Warren Farrell warns fellas to watch out for the “Repair Friend” Zone
Ladies! Look only at the picture of this sexy Alpha duck and do not read the post below.
Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
Posted on May 17, 2013, in antifeminism, evil single moms, friend zone, friend zoning, I'm totally being sarcastic, misogyny, MRA, patronizing as heck, the myth of warren farrell and tagged antifeminism, friend zone, men's rights, misogyny, MRA, warren farrell. Bookmark the permalink. 692 Comments.
You’re not broadcasting from Earth, are you?
Because you have a narrow-minded, sexist perspective?
@fade I guess there’s a threshold that has to be reached. Doing one favor isn’t going to turn you into an automatic chump but if the cycle goes flirt, favor, flirt, favor,flirt, favor, favor…favor
Jyeah! It might be a good idea to avoid that, or at least ask the person out.
@Marie Sorry I just assumed that Bob Goblin would naturally be leery of office romances.
@gillyrosebee Oh! please accept my m0st humble apologies. It was not my intent to impune your character. I am but a lowly Socratic trying to learn.
…. So, one is a chump for choosing to do favors….?
Well, since it is their choice, i have a solution for you not to turn into a chump: don’t do people favors. Now you can stop whining about the alleged dish-rag-ness of people who are not you b/c they do stuff that YOU would not do.
I mean, what is your point here? You seem to be like, “Some people do favors (more than once) and THAT IS TERRIBLE!”
@budmin
…why?
Budmin, I’m pretty sure your intent was exactly to impune her character.
Also, you ignored my questions. Am I a dishrag or not?
@Augochlorella
it depends on your gender identity (sorry, I don’t know your PGPs). If you ID as a boy, you are a dish rag because you did a favor for a woman and she didn’t sleep with you (it doesn’t matter if you say you’re just friends OBVIOUSLY YOU”RE STILL SUPPOSED TO HAVE SEX)
If you aren’t a guy, I think you just don’t exist because women are all selfish and non-gender binary people don’t exist according to misogynists like these guys.
You know what’s a better idea? Asking them out before you do them any favours, instead of asking them out after they’re in a place of obligation. Just a thought.
@ Fade
I’m a woman, and so was my friend, but my friend was a lesbian. Does that blur the line a bit? Do I get to exist? I should probably mention that I am not attracted to women.
Almost.
If you are female (regardless of any other detail of your orientation or identity) you are a parasite, using your wiles to dishragify teh poor menz! Non gender binary folk are just a figment of the deranged imagination of ebil feminists. And that’s real.
Hmm…
Since you’re not attracted to women, you couldn’t have been attracted to her which means you couldn’t have been doing the favor to get in her pants which means you must’ve done it because you’re frien–
because you’re friends–
*brain implodes at this thought*
Why would you do a favor just because you’re friends? Don’t you know you should be saving all your favors to get laid?!?!?!?!?!
In conclusion, I’m not sure whether you exist.
@augochlorella I’m sure you are both parasites. After all, you usurped the place of some guy who might otherwise have been in a position to extract sex from your friend, and she wouldn’t be offering sex for him anyway.
Blergh. As long as you accept that all rationality must give way in the face of gender essentialism and binary ideology, it becomes distressingly easy to think like these idiots.
Augochlorella, If your friend wouldn’t do the same for you..Jyeah. If there’s a significant imbalance between what you do for her vs. what she does for you..JYEAH!
But like I said, I don’t know your threshold and I would dream of defining it for you. that would just be ridiculous.
Maybe my entire car trip was just a fevered, misandrist dream…
I just realized that before we started dating, my current S.O. and I didn’t do any favors for each other. We just made our respective attractions known. And then make-outs happened.
Did we do it wrong? Is our relationship ruined? Budmin, you’re apparently the expert of weighing the romantic lives of strangers on the internet. What do you think?
Obviously the Budmin troll keeps meticulous score so as not to be taken advantage of by his so called friends. Creepy troll is creepier every time he types.
@ Budmin
The thing is, she doesn’t have a car, and isn’t in a financial position to help me out in any similar way. But I dropped her off anyway.
Almost as ridiculous as accusing a stranger on the internet of manipulating their roommate out of rent money.
