“Nice Guys” on parade
So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Posted on January 4, 2013, in creep-shaming, creepy, douchebaggery, entitled babies, hypocrisy, incoherent rage, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, nice guys, rape, rapey and tagged misogyny, nice guys, okcupid, rape, rape apology. Bookmark the permalink. 1,346 Comments.
And that it worked FINE for that alpha asshole.
No, the fact that the alpha asshole was able to get it to dispense a beverage just proves that ALL THE VENDING MACHINES ARE BROKEN AND WHO DO I HAVE TO TALK TO TO GET SOME SERVICE AROUND HERE?
What charming fellows. No wonder I stopped using dating sites ages ago. *shudders*
If these *cough*nice guys*cough* really want to attract women, or anyone, they should take a lesson from lyrebirds. Or better yet, turn into lyrebirds.
RE: Argenti
Sneak: That is totally fine! ^_^ Eeee, I am a favorite.
RE: the nice guy conversation
Rogan: Yeah. I mean, niceness is a common enough trait that it’s odd to me when people go on spouting off about it. Like, yeah, no shit guy, I generally don’t want to hang around folks who’re dicks all the time. Can you tell me something more CONCRETE about you?
@kittehhelp
Eh, there’s more impressive lyrebird videos out there.
I can’t help but feel zero sympathy for these aholes. It’s not like people are hacking their emails and stumbling across these literary gems in private conversation. These men are letting their douche flag fly for all the world to see as it is. This is just a way for those of us who notice them to lol together.
Putting the face to it is just doing the rest of us a solid, allowing us to know to avoid at all costs if they ever mention us. And hey, it’s not like they’re giving out home towns, phone numbers, jobs, etc. I don’t even think they link to their okc profiles. So it’s not exactly a harassment tool.
Also, my boyfriend is very, very nice. Sure we’ve had to work together to combat some of the sexist behavior he didn’t even think about because, as a society, we teach our men to think a certain way. But when I come to him with a problem about something he does his best to fix it, and I do the same. Unfortunately for these “nice guys,” they never got the memo that relationships are about compromise. You can’t expect anyone to give you sex just for existing. Sometimes you have to work on yourself and not be such a closed-minded dick.
lowquacks – that’s more of the same footage, did you notice? I wonder why it wasn’t in the first Attenborough clip used?
I followed that link from Hoyden About Town rather than doing a search. Pure serendipity. :)
BBC probably didn’t want to pay the lyrebirds performance royalties.
met not mention, why did I type mention?
I’ve never used OK Cupid, but I have some experience with True.com and Match.com (I met my SO on the latter), and I don’t remember seeing creeps like this on either site. I suspect it’s easier to find the creeps on OK Cupid, though, since I understand you can answer lots of questions about yourself and other people can see your answers; I’m assuming that’s where the obligation-to-shave-legs thing is coming from. On Match.com, you take a test, as I recall, but that’s used for the matching and other people can’t see the answers. I also took the test at eHarmony, but was rejected as unmatchable. :P
One thing that struck me about True.com, though, is how many 20-something guys messaged me, a 40-something woman. Do they just message everybody? Are they after some kind of weird MILF fantasy? And I didn’t put a picture up, so it couldn’t be that they just liked my looks.
lowquacks – lol!
Did you see Time Team is being axed after this series? Sad, though I gave up on it after Mick Aston left. (Okay that’s Channel 4 not the BBC, but hey, it’s almost relevant.)
Never heard of Time Team actually. Only real British stuff I’ve been enjoying recently is the Louis Theroux influx ABC is providing (and some other LT from less legit sources) and David Attenborough’s First Life thingo.
Never heard of Time Team?
::faints::
It’s an archaeology show that started almost twenty years ago. The narrator is Tony Robinson (yes, Baldrick). It’s really preliminary assessments of sites, but the catch is the team has only three days to do it. That came about because they’re all working at universities and so on and had to squeeze it in on their weekends. I’m amazed there’s anywhere left in Britain they haven’t dug up yet. They do stuff from Neolithic sites to WWII stuff – lots of Roman and medieval along the way. The fun part is the personalities and the old-mates-bickering stuff that goes on, at least for me.
Unfortunately Channel 4 had some bean-counting morons decide they needed to appeal to a “younger audience” (meaning, get some Babe on to get the teenage boys to watch). Not sure how that gibes with how many kids have grown up watching and got into archaeology because of it. Talk about insulting everyone with their stupidity. They introduced a second presenter who was there to be pretty and knew zip about the subject. The program started going downhill from there. It was always about popularising archaeology, it was never a dry academic exercise, and it was very popular, but oh no, they had to mess with it.
relevant:
That guy sounds uncannily like John Cleese!
