How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid
So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.
This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.
This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)
This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.
This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.
As does this fellow.
Romance is hard.
Posted on February 28, 2013, in antifeminism, creep-shaming, creepy, homophobia, incoherent rage, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, okcupid, penises, PUA, the c-word and tagged antifeminism, misogyny, okcupid, PUA. Bookmark the permalink. 777 Comments.
“queer fembot count”
I know what he meant (I think), but it’s fun to pretend he wasn’t trying to use a slur but instead was calling her a member of the nobility.
Counts: can’t stand authority.
Always use an Android phone if you want to impress the ladies.
I was on that site for all of 2 days before I could no longer stomach the try hards who thought that they were pua.
I saw the link pop up in the Twitter widget, and went to see it.
It’s basically PUAs of OKC. And it’s horrible and awful.
And for some reason I can’t stop laughing today.
Oh, where’s Dragon Slayer and Inconvenient Truth to tell us how game works?
Oh, god, I’m going to hell….
To be clear, not because it’s bad to laugh at PUAs. There is no higher calling in life.
But I do feel conflicted because on the other hand somebody had to get that message before they could repost it.
I feel like maybe PUAs would be funnier if we could lock them all up in a little bubble world of their own. Where they couldn’t inflict negs on anybody except each other.
“Why yes, I am a count. That’s 1, 2, 3 fucks I don’t give!!!!”
::dies::
@clairedammit: I happen to agree that iPhones suck. As an IT degree student, people with iPhones lose 50 nerd points immediately! Those who use an iPhone yet insist on a Windows-based PC to run their it00nz on lose another 50! iDevices are for people who are too lazy to run a decent UNIX-style OS like GNU/Linux. Thankfully, there’s Android, which is Linux-based, to fill that niche of lazy people who want decent quality software at a decent price ;-)
@howardbann1ster:
You’re going to hell ;) While you’re there, may I do the honours back here instead? I happen to have Mystery Method, The Game, Rules of The Game and a few NLP-like books like How to Make Friends and Influence People.
“good game” is based on push/pull theory and the idea of playing a game in the form of a light-hearted power struggle where, by the end of the date, both people feel like equals but your partner felt a nice interesting emotional journey along the way in order to create the feeling of having done so much together within a shorter period of time. To accomplish this, rather than dishing out compliments willy-nilly (which will friendzone you fast), you instead do the challenging and teasing yourself to better stimulate your potential partner with a wide range of emotional reactions.
I’m sure some self-proclaimed “gurus” will correct me on this, since I’ve tried to summarise such a wide topic to one core principle >_>
>>“Why yes, I am a count. That’s 1, 2, 3 fucks I don’t give!!!!”<<
I've been lurking for a few months now but had to pop my head up to congratulate Ashley for winning the internet.
@Ashley
I had such a hard time finding women that didn’t keep their real-time chat switched off on there because of the constant harassment they encountered. IMHO it’s a better place for decent people to find friends, rather than dates. I gave up after 3-4 months, as it just plain sucked. Stupid dickheads ruin the experience for all the decent people :-(
Dude, you’re missing the point. I’m an Android phone person myself, but I wouldn’t accuse someone of having a missing chromosome, which is really ableist and shitty, or too many of them (I guess he means all women by that?) because they carried an iPhone. Especially not on a dating site, to someone with those aforementioned extra chromosomes.
Why does some PUA think he has the right to impose his insults on a woman to push her through an “emotional journey”? He’s trying to pick her up for sex. PUA is about demeaning women and undermining their confidence; it’s not about mutual pleasure but sees sex as some sort of contest where the woman loses if she says yes (and probably, given the egos of slime like Roissy, loses if she says no).
If that’s the only way a man can feel like he’s “done so much together in a short time” with a woman, maybe he shouldn’t be dating at all.
You know if some man tried that on me the best he’d get would be a LOUD proclamation that “Hey, you’re trying game, aren’t you? D’you realise you’ve just outed yourself as a misogynistic loser? Do you? Piss off, sonny, you’re wasting oxygen other people could use better.”
I can neg as well as any PUA. Difference is, I don’t see it as a path to sex.
Oh yes, and on phones and pcs: some of us neither know all the technicalities nor give a fuck about what you think is right and wrong about the various systems. I’m reaching the “get a life” stage with you, kid. Having your interests/obsessions is fine, but get over this juvenile “everyone must like the same stuff as me or they’re stupid” crap.
“Fembot count.” HAHAHAHA. I love it when they go from zero to RAGEBALL in 60 seconds. Stay classy, guys.
Protip: this is why women don’t respond to a lot of messages. For every guy who’s cool with a “no thank you,” there are ten more who aren’t and get shitty about things.
Martin: my iPhone and I would like to tell your immature self to fuck right off, OK?
You’re dumb enough to fall for game, so what you think about anything is completely beside the point.
I’m starting to think Martyn added six-seven years when he said he was 22.
This is probably the most deluded description of game ever written. The only thing it’s lacking is kittens and rainbows. FFS.
