Open Thread for Personal Stuff, Part Deux
Hugs if you want them.
An open thread to discuss personal stuff, continued from here.
No trolls, no arguments.
Posted on July 2, 2013, in off topic, open thread. Bookmark the permalink. 615 Comments.
About We Hunted the Mammoth
" ... a delirious and incisive page against misogyny." -- El Pais, via Google translateWHTM, written and edited by David Futrelle, tracks and mocks the New Misogyny online, focusing especially on Men's Rights, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), and Pickup Artist (PUA) sites.
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Since we’ve got a new personal thread I thought I’d share some boobzers related news.
I’ve been doing that volunteering I talked about ages ago and it’s been fun. But the people who organise it are sooo disorganised. It’s frustrating to have to nag at people about accepting volunteer help that they ostensibly need/want. But I am dealing with a different person now to do “Broadband for Seniors” where I’ll be teaching older people how to use the internet. She seems more organised and it sounds like it could be fun to do too.
And I’m applying to be a respite foster carer. A woman I work with does it, and she loves it. The organisation she’s with does seem well run and they have a very accepting policy on who they help.
And finally, I’ve started putting together my photography studio, where I will focus on pet photography. All species welcome. :)
Can we put in happy shit too?
Because I sold an article and am going to get paid monies for it! :D
grats MollyRen! That’s fantastic. Is it something we’ll be able to read?
Sad shit: So friend #1 with cancer isn’t doing so great. If she survives, she probably will never regain the use of her legs at all, and possibly not her arms either. I’ve been trying to visit her as often as possible, and take care of as many things as I can that need taking care of (with her permission). And helping her practice ways to talk with her doctor, who is a very good oncologist but not a very empathetic person, and ways to talk to her home health nurse, who thinks it is appropriate to infantilize her patients. And helping her mother look up the parts of the insurance policy that say that they have to provide a wheelchair that actually fits the patient, not one that essentially provides no back support for someone who can’t really hold themselves upright at this point. There is SO MUCH POINTLESS ARGUING WITH THE INSURANCE COMPANY GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
Happy shit: Friend #2 with cancer is doing well, and friend #3 who just had a heart attack is doing great, and I just found out that friend #4 with a high-risk but very-much-wanted pregnancy has made it past the point of fetal viability which means that if she has to have a sudden c-section to save her life the baby will have a very decent chance of survival.
And congrats to MollyRen and Kim on the good things! It’s really nice to hear about good things. Sorry I just dumped a really big sad thing right after them…
Kim, MollyRen, congrats!
cloudiah, glad about friends 2, 3 and 4, and that sucks so much about friend 1. :( I’d never heard of losing the use of one’s limbs as a result of cancer (or is it the treatment?) and that’s fucking terrifying.
@kim It should be! Now I just have to finish writing it. XD
@cloudia I am sorry to hear about all the difficulties you’re having– insurance companies can be nasty things to deal with. Internet hugs and kittens if you want ‘em!
Super congrats/super sympathies all around.
Inspired by David, my wife’s and my newest podcast on the manosphere is going up this weekend at http://www.geekuallyyoked.com
I briefly mentioned it on the other thread, but I’m stoked because my puppy passed her third SAR-certification test today. She only has one more to go, and then she’ll be mission certified and able to actually work in the field. This is especially awesome because she’s almost certainly (knock on wood) going to pass that in less than a year since she started training, which is really unusual; our program averages about 18 months from acceptance to full certification, and new handlers are warned to expect up to 2 years of training before their dogs are mission-ready. If she passes in the expected time frame, she’ll be the fastest-certified dog in my team’s 30-year history. It’s not my training, though, this dog is just scary smart and super into the work. I just haven’t managed to mess her up yet. ;)
Sad news, my alcoholic brother started drinking again after several years of sobriety, and in a big way. I don’t even know how to deal with that right now so I’m just focusing on the dogs. I love my brother but holy shit…he went from stable and sober to his wife moving out, losing his job and possibly facing criminal charges within a month because he relapsed in a big way. On top of that a loved one is in the hospital and may not leave it, and I’m just not able to handle it very well.
