How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid
So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.
This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.
This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)
This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.
This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.
As does this fellow.
Romance is hard.
Posted on February 28, 2013, in antifeminism, creep-shaming, creepy, homophobia, incoherent rage, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, okcupid, penises, PUA, the c-word and tagged antifeminism, misogyny, okcupid, PUA. Bookmark the permalink. 777 Comments.
“Who the fuck thinks that eugenics could ever sound good except someone who is really racist and/or ableist?”
Some feminists have argued in favor of eugenic measures. Example :
“WIE: Which brings us to another question I wanted to ask you. Sally Miller Gearhart, in her article “The Future—If There Is One—Is Female” writes: “At least three further requirements supplement the strategies of environmentalists if we were to create and preserve a less violent world. 1) Every culture must begin to affirm the female future. 2) Species responsibility must be returned to women in every culture. 3) The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately ten percent of the human race.” What do you think about this statement?
MD: I think it’s not a bad idea at all. If life is to survive on this planet, there must be a decontamination of the Earth. I think this will be accompanied by an evolutionary process that will result in a drastic reduction of the population of males. People are afraid to say that kind of stuff anymore.”
http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine/j16/daly.asp?page=3
The eugenics stuff is the practical application of the Protestant idea that salvation is not offered to all humans, that some are elected and others aren’t, that some are born good and others are born bad. Since the modern world is still full of the old Protestant ideas gone mad, each person who calls for eugenic measures against a group of people because their genetics features make them inherently bad bring up to date this idea.
That’s with this idea in mind that pilgrims pretended to be the elected ones to Whom God gave a promised land in America to build the New Israel, the Kingdom of God free of corruption and depravities.
That’s sad that the few good things of catholicism (importance of the free-will, all humans can attain salvation,…) are the ones which will not survive to its death.
I can’t fucking deal with the idiocy tonight, I’m all out of spoons about three times over at this point, but does anyone know which thread I put the divorce statistics in? I want to add that to my collection of MRM related math but I lost the comment (iPad history = teh suck)
Whiskey anyone? Cuz I need some and can share.
Apparently all social justice issues can best be solved by economic solutions to fund lobbying and grassroots organizing (says the same middle class cis straight white dude as the last time my head exploded)
@Argenti
Sorry, no idea about the divorce stats. I have ginger wine, we could have Whisky Mac?
I have to work relatively early tomorrow so no booze here, only tea and mockery of Martyn’s stupidity.
Works for me! Never had ginger wine, but it sounds delicious.
@Argenti
Strongish warming ginger taste, a bit like a fuller and burnier ginger beer on first impression. It’s actually a ginger-infused raisin wine, and the raisins come out a bit as you get used to it. Good stuff, but probably more a winter drink.
@CassandraSays
Aww, I thought entertainment journos got to wake up whenever they wanted and swan around doing glamourous things.
I’ll drink almost anything with ginger in it, but ginger infused soju is the best boozy use of ginger imo.
lowquacks — that works well, it’s winter up here :)
Hell, I’ve still got a foot of snow!
Cassandra — too bad, Martyn’s stupidity seems to need a balanced booze approach. Then again, the level of privilege it takes to say that economic solutions would solve all social justice issues because quality of living is most important after I bring up Native American / First Nation genocide… And bathroom panic? Apparently that too is a “throw more money at it” problem…
Btw, this is why I use non-cis unless explicitly trans* — because I’m okay enough with my bio-gender to deal with my anatomy being obviously gendered and just use the bathroom my biological dangly bits align with…too much cis privilege to be comfortable saying I’m trans* — feels way too appropriative. On the other hand, fuck you biology.
And now that the whiskey is setting in, I’m going to bed. Thank you for letting me vent!
I’m entering this to say that Martyn is a nob.
He reminds me of every bright, politically-minded, well educated, white, middle-class, teenage boy I’ve ever met.
They tend to be the ones saying in a very knowledgable tone “Oh I think Feminism is fine but in this day and age is it still really needed any more?”
Cue me emerging from depths with a great roar of righteous anger.
Oh yes you’re very bright, but you know noooothing! Theories can tell you jack shit about how the real world works.
Also, I am feeling somewhat better today but still not very well. I’ve been to the doctor but it’s a viral infection so there’s nothing they can give me and I’ll just have to wait till it goes away on its own.
Historophilia can roar at him while I pat him condescendingly on the head and say “that’s nice, dear”.
@Argenti
Good night and enjoy your snow!
@Historophilia
:(
@ lowquacks
Aw. My nephew is still a teenager and he’s pretty cool.
(Not white, though.)