Game with Kittens would work much better.
also, some random fucking dude lecturing people on their fucking phone choices? It’s a very long winded neg and not much of an emotional journey.
I suspect that this is why there’s a dating site where men aren’t allowed to send messages unless they’ve been contacted first.
Martyn’s the sort of self-satisfied little twit who gets geeks a bad name.
It’s boys’ toys stuff, kid. Nobody gives a shit what devices meet the Martyn Approval Criteria and what other people use (or, gasp! don’t use and have never heard of) is none of your business.
“Hey, cutie. Wanna see my kitten?” *reaches into coat pocket, withdraws a tabby kitten*
I would probably just correct the spelling and other errors in the gentleman’s rant and then laugh at his sputtering at my gall to tell him he is wrong.
Damn, creative writing student, you stole my kitten move!
@clairedammit && @HellKell:
I was being deliberately facetious (I couldn’t help myself as an IT student, I’m deeply, deeply sorry but really couldn’t control myself). What you’re saying is correct; it’s not right to judge someone on their phone and it’s also not right to make insults based on gender or sex.
I could give a very long-winded technical discussion on the technical reasons as to why iOS is inferior to Android but I think it’s enough to say I was making a bad nerd joke :)
@Kitteh:
You didn’t tell I was being deliberately facetious? Shame on you!
It’s pretty telling when people get all emotional over product choices and I TBH don’t really care what people choose to buy or even whether they’re informed about their purchasing decisions or not, not really any of my business.
It’s just a tactic to feel superior.And they have TRUFAX about it. I find my polite disinterest sadly is often mistaken as tacit approval. While my eyes burn with effort of staying open, in my head, I am often planning dinner during one of these verbal dissertation monologues.
Ashley: Yeah, you win. :D
@Baroncognito:
What’s it called? Also, have you ever heard of beautifulpeople.com?
I’m tempted to run a free service to GIMP/Photoshop peoples photos who have had their applications rejected, to get them on to the site, to teach shallow-minded people a lesson >_>
This actually happened to me and a friend on the street in Oakland. Although the actual phrase was “Hi. Do you want to see something cute?” [reaches under his overcoat while we frantically look for escape routes, then pulls out an adorable kitten]
There’s a problem, Martyn in that you are not well known enough around here for people to recognise if you are facetious. After your misguided comments on lesbian sexuality and the age of consent, you will have to choose your words with the utmost clarity.
I recommend the /sarcasm tag in future.
Oh fuck off. Seriously. What “lesson” are you hoping to teach them? That if they have people they are and are not attracted to they are “shallow” and deserve to have their preferences ignored? That they have a duty to date people they’re not attracted to, because those people are really nice guys?
Martyn – you’re a newcomer here. You came in defending these “reasonable” MRAs you claim to know, in the face of all the evidence that the MRM is nothing but a hate movement. You persistently push the line that the MRM and feminism are somehow equivalent. You’ve tried to claim erasure = privilege. Now you’re talking about how wonderful PUA is and delivering a eulogy which totally overlooks its complete hostility to women. And you think anyone’s going to read your blather about iphones and god knows what with a favourable eye, and take it as a joke? You think everyone here is going to say “Oh, geek humour”?
Stop and think about the impression you’re making on strangers. So far, it hasn’t been good.
It would be nice if a girl would send a message to me ever.
@cloudiah
The premise of the site is exclusionary. Members get to vote to include and exclude people from joining the site based on looks alone; it’s not about a duty to date anyone, if someone sees someone they think is ugly, they can just choose not to message them. Check it out, if it’s the same as when I last checked it out, you’ll realise what I mean =]
Oh, and I can do my own photoshopping, thank you very much. And with a much simpler program than GIMP, too.
Picard says it well.
Oh, and after signing up for Beautiful people, should I sign up to Christian Mingle too, teach those close minded Christians that maybe they can find love outside of their faith? (says the man who has an account at JDate)
LOL!
@Kitteh:
I just explained the theory in as shorter form as I could, nothing more. I did not comment on PUAs themselves or the PUA lifestyle. Why is my explanation of the theory of it considered a eulogy at all, when did I praise it?
I never cast a judgement on it, I just gave an explanation since no-one had already done so and I’d already done all the pre-requisite reading from many common source materials. Also, “good game” was put in quotes for a reason, to hint at the bias in that I don’t think it’s so good.
@Baroncognito:
So do Christians on Christian dating sites community reject/approve people based on freehand qualitative questioning surrounding the Bible? Somehow, I don’t think so.
@Cloudiah
http://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/2558
I’m rather amazed that there’s more than one member of the general public who does this…
@CWS, Amazingly, he wasn’t even trying to pick us up.
Martyn, “Members get to vote to include and exclude people from joining the site based on looks alone” — and why shouldn’t they? And why is it okay for you to trick them into including people they don’t want to? What makes you the judge of which preferences are okay and which aren’t. Just fucking respect peoples’ wishes, even when you don’t agree with them.
Bullshit.