All the hugs, AK, for the good stuff (yay pup!) and the bad stuff.
Oh, yeah, and Mr. AK is out of town in an area with no phone reception, so all we can do is email back and forth so I don’t even have his support. He’ll be home briefly tomorrow, but then has to leave again for two weeks. That’s almost the worst of it; he’s usually my rock and I can’t even really talk to him.
Thanks, Kitteh. :)
Just to check because I know it was a manboobz thing but possibly too long ago – but anyone going to BronyCon in Baltimore next month? I will be!
Wow, that is absolutely terrifying, AK. Lots of prayers and good thoughts headed your way.
mollyren: congrats!
Cloudiah: I’m sorry about your friend. Fuck cancer, and insurance companies.
AK: hugs.
ltkessler, I can’t listen to your podcast now (no sound at work!) but just want to say I love the banner photo on your site. Your wife(?) wields a mean lightsabre. :D
Kittehserf, she’s a priest!
Today my older sister told me all about how much she hates rape jokes, sexist jokes, racist jokes, and so on. It started when I told her about dad making racist jokes when talking to someone – she got quite upset. She then went on to tell me that she hates hearing people use heterosexist slurs in casual conversation (note: she’s straight).
I was completely surprised (in a good way) because I never knew she was actually sensitive about such jokes. I’ve always known her as very thoughtful and caring, but this really impressed me, especially since almost everyone I know IRL is okay with bigoted jokes.
Of course, even if she said the exact opposite, I’d still have my aversion to such jokes. But knowing that her, my sister, shares my view means a lot to me. I love it when awesome siblings turn out to be more awesome than I expected. ^_^
@Cloudiah and AK
Ugh, I’m really sorry to hear about what you two are going through. =[ That’s a lot to deal with. Internet hugs offered.
I’m actually delurking here, but you guys are A+ people AND you love cats, so…
It looks like I’ll be adopting a really sweet cat tomorrow. Like, 99% looks like. This has been a dream my whole life, and a realistic goal ever since I moved out of my abusive parents’ place and into my own apartment last year. I’m excited and terrified.
I want this, I need this, and while /I/ know I can do it, I /also/ know that my parents are going to drag me over coals for this. I literally cannot afford to cut them out of my life, but I have no other friends or family or irl contacts in my life right now, and I know that they’ll be pressuring me to return her or give her up. I’m most worried that my mom will threaten, or even go through with, cutting off my pain management therapy. I am UNABLE to afford it myself, and it’s why I can’t cut my parents off anytime in the near future.
Realistic, they cannot FORCE me to give up the cat, in that they can’t and won’t physically take her away (although they’d definitely consider it), but they’ll put more and more and more pressure on me, I know they will, and I have no other resources to draw on for support. My only close friend lives in Japan.
Do you guys think I can do it?
Hugs, sympathies, congratulations and cookies, as required. :)
General kitty update, I noticed her breathing becoming a little more laboured last night, so I’ve got her on the diuretic again, this time at a half-dose so she doesn’t get dehydrated again. She still has her appetite, and is regaining her strength nicely.
Cool!
@ltkessler I have subscribed. I love pop culture/geekery podcasts, and I don’t get much exposure to Christianity, so it’ll be interesting to get a different perspective. I look forward to your manboobz inspired one.
It’s mostly me rambling and my wife being horrified at Red Pill Wives. Also our review of Man of Steel..
Seconding leftwingfox on the sympathies, congrats, and cookies. Plus hugs, if wanted.
I’m not really in any kind of crisis or anything, but over here it’s just more of the long haul of joblessness and ennui that waiting for the government to process my permanent residence application seems to entail, plus a side helping of hoping that my husband’s job doesn’t go down the toilet even though it looks like it’s pretty likely to do so. His continuing to have income and not being on unemployment is one of the requirements of his sponsoring me into the country. But mostly I just wish it didn’t take a whole freakin’ year to process the paperwork; I’m really sick of having my life on hold.