Damn, I missed MarchHare’s meltdown. Impressive ability to stick to his flounce, though. Rare amongst manboobz trolls.
Eh, I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow.
@Argenti I’m not much of a whiskey fan. I’m more of a gin or vodka drinker.
Have you guys seen the whoneedsfeminism tumblr? It is great. I follow it because it has tons of good insights into the value of feminism from a lot of different perspectives.
Bedtime for me too!
Awwww Lowquacks, don’t take it to heart, you are a much rarer breed.
I’ve generally got a bit sick of teenage boys over the last week or so, I don’t know why, but they always seem to expect me to run their lives for them, do their share of Uni work for them and act as an emotional support, oh and be at their beck and call at all hours.
I am not your bloody mother!
Sorry, rant over.
I am experiencing many emotions this morning.
(Good ones I mean)
Forgive my triple posting, I’m all over the place. I meant to address this @Brz:
Congratulations, you have discovered that some feminists are/have been racist and ableist. The rest of us were already there, thanks.
Okay I think Martyn has left so I’m a bit late to this party but I just have to get this out: For fuck’s sake stop calling it “game theory”. That’s already a thing and with far more validity than PUA bullshit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory
Every time he talks about game theory I want to tell him to go read a book that’s not about getting laid.
(Which would also keep him too busy to pester us – it’s a win/win situation.)
Brz did not sound French at all in his attempted gotcha.
My contribution to the Muppets discussion: Weezer’s cover of Rainbow Connection (can’t find an embeddable link, sorry)
And if you really want to have a lot of Henson feels this morning:
Argenti, a quick google search turns up this. Is that the one? Or a different divorce statistics rundown?
After seeing the responses, I feel compelled to respond. I’m dropping using game as an example of theory vs. practice, since it seems to have too much of an attached or implied payload.
@SomeGal
Your explanation of eugenics may add some accuracy with regards to the negative consequences, but it’s not a balanced explanation. When I gave that example, I did so deliberately; knowing someone would confirm the point I was making. That first definition was quoted from the glossary of a medial genetics reference site: http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/glossary=eugenics (It’s not something I made up)
The reason they write it in that way is because (just like the game), theory, when applied appropriately can do a lot of good. Just because it hasn’t done good in all cases (*cough* Nazis *cough*) doesn’t mean it hasn’t done some good.
For example, thanks to eugenics, expecting parents can now receive advance information on the likelihood of their child being born with down syndrome – they then have the choice as to whether or not to proceed let a child into the world that will be born at a severe disadvantage. Some parents wouldn’t like the idea of their son/daughter suffering their entire lives, eugenics lets parents choose.
Of course eugenics has been abused but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a positive side too. Whether or not what I’ve stated above is ultimately a good thing is down to personal opinion – eugenics has the backing of medical professionals far more qualified than ourselves and is in itself a key to detecting and preventing diseases with a genetic cause.
@Argenti
Do you mean your response to Martyn? I thought that was in the thread right before this one, but nope. I will check more for you.
@Martyn
The point was that mine was also more neutral than yours. That dictionary sucks. They write it that way because they are privileged assholes like you.
Yep. I called it on the ableism.
@Martyn
I’m actually not done. Which genetic diseases do we get rid of? Although, we aren’t just eliminating diseases, we are eliminating people or potential people with those diseases. Do we also stop them from breeding? Are my diseases ones we want to get rid of to improve the human race? Should I not breed?
Individual women making a choice not to carry a pregnancy to term does not a movement make, btw. However, as with abortion of female fetuses in some countries, that doesn’t mean that we can’t work to change society so that fewer women make that choice for that reason.
OMG. I thought I couldn’t get more fed up with Martyn than I was last night, but boy was I wrong. We actually got him coming back because he wanted to defend eugenics. This is so far beyond just privileged teenager behavior. Anyone else want to yell at him? I am going to stop looking at his bullshit and help Argenti.
@Argenti
I think, from context, it has to be here:
http://manboobz.com/2013/02/25/feminism-its-like-letting-your-kids-stay-up-eating-ice-cream/
But I can’t find it. I hope that helps though.
@Some Gal
How do you know what level of privilege the author(s) had at the time of writing? The only privilege I can see there is in the author(s) likely being better qualified to write the definition, a privilege I lack, hence why I use that well-documented definition rather than writing my own.
@Historophilia
Whether or not feminism is still needed can only be answered by opinion. I’ve asked that question myself many times. I determined the answer to be that, in my opinion, until the world goes gender-free and considers sex as penis-having, vagina-having or having both – there will always be a need for both Feminism and MRM.