So as long as people don’t ask for favors beyond a certain threshold, doing favors for people is fine. Okay, I agree. So what’s with the anger towards women who ask for favors and the belittling of men who give them?
@thebewilderness
Seconded. There are times I feel self conscious about friends doing too much for me, but not vice versa. (Mostly a chronic thing. My dad’s gf lets me use her scanner all the time for her pics and I feel weird about it.) But it definitely seems creepy to be keeping score or whatever. idk if this makes any sense, kinda rambly atm.
“I would dream of defining it for you”
Paging Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud to Warren Farrell’s conference room STAT!
Uh-huh, Budmin, just a lowly Socratic. Well, you got the “lowly” part right.
Why am I getting the impression that you’re just a small-minded puke with a horrid worldview who really needs to grow the fuck up?
Just wondering.
Let me guess, you also live by the Socratic paradox? >_>
If you’re bothered by the balance between favours with a friend,
don’t do as many favours. This isn’t rocket science.
If you do offer to do favors, why complain about it ?
What is this “jyeah” that he keeps using? Is that a thing?
@Aaliyah, No, he’s pretty sure that all women are parasites and all men are incapable of reason when faced with a smile and some cleavage. And he’s also pretty certain that men can’t be trusted to make judgements about helping someone once without surrendering their autonomy for ever and always.
But if it helps to feign humility when caught out on his shit, then he’s totally there…
He wants to make it a thing, I suppose. It is internet for I am a kewel d00d.
Also, I am picturing him keeping a detailed spreadsheet of “favors” he’s done for various people that he might be romantically interested in, so that he can make sure he never crosses his magical threshold to dishragdom.
Me? I’m going to keep operating on my commie view of the economy of favors: From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.
I figured it was just that my dictionary was too misandrist, since it doesn’t have a listing for it…
@gillyrosebee
Well, it goes without saying that his hypocrisy is amusing. =P
But I was asking budmin that because he reminded me of another troll who came here a while ago. That troll said that he lives by the Socratic paradox, and when I told him that saying that makes him sound like a pretentious dumbass, he accused me of knowing “everything.”
Kitten Boy sure has been going after Warren Farrel a lot lately. He’s seemed to put more wasted effort into being funny in the article than usual. Chins up David, I’m sure you and your cute little minions on your post will make one of the worlds top 100 thinkers look dummer than all of you at some point. You will teach him a lesson for voicing frustrations of a lot of men who just want to be helpful and hopefully find a loving relationship in the process.
jonatma420 thinks his words have sting. jonatma420 doesn’t realize that saying you think Warren Farrell is “one of the world’s top 100 thinkers” means no one will ever take him seriously.
The whole problem of the alleged evul wommins who take advantage of poor-guys-who-attempt-to-strategically-use-favors-in-order-to-procure-sex-from-them could be solved by assholes not expecting sex in return for favors in the first place.
People shouldn’t take advantage of people (and that statement only applies to situations where someone is, in fact, taking advantage of someone), but you lose a lot of my sympathy for someone taking advantage of your supposed niceness when you were only being nice because you thought being nice entitled you to someone’s body.
Protip: Actual nice people (as opposed to NiceGuyTM’s) do nice stuff for people because they are nice, not because they think it’ll get them laid! Shocking, I know!
So I find it rather odd that NiceGuyTm’s complain so much about how women only go for assholes, because if you’re a NiceGuyTm, congrats! You’re already an asshole!
Warren Farrell is full of shit, sorry. And he’s bigoted against men, too.
Also, “Nice Guys” are not entitled to any kind of intimacy just because they’re “nice” and perhaps helpful. I’d rather stub my toe on the sharp corner of a refrigerator than have to deal with some asshole who thinks that I should love and/or fuck him just because he’s nice to me.
@Argenti Aertheri_”Paging Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud to Warren Farrell’s conference room STAT!”
LMFAO BUUURNED!
@Aaliyah_ That troll said that he lives by the Socratic paradox, and when I told him that saying that makes him sound like a pretentious dumbass, he accused me of knowing “everything.”
That was a pretty hilarious one liner..^5
@Gillyrosebee I got “jeah” from Ryan Lochte, he’s like the coollist dude eva!