You don’t grasp the idea of implications, do you? Your wording implicitly praises the idea, and the description is, as hellkell said, delusional. Have you actually read Roissy or Roosh V or any of those self-proclaimed PUA gurus? If they’re telling the truth about their exploits they’re rapists. Their hatred of women comes out in everything they write.
I don’t give a flying fuck what you think the theory of Game is. It’s what men do to women in the real world that matters here, and Game is about coercing reluctant women into sex – and making them feel bad about it. You know Roosh (I think it was him and not Roissy) wrote once about how he doesn’t mind being unable to orgasm, because it gives him another chance to try laying a guilt trip on his unfortunate partner?
Stop trying to paint the MRM and PUA as benign. They’re not, and you’ve chosen the wrong site to push that line.
CWS – that link is like the Live Parrot Sketch. Can’t you just imagine Cleese with the parrot in his coat?
I wouldn’t know. I have never attempted to sign up for one. I also don’t know what it takes to get onto beautiful people because I’ve never felt tempted to check it out.
@Martyn
We are already familiar with many “theories” of Game. No one was asking for help, we have heard it all before. What howardbann1ster wanted was for known trolls to come and play. It was pretty inevitable that anyone answering the “question” seriously (let alone by unquestioningly reiterating a spin put on Game by adherents) would get pushback.
I think that you should try to do a bit more listening and asking questions and a little less attempting to joke around with people who barely know you.
I think my cat has been negging me :(
@SaltPickles
Probably.
@SaltPickles, I’ve started negging my cats. It doesn’t seem to have any effect on them whatsoever — especially “Nice claws. Are they press-ons?”
@cloudiah
We have press-on nails for my cat. No one has thus far been brave enough to try to put them on her. Maybe I could subtly insult her normal nails and get her to want to impress me? I am sure all the scratching and biting is just a shit test anyway.
Cats are expert neggers. The back turned, the bare tilt of the ears – “I know you’re talkng to/about me but this is all the acknowledgement you’re getting” – the LOOK, the Big Ignore … oh yes. PUAs got nuttin’ on kitties.
I think @Martyn is in for a bit of a shock when he graduates and discovers how popular Apple gear is with IT pros. It’s reached the point where you get strange looks if you’re the guy who showed up to a conference -without- a Mac laptop.
Then again, I suspect that’s the least of the shocks the adult world has waiting for him.
Also the tail flip – the feline equivalent of giving you the finger …
Oh god yes, the tail flip!
I wonder if the digital salute started life as someone imitating a tail flip …
@Charles Miller – I think you nailed it about shocks and the adult world.
My cats do a lot of kino too. Hazel started biting my toes this morning because apparently I wasn’t quick enough with the cat food. So I looked right at her and said, “Nice outfit. I’m pretty sure I saw another kitty wearing the exact same thing.”
Kino? The only thing I associate that word with is cinema.
@Martyn
To understand why you are getting the response you are about teaching shallow people a lesson, you might want to start by reading the comments here:
http://manboobz.com/2013/02/14/the-ultimate-nice-guy-tm-makes-a-music-video/
There is a lot, especially by CassandraSays iirc, defending women’s right to be shallow. Men have the same right.
Too bad there isn’t a way of tagging the comments when we’ve done a subject to death so that we can just send newbies and trolls there. It would be like the FAQ people have brought up, but more communal.
Martyn: put a sock in it, for real. If you want to have any kind of lifespan around here that doesn’t involve treating you like the creepy troll I’m starting to think you are, shut the hell up, read old threads, and maybe use the Google to learn about the things we talk about. This is not a 101 site, we’re familiar with game, and most of DO NOT have the patience to hold your hand and spoon feed you knowledge.
Ah yes, shallowness. The dudes who expect supermodels, and complain about any women who dare appear in public not fully made up and groomed, but also complain about women being “shallow” for spending time on their appearance and – horror of horrors – having preferences about men’s looks and wanting to see them groomed as well.
I am in a weird mood and feeling charitable. If anyone finds my teacher-voiced* explanations to Martyn annoying, though, I’ll cut it out.
*Hopefully, easy and just this side of condescending.
I don’t, Some Gal. I’m still giving him some benefit of the doubt, though my patience is wearing thin. I’m partly trying to get it through his thick skull and partly putting it on record here that he’s been TOLD, so he can’t come back later doing the troll-with-short-term-memory-loss thing.
@Baroncognito, about kino,Read it and upchuck.
Some Gal: it’s fine if you feel like educating him. I’m pretty much through with dudes like him.
Right. Kino. Creepy touching. Brrrr.
Or if you REALLY want to hurl, go go here. CONTENT WARNING for really rape-y definition.
I wasn’t really trying to say you should “go go” anywhere. Dancing is totally optional.
Kino, aka how to get an elbow to your face. It wouldn’t produce the sort of arousal they’re after, in me. I doubt it would in anyone … I mean from someone you really fancy, sure, but from a creepy* stranger? Gross.
*if they’re PUAs trying this on, they’re self-branded as creepy
Just as well go-go is optional, my knees aren’t up to it!
They can’t get over the idea of physical play having to be about dominance, can they? It’s both rapey and scary, and pathetic and insecure.