What do you think?
I know this. But theories are discussed to further social improvement, it’s the development of better theories to explain reality that have offered the best progress for humanity over plain assertions of how the “real world” works from one persons experience of it.
@Martyn
I’m playing the odds that they are privileged. The odds that they are disabled are low. If they aren’t privileged, then they are still racist and/or ableist, which makes sense as society is both. How are you not getting this? In many ways, they aren’t more qualified because they wrote a crap definition. You need to learn to be skeptical of authority.
Stop using privilege to mean both the social justice term and the strict dictionary definition. It gets in the way of clarity and makes you sound like an ass.
@Some Gal
That’s about the choice of the potential parent. Eugenics only provides people with the tools to predict genetic disease. Of course potential people are being eliminated there, but how is that any worse than when people choose not to have kids purely because they won’t be able to cope?
In your opinion, after being confused as elements of the pro-choice movement for many years, are feminists now going pro-life?
Genetic disease is a better reason to abort than many of the reasons a lot of young people today give.
Brz is quoting an interview published in 1999. In his pull quote the interviewer asks Daly about an essay by Sally Miller Gerhart which was published in 1982.
I knew it had to be not-current- Daly died 3 years years ago.
Martyn has decided to bravely come out in favor of eugenics, properly administrated. I am not awake enough to snarl at him as I should do. ‘Just because eugenics has been abused’
He is also conflating genetic research with eugenics. Genetic research- “What does this bit here do?”. Eugenics- “Those people* are sub-par. By what method shall we** improve the genetic pool?”
Screw it. I’m going to wrap up against the rain and walk the dog.
* “Those people” somehow never seem to belong to the same group as the people who want to implement improvements. Isn’t that odd?
** And by “We”, the people who are deciding what is sub-par and suggesting what to do to who are almost always a self-appointed group who just happen to match their own description of ‘good stock’.
Because many feminists believe in ending poverty (in part because it constrains true reproductive choice) and many abortions are the result of poverty, does this mean that feminists are now pro-life?
Complicated ideas are apparently too complicated for you. Fuck off.
No.
http://www.rainn.org/statistics
http://www.pay-equity.org/info-time.html
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0882775.html
http://www.policymic.com/articles/22172/43-abortion-restrictions-were-passed-in-2012-second-most-of-all-time
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/07/05/study-confirms-dark-skinned-women-get-longer-prison-sentences/
http://www.umich.edu/~clemency/position.html
Oh, really? And what reasons are acceptible to use a legal form of birth control? What makes you the arbiter of what is a good or bad reason? If I have an abortion because I don’t like sex with condiment and don’t want to take the pill is that a worse reason than if I don’t want to pass on genetic diseases? Why? What difference does it make? Why does anyone care?
Hey, you never cited any hardback books from Barnes & Noble to back up your claim that the MRM was valuable or even just not awful.
Reasons U.S. Women Have Abortions:
Quantitative and Qualitative Perspectives
The reasons most frequently cited were that having a child would interfere with a woman’s education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%); that she could not afford a baby now (73%); and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%). Nearly four in 10 women said they had completed their childbearing, and almost one-third were not ready to have a child. Fewer than 1% said their parents’ or partners’
desire for them to have an abortion was the most important reason. Younger women often reported that they were unprepared for the transition to motherhood, while older women regularly cited their responsibility to dependents.
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3711005.pdf
Condoms not condiment. Fucking autocorrect.
@Some Gal bummer. I find a little ketchup really improves the whole experience ;-)
@Some Gal – I know it was a typo but it made me laugh. :)
@emilygoddess
I prefer certain types of jelly, myself. :)
@Some Gal
The difference is that society overwhelmingly rejects abortions for social reasons. The original purpose of abortion was not about the choice of whether or not to have a child but whether or not the choice to have a child would cause physical or mental health damage to the pregnant woman.
For example: In England and Wales, the majority of abortions were approved on the grounds of “continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk, greater than if the pregnancy were terminated, of injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman;”.
Want to know what percentage of potential parents used that reason? 98% in 2010. (Source: https://www.wp.dh.gov.uk/transparency/files/2012/05/Commentary1.pdf)
Only about 2% of abortions occurred because “there is a substantial risk that if the child were born it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped;”.
Eugenics has been less of reason for abortion yet has resulted in a large drop in the rates of down syndrome, due to responsible choices by pregnant mothers – that’s a net win for both humanity and society. That’s why I said genetic disease is a better reason.
In a word, NO. There is no need for the MRM, men already have all the rights, you knob.
Fuck off, you immature, sexist, racist piece of garbage.
