know how long it might take for a letter to be answered/published, if it is.
Okay, I’m as patriotic as the next person, but OMG CAN PEOPLE STOP SETTING OFF FIRECRACKERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE *^($^%$&^%# STREET!!!!!!!!
@Gilly, Canada Day was on a Monday, so people were setting off fireworks all weekend, day and night, punctuated every so often by blaring sirens, and I live RIGHT downtown. Point being, I feel your pain!
Gah, bloody fireworks and crackers! They’ve been illegal here for years and it really annoys me when some jackass lets them off. Bad enough the official ones – the number of lost and terrified animals after New Year … :(
Happy Canada day, Dalet! My sympathies on the sirens and associated racket!
I don’t mind the official fireworks, really. At least I know when to expect them (I live about two blocks from the field the town uses as a staging point and debris field). My cats even seem unperturbed by them, which is really surprising given how nervous Adora can sometimes be.
What makes me so furious is the unofficial and completely illegal fireworks that people get and set off out without warning and literally in the middle of the street. Last year two triple decker houses burnt down because people (stupid dolts who were old enough to know better but young enough to decide that it was more important to show off for each other) were trying to shoot off fireworks from the driveway between them. On the very first one they had a misfire that lodged in the siding of one of the houses and by the time the fire dept got there both were engulfed.
Six families homeless because a bunch of chuckleheads had too much time on their hands and too much beer clouding their judgement.
It’s worse just at the moment because my housemate is out of town and I am having one of those weeks where you just don’t want to be home by yourself.
That’s awful! Did the guys responsible lose their housing? How long until the others could move back in?
Fireworks and mayhem aside, Happy Fourth of July, friends! Haha, it’s been ages since I’ve had anyone to say that to!
OH! I completely forgot! Thanks SO much for the welcome package! I thought some of the survey questions seemed…odd, but now I understand. Wish I’d known!
You have the Sekrit Knowledge and have been initiated, whahahahahaha!
One of them (the one they were able to prove bought the fireworks and brought them into the state) went to jail. Or back to jail, as he seems to be doing a life sentence on the installment plan.
Both of the houses had to be gutted and rebuilt, so the families went elsewhere. Now they are all luxury condos. They look nice and have nifty new balconies and the like, but there were actual families with kids in two of them before and now the people who live there don’t seem to spend much time outside or interact much with the rest of us on the street.
Thanks for the good wishes and happy 4th to all my fellow USians!
But no stylish robes, sigh… But at least I am content knowing I have always owned a Misandrist Hard Chair and SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES.
For real, though, the Book of Learnin’ is at least as hilarious as it is truly, truly terrifying, thank God.
Should’ve been here for the subject of the Big Book of Learnin’!
And yes, I just enjoy calling female penguins whores! XD
Thirding? That cats are always on topic (as are babies, and other cute things!)
The survey…blarg. I have to scrap the last two hours. Working on compiling what religions people changed from, and to and ARGH the combinations are useless. Too few people in each combination (combination as in, idk, non-religious and pagan), going to have to redo it using the singular options, which means counting people 2+ times. Though I guess that’s still valid.
I was hoping to get to CATS! (and female penguins) tonight >.<
For some reason, the past two apartments I’ve had were within range of the official fireworks on Canada Day.
I don’t watch them much anymore now, got VERY spoiled at the Symphony of Fire international fireworks competition a few years ago.
Trigger Warning forSPAMMING: If you click on my head, you can read more about things inspired by the same person who inspired the Book of Learnin’.
[David is going to ban me for spamming, but it's been worth it.]
:D
Or I guess, technically, if you click on my ‘nym.
Yes but it’s such superior spam!
Has David ever banned ANYONE for spamming? Like, I imagine he gets total spam caught by the first post = mod queue thing, but once you get past that? We’ve had trolls try it! So I think you’re good cloudiah.
Also, I hate you all right now. This religious data is not agreeing with me. I’m this —->| |<—- close to running correlations on the “do you feel accepted…” question, and then FREEZE PEACH!!
I want my FREEZE PEACH already (not really, no, right now I almost wish I didn’t have the FREEZE PEACH to have volunteered for this…almost)
Please accept one FREEZE PEACH …
Mmmm, peach ice cream! Thank you!
I am done with the religion section!!!
By the power of
ice creamFreeze Peach!Freeze peach in conveniently portable form.
http://www.outshinesnacks.com/products/seasonal/peach.aspx
Female whore penguins:
Fun Fish Comic
http://kickingcones.tumblr.com/tagged/comic
Giving data the snake eyes
{{{hugs}}}:
1) those outshine bars are delicious!
2) penguins!
3) D’AWW poor stereotyped fishie
Survey — if anyone wants to go through the questions and pull things to find correlations on, now is the time. Ideally, two things apply —
1) you want to know the relationship between the variable (question) you pick, and the question about acceptance
2) the data is continuous and unique. That is, not a variety of categories, and not a case where people could be in more than one category.
E.g. The correlation between age and acceptance at manboobz is negligible. And, rather unsripisingly, the correlation between accepted by peers and in general is Very Frikken High.
Pet emergency funds are great. I put 60 Euro a month at the side ( 10 per Rat plus an extra 10), in case my normal funds turn out to be insufficient to cover treatment for the rats. So far this only happened once, namely last month, because additionaly my car broke down (and left me wondering why I even have that useless thing, but as long as my parents are willing to help me finance it, so I can visit my family in the middle of nowhere, I guess I’m stuck with tolerating the occasional break-downs. I sure as hell can’ t afford a new one, also I live in the city. I have masses of public transportation on my doorstep, So WHY DO I EVEN OWN A CAR?)
I keep it a secret from my family how much money I spend on my little ones. They wouldn’t understand, ratties are just rodents after all. AND WHY DO I NEED TO HAVE SO MANY? So far I managed everything on my own, which is a great feeling and I’m lucky to be able to, except for the car. Stupid car.
I’m happy I don’t have bigoted friends, especially the boyfriend is awesome. Another friend is pretty misanthropic, but doesn’t differentiate between the sexes or races or orientation, regognizes and rejects all kind of stereotypes, but isn’t willing to trust new people easily. He’s awesome too. Of course we all have our filters and aren’t perfect, but we do our best. I’m sorry for everyone who has to tolerate bigoted people close to them. My Dad turned around almost 180 degrees and is a much nicer, opener person now, but the rest of his side of the family is pretty horrible. Especially my uncle, who is a police officer and particularly hates russians for their communistic atheism and lack of christian values. Also, atheists are the evil generally, except me ofcourse, because deep down I’m christian too! No matter what I say!
I’m glad I don’t have to see them often. :/
I wish all pet owners the best of luck. Also nice, non-bigoted friends for everyone who wants or nerds them! I hope I didn’t mess the english too much.
That should have been “need” at the end of course, but nerding people is fine too in my opinion.
I kind of want a pet bunny. I’ve heard good and bad about them though.
My friend got two, but she didn’t keep them separated so she ended up with 10….
My cousins got the meanest, nastiest bunny I had ever seen about a decade ago. I thought he would turn me off of bunnies as pets forever. It was almost a year before they found out that the only reason he was so vicious was he was completely deaf and partially blind, so he didn’t know when he was being approached. Poor bunny. Once they started approaching him slowly from the front he was much nicer.
I don’t know if that’s a helpful story, but, uh… I guess if you get a bunny and it’s not all you were hoping for take it to the vet and see if it has issues that might explain it?