Warren Farrell warns fellas to watch out for the “Repair Friend” Zone
Ladies! Look only at the picture of this sexy Alpha duck and do not read the post below.
Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
Posted on May 17, 2013, in antifeminism, evil single moms, friend zone, friend zoning, I'm totally being sarcastic, misogyny, MRA, patronizing as heck, the myth of warren farrell and tagged antifeminism, friend zone, men's rights, misogyny, MRA, warren farrell. Bookmark the permalink. 692 Comments.
I always thought that the traditional method of repayment for big favors was really high quality booze.
Cassandra: Or excellent sushi.
I just stayed for nearly a week at my friend’s house*, and I’m getting her and her husband a collection of shadow puppets depicting the Battle of Trafalgar as a thank you.
This is not the currency that the MRM prefers, but I know they will love them.
*I also stayed for nearly a week at my sister’s, but she gets nothing. She’s my sister; she has to put me up. :D
Dammit, dammit, dammit! Now I want sushi, but I already got the pizza (it was a really good local craft beer, so that works fine for me). Do I call my friend back to renegotiate, or should I just sit home and be ashamed of myself for daring to know how to use power tools?
You are emasculating all men everywhere with your unwomanly competence and you should go offer the next man you see a blow job as an apology.
Is that one blow job per act of competence? If so, I’m gonna be pretty tired. My friend just bought this house and there is TONS of work that needs doing on it…
Not to mention he’s gonna be pretty sore, unless I spread them around a bit…
is tons? are tons? I need more beer…
Is he implying that your dad repairs things for you expecting to get laid? D: What am I thinking, it’s Warren Farrell, of course he is.
My dad’s going to take me to lunch on my birthday. I’m quite certain all he expects in return is a nice box of golf balls on his birthday.
Ah, that’s cool that y’all did the same. It just seems reasonable and comfortable to me. Especially as I get older, the people I tend to date seem more and more to be the kind of people I’d wanna be friends with anyway, so it doesn’t feel so weird that there’s kind of a continuum…
Yay!
Funny, I always thought the reason that I trust my dad more to fix stuff than I do myself was that he’s an engineer. I had no idea that made him a substitute husband.
Pretty much everything Farrell writes makes me want to go Purell my brain.
Also, here is conclusive proof that Farrell is wrong:
I’m totally unsurprised; she was highly delighted yesterday.
I also got two new kittens but they are feral so I’ll probably have to neuter and release if I can’t get them to come out from under my desk.
Let me see if I got this.
So, in this world Farrell talks about, there are only straight men and these men only help women because they are expecting sex. Women, on the other hand, are not interested in sex and just want to use men to do her favors just ‘cos. Also, single mothers have “repair friends”.
Is that it? That sounds like a very crappy world….
And I want sushi too.
So, does this mean I can’t get the blokes at work to store the charts on the bottom shelves because that means bending that’s causing more pain to my torn knee? Somehow I think I’d take the knee pain/damage over obligatory sex with either of them – and these are guys I like.
I have also never heard the term “repair friend”. I suspect nobody outside Farrell’s porn collection has ever uttered it.
I guess it’s just as well I don’t have any male friends who do repair stuff around our place. Plumbers and electricians and the like get paid in actual money, which suits both parties fine. At least, I suppose it does. They might have trouble making a living if they got paid in sex.
Ah, that’s why Warren Farrell supported the feminist movement for all those years before suddenly getting angry and turning proto-MRA! He was repair-friend-zoned by feminism!
My mother has always been the one using the toolbox in my family.
She must have been a secret lesbian emasculating my father then. That must be why I turned out to be an amoral man-hating feminist (using a drill = hating men).
Why not sushi and booze? Two great things that are even more great together…
I helped my aunt and uncle move into a new house this March and it never even OCCURRED to me to demand they fuck me afterwards. I’m such a female mangina!
Hmm…if I help John Doe with something (moving a package, fixing something, etc.), and that means he owes me sex…what if I don’t want sex from him, and he does want to have sex with me? I’m the one who is owed something, right?
Can’t I just have him pay me money instead?
MRAs: Gold-digging whore!
So wait, does Farrell warn every guy who’s fixing something for a woman that he’s being manipulated by her? Even if she’s paying him for the service?
…Has Pierre ever been interested in repairing cars?
Is that some sort of boner joke?
I am my own repair friend. Repair masturbation? Can we make that a thing?
Also my dad does some stuff because he knows how to do it. And I designed his business cards because I know how to do THAT. No one was angling for a substitute spouse.