@Augochlorella So what’s with the anger towards women who ask for favors and the belittling of men who give them?
A) Because I love Men!
I LOVE THEM LIKE AN ABUSIVE FOOTBALL COACH LUV’s uhm! AND I AINT AFRAID CLUB THEM ABOUT THE HEAD AND SHOULDERS WITH A METAPHORIC SOCK FULL OF VERBAL SOAP BARS TO GET MORE PRODUCTIVITY OUT OF THOSE GOOD FOR NUTHIN’ BASTARDS!
B) That, plus I’m still nursing some trauma from working security a NYC family shelter where I had to do everything from help the female residents juggle which guy they where dating, physically intervene during domestic violence incidents, console lost and dejected losers and Yes I even had to break up with a few dudes at the behest of the often times rude female residents. I mean yeah I’ve seen a LOT of broken men.. but I’m not bitter or nuttin’.
*left eyebrow twitching..
Also, Kitten Boy? LOL
What’s with trolls and the weird nicknames they use for David?
@jonatma
that’s fascinating. Also, Kitten Boy is an insult? David likes kittens and this is horrible (and unmanly!). Can you insult me by calling me Guinea Pig Girl from now on? Because that would be awesome XD Then again, maybe it is okay for girls to like cute things, because we are always so frivolous, amirite?
I’ve seen what makes up a loving relationship to you MRA dipshits, and I’ll pass, thanks.
I like how Jonathon classifies a rape apologist as one of the top 100 thinkers.
Says a lot about him…
So does he think that women owe sex to the entire government? What happens if they turn the government down? Will the government turn into a jilted, angry NiceGovernment(TM) and start writing long online rants about hypergamous constituents?
Doing favors for someone does not magically create a loving relationship. Oh hey, I think I just found the source of the frustration from men who try this. No need to rely on a rape apologist to make your voice heard. You’re welcome.
I’m going to call complete and utter bullshit on Budmin’s security story.
Too much laughter…. can’t breathe… world going dark
Am I the only one who kept expecting him to follow up with “Holla atcha boi!!”
@budmin
I cannot tell what this is saying, but something tells me if I could I would think you more pitiful and disgusting than I already do.
wow.
1) why did you have to help them juggle which guys they were dating?
2) okay, why the fuck are you whining about having to stop domestic violence? I mean, I’m imagining it’d be stressful (but assumed it was part of your job given ‘security at family shelter’. bit) but it’s really fucking trivializing to put right after ‘helping
peoplelol women juggle guys they’re dating.3)
Like if this is a physical fight good. It’s not okay to attack someone. Even if they are rude. The fuck? Also: dudes and rude female residents. Nothing different in those descriptions. No sirree. All things a completely non-sexist person would say.
Okay, folks. You know what that means, right? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more kittens.
You think Warren Farrell is a great thinker? This guy calls bullshit on that.
Let’s pretend his story isn’t one for shitthatneverhappened.txt — he’s all bitter and victim-blamey over shit at a women’s shelter cuz violent ex’s are assholes?
Hey, budmin — you weren’t head of security or some psych role were you?
@budmin: Well that’s the thing isn’t it? Colleagues, coworkers and family are non sequiturs to this topic. I mean if there’s no possibility of a romantic involvement, these relationships would undoubtedly stay platonic. Who says there’s no possibility of romantic involvement with co-workers or colleagues? You really suck at this.
@Shadow: You know what’s a better idea? Asking them out before you do them any favours, instead of asking them out after they’re in a place of obligation. Just a thought. Bingo!
And you know what? Even if they say no, it’s still OK to do favors for them, if your paths continue to cross. Because they’re still human and still entitled to basic courtesy.
oops, blockquote monster ate my post
It’s clear that Warren Farrell & his ilk don’t live in rural Norfolk where favours & gifts are just part of everyone’s life. I keep chickens & if I get a few extra eggs, I give them to friends & neighbours – because making friends & neighbours happy makes me happy. And if I get the odd pheasant or a plant in return, that’s a bonus but not expected. We swap things, expertise & recommendations. It’s part of being human. And no one keeps score.
The other weekend, I showed a friend how to clip his chickens’ wings & helped him do it. I got a cup of tea. No sex involved.
