An Unsolicited Update from Paul Elam’s P*nis

askmeaboutweiner

Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”

Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.

In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of

Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.

I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.

If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:

I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.

Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.

But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.

After roughly 150  words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.

While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”

He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.

Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.

Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.

Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.

Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”

Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.

Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,

fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.

And then he compares her to a bug:

Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.

Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.

Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.

And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.

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Posted on April 8, 2013, in a voice for men, antifeminism, boner rage, creep-shaming, creepy, evil sexy ladies, facebook makes women all stuck up, incoherent rage, mansplaining, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, MRA, patronizing as heck, paul elam, penises, playing the victim, princesses, self-congratulation, sex, the sound of his own voice, unsolicited penis updates and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 723 Comments.

  1. Anyone who honestly believes that female privilege is a thing is delusional.

  2. Keep twisting our words, Laight. You do a terrible job of it, and can’t make a coherent argument of your own, so you’ll pretend we said things we didn’t.

  3. I would shed zero tears if the banhammer were to drop on Laight.

  4. @hellkell

    I would shed a tear, but it would be a tear of joy

  5. So have I just lost track of the (very boring) conversation or is Laight now arguing with hirself?

    Pro tip – if you’re going to make ridiculous assertions you should at least try to keep track of them. Write them on a post-it or something.

  6. Ravenshit’s standard MRA garbage: boring, boring boring.

    Protip: we know you’re talking rubbish, we’ve heard it all before and nobody actually cares what you think any more. You wore out your welcome long ago.

  7. Raven/Laight: And @pecunium, do you really think even one news site keeps tabs on each judge and each prosecutor from each district and state?

    It’s not about the news sites. It’s about you.

    You are presenting this as if they are perfectly equivalent, and dispositive of the vast differences in treatment for men and women.

    To do that they must be exactly the same; except for the sex of the offender.

    I’ll be generous: So long as it’s in the same jurisdiction, the charges are the same, the verdict is the same, the judge is the same, and the source is the same, I’ll let you slide on the prosecutor.

    Because this is your claim, you have to prove it.

    That you keep trying to say up is down, black is white 2+2 =12, and other dishonest practices, your burden of proof is higher than it was.

    Shit, or get off the pot.

  8. “Shit, or get off the pot.”

    ::sniff sniff::

    I don’t think zie’s even potty trained yet.

  9. I see Laight has pulled out female privilege. Try harder, Raven. Or better yet, don’t. Just leave. You’re boring.

  10. I think we may have just found the individual that Nick Cave based his main character off of in “The Death of Bunny Munro”… well if that book is any indication, Mr. Bunny up there will have an interesting afterlife…

  11. RavenLaight decided that zie couldn’t bear to drop it, but that talking about it here was somehow more déclassé than appending it to a non-related post on my blog.

    Were I more cynical I’d think it was done to avoid having to debate more than just me.

    Here, since it’s where it belongs is the comment I found in my inbox.

    Hello, pecunium. That’s a pretty cool story you have to tell, and from browsing through your blog a couple of times you have a very distinct, idyllic writing style. Kind of unexpected from an army man.
    Don’t mean to derail abruptly on your own turf†, but I wanted to respond to your challenge earlier. Hope you don;t mind that I do it here, since it’s been, what, five days that that Manboobz thread was left untouched?
    compare this woman who’s going to spend 2 years in jail for underage sex (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/24/sarah-rutherford-teacher-sex-sentenced_n_1910533.html, http://www.wboy.com/story/19599081/former-philip-barbour-high-school-teacher-sentenced-to-2-years-in-jail) to these men (http://www.wboy.com/Global/story.asp?S=15943511, http://www.wboy.com/story/22016164/taylor-county-man-sentenced-on-sex-crime-charges)
    And these two people who both committed manslaughter (http://fox8.com/2013/02/20/woman-pleads-guilty-to-shooting-boyfriend/, http://fox8.com/2012/07/17/accused-rapist-murderer-refuses-plea-bargain/)
    An isolated, and rather appalling, case: a female teacher gets off w/ 1 year for sleeping w/ student: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/15/tap-teacher-sentenced_n_1347836.html?utm_hp_ref=underage-sex

    The response to this is no different than to any of the rest of your claims.

    Find equivalent case, in equivalent juridictions, with the same judge,and then we can talk.

    Until then you are full of shit.

    † If you hadn’t meant to derail, on my turf, you could have brought it here. You didn’t, so in addition to your apparent cowardice we can add bald-faced liar.

  12. I have a comment in moderation, because RavenLaight chose to make a reply to this post on a post of mine.

    So we can add rude and inconsiderate, to the list of failings.

  13. RavenLaight needs to give up and know when to walk away.

  14. Curious as I am as to wtf Raven had to say, that links to your blog in general and I can’t find it (is it just me or does your blog only sometimes have a recent comments widget? Or do I have yours and katz’s crossed and the later has that widget?)

    Sorry, 5 hours of sorting documents that included tax returns from the 40s, my brain is jello, again.

  15. It wasn’t topical, so I didn’t let it out of ,moderation. When Dave gets back it will be posted here; where it should have been in the first place.

  16. Disgusting

  17. Wow! That hotdog weiner resembles my dildo.
    That’s all I have..for now.

  18. I think it’s fair to say that Elam’s mental development stopped around the age of 13. He is about as misogynist and ignorant as a spiteful priest or republican. He is a pathetic excuse for a human being.

  19. Why do you keep necroing threads, SandinaFem? What’s the point?

  20. have..for

    Why do you keep necroing threads, SandinaFem? What’s the point?

    Maybe SandinaFem is looking for the point – to finish hir ellipsis.

  21. grumpycatisagirl

    Howard left the point in the other thread. Travis still couldn’t find it but maybe SadinaFem will have better luck if zie looks there.

    Or maybe not.

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