I can say that some of the men I dated–likely because they were individual, flawed humans like the rest of us–have done a terrible job repairing stuff for me. Thank god I wasn’t paying them in sex or I probably would broken their peen in return for the awful job they did installing my ceiling fan. That I could’ve installed myself. And had to reinstall myself once they left the house.
1) “Repair friend” is a term I have never heard used, ever. Not by anyone, anywhere, under any circumstances. Which doesn’t prove that Warren Farrell made it up, but, all the same, I’d like anyone here who has ever heard that expression before today to say so, because that would mean my suspicion is wrong.
2) I’m getting tired of hearing about the small favors women accept from men. It’s not that women never accept small favors, it’s that the favors are small, and are at times actively pressed upon the woman rather than sought after by her (so that, for example, you say you’d like a ride when you’re a years-long hiker and wouldn’t mind a walk, except that you don’t want to come across as a jerk). In the cases where the woman herself seeks out the favor or favors — well, I can understand how a dude who helps a woman move out of her old basement and into her new garret yet ends up not getting laid might end up feeling used. Still, helping a woman move house is not on a level with saving her life, or saving the life of one of her kids, or giving her a huge stock tip, or building a major medical or educational facility in her honor, or hiring her for a good job, or handing her a major promotion. The last four things are examples of the kinds of favors men who are in a position to do major favors — favors which are not small — are in the habit of bestowing on each other. Women rarely come in for these kinds of favors. (Neither do most men, but to me that’s just another reason why this fight is a stupid fight for women and most men to have.)
There may be a minor injustice involved when a woman asks a male neighbor to look her car over before she hires the kind of mechanic who gets paid, but it’s a minor injustice. She’s not stealing the food out of his mouth, injuring the prospects of his babies, or posing a threat to his peace of mind. This is especially true when, as is often the case, the man comes back after having inspected the car and tells her that he doesn’t know what’s wrong either and that she’s going to have to consult an expert.
3) Most women know how to do household repairs when the repairs aren’t too scary, and most women also know that the secret to Scary Repairs is that you get a professional to do them because if you try to do them yourself (or if you nag some guy from down the street to do it for you) then you, or he, will probably end up making a mess. Most men are aware of this secret too, which in understandable, because it’s not a profound mystery.
Said no one ever. This guy is like Hugo Schwyzer. He makes shit up, pretends it’s a thing, and then comes up with solutions to end it, reasons for why it exists, ways to avoid it, etc.. BUT IT’S NOT A THING.
@BritterSweet
No, no, no. Look at how Farrell works the topic of cooking in there to preempt any protest that if men can be repair-friend-zoned, women can be cook-friend-zoned. What he is saying there, essentially, is that men only ever want sex from women. Women are deranged to think that any man would even acknowledge their existence if it weren’t for the prospect of sex. So if John Doe interacts with you in any way, shape or form, it’s only because he wants to get into your pants, and not because he needs help moving or fixing something. In fact, by helping him move or fix something, you are friendzoning him, wasting his time and abusing his suitorship. So clearly, according to Farrell, if you help a man with anything other than quiescing his raging boner, you are a misandric, man-hating, friendzoning entitled feminazi bitch.
I hope I cleared that up.
I just did a search for the phrase “he’s just a repair friend.” There is *one* result. This post. I think it’s fair to say that no woman has spontaneously uttered that phrase ever.
https://www.google.com/search?q=%22he%27s+just+a+repair+friend%22&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
Searching for just the phrase “repair friend” got me a bunch of listings for repair shops, many of them in towns named “Friend.” Like this one in Nebraska:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/steves-repair-friend
@bekabot
I know, right? It just astounds me how often people say, “Well, women SHOULD be cleaning and making sammiches, because men mow the lawn and fix cars.” Except, of course, they almost never do. Landscaping services are pretty cheap, and I don’t see people fix their own cars either, even in neighborhoods much more modest than mine. It’s because:
(1) Everyone knows you’ll probably end up saving money if you just outsource it to a professional (with liability insurance); and
(2) Actually, it’s much more socially acceptable to outsource traditionally “male” household chores to commercial services, but not female ones. If you take your car(s) to a shop for maintenance, no one will bat an eye, but if you hire a cook, a nanny, or a maid, people will chew you out on a regular basis.
David, I get lots of sites with advice about repairing a damaged friendship.
Not sure what that says about me…
Oh, and sites with tests to tell “if it’s a date or are we just friends”
Like this http://www.nerdtests.com/mq/uttake.php?id=57693
I’m sure this is misandry, but I decided to split the difference and have beer AND saki, so I cannot brain enough to tell why…
Hell, I just searched for “repair friend zone” and so far, I’m just getting results for this posts or links to this post. One is from some PUA site that uses the phrase “repair friend zone” as in “repair the friend zone” but that’s about it.