I forgot “ableist.”
Is chocolate syrup a condiment? *smacks lips*
@drst
That’s an interesting article. In the majority of other countries most of those women would be unable to abort if they gave the real reasons for their abortions.
It’s interesting to see that the majority in there seemed to be younger (below 30s) and a third of which were in poverty.
@hellkell:
That’s why in the UK maternity pay is less than maternity pay? I just disproved your argument in under 5 seconds.
Really? Because I think you just made a giant fucking error, sMarty pants.
Sorry, in fast typing, I seem to have typoed. Paternity pay is less than maternity pay in the UK, due to being paid for fewer weeks and only in line with extra conditions.
And please stop trying to pull our legs and tell us that the MRM gives a blue fuck about paternity leave. That’s actually something, wait for it, FEMINISTS are concerned with.
Take your confirmation bias and shove it up your ass, if there’s room with your head wedged in so tight.
It says something when someone doubles down on racist, sexist, and ableist eugenics, while inaccurately using the term to mean testing for certain genetic diseases, and ignoring the basic issues of selecting for characteristics in a species always leading to a narrowing of the genetic code of the species which causes severe physical defects. I mean, you have to admire the dedication to being a complete fuckwit troll as well as an ignorant ass.
All hail, blockquotes monster.
@Martyn
Society is wrong. Glad we cleared that up.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
ANY choice is a “responsible” one as everyone knows themselves and their uterus better than the rest if the world. BUT a drop in the rates of Down Syndrome is not a win for humanity or society you ableist piece of shit.
Nope, the original purpose of abortion was always ending an unwanted pregnancy. Abortion has always existed. It existed in ancient Greece, medieval Europe, always. What changed was that male doctors in the latter half of the 1800s started attending women during pregnancy, which was up until then the province of midwives. Those male doctors are the ones who started this nonsense about women’s true identity being mothers and the idea that you could outlaw abortion based on someone else’s criteria of when.
It really says something that he came here to double down on eugenics, of all things. Too bad it says nothing good.
@hellkell
You made an absolute statement, I don’t think I’m the one with confirmation bias. Of course that’s assuming your head isn’t wedged in to tight you’ve lost oxygen to your brain.
“The original purpose of abortion”? Like, when abortion was first invented by Cyrus T. Abortion?
Oh, and because I repeated this mistake (I am so sorry!), I feel I should be the one to point it out:
NOT ONLY WOMEN GET PREGNANT.
Yeah! It’s totally unfair that paternity leave gets less pay and less time off than maternity leave! It’s based on the fact that women are usually the primary caregiver because of some retrofuck notion that women are inherently more nurturing/more suited to raise children/men should be breadwinners because a woman’s true purpose should be raising a family.
Gosh, IF ONLY there was some movement that was fighting against these cultural notions from which these policies spring.
(Martyn, hint: it sure as fuck is not the MRM. All the slights men suffer are results of the patriarchy you ignorant twit).
Nope, you don’t get to respond without links to your proof. You’ve been braying about wanting a “rational” debate using evidence, you need to conform to those rules you’re trying to lay down on the rest of us. Citation fucking needed.
Oh and btw:
http://www.cdc.gov/features/dsdownsyndrome/
Oops, you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!
@Shaenon
Not many people know that Cyrus T. Abortion was not only an early adopter of the flying car, but wrote hauntingly beautiful limericks.
Hee. He reminds of when Biscuit gets all big and bad and tries to puff himself up to the other cats.
Go look up confirmation bias, Martyn. Your entire body of work here reeks of it. Well, that and utter bullshit, but you get the idea.
Fuck off.
@drst
“I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody who asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.”
The Hippocratic oath, originally dated back to 400BC. Doctors never approved of it. Long before the 1800s.
@pseudo_star
It is also based on the notion that some people require time to heal and recover from delivery/surgery. The person giving birth should probably have enough paid time off for that.
@Martyn
Well if doctors wouldn’t do it, people must not have been aborting.
Agency is itself practical.
There’s also the great fucking hole in eugenics that a lot of traits are interlinked. For example, you wanna get rid of genetic susceptability to mental illnesses? Well, you might also be breeding out traits like intelligence and creativity.
Also, I ran across someone in the Sims community trying to claim eugenics is fine away from the practice. They called it ‘reclaiming’ and named their shitty, looks-damn-racist, nonsensical mod after it.
They’ve kind of been shunned in a big way by most Simmers for this reason.
@Creative Writing Student
Why does every group need to have assholes in it? It makes me sad to think of rackets and ableists playing my beloved game. They don’t deserve it. :(