And yes, there’s the odd person down the pub who somehow never buys a round. Cos there are asshats everywhere.
And a pedophilia enabler! But hey, he totally strokes the egos of poor sad widdole menz still living in their mom’s basement, so he must be great, amirite?
These guys totally have more intelligent commentary to offer the world than Warren Farrell.
Neat. I’m quite fond of many a man myself. Go on.
Oh. I’m sure men across the globe feel safer knowing that Budmin has an abuser’s idea of what’s best for them in mind.
So you think so low of men that you think you need to tell off these “good for nuthin’ bastards” to change for the better? I somehow don’t think men need your help.
So you worked at a family shelter, but only saw broken and manipulated men? No women? Either your story is bullshit or you’ve some serious confirmation bias to deal with.
I’ve also known people who were abused by women. But I didn’t take that as evidence that all women are manipulative abusers.
It seams that the popular opinion here is that I made the top 100 thinkers thing up myself.
http://www.warrenfarrell.net/WarrenFarrell/warrenfarrell.html
http://www.warrenfarrell.us/styled-4/summary.html
http://www.linkedin.com/in/warrenfarrellblog
@Augochlorella So what’s with the anger towards women who ask for favors and the belittling of men who give them?
..Okay seriously, some guys form unhealthy attachments to the women who’ll gladly exploit them financially. These same men end up falling into patterns of abuse that not only stunts their emotional growth but also turns them into bitter cynical shut’ins.
If a guy lets his romantic inclinations be know to the person he’s opining for the least she could do is not to take advantage of his eagerness. It might not be a good idea to treat him as a confidant.
That’s a completely different argument from emotional blackmailing Nice Guys tm. Emotional blackmailers could all die of blue balls for all I care.
Are we Cool?
Well, you know, those women were just parasites, so they had it coming. Meanwhile those poor guys? Well, their only fault was in being willing to change too many lightbulbs and fix too many sinks. And for that, all they got was Budminnie to try to let them down easy when the ebil wimmenz wanted to move up to the newer, better model!
What is a baby jaguar called? Cubs, maybe, but I still think it qualifies as a kitten.
@gillyrosebee: Omigosh, that cub’s “roar” totally just freaked out my kitteh!
Baby cheetahs are adorable, as well.
okay, see. Like, most people, when they realize that someone has been taking advantage of them, they become angry and address the issue with that person, or even cut off contact. They do not construct elaborate systems encompassing all of humanity wherein being taken advantage of like that is central to the manner that the genders interact.
Like everything else, it probably comes from the “a man not having sex is the worst thing ever ” thing. It`s about dignity… and apparently the only way to have dignity is to Achieve sex.
No. We are not “Cool” (what’s with the random capitalization?) because:
1. You’re still insinuating that men being taken advantage of is a systematic problem, and that the fault lies with women as a whole, not with individual women who happen to be asshats.
2. You’re also insinuating that women are somehow at fault for guys “forming unhealthy attachments”, not the men themselves.
3. You’re making all of this unnecessarily gendered, as though women never get too attached to men and are never taken advantage of themselves, as well as heteronormative and cis-centered.
4. You’ve made your sexism and misogyny so apparent in your time here that you accused a commenter of manipulating their male roommate for rent money.
5. You compared your “love” of men to the love of an abusive football coach. Surely as someone who worked at a family shelter you can see how gross that is?
@budmin
dude, if he’s let his romantic ‘inclinations’ be known and the person still doesn’t want to date him, not much he can do. If he’s just helping her because he hopes he’ll get laid, that’s his problem. A no is a no is a no, and no amount of pining will change that.
Are we Cool?
Budmin, whatever the polar opposite of cool is where you’re circling the drain right about now.
pining – (verb)
1. Suffer a mental and physical decline, esp. because of a broken heart.
2. Miss and long for the return of.
“There’s Warren, pining for the days when women could be treated like property.”
opining – (verb)
1. Hold and state as one’s opinion (ie to pull from one’s arse)
“Warren Farrel is a genius,” the idiot opined”.
Okay, sure. And they should get help so that they can be healthy people and form healthy attachments in the future. No one deserves to be manipulated or has the right to manipulate others. But the word for that dynamic you’ve been seeing is ‘codependent’, and those guys aren’t completely at the mercy of those women, nor does the entirety of the responsibility for “fixing” what is going on there fall on the women.