@kittehserf:
“I guess it’s just as well I don’t have any male friends who do repair stuff around our place. Plumbers and electricians and the like get paid in actual money, which suits both parties fine. At least, I suppose it does. They might have trouble making a living if they got paid in sex.”
I know I would.
Also, OT, but I think this video is hilarious for some reason. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=S9Iq6LA7sZI
(Hi everyone! Finally got a new computer and can manboobz again!!!)
I…like why is dad with substitute husband? I so don’t want to know. Or is it just code for man who can do all those things silly women can’t. Man, my dad should really step up his game, I’ve been turning to my brother for
computer help cuz he’s a computer geekmanly manly menz activities silly women can’t do. And it is probably not good for my dad to be having his masculinity beaten by a scrawny 15 year old!@grumpycatisagirl
Seconded. Also, I love your name. :D
I do this all the time at my dad’s, cuz he keeps all the dishes I like too high for me… Doesn’t happen where I normally live (with my mom) cuz since I’m there all the time we had the sensibility to not put everything out of short people range XD
@EmilyGoddess
Yay! Congrats! :D
Cthulhu’s Intern: “…Has Pierre ever been interested in repairing cars?”
Please the gods, make it so!
What is it with these male-female friendship hating douchedrains? Do guys like Warren Farrell really think they’re speaking for all men, like it’s some kind of a club? I’d wager most, if not all, decent men would think twice about hanging out with such self-pitying, delusional whiners. I’m inexplicably reminded of this Girls With Slingshots strip: http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-1280/
It seems to boil down to them thinking all men are total shits just because they (MRAs) are.
These guys whine and carry on about ‘hypergamy’ and women’s inherent evil nature and wanting to sleep with alphas…. lets just PRETEND they are right about it all. The question is still: SO WHAT?
If it is women’s habit to reproduce with alphas and all that crap, then that is just nature, right? The hypergamy trait has evolved for the benefit of the species, so seriously guys, shut up.
But either way it ISN’T real, so please, still, shut up.
I guess we can only ask solidly happily married men or male relatives for help… lest it be misconstrued as a pretext for sex.
I think he starts with the premise that men and women cannot be friends. His argument seems to be that both women and men are mercenary and only pretend to friendship. There are people who view other people as resources. I suspect he is one.
Given that this is Warren “genitally caress” your kids Farrell I’m not sure that asking relatives for help is safe either.
My experience has been that of being “asked” by numerous women to do this or that. I know one that gets all kinds of things done for her this way. Part of me thinks it must be male chivalry er….i mean …ya know….patri…
He gives the “zipless fuck” a whole different meaning. Women have to be prepared to fuck any guy who’s nice to them or helps them at any time. Doesn’t matter if the help was unasked for or actively discouraged.
I suppose we should be grateful when someone rude lets a door slam in your face instead of holding it open. It means he isn’t demanding sex.
Also… now I’m starting to wonder if the men who hold the door open for me at the post office think this is leading to something. :P
And one other thing I’m thinking of… so many of these assholes go on and on about women hitting a “wall” where they are just totally gross… well… when that happens it means we are free of all this weird ATM sex machine BS right? And we get to just be people?
I can’t imagine WHY these men think it is a THREAT to us that they will STOP this nonsense finally. Then helping me with my groceries is just helping me with my groceries and not a sexual transaction I don’t know about.
Though honestly, in my heart of hearts I still feel that many men who help a 55 year old woman do something STILL think they’re owed sex from her… even though just last weekend they were going on online about how women hit a “wall” at 25 where they are just repulsive.
This may be the manosphere revenge fantasy… but “the wall” is also leading women on into believing this crap ever really ends. Don’t tease me.
Eh, you probably still owe him sex, on account of how you were out in public while female.
Sex to show gratitude? It doesn’t exist, and thank god for that! Seriously, why would anyone want to be fucked as a thank you? If a woman fucks you, it’s because she was attracted to you. If you changed her tire AND she was attracted to you, that’s just dandy, but the sex had ZERO to do with the tire change. And how sad to think someone is fucking you for any other reason besides genuinely wanting to?
If you’re in the friend zone, it’s because I see you as a friend. Most people in my life fall into the friend zone. If any of my friends started fixing shit for me – this would not in and of itself result in release from friend zone, and promotion into sex zone. Fucking ridiculous.
Anyone who has a Pierre idea of any kind should make sure to drop a link into his forum thread! I’m not turning these out very fast, so it’s very easy for ideas to get lost in the shuffle.