I wish the forums were more active.
Hugs to everyone who needs one!
Dalet, that is a very tough situation. Please consider us a resource as well as your friend in Japan; people here are really very kind and helpful to non-trolls, and might have some good advice. (Sadly, I have no good advice, only the aforementioned hugs.)
My wife and I immigrated to Canada and even with employment and everything relatively lined up, it was an odious process. Godspeed to you.
That’s very kind of you, Cloudiah, thank you. Honestly, I was having the most anxiety about being able to afford a cat, but…it was mostly just anxiety and my mother’s influence. Money is actually way down on my list of Real Issues in this situation, and that’s why I finally decided to go ahead for real. I guess I just don’t want to believe, even now, that my mom will come up with ANY lie possible to keep from doing this, or anything, but that’s just what she does and I need to start pushing past that.
Once I do, I know I’m going to be really proud of myself.
@Dalet
That sounds like a scary situation – I’m sorry you have to go through that. I’m glad that you’ve at least moved out. And your mom is fucking awful to be the kind of person who would threaten to cut off essential financial support just because you have a cat. =[ Hugs if you want them.
Is there any way you can keep your parents in the dark? I apologize if that’s a silly question – and it most likely is – but maybe you can try to make sure that they don’t know about the cat until you can somehow start affording the pain management therapy you spoke of.
Dalet, hi, and please accept one Official Welcome Package!
I wish I had more than hugs to offer. Do your parents visit (seems like the wrong word for abusive people) you? Will they see your kitty?
Aaliyah, if that was silly, count me as silly too.
I… cannot at all keep up with the comments on all the posts. Wish the forum had been the more popular choice, but c’est la vie.
Newsish: I start back to school at the start of August. I will end up having to curtail most internets. I will be going to school full time and working full time. I will be finishing my BS in a year though, so that will be a milestone. I’ll finally have the credentials to do the job I am already doing!
Condolences and sympathies for those with bad news.
A welcome package! Oh my God, thank you!
Ally & Kittehserf,
It’s not a silly question at all, but, unfortunately, the answer is no. Although I have THANKFULLY managed to keep my mother from having a key to my apartment, she (and sometimes my dad) come by 2-3 times a week. As weird as this sounds, my mother is obsessed with my personal hygiene, and since I can’t wash my own hair, because of pain and disability, she refuses any treatment for me unless I let her into my apartment to do it herself and, honestly, do whatever the fuck she wants with my things. I’m Autistic, and when I lived at home, she would regularly rearrange my room to suit her tastes.
All of that is non-negotiable, if I want to continue pain management therapy, and I really have no reason to hope it’ll change soon.
Wow, I promise I didn’t mean to delurk and get so heavy all at once. Short answer: no, there is no way to hide the kitty from them.
Dalet, you’re welcome!
Hey, no apologies for needing to talk. One, we’re glad to see non-troll delurkers, and two, this is the open thread after all. :)
Damn, drat and ohshit about you having to let your parents in. I was wondering about keys to the apartment and such, but if you need help and can’t get it elsewhere (and it’s plain you can’t, I’m not suggesting spending cash you haven’t got!) it’s not an option.
I am queen of multi-clause sentences, you may notice.
And I tends towards verbosity, as you can see, Kittehserf. Clearly, we’re a match made in Loquaciousness Heaven.
She keeps the pressure up for a set of keys, but, for whatever reason, it seems to be quite low on her list of priorities and a “No,” and brief argument tends to suffice. Go figure.
Little success story: I’ve done my first blog post in a while that features written writing* as well as a new picture. Can’t believe it’s taken three days to do it. I’m so out of the loop for keeping up with my veil-diaries, and it’s most annoying.
*”it’s in written writing” was one of the many strange phrases of my first boss, language mangler extraordinaire.
Loquaciousness Heaven, I like it! :D
You can call me Kittehs, save the key strokes.
