How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid
So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.
This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.
This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)
This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.
This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.
As does this fellow.
Romance is hard.
Posted on February 28, 2013, in antifeminism, creep-shaming, creepy, homophobia, incoherent rage, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, okcupid, penises, PUA, the c-word and tagged antifeminism, misogyny, okcupid, PUA. Bookmark the permalink. 777 Comments.
OMG, I’ve seen the light! I mean it’s sad women are raped, and beaten, and abused, and victims of systemic violence on nearly every level of existence, large and small, all around the globe, every second of the day and night, all while trying to hide their anger and grief about it because then they’re professional victims bringing it on themselves, so it’s a viscious catch-22….
but the real horror, the real keep you awake crying all night horror ….
is some guy….
CAN’T TALK ABOUT THE GAME AND PUA WITHOUT BEING TOLD TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!
OMG, Hallelujah! I have seen the light. *spits on his shoe abd preps to sing*
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the shit!
He is trampling on the lives of women with his feeble wit!
He hath loosed the fading glory of his mind and had a fit!
His truth is marching on!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, whatsit2ya!
Glory, glory, you’reaboobya!
His truth is marching on.
Viscaria, this is wonderfully lovely. Thank you.
Amen, Deoridhe.
@Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
What I gave was a balanced explanation. There is a defacto positive bias in any balanced explanation. I shall attempt to demonstrate this with an example:
Eugenics is a theory which was abused by the Nazis to terrible ends but have you tried looking for balanced definitions of Eugenics?
“Eugenics is the applied science of the bio-social movement which advocates practices that improve the genetic composition of a population, usually a human population.”
“encouraging reproduction by persons presumed to have inheritable desirable traits”
“a science that deals with the improvement (as by control of human mating) of hereditary qualities of a race or breed ”
Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?
As a theory it is a-okay, if you don’t let awful people abuse it.
A Muppet is itself practical. :)
For those saying “omg it’s practical, it’s applied science”. it’s also scientific theory.
It seems there is no more productive reason for me to continue commenting on this thread. So I shall cease to now, very sorry for any trouble caused by my earlier posts.
So let’s count* what we’ve learned about Martyn so far!
1. He’s really ignorant.
2. He is tragically unaware of this. What is it with dudes that age and having the emotional equivalent of Dunning Kruger syndrome?
3. He’s really upset about beautifulpeople.com – a big sensitive about your looks, buddy?
4. An IT student? Shocker.
5. I’m too bored with this dude to count any more.
BTW, here is my favorite Count song.
https://soundcloud.com/sesamestreetmusic/bats-in-my-belfry
* That is the most epic typo I’ve seen in years. Congratulations, ridiculous OK Cupid dude, you win the prize for making an ass of yourself in public in the most amusing way possible.
@Martyn
Eugenices is the applied science of the bio-social movement which advocates practices thar purport to improve the genetic composition of a population, usually a human population, using highly contested definitions of improvement and that casts some humans as superior to others on highly specious grounds.
See the difference? Mine is more exact than yours. More true. Sounds way less good, though.
And now we’re going to get regaled in the testable hypotheses made under game. I’m going to open a beer and grab some pistachios. I can’t wait for an IT undergrad to teach me about science.
@Martyn:
Okay, this is important. Sarcasm off for two seconds. Having no experience doesn’t make what you’re doing here understandable. Having no experience doesn’t mean we owe you any lenience. Even if doing some 101 work would make you better understand why we’re pissed off at you, we are under no obligation to put up with you until you do that work. You need to go away unless/until you can stop being a total assface. You do not get to learn how to not be a total assface by treating us like shit and seeing how we react.
Eugenics is idiotic as a theory based on basic biology. An animal population which selects for certain characteristics (see: Dogs as an example) invariably becomes inbred and widespread genetic problems occur (see: High incidence of hip displaysia in laboradors).
Genetically speaking, the only long standing thing which makes sense is encouraging genetic diversity so that a sudden shift in environment doesn’t result int he widespread extinction of the species.
I mean… duh. I figured this out from High School biology; I remain shocked everyone else misses the logical extension of the theory of evolution – diversity is good.
@ Nobinayamu
As a theory, eugenics always sucks because we have no idea what improves human populations. Diversity seems to work fine. Eugenics discourages that.
So you concede that no one ever asked you to explain “game” theory and that by doing so you unintentionally tipped your hand. If it’s any consolation, no one here was fooled. The regulars have had you pegged pretty much from the get. Enjoy your evening. Go feel for some people.