@Nitram – “Seriously, why would anyone want to be fucked as a thank you? ”
Because creeps who think like this (assuming Farrell isn’t the only one) are dimly aware they’re never going to have sex with anyone any other way?
“And how sad to think someone is fucking you for any other reason besides genuinely wanting to? ”
I don’t think they care what the woman thinks as long as they get to shove it inside her. They barely seem to think we’re alive, and show all the time that they neither have nor want any understanding of other people.
Sort of related: I just read an extract from a book by a sociopath*. For all her self-justification and going on about how smart and charming she is, she came across as an utterly repellent person. These MRA types are like that, but without any intelligence to go with it.
*Confessions of a Sociopath: A Life Hiding in Plain Sight by M E Thomas, to be published 1 June.
I’m a lady, and just the other day I helped my lady friend move a whole load of heavy furniture AND I changed her tyre. What happens there? We’re both straight so who gets her repayment sex? OR maybe I am a just a very selfish lady because I took the place of some poor guy who could have helped her instead and I robbed him of the opportunity of getting some repayment sex. Gasp! MISANDRY!
OMG Adelaide, you thieving thieve* you! Next thing you’ll be filling your house with Scented Fucking Candles!
*of course it’s a word
Scented Fucking Candles and hard chairs as far as the eye can see, Kittehserf. A pillow for my kitty though, I can’t make her suffer… which I guess makes it even WORSE because she is a lady cat and I’m giving her special treatment and oh my god where does this rampant man-hating end!!!1!! ;)
CATS ARE MISANDRY
Of course hard chairs aren’t cruel to kitties when they choose to sit on ‘em, usually ignoring the soft chair, soft couch, cushions, fluffy rug and padded cat baskets that have been provided.
Because Feline Perversity is a thing.
Oh, it’s most definitely a thing. Of all the numerous soft, comfy places around the house she could sleep, her favourite place is the bottom of a cardboard box (tipped on its side) in the middle of the hardwood kitchen floor. I did put a cushion in it because I thought it might make it nice and snuggly for her, but then she just jumped on top of the box and slept there instead…
I am laughing my head off now, because that is So Typical of kitties!
Maddie’s favourite beds at present (when she’s not zzzzzzzzzzzzing in the chair Mum used to think was hers) are her scratching board – you know those compressed cardboard thingies? – or a bright pink plastic bag on the floor. She’s decided hot pink is her colour. Given she’s a brown tabby with ginger tortie bits, I can’t say I agree.
The red canvas bag that Pumas now come in (appropriate, no?). Also a shirt that I dropped on the bedroom floor when I was changing. Apparently I’m not getting that back.
Oh, come on! I’m sure she looks quite dashing with hot pink :P Especially with the ginger bits. She does sound like a pretty kitty, though!
I don’t think I’ve seen that kind of scratching board. Do you mean the material-covered things? My Rosie has a scratching post which is just compressed cardboard covered in a carpet-like material. She’s pretty hilarious with her box though. If I’m doing anything in the kitchen, she’ll just curl up in there and supervise. She also has this tendency to just flop down on the floor in front of me while I’m walking around the house in hopes of a belly rub. It works most of the time, but I’ve almost stepped on her before while I’ve been daydreaming and not paying attention.
Anyway, sorry. I’ve hijacked the thread with kitty talk! I could easily talk about my kitty all day, sorry everyone :)
CassandraSays – well, you obviously dropped it as an offering, so it’s been rightly taken I’d say.
Kitty talk is not thread-hijacking! It is the true purpose of Manboobz! David just put the “misogyny. I mock it” line up there to get us chewtoys.
Here’s Mads being invisible under her pink placcie bag:
And here she is on her scratching board:
The board’s upside down in that pic, ‘cos she’s totally demolished it from the other side.
I found a song that I like to sing to my cat.
That kitty baby is so cuuute!
What about herons? Can we post cute herons?
(possibly an egret)
Definitely! :)
I have a repair friend. They changed the oil in my car last week. They helped me break into my house when my cat locked me out. Of course it’s a woman, as am I, so I guess now we have to be lesbians? For her sake I hope not. She could do much better than me.
I don’t usually make her meals to repay her for her help, but I let her dye my hair purple and allow her to have stories like “one time I had to break into my friend’s house when her cat locked her out.” Isn’t that enough.
Remember ladies, if a man ever does anything for you be sure to repay them with sex. But only the first guy, because otherwise you’ll be a slutty slut slut.
