“Nice Guys” on parade
So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Posted on January 4, 2013, in creep-shaming, creepy, douchebaggery, entitled babies, hypocrisy, incoherent rage, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, nice guys, rape, rapey and tagged misogyny, nice guys, okcupid, rape, rape apology. Bookmark the permalink. 1,346 Comments.
Cassandra: maybe they think if they can make it here, they can make it anywhere.
So, they’re peeved we don’t care or won’t validate their preferences. They’re not the center of the universe, and that sucks for them.
Well, they’ve gone all quiet- perhaps they’ve learned a valuable lesson?
How many people here has Dumbass now refused to date? If we can get him to say it to each of us, maybe he’ll realize he doesn’t care about us like we don’t care about him and he’ll leave…
I am very, very pleased to announce that this is factually incorrect.
Porsche in progress.
I’m feeling rejected by all my non-rejection :(
I shared the “sex isn’t worth having if it isn’t perfect” thing with my boyfriend.
Response: “It’s true. Just like sandwiches.”
@hellkell
(Sorry, had to. If only they’d pay attention to the “I’m leaving today” part.)
Are they gone? One more video just to be sure — bonus, you can see the back of my blonde head somewhere around the 1:00 mark. I practically lived at the Anti Club during a portion of my youth…
Wow.
The framing here is redonk.
You ladies think its about validation, or ego?
Its makes me wonder if any of you can understand regular social interactions.
Oh, and if we’re trotting out silly lines thought up by other people, I might as well laugh at the idea of a hivemind agreeing with itself at being unwashed feminists with hairy pits.
Fuck, he’s still here, the frothy little dingleberry! Get thee behind me, Satan!
Diogenes has gotten really pathetic.
Cassandra: I’m glad you went for it.
cloudiah: a coworker of mine has some very cool pics that he took from The Starwood and other clubs in LA in the late 70s/early 80s.
Why does garlic only work on vampires?
A white cis-normal male who likes working on cars is terribly hurt at being called pathetic in this corner of the internet.
Diogenes: do “regular social interactions” for you consist of you barging in where you’re not wanted? That may be your problem right there, son.
Not about ego at all, “ladies.”
Pot, meet kettle. Given most of the people here who want to be partnered are, that’s an even more ridiculous statement coming from you.
Cassandra: I seem to have been unclear. It’s not that I care if someone has a preference for ‘x’. It’s that grumbles thinks he can duck the issue by bobbing and weaving that question, when what he has is requirement.
All things being equal, I like, “trimmed” more than not, but it’s not a dealbreaker. Being a “Conservative”, is. Being an anti-semite is. Being honest about one’s preferences is.
Diogenes: funny, it looked like you took that to a garage to have someone else work on it. Too bad it’s just a car and not an ancient manuscript.
So apparently regular social interactions include barging into a space where you’re told you’re unwelcome and sharing your opinions as though they are fact, even though the people there tell you repeatedly that they don’t care and aren’t interested and want you to go the fuck away. Who knew?
Naïf: Oral is impossible on a woman who doesn’t trim well.
Now you are just letting your stupidity hang out all over the place.
Trust me when I say, empirically, you are wrong. If you disbelieve me, go to BitTorrent, and plug in Deep Throat, or The Devil in Miss Jones.
You shower regularly, wash hands several times a day, etc. Its in the basics of taking care of yourself. Not that I think every woman has to shave her legs, but wearing shorts with hairy legs is the social equivalent of not showering for a week.
Nope. It’s a standard, in some parts of the culture.
It’s not universal. And it’s not just, “hairy legged feminists” who don’t shave their legs.
Here are some Educational video clips for you
“Its makes me wonder if any of you can understand regular social interactions.”
Oh sweetheart, you can’t even socialize online without a bunch of strangers disliking you intensely. If you present in person anything like you do here, I would have to imagine you get stuffed into lockers on a regular basis. I’m pretty sure everyone here thinks you’re a pissant. Trust me, it’s not us, it’s you.
lumi: I’m sorry if I jumped on you. I’d much prefer you to be active, than to lurk. I saw a style of comment which is more common to what are termed trolls here, and I’m not at my best.
I apologise for being too quick to be short with you.
hellkell
I enjoy the manipulation I get to do around here.
Ninja’d. hellkell, that’s cool. Wait, did we just have a regular social interaction? Wow!