Nor can (or should) you base your conclusions about the rest of the world on the behavior of the worst-adjusted 10%. Just because some people are locked in unhealthy passive-aggressive relationships doesn’t mean that the rest of us can’t be friends.
Honestly, it doesn’t need to be an either/or situation. We can reject manipulative and unhealthy behavior without resorting to gender binarism or essentialism.
No, we’re not cool because you don’t seem to get that DOING FAVORS BECAUSE YOU HOPE IT WILL GET YOU ACCESS TO ANOTHER PERSON’S BODY IS MANIPULATIVE
It doesn’t matter if you’re “eager” or have a crush on them.
How’s she supposed to not “take advantage of his eagerness”? Is she equiped with a mind reading chip that will tell her who is doing favors to be nice and who is doing them to get laid? I mean, if I have a crush on my friend and I’m like “hey, wanna go out” and they’re like “sorry, we’re just friends” and I keep being friends with them and doing favors for them, is it automatically just to get laid? Am I allowed to keep trying to be friends? Or do they have to reject all my favors because they should assume I’m a manipulative asshole?
Don’t MRMs get mad at women who think every man wants to screw her? I swear I read a rant about that somewhere on reddit.
There is no winning.
*goes to google to attempt to find it*
@ Bob Goblin SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I see your cheetah and raise you this lion cub’s brand-squeaky-new roar!
ps – my apologies to your kitteh!
This!
Or he could stop assuming that being nice entitles him to a romantic relationship.
@tedthefed_”They do not construct elaborate systems encompassing all of humanity wherein being taken advantage of like that is central to the manner that the genders interact.”
..Have you ever heard of MGTOW? no really have you?
@ augochlorella
1 & 2 I believe in personal accountability, I don’t think I’ve levied blame at anyone’s feet. If you feel otherwise that’s your prerogative.
3 Gender still dictates that men make the initial public offerings for companionship and suffer the burdens of rejection at least in our heteronormative and cis-centered society. Which is all know & all I’m confident enough to refer to.
4 Misbehaving on line at someone who’s used foul language at me.. seems fair dont’cha think?
5 Oh Com’on now really!? I’m a guy, I talk like a Guuy, I joke LIKE A GUUUY.. You’re not helping the Feminism/Comedy debate much with that attitude.
peace be with you..
Just so long as nobody gets turned into a human colored towel.
Is that a serious question?
I just got a flashback. What about stuff done by, with and for couples. 40+ years ago my first husband and I were part of a group of friends – where all of us would spend one day or so each weekend helping renovate the old houses we’d all bought.
And my asshole then-husband more or less opted out because, in his view, his very special unique time contribution was more valuable than the time put in to stripping, sanding, painting, gardening, lifting, shifting, tiling, climbing on roofs – somehow this all worked out to it being “uneconomic” or some such mysterious thing that meant we shouldn’t get friends to help with our own house. (It didn’t make any sense then and there’s no way I can make it make sense now.) But it was a ‘transactional’ calculation of a sort. It meant that he shouldn’t team up with these people because what he’d get back wasn’t worth … yeah, it all falls apart when you acknowledge that it was all equal exchanges of the same kinds of things.
Back to the current idiocy of sex in exchange for tasks. What _do_ these people think of couples doing things for couples? That we’re supposed to have all-in orgies at the end of the day rather than a BBQ or phone up for pizza?
Budmin: I am but a lowly Socratic trying to learn.
Dude, you’re Socraticing wrong. Go back, read Lysis for content this time, and do better.
I LOVE THEM LIKE AN ABUSIVE FOOTBALL COACH LUV’s uhm!
That is creepy as fuck. Poor men. 8(
Jonatma: the worlds top 100 thinkers look dummer than all of you at some point
Jesus wept if Warren Farrell is one of the top one hundred thinkers. That would make us one stupid species.
Oh Com’on now really!? I’m a guy, I talk like a Guuy, I joke LIKE A GUUUY..
Whyfore you think all men make stupid, hateful jokes about beating up other men? WHY DO YOU HATE MEN???