Cassandra, I always enjoy when I can’t sleep and you’re still up.
Ninja’d. Better said, Deoridhe.
@ Nobinayamu
Smooches!
(But none for Martyn. Oh, the oppression.)
What is it with dudes that age and having the emotional equivalent of Dunning Kruger syndrome?
When everyone around you tells you that you are smart and wonderful, it’s easy to assume that means you know everything.
I remember the day I realized Just How Much I didn’t know, and Just How Profoundly I had hurt people with my ignorance, and it was a hard, sad day. Crawling out of the net of “but I’m so smart, I can understand everything, what do you mean I don’t have the experiences???” was a much longer process, and involved eating a lot of crow and accepting a lot of self-flagellation. In some ways, ignorance is bliss, but I will never regret the pain which led me out of my self-centeredness and into a wider world where I could do real good, instead of ignorantly reinforcing real harm.
Ah, I find this dishonest…based on your earlier posts:
“Because, lets face it, if someone does not want to have sex with someone else, they’re not going to have sex with them.”
If you want me to give you citations, just read over your own posts.
And this:
“I feel for people who suffer shit because people who wont take no for an answer try to manipulate and intimidate others but that should *never* *ever* stifle legitimate discussion of any psychosocial theory or concept (and yes, I use the term loosely here).”
Insensitive, lack of empathy. People here have been preyed upon by sex pests and other close cousins, but you want us to be happily open to the so-called theories and concepts individuals use to legitimatize their bad behavior. No. It seems like you want us to excuse something you feel strongly about. Too bad. You’re using moral relativism and trying to dress it up as science and logic. You have no fucking clue.
“Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?”
NO OMG IT DOESN’T SOUND WONDERFUL IT SOUNDS TOTALLY RACIST AND BOUND TO END BADLY.
Oh yeah, I had smartest kid in the room syndrome in high school and college too, but the thing is, I never interpreted that to mean that people of a different sex/race/sexual orientation would be just fascinated to hear my perspective on their lives because what do you mean they don’t care?
Dude, this is very much not the place you want to go to discuss how to “better express [your] desires in a more attractive way to others.” Source: scroll up and look at the header.
Not only that, BUT having already been given links by ithiliana discussing exactly why this Game shit is dangerous, your whining here is incredibly dishonest. Complaining that feminists aren’t serving your dick sufficiently when they accurately describe misogyny is pretty misogynistic, btw. This site is not here to help you get laid (Source: scroll up and look at the header) and it reflects massive entitlement to insist that it should.
Um. Unless one party does not respect the other party’s lack of consent. Which is rape. Which is one of the problems with this Game shit.
Go fuck yourself.
6. Kid has never been to a club, or at least not the kind that has a strict door policy.
katz, Thank you for resuscitating the journal. Peer review has never been so peer-review-ish.
Everyone, Thank you for the muppet clips. [sniff, sniff, but in a good way]
@cloudiah
Who the fuck thinks that eugenics could ever sound good except someone who is really racist and/or ableist? I think in this case we may be dealing with more of the latter, frankly. That it could “improve” us by getting rid of disease and disability, but those wascally racists ruined it for everybody.
Glad to know I am probably not a good enough version of a human.
I’m against up/downvotes (for this site); however much I wish I could downvote some people into oblivion, I don’t want it to become a popularity contest (even among regulars). If you don’t like something, you should have to say so and why.
Thank you!
I don’t know, there’s hope for guys like Martyn. They’re still young enough to grow out of it, maybe. But I feel like so many of the IT guys I have to work with never did so… there’s that.
@Some Gal, Someone with no moral compass? That’s all I got. I hear eugenics and all I think is the totally logical result of the “theory” which is forced sterilization and “genetically superior” women being made to act like glorified brood mares. It gives me a case of the shudders.
Um… what? You ‘proved’ your point about looking at Game in a neutral, theoretical by going to eugenics?
I really don’t know what you’re trying to say here. Evil practices can be made to look good on paper, therefore we must continue trying to make them look good on paper? Because that’s the best I can come up with.
I squirm to think of the harmful crap I believed and acted on when I was younger. I also get uncomfortable thinking about the many unexamined harmful attitudes I must still hold. But, you know, what Deoridhe said (better than I ever could).
What makes me so angry about Martyn is it doesn’t seem like he squirms at all. He learns why what he’s been doing is damaging, and then, as far as I can tell from what he’s said, shrugs and says “Neat! I learned something! This has been a good day! No harm, no foul, right?” Uh, no. Lots of harm. Lots of foul. The pain you cause matters regardless of whether it is a learning experience for you.