@Diogenes
See, to me this means if my partner wants to be accomodated with my hairless calves, thighs, genitals, underarms (possibly including arms, as I have darker hair), then he should be expected to do the exact same thing. Because shaving/trimming a beard is not even CLOSE to what women are expected to do to be “hygenic” (snort). Seriously, do you even comprehend how much “basic maintenance” women are expected to do?
Even if you were willing to “accomodate” a partner with mutual hairlessness (if that was her preference),men are not expected to go through all that to be attractive. So her requesting that would be seen as over the top, but your accomodations get to be par for the course. How blessedly CONVENIENT. For some people.
(First time trying blockquotes…will it work???)
Except you’re not manipulating, you’re being scorned. Unless you’ve some sort of masochistic kink for being told repeatedly you’re a moron, I don’t see how you’re achieving anything.
“A white cis-normal male who likes working on cars is terribly hurt at being called pathetic in this corner of the internet.”
Yeah, not entitled at all. And I’m not sure, but I think he’s saying straight, white men who like cars are above criticism — and their opinions trump any other demographic. Dude, you really are in the wrong neighborhood.
Well, if you’re an asshole then barging in where you’re not wanted and refusing to leave IS what “regular social interactions” look like for you.
@ pecunium
That makes more sense.
@pseudo_star_17
Well done and well said.
pseudo_star, welcome! And yay for blockquote success!
Though you know they just work the first time, and then … POW, catch you out forever after. Because they can.
Diogenes: you call this manipulation? Weaksauce, bubba. You couldn’t manipulate your way out of a bag.
If being repeatedly told how wrong you are and to fuck off is your kink, that’s cool, but there are better websites out there for it.
Funny, I’m not feeling manipulated at all. I am enjoying listening to the music though.
*laughter* Manipulation? Son, at worst you’re an irritant…like a hemorrhoid. Congrats.
What’s the odds these are Diogenes’ only “social interactions” where he doesn’t get ignored completely or thrown out?
Naïf: It just goes to show that you’re an ubermentch and I am the untermentch. All because you can write better than I can.
We aren’t the one’s declaiming that we can pass an IQ test and get better than 130 while drunk.
You made your bed. You get to lie in it.
Like I said. It goes both ways.
No, you didn’t. You said that natural bush was unacceptable, because it was contrary to the expected social norm. You equated it to normal hygiene.
@hellkell
It isn’t cool to force others to participate in your kink, though.
Naïf: I’m sorry you didn’t know how to keep it in one piece. I understand there are classes to improve one’s skills.
Riiiiiiiiight.
pseudo
Absolutely!
I know trimming a beard isn’t on par with an entire body. Thats why I think its reasonable for guy to do a lot more grooming for their women.
Sex has to be perfect? And perfect = looks good?
Sounds like a piss-poor idea of perfection.
One of my favorite covers of all time:
Maybe he’s just too cheap to pay for a domme so he’s “manipulating” us into doing the job for free.
Some Gal: true.
cloudiah: wow, Ciccone Youth, haven’t heard that in AGES.
Oh how sweet, the child presents his expectations of how people around him should behave, and when he is told it is inconvenient and unreasonable he responds by calling them socially inept. Dear Stupid Cynic Guy: if there is more than one person in a social setting i.e. here, on the internet, saying you are wrong for your silly media driven expectations on whatisacceptable to proclaim to women, you are the one in the wrong. Do you imagine we all live on an internet island together where we conceive of these ideas just to frustrate you? No, you egotistical three year old, we all live in the outside world, and go about our daily business and manage to have happy, fulfilling lives without one asshole demanding we shave our whatevers for his sexual pleasure. So if you want to have a foot stomping cry about how there are women out there who aren’t shaving their legs despite the (VERY) outside possibility you may one day see them naked (VERY as in wow did you make yourself absolutely unfuckable in the last several pages or what), i invite you to find an isolated corner in some dank, musty basement to cry cry cry away. Or if you are the other one, the lady who wanted to feel superior because she shaves her legs like a good little girl, um, gross? Enjoy your obedience biscuit elsewhere?
Cassandra – in between trying to hound Pierre to do the same thing. ;)
ttf – “Do you imagine we all live on an internet island together where we conceive of these ideas just to frustrate you?”
Does this mean the feminists took over Reddit Island and renamed it Man Boobz Island? :O
@ Kittehs': Oh my god, it’s like Island of the Dolphins, only shaped like two perky man boobs!!