Thanks, Itkessler, I definitely feel you on that. My husband was a little luckier than me with the whole immigration process, having come in and gotten his permanent residence and then citizenship on a student visa before they started tightening up the regulations, but at least my application will almost certainly be approved, according to a friend of mine who is an immigration lawyer. Not that that keeps me from worrying incessantly though, heh.
But– my extra keystrokes!
Save them for if you have a need for wharblearglewut any time!
@Dalet – I hope the kitty is as awesome as everything you hope for and that everything goes as smoothly as possible. I’m not much of a pet person myself (Gasp! Heresy! I know) but I know a lot of people who really benefit from having a pet or two around :)
Thank you so much, DustyDeste. She definitely SOUNDS like my soulmate, for real. I’m one of THOSE Autistic people who really connects with certain animals, cats and birds in particular. If I couldn’t get a cat, I would’ve gotten a cockatiel. The only job I could ever hold for any length of time was in the bird department of a pet store. Just being there was soothing! I’m surprised I got any work or let any birds go!
I suppose I have a bit of good news as well. One of my stories was picked up by a serial website – not a huge deal, but it’s a brand new audience and it means someone is interested in my work. It’s over here, if anyone’s interested.
So I have that going for me now.
BLASPHEMY!
Whoops, wrong scene! :D
Oh no! I didn’t mean to get anyone in trouble! What have I wrought?!
You were the unsuspecting instrument of the Furrinati, Dalet!
Monty Python is more like a reward than a punishment around here, Dalet!
Oh, well, on second thought that doesn’t sound so bad, carry on.
The true scene in many a Manboobzer’s home.
Thanks, Ally, hellkell, ltkessler and anyone else I’m missing. It helps just to put it out there honestly, the only person I’ve really been able to talk to is my mom who I love but is in the middle of it as well so it’s not exactly like I can vent to her. Mr. AK will be home tomorrow though and then my lovely best friend (who has been out of town for the last couple of weeks) is going to come stay with me this weekend after Mr. AK leaves again and she is just amazingly wise and calming, so I hope I’ll be okay. Right now I’m kind of in shock, this has all happened (or at least I’ve found out about it) in the last couple of days.
@Dalet, I can only give you my experience, which may not hold true universally. But I adopted a dog when I was 16 (I lied about my age to the humane society, and I did have an apartment in my name so when I showed them the lease to prove I could have a pet, it apparently counted as proof of age too), and against my parents’ wishes. I was still dependent on them for a lot and hid him for about 3 months because I was afraid they’d cut me off because of it, and being 16 I still was pretty dependent on help from them.
My parents were mad when they finally found out, but I was able to show that I could easily afford him and it all blew over. I don’t regret it a bit. I still have that dog; he is at least 15 years old now and has served as a trained PTSD dog after I suffered an assault and had devastating* PTSD as a result, got me into herding trials which led to my career as a dog trainer, and still serves as a therapy dog visiting nursing homes twice a month and loving on the residents. I don’t regret it for a second.
What really helped me was having a budget, and showing them that I could afford him. I had no savings or anything, but I showed I could pay for his day-to-day expenses, set aside whatever money I could for a vet emergency fund, and had a detailed plan for what I would do if I could not afford an emergency vet bill.
I realize that won’t help everyone; my parents aren’t animal crazy but they love animals if that makes any sense, and so they got it. They were also impressed at how responsible I was about planning for his care, as before that I’d been pretty irresponsible (being 16 and all). I also made a point of showing how he helped my lifestyle; I’d already been diagnosed with depression and PTSD stemming from childhood abuse (not by my parents), and I was able to both get my therapist on board saying that my dog was a positive influence in my life and to convince my parents that simply having to provide his basic needs kept me from falling into the sort of overwhelming depression that got me into therapy in the first place.
Basically, I was able to prove that my dog was not a financial hardship and was an undeniably positive addition to my life, and my parents couldn’t really complain. And they came around, grudgingly at first but after a few years my mom (who was the big anti-dog parent; my dad never really had a problem with it) was calling him her “grand-dog.”
So obviously I don’t know how your parents are, and I apologize if I’ve been rambling on about my own life when it’s not relevant to you. I just hope a BTDT-type story might help.
