Feminists! Give up your misandry, accept that women are inferior, and oh, this MRA rant gets worse. Much worse.

Whatever this kid is saying is guaranteed to be smarter and less offensive than Jacob Ian Stalk's horrific rant

Whatever this kid is saying is guaranteed to be smarter and less offensive than Jacob Ian Stalk’s horrific rant

Cloudiah found this amazingly awful rant — from a prolific manosphere commenter and Spearhead supporter by the name of Jacob Ian Stalk — in the comments section to a piece on feminism in The Tab Oxford, a student paper. She posted it in the comments here on Man Boobz, where it’s already generated a good deal of discussion (see comments here, here, here, and here for starters). But I thought it deserved a post of its own.

So without further ado, I present Jacob Ian Stalk’s “12-Step Program for Recovering Feminists.”

Equality is equality. Feminism is about the unbridled pursuit of power for women. Got that?

Uh, no, actually, because it’s not true, but please continue.

The age of feminism is over, thankfully. The comments here that support feminism are from the rats that refuse to leave the sinking ship, thinking there’s sustenance still to be found there somewhere. Sorry to disappoint, but there is nothing nutritious left.

So the ship is sinking at the very moment it’s run out of food that rats can eat. That’s quite a coincidence! Or is it sinking because it ran out of food? Were the dudes on the ship using rat food to plug holes in the hull?

Men the world over are waking up to the damage wrought by rampant feminism and they’re shocked to realise it all happened while they were asleep. Well, they’re asleep no more. Bleat all you like about feminism being about this or that, but the truth of it’s evil is written all over the once noble institutions of the world and the wishful bleatings of solipsistic girl-children can’t erase it. It is done. The cailphate is establishing its power base once more and Sharia law is spreading.

Huh? Because of feminism? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Feminists have destroyed the family and have eschewed child-bearing in favour of credentialism and the illusion of success, killing their unborn children and robbing men of their will to be fathers and husbands. The laugh is on you, Western feminists, as Western birth rates have at last fallen below their replenishment rate and the Muslims are laughing all the way to the maternity wards.

Oh, dear, you got some racism in your misogyny. Two terrible tastes that taste worse together!

The best you can hope for, Western women, is to abandon feminism entirely. Abandon that idiotic notion of ‘equality’, as it will never happen.  All it has earned you is the disrespect of men and an increasing number of women the world over. Feminism doesn’t make you strong. It doesn’t make you powerful. It doesn’t make you free. And it sure as hell doesn’t make you equal. It just makes you despicable.

Wait, weren’t you just complaining that feminism is about female supremacy? Now you’re admitting that it’s actually about equality – and you’re preaching male supremacy in its place?

Abandon feminism. Here’s a 12-step program for recovering feminists. There are others.

Ok, here we go.

1. Don’t be narcissistic. Never think you’re more important than men or children. Marketing departments delight in exploiting the feminist fallacy that you are. They promote ‘women’s only’ this and that, and women have bought into it. This appears sexist but it is really a marketing ploy that works because most women are narcissistic. Companies know they can charge more for goods and services by using the words ‘women only’. Narcissistic women are easily exploitable women. Be neither.

Huh. Isn’t the Men’s Rights Movement all about exploiting the narcissism of men who think they’re more important than women? (And children – at least in the case of the MRAs who whine endlessly about how unfair it is they can’t financially abandon their kids.)

2. Don’t let others make choices for you. This should be self-evident but for most of your life you’ve allowed yourself to be told what to wear, what to buy, what to eat, how to dress, where to go, how to think – in clubs, gyms, magazines, websites, books, stores and by TV talk show hosts. You’ve ‘needed’ a step-by-step guide through life, which you’ve followed with your sisters like sheep. Companies have exploited this need. Behave like a sheep if you must but obey the sheepdog, not the wolf. Better yet, be a woman who can think for herself.

… so long as “thinking for yourself” means “thinking you’re inferior to men and generally thinking the way men who hate women want you to.”

3. Get rid of the self-induced schizophrenia. Don’t insist you’re strong, confident, capable and independent one minute, then weak, frightened and vulnerable the next, especially when you’ve been caught doing something wrong. Don’t chop and change whenever it suits you – learn about who you are and be true. Admit when you’ve done something wrong. Don’t suddenly remember that you suffered abuse in the past or have some kind of mental illness or other instability, then use it to get yourself off. If you never sought help for these problems before you were caught, don’t use them as an excuse afterwards. Accept responsibility for yourself.

And for everything bad that men do as well, as manospherians repeatedly insist. If men are violent, it’s because women (allegedly) like dating violent men. If men brutalize the women in their life, it’s because the women provoke them. If a man arms himself with high-powered weapons and massacres children, his mom is to the real villain. For manospherians and MRAs generally, “responsiblity” means “a woman is always to blame.”