Naïf: Its makes me wonder if any of you can understand regular social interactions.
Wonder away. The evidence is strong that we can. Jobs, relationships (romantic, intimate friends, close friends, friends, acquaintances), and businesses are all had by people here.
There are strong social interactions right here, on this board. With agreements, disagreements, persuasions, support, help, meetings in person, etc.
That you can’t see it says a lot.
Oh, and if we’re trotting out silly lines thought up by other people, I might as well laugh at the idea of a hivemind agreeing with itself at being unwashed feminists with hairy pits.
For someone who claims to be smart… you sure fail at reading. What’s been said is we don’t agree with fools like you telling people what is, “acceptable”. Some shave, some don’t. Some prefer one thing, some another, and some have no strong preference.
You, however, think you are in a position to dictate (not that this is the first time you’ve engaged in such folly).
A white cis-normal male who likes working on cars is terribly hurt at being called pathetic in this corner of the internet.
No, I’m not. If your ego is bruised, I suspect it has nothing to do with that.
cloudiah: So apparently regular social interactions include barging into a space where you’re told you’re unwelcome and sharing your opinions as though they are fact, even though the people there tell you repeatedly that they don’t care and aren’t interested and want you to go the fuck away. Who knew?
Don’t forget pissing people off, getting his arguments punctured, and then quitting the conversation, only to join another (with the same people) as if nothing had happend (btw Naïf I’m still waiting on the oldest provable oral history).
Poor Frothy, he’s really going about this the wrong way.
pecinum
Read what I actually said, and not into what I said.
Evidence here suggests Frothy probably goes about everything the wrong way.
and now, because we have a brunch date in the morning (some sort of social interaction, I think, I’m not used to them), and I’d like to have a second skein of semi-worsted romney done before we leave (as a present to the hostess, since she gave be the roving, and it’s the first I’ve had any luck spinning any sort of woolen out of), I am going to the bed my beloved has been warming.
I hope, for those who celebrate it, that Christmas (which ended, for me, 40 minutes ago) was pleasant, that all of you had a good New Year’s celebration.
Good night to all those of good will.
“Read what I actually said, and not into what I said.”
Subtext and implications, how do they work?
Yay, Pixies!
Niters Pecunium. Tell us what this social interaction stuff is like, won’t you? We’re all such beginners at it.
Naïf: I did read what you said.
You might want to go and look at it from a slight remove. I find that looking at things more than 24 hours after I write them gives me some better insight; as I can see what I actually said, rather than what I was trying to say.
It would be best if you refrained from commenting until you were able to do that.
And… answer the questions which were put to you. What is the oldest verifiable accurate oral history of a single event? Something which happened on a single day.
As much as I’d like to kick Diogenes around, I’m gonna go check on kitten and snuggle him for a bit and then go to bed.
Goodnight!
Good night, pecunium.
@Cloudiah: I know, right? The Pixies !!!
Thanks some gal! And kitteh, I have no doubt the tricksy blockquotes will elude me more often than not, but I shall keep an eye on them.
@Diogenes
::sigh:: Men should do more grooming for their partners. Fantastic. But when I said exact I meant EXACT. Like, if I guy expects me to get a bikini wax, *he should also get a bikini wax*. Shaved legs? He shaves his too. “Doing more grooming” like what? Putting on nice shirts? Aftershave? Not even close (especially because women have our own equivalents to most of those. And then some.). I suspect you (and many other men) don’t understand the time/effort/money needed to keep up with all of our “basics”. Plus the nagging feeling that we are “gross” or “unacceptable” if we don’t. And again, if my partner expected that my legs would be shaved more often than not, people wouldn’t question it, it would be accepted/approved of. If I expected HIM to keep his legs shaved more often than not, I’d be “weird” and a ballbuster and he would be “whipped” (by weird, controlling me, obvs).
And of course, men shaving their legs is not status quo it is for women…and that. Is. The. Point. There IS NO equivalent standard men are expected to keep, which is why we mock and deride people who hold women to those rules.
‘Night, hellkell.
Shut up, Cynic.
Admission of deliberate attempt to piss people off and step over boundaries. I make a motion to ban.
@time travelling fool
Who is this referring to?
Is there a troll who popped up?
Good night from me too. I’m going to read for a while; I want to finish my book!