Maude LL | May 17, 2013 at 2:03 pm
By the way, does anyone have access to a breakdown of welfare recipients? I found a lot of academic papers arguing that the gender/welfare association was erroneous, but I can’t find clear data. (I did find some interesting papers analyzing the hatred of black women on welfare though, the racist arguments are staggering)
(unsure of how to do quotes on this, so…that is a quote above and this is not)
It’s going to depend on what we are calling welfare. There isn’t a welfare program anymore but what was welfare is now TANF (temp aid to needy families) which, as the name implies, must go to homes with children. Very few adult males get this program (about 14% from the last figures I can find http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ofa/resource/character/fy2010/fy2010-chap10-ys-final). But since women tend to have the responsibility for child rearing and are more likely to live in poverty then men, these statistics make sense. Although one of the most important figures from that study is that about half of households getting TANF are not getting it for the adults at all, only for the children. Which means that anyone making a “women vs. men” argument is not really representative of the program.
Now, if we are going to include other social programs like SSI/disability in the analysis of “welfare” recipients you’re going to start seeing more gender parity. In fact, for SSI payments for people under 18 the rate of men/boys is much higher than women/girls (http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/chartbooks/fast_facts/2012/fast_facts12.html). Although it’s amazing the number of people who rant against TANF and food stamps while living off SSI/disability. I won’t get into the validity of their arguments except to note that they do exist.
lowquacks: Looks like a Great Blue Heron (and egrets are a type of Heron). Even if I’m wrong about species, it’s definitely a heron of some sort.
@Melissa Becker
Blockquotes are [blockquote] text [/blockquote] but with < instead of [
or you could just use “text” cuz its easier, and still clear.
^and that (plus this) is Marie, I can’t figure out how to stop posting with my dang Gravatar name…
The complete mystery to me is the notion that the only relationships available between men and women are either sexual or friendship leading to sex, preferably today.
Haven’t these people ever observed blokes who like to behave like everyone’s big brother? One thing my 20+ daughter surprised me with one day that she’d never told me before when she was sort-of-grumbling about the two blokes who were her flat mates – all her life she’d wanted an older brother and now she had two. I fully believe that it’s *entirely* possible that she may not be the only person among the 7 billion of us who’s had a secret desire for a brother or sister, aunt or uncle, cousin boy or girl, older or younger, just one or a whole handful. And wholeheartedly throw themselves into the nearest possible fac simile when suitable people come into their lives. Some of these people might be men !!! And they like to treat some women as the “missing” big sister / aunt / little sister / cousin they’d been wanting for years.
As for helping people out. Am I the only one in 7 billion who’s always had at least one man in my circle of friends or workmates who is eager to demonstrate his (real) expertise with cars or bricklaying or DIY of various kinds? They’ll do such things for anyone and everyone and their main reward seems to be to take, or create, every possible chance to repeat, endlessly, how wonderfully well they did [whatever it was] for weeks after. Years after if you give them a couple of drinks. If there are two or more of them in a group, a BBQ turns into a competitive bragging session about little old grandmothers’ cars, neighbours’ gutters, cousins’ computers – and how pleased and grateful all these people are for the obvious sterling qualities of these paragons of manly virtues.
Or do these people really not live life as I understand it.
The funniest thing about this is that the “repair friend” thing is in some guys’ head. I’ve run into guys who totally expect to get paid in sex if they help a woman with anything. They also get mad when women wise up to that fact and stop asking for help, because “they like to feel needed”. It never occurs to them that women aren’t responsible for the ongoing sex calculator that exists only in their heads. When they tell friends about why they no longer help the woman, it’s usually some variation of “she was taking advantage of me”, said in a way to make the woman sound like a manipulative asshole. So if she doesn’t put out for all of these favors, no one should be her friend.
I know it may sound oddly specific, but I’ve run into this type of guy often enough – who, of course have to share this “wimmin amirite?” story with me – that I only trust female friends or a boyfriend to help me with anything. I can tell you, though, they’ve never used the term “repair friend” – only because, I think, they can get more sympathy points with “take advantage of me”. The sad part is other guys nod along and go “I know what you mean”. It’s also kinda sad because they do have female friends that are genuinely friends. You’d think they’d get it but they don’t.
Welcome back, Marie! Yay for new computers!
CassandraSays:
That’s what I always thought too…that, or a dinner at a decent restaurant, a nice gift, something like that depending on your friend’s individual taste. To think all this time I should have been paying them with sex.
But only the male friends, right? I mean, Farrell does seem to imply that women can’t be repair friends.* What about lesbians though? Is it only men who deserve to get paid in sex, or is it anyone who is attracted to women? These rules are so confusing to me with my poor feeble lady brain.
*I have also never in my life heard anyone refer to someone as a “repair friend” or anything similar. I have however heard many women complain about incompetent men who try to insist on “helping” a woman with repairs she is fully capable of, and complained about that myself.