4. Don’t let the law take responsibility for crimes women commit. Speak out against women routinely receiving shorter sentences than men for the same crimes. If the law punishes women as it does children, treat them like children and encourage others to do so too. Don’t call these women ‘victims’ and say “they’ve suffered enough” because they’re women. Believe in, and stand up for, equal justice on the basis of gender.

Women do tend to receive shorter sentences than men for the same crimes. But this isn’t the fault of feminism. Indeed, female judges are slightly more likely to give women harsher sentence than male judges, possibly reflecting paternalistic attitudes on the part of male judges.

5. Don’t believe everything women and feminised men in the media tell you. Many serve up slop by the bucket – celebrity gossip, slimming tips, sex tips, man-shaming tips, rape and abuse lies, etc. TV shows like Oprah and Dr Phil are filled with advice on how women can transform themselves into victims and blame everything on men, while constantly ridiculing them. Partake of more nutritious fare than this. Get your infotainment from equitable programs. Be aware of the cultural status quo from both perspectives.

I have no idea what Jacob here would consider an “equitable” program, but, really, no one of any gender should be getting life advice from Dr. Phil.

6. Don’t fake solidarity with other women, especially in public. Don’t pretend that all women are your best friends when everyone knows nothing could be further from the truth. Openly acknowledge the reality that women despise each other unless there’s personal advantage in not doing so. Most good men can see through these attempts at deception, so lies won’t travel far. Don’t be a liar, especially not an obvious one.

I have no idea what the fuck he’s going on about here. “Don’t fake solidarity with other women, especially in public??” Do women who hate each other march around Jacob’s neighborhood arm-in-arm, pretending to be BFFs and singing the Lady Internationale? (“Arise, you prisoners of menstruation …  .“)

7. Don’t seek equality with men. Masculinity and femininity are inherently different. They are neither equals nor opposites, but different parts of the sexual continuum that can’t be defined from each other. Actively separate masculinity from femininity, and separate both from the sexual politics that keep them in healthy tension. Don’t claim women can do anything men can do until you start producing your own sperm.

Um, what? Is Kate Bush not a brilliant musician because she doesn’t have balls? Is Joan Didion not a brilliant writer because she can’t jizz into a sock?

Not every sperm producer is sacred.

8. Don’t demonize male sexuality or the male sex. Both sexes can be evil, both can be virtuous. Empathy, wisdom, grace, mercy, compassion and love are all as masculine as they are feminine. Don’t invaginate our boys by shaming or medicating the masculinity out of them before it matures and don’t impregnate them with the corrosive lie that being a woman is like being a man only better. Male sexuality is a pearl to be cultured. Suffuse your sons egos with promise if you want your daughters to have good men to love.

Uh, “invaginate?” Invaginate means to “be turned inside out or folded back on itself to form a cavity or pouch.” I’m pretty sure that teaching boys not to rape their dates does not in any way, literally or figuratively, turn them into a pouch.

9. Respect the sanctuaries of men. Men are judged much more harshly than women so they need their safe retreat. They don’t have the same opportunities for emotional support as women so they need a place where they can express themselves free of judgment and ridicule. This place must be respected. Take care if you venture there as your feminine narcissism is the enemy. Don’t draw attention to yourself and don’t expect protection if you do. If you must speak don’t attempt to control the dialogue or steer it towards you. Don’t censor language to suit your sensitivities. Male sanctuary is sacred – treat it as you would a cathedral.

Dudes, if you want to start your own little clubhouses where you can call women “cunts” in peace and quiet, go ahead and do it. Just don’t pretend they’re about anything more than misogyny. And if you put these allegedly sacred sanctuaries on the internet, don’t be surprised if some people take offence. Oh, and don’t claim that, say, video games, or STEM fields, or atheism, or whatever male-heavy thing you’re into, is a “male sanctuary” that need to be protected from evil girl germs.

Some male spaces can be totally awesome:

Others, not so awesome.

10. Don’t use shaming tactics. Don’t accuse men of having anger management issues when they’re angry at injustice. Don’t accuse them of being a threat when they call you out for being a bigot or a tyrant. Don’t accuse them of having a fear of commitment when they’re merely making a choice between bravery and stupidity. Don’t assess the merit of their arguments on the basis of their attractiveness to you. Don’t attribute their views about women to past disappointments when it is merely an objective assessment of your sex. Shaming tactics are remnants of childhood so leave them in the nursery if you want to be taken seriously.

I think this one just broke the irony meter. It’s not like manosphere dudes ever use shaming language aimed at anyone.