@cloudiah
Not to mention the other loss of reproductive freedom the “glorified brood mares” would have if they happened to conceive a less than genetically “perfect” specimen.
Has Martyn melted down yet? I’m tired of him – he needs to be a puddle.
Martyn, this is for you.
After this eugenics interlude I’m just glad I am bookended by two cuddly cats. Better than muppets even.
Here is a cat able to parachute away from Martyn’s bullshit:
http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/post/44233749148/via-amyvernon
Martyn – You really don’t understand social dynamics, do you.
You have shown up at an established community, which means to join you have to adapt to them – not the other way around. If you want to challenge the community, the onus is on YOU, not THEM.
Think of it this way – a group of people are sitting down together sharing a meal. You ask to join them, but the. Immediately tell them they’re wrong about everything and that they have to defend themselves rather than continue having a good time.
Then you got surprised when they started throwing food at you.
Some Gal, That is the best illustration I’ve seen all day. And I work with pictures!
I love I love charts. Thanks for the introduction, Some Gal!
Deoridhe, Viscaria: I was the same way when I was his age. Wasn’t even that long ago. There are so many things I wish I could go back and un-say.
But I can’t imagine I was as dense as that. Surely not, I hope.
Intent! It’s fucking magic!
Maybe next he can come back and lecture us on nudity.
I really hope for more lectures on psychology, because I so have home court advantage.
Yes. Yes it should. This is the bit where you fail the hardest. You can discuss anything you want, but there are times and places where it is just inappropriate, and if you think your right to discuss what you want trumps other people’s right to feel comfortable in their own spaces then that shows just what kind and how much of an arsehole you are.
@Kim
I love that piece more and more each time I read it!
I forgot that part of Martyn’s sucky “how could I know?” “apology.” Ugh.
Yep. Man boobz regulars kick ass. A force to be reckoned with.
@Sir Bodsworth
THANK YOU. I was trying to come up with an explanation as to why “well in PRACTICE is different from theory, THEREFORE practice has no relevance to how we judge a theory” is unkind, privileged BULLSHIT, but it all ended up as a rambling screed. Especially after the “I know women suffer real life consequences, but THINK OF THE THEORIES!1!!” Although I also like whoever made the connection between the theory of “separate but equal” sounding “good” (to people like our troll), but the main point (to anyone who’s not a morally bankrupt piece of shit) is that it was used to justify racism. (I think it was Kitteh’s who made that analogy?)
I’m so tempted to start snarking on the similarities between the stupid troll idea that nobody should be allowed to tell someone that the conversation they want to have is not welcome at the present time/in this particular social space/with the specific person they’re talking to/if they’re the one doing the (clueless) talking and the PUA idea that women shouldn’t be allowed to just say no to sex without any man who happens to be interested being allowed to at least try to manipulate and/or bully her into it.
I see this pattern all the time and I always wonder why the guys who do it don’t realize that their behavior in non-sexual situations offers clues as to what their behavior in sexual situations might be like.
@CassandraSays
I think it is fitting that Martyn illustrated brilliantly “how not to impress the ladies” on this thread. (He didn’t seem to impress anyone else either.)
Your PUA point bridges the OP and Martyn really well too.
MUPPETS!! I love you (not troll) people. That is real.
Here is Muppets dealing with trolls:
Let us all gather around and have a theoretical discussion on the matter of who we will breed and who we will put down. I’m kinda gobsmacked.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/27/collin-brewer-disabled-children-put-down_n_2775019.html
I didn’t read all the thread but there seems to be less Stadler & Waldorf love here than I’d have expected from the Men Boobzer?
In other news, I think an old school friend of mine has hooked up with a genuine, NLP-spouting, eyeliner-wearing*, creepy-facebook-post-making, fitness-obsessed, middle-aged-but-dating-teenagers PUA and he’s just about the ickiest thing ever.
*there’s nothing wrong with wearing eyeliner regardless of your gender, it just stands out as an obvious Mystery homage with the baldheaded-and-suited look this dude prefers.
Hey, I like guyliner! Not on PUAs who prey on younger women, though.
@CassandraSays
I forgot to tack on the asterisked bit I’d prepared for.
Does he have a funny hat and goggles too?
Not that I know of. I’ve only met him once and seen him making very posts on facebook/twitter.