Also for what it’s worth, I have 3 cats and I give them top-quality everything…and I spend less than $100/month on them total (so maybe $30/cat?). Cats are so much cheaper than dogs, it it unbelievable.
*I am not sure how that asterisk snuck in there…
(I hate random asterisks so when I glanced over my post after submitting it I thought I had to address it)
So, Owly was wrong about superdogs as well as everything else – your dog sounds like a superdog to me, AK!
*pops in*
“Do your parents visit (seems like the wrong word for abusive people) you?”
Parental units was coined by an ex, I like it.
Hugs to everyone who wants one, I have no useful advice, I’m sorry.
*pops out*
Actually, regarding hair washing, you can get away with doing it less often the longer it is. The oils work themselves out over a larger area so it takes longer to get greasy (which is lovely when too depressed to deal with showering). Your mother would probably argue that it’s just more work for her, but less frequent hair washing means seeing her less?
Or maybe you could barter with a hair stylist? (or student! they sometimes have to get in practical hours)
Cloudiah — FUCK CANCER
AK — can you Skype or something? Probably thought of that already though.
Now back to the data (I have politics, religion and the fun stuff left! I’m making headway!)
Heya cloudiah kitteh and other boobians, sorry I’ve been quite lately. My cancer “journey” (fuck I hate that term) has not gone so well. And I’m trying to prepare for mother round of surgery in early August. You beasties make me smile tho whenever I can get here. Kisses. Xx
Oh my God, AK, thank you so, so, SO much for sharing! All of that is really helpful and makes me feel a lot better.
Showing my parents that I can manage a cat shouldn’t be too hard, and that’s my #1 goal. Showing them the health benefits will take longer, obviously, and in exchange for their blessing they’ll do what they always do, which is to set very specific milestones for very specific times, regardless of whether it makes any sense or not. I’ll just…have to work around that.
I do think their main complaint will be money, and $30 is about the quote, so to speak, I seem to be getting from everyone. If that’s the case, I could easily afford two cats, so that’s not a problem. I also intend to put any money I receive for my birthday (in October) and for Christmas into an emergency vet fund and nothing else. That, more than anything, will prove my dedication in their eyes, but…October is a ways off. Still, it’s a concrete goal.
Hey a argenti, (smacks head) forgot to name you. Shame shame. Anyway. I only wash my curly red hair once a fortnight otherwise it’s a total Afro but not a good one. :-(
Dalet – I’m in favor of any companionship that makes you happy, to be sure. Anything to improve quality of life! :D
As far as all these allegations and witchburnings and Spanish Inquisitions go…
Dalet cats are frequently happier in pairs, especially if you are busy but it helps if you get them at similar ages and don’t forget they don’t always eat the same food and the bills can really add up.
@Yoyo, I know, but luckily I’m actually home almost all day, every day, and I made sure to find a cat who was used to or even preferred to be one-on-one with an owner they were close to, but there’s just no way I can take care of more than one right now.
That’s cool dalet, my cat who now gets heaps of attention since I’m stuck at home was incredibly pissed off when we got a puppy.
Having a vet fund is a great idea, Dalet! I’d never have thought of that.
Yoyo, hi, great to hear from you – I am so sorry about the cancer. (Yeah, ‘cancer journey’ is a blah stupid sort of term, isn’t it?)
“Parental units” love it. :D Hmm, “unit” was an insult briefly when I was at high school.
I was going to buy vet insurance, but /everyone/ was telling me it wasn’t worth it. $30-$50/month for something you may never use (and still have to supplement!) if your cat is healthy, so…
@kittehserf, good to hear from you too. The joy of the aus medical system is fairly free healthcare, the negatives include crappy self worshipping surgeons.
Dalet don’t do the pet insurance my friend who had it with all his pedigree dogs ended up paying even after the dogs died. You are better self insuring.
Yoyo, ALL THE HUGS (if they’re wanted). I hope the surgery goes well. Please keep us posted, if you’re up to it.