A word of warning here. The next paragraph is the worst one in the whole manifesto, and, honestly, one of the worst things I’ve run across in my more than two years of doing this blog. TRIGGER WARNING for rape apologia.

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11. Be honest about sexual harassment. If you assert that you have the right to dress as you please and that men should be able to control their sexuality, honour their right to be shielded from yours. If you don’t want men to control themselves but instead want to control their loss of control for your own enjoyment, be prepared for the consequences when things go awry. If ‘harassment’ – the stares, sexual innuendos, sly touches, and even rape – magically cease to be harassment and become the foundations of a passionate new romance occasionally, admit that you don’t really want men to control themselves. Don’t expect men to know when it’s right to ‘harass’ you and when it’s not. Don’t treat Man one minute as an exciting and courageous hero and the next a monster intent on tyranny and abuse if you’re inconsistent in your sexual intentions and desires.

Woah. Let’s take another look at that especially terrible comment in the middle of that mess:

If ‘harassment’ – the stares, sexual innuendos, sly touches, and even rape – magically cease to be harassment and become the foundations of a passionate new romance occasionally, admit that you don’t really want men to control themselves.

I’ve got no jokes for this one. You honestly think that RAPE can be “the foundation of a passionate new romance?” What the fuck is wrong with you?

12. Speak out against misandry. The main reason for its proliferation is that women have remained silent. Silence in the face of injustice is cowardly. It has allowed loud, obnoxious women to preach hatred with impunity, which has reflected badly on all women. When you speak out against misandry you do all women a favour. Don’t be a misandrist, don’t be a coward and don’t be silent.

At this point, I really don’t think I need to bother to point out the hypocrisy here.

About David Futrelle

I run the blog We Hunted the Mammoth, which tracks (and mocks) online misogyny. My writing has appeared in a wide variety of places, including Salon, Time.com, the Washington Post, the New York Times Book Review and Money magazine. I like cats.

Posted on February 10, 2013, in a woman is always to blame, antifeminism, atheism, block that metaphor, domestic violence, entitled babies, evil sexy ladies, evil single moms, evil women, excusing abuse, girl germs, grandiosity, hypocrisy, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misandry, misogyny, MRA, narcissism, no girls allowed, oppressed men, playing the victim, precious bodily fluids, pussy pass, rapey, reactionary bullshit, sexual harassment, single mothers, the sound of his own voice. Bookmark the permalink. 707 Comments.

  1. @ Dvarghundspossen

    That’s *exactly* how Maleficent failed the reverse Bechdel Test, I’ve heard.

  2. Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)

    @Dvärghundspossen

    You mean, like, EVERY movie that has two or more male characters in it? My eye muscles have sprained from rolling them too hard. I don’t even think the quintessential “chick flick” has two guys always talking about just women.

    I wonder when they’ll pick up on the racial version of the Bechdel test and reverse that? I’m sure they’ll be all up in arms about the one whole movie in the history of American cinema* that doesn’t have two white characters not talking about a non-white character.

    *Because I doubt anyone who takes any of these test seriously wouldn’t watch any foreign films.

  3. Well, there’s the Bechdel test, and then there’s the Mako Mori test from Pacific Rim that the fans came up with.

    Pacific Rim failed the Bechdel test, but the fans were so impressed with Mako Mori as a character, that she gets her own test:

    1. There is at least one female character
    2. who gets her own story arc
    3. that’s not about supporting a man’s story in some way.

    Then there’s the issue that the Bechdel test can be circumvented by having women talk about marriage and/or babies. : /

  4. Alan Robertshaw

    I always like to learn one new thing every day. Today’s new thing is the collective noun for ferrets. Thank you.

  5. Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)

    How about a combination of both? Makdel Mori Test.

    1. There’s at least two female characters
    2. One who gets her own story arc
    3. That is not about supporting a man’s story in some way
    4. Who both talk about something not related to a man for at least 1-5 minutes (forgot how long)

    And then NO movie will ever pass it because that requires the ability to actually write more than just cookiecutter stories Hollywood likes to pump out each year. :|

  6. Fun fact: technically the opening monologue of “Baby Got Back” passes the Bechdel test. So the fact that so much media can’t manage to clear this incredibly low bar of a test is really depressing…

  7. Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)

    You know, if we look at this from a “non-feminist” perspective, you’d think people would be just so fucking tired of the same story every time. Man must save his family. Man saves the day and gets the girl. Man’s family is killed and he gets revenge. That’s like 500 billion movie summaries right there in a variety of combinations! Do people NOT get tired of that? Wouldn’t having a story that involves someone not a white, hetrosexual male break up the monotony or are the MRA THAT easily entertained?

    ARE THEY THE ASSHOLES WHO MADE THE NEW TRANSFORMERS MOVIE GROSS SO MUCH?

    (Probably.)

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