They seem pretty happy together, though, so that’s good? And he seems more on the “vaguely misogynistic pseudoscience” end of things than the “rapey bitterness with some new-right racism” end of things. Still skeeves me out, though.
@lowquacks Here you go:
@neuroticbeagle
Perfect!
Another
Ok this is the last one. Best trolls ever:
And in a complete coincidence (no, really) I’ve just discovered that Bret McKenzie of Flight of The Conchords fame has written a song for a muppet film:
Looks like there was a show down on manboobz.
Eugenics is a disgusting idea. I have nothing new to say, but just wanted to affirm that I agreed with you guys on that.
Oh, in high school I also had the smartest kid in the room thing going on. College shook that out of me though. I did well in college, but no longer top of my class good.
“Looks like there was a show down on manboobz.”
There was. It was great.
Coming in first was…
the manboobzers! (Or is it manboobzians? Please let me know. I do not wish to offend.)
Coming in second by an unusual turn of events was…
Muppets!!
Third place was..
Cute baby animals! (Normally second place, they did not make much of an appearance on this thread and so beaten by the Muppet challengers.)
Not even placing was Martyn, representing obnoxious mansplaning trolls.
Martyn, I have no idea if you’re still reading, but I hope you are, because I am going to offer you a COMPLETE AND EXACT EQUIVALENT of the shit you’ve been spreading.
So, I am part of a group of queer people who go out for dinner and drinks and coffees every couple of weeks. We’re called Social Fruits. So imagine, we’re having one of our dinners, a dozen LGBTQ* people around a table. Now, we’re cool with allies coming along so really it’s open to anyone who isn’t an asshole.
And you sit down next to me, and I don’t know you, and I’m going to be nice, cos you might be new.
Me: Um, that’s a good beer you’ve got.
Martyn: Yeah, anyone who drinks mass-produced beer loses fifty alcoholic points! Hey, have you heard about pray away the gay?
Me: Uh, you know this is a queer group, right?
Martyn: Yeah, I just wanted to discuss praying away the gay. It’s really good, so that people who are gay can not be gay and not get discriminated against! And people who know gays can pray for them and not feel weird about their friends being gay!
Me: Um, no, that’s actually really damaging. It causes queer people to commit suicide by alienating them from their families.
Martyn: But I’ve read so many good things about it, it’s a great theory! we should discuss this theory.
Me: No, really, we shouldn’t. There are people at this table who have been kicked out of their families, or who have denied themselves for years because of trying to pray away the gay.
Martyn: But where’s the proof? I’ve read books about ex-gays! Show me the books about people who have been damaged by it.
Me: You don’t need a book! You can talk to people here, you know, I can’t go back to the church I was baptised in because of this theory?
Martyn: No, that’s just in practice, you shouldn’t tell me anything about what happens when this theory is used, I only wanna talk about the theory – Straight people with gay loved ones helping them not be discriminated against!
Me: But it’s not just a theory! it’s a real thing which happens and hurts people. Not only does it not work, and is completely unscientific, but it makes people like me kill themselves!
Martyn: Excuse me, I want to see this in hardcover books, give me references! I’m trying to learn here! I haven’t heard you say anything about the theory of praying away the gay. Why are you taking this so personally?
And trust me, by now three people would be about to punch you.
Martyn – you’re coming to an established group, talking about something we no more about, and demanding academic references when we have experts here who can tell you how Game affects women.
So fuck right off.
So, is anyone else privately rejoicing in the fact that a year after this happened we now have an actual Ashley whose website is loveashley.net?
@WeeBoy, very well put.
Love,
Tulgey
Dear Weeboy,
Please accept this shiny new internet with our thanks and appreciation
Yours, etc
PS Social Fruits is a great name
Drat
WeeBoy, not Weeboy
@Tulgey – yup!
Kittehs, most of us wanted to name it “Queer as Fuck”, but apparently that isn’t appropriate.
>Perhaps I have an unrealistic expectation in that I expect arguments to be backed up. The reaction(s) I’ve seen to a harmless explanation of the game have been ridiculously blown out of proportion.
Is this the point where we demand the patrons of a korean restaurant to explain why they support the consumption of dogs?
Or we ask people living in Washington why they want to grab our guns?
LOL I can imagine there’d be a few stumbling blocks if you wanted to make bookings in the group name!
Jeez, that reminds me of the bottle of KEUCK I saw altered to read FUCK at a bar once. Altered by the staff, I might add. Lead to much hilarity among my co-workers and me. (Well, we were pretty juvenile.) :P