So, has this been linked here yet? More depressing news from the gaming world…
That last guy. Confidence: you’re doing it wrong.
OK that I seem to be the only one old enough to remember Rich Hall’s “sniglets” aka “words that should be in the dictionary but aren’t.”
I’ll just go have some Metamucil. If I can find my walker. *sigh*
@sthlivingincolor – OKCupid is free. They make their money from ads. I suspect that’s the biggest difference. If someone is paying a membership fee in an attempt to get laid, most people are going to make an honest effort at it, rather than just take advantage of the platform to vent their spleen.
Yes.
I remember! My favorite was “doork.” (Someone who pushes/pulls the door the wrong way even when it’s clearly marked0>
Reminds me a bit of Douglas Adams’ “The Meaning of Liff”, where he’d try to attach definitions to odd English place names.
Off-topic: Can anyone remind me of stuff Diogenes likes (other than the Voynich Manuscript)? I’m trying to figure out what to put in his bedroom.
@sthlivingincolor
I got so many of those guys during my dating site experience. They seemed quite baffled to learn that the MILF part of the equation doesn’t necessarily share in the fantasy.
The funniest one was the kid who kept trying to invite himself over to “cuddle”. Why he thought that a woman in her 30s wouldn’t see where he was going with that I’m not sure. The best ones though are these guys.
Random dude : Your profile says you’re not interested in casual sex
Me : Yep
RD : So you’re really not interested in casual sex?
Me : Nope.
RD : Why not?
Me : I’m just not.
RD : But why?
Me : Not my cup of tea. If that’s what you’re looking for then I don’t think this is going to work out for either of us.
RD : But other women on here are into casual sex!
Me : Cool. You should probably go talk to one of them, then.
RD : But really, why not? Other women would be interested.
Me : Bye.
(Blocks)
I will totally peer pressure this woman into having casual sex with me by pointing out that other people are doing it! It should work!
Why isn’t it working?!!
Many valid points have been made about the nice guy problem.
I agree being nice to a certain degree is a social norm. All the guys who have cheated on me (apparently not putting out within the first 2 months of dating causes cheating) have been “nice guys”. All the guys who have been faithful were not nice guys. They never claimed to be and owned up to their mistakes and occasional douchiness. They didn’t argue that they weren’t a jerk the way nice guys do.
They always seem to have SOME justification about why they acted that way.
Most of these self proclaimed “nice guys” appear to be the “loan sharks” of the dating world.
I get a bit touchy about the whole “why do women always date jerks instead of nice guys like me” thing because I’ve had two different men tell me — actually tell me — that women like me prove that there’s no reason to respect women or treat them with kindness. Why? Because my ex was emotionally abusive, which proves that women (as I represent us all, obvs) will reject decent men in order to be with assholes.
That’s right folks. A man chose to mess around with my mind and my emotions, and the bad guy is me. For not letting someone else have sex with me.
Loan sharking is a perfect metaphor.
“That’s a nice life you have there. Wouldn’t want it to be ruined if you were stupid enough to choose someone else instead of me.”
“How dare you keep your vagina off the market when other, worthier men are trying to use it! Now I will be mean to women, because why would I bother to be nice to them if it won’t guarantee that I will get laid?”
Guys sorry for the drunken sleepy ranting it is just that I am on vacation and I <3 you guys.
The advantage to you, Viscaria, is that they told you right up front that they are assholes. Unlike the guy who pretended to be a decent human being until he got you isolated and then proceeded to be an abusive asshat.
I am sorry he did that to you.
The last dude about is clearly the Nice Guy answer to Vinnie No-Nose, and will come round and break your fingers if you are foolish enough to choose an “asshole” over one of his “nice” buddies.
Nah it’s cool because I rule and he sucks.
Katz — giving unasked for advice and not knowing when to drop it (though I suspect that that’s the script you’re using), hating the US’s “justice” system (particularly the drug laws), probably music given his Voynich Manuscript theory.
I’m picturing relatively young / dorm decor — dark side of the moon poster, shitty furniture, mini fridge, futon, etc
“… I rule and he sucks.” — TRUFAX!! :D
I get why “Nice guys” think they’re actually nice even though they’re assholes–after all, nobody wants to think that they’re a terrible person. I’ve always wondered why they seem to think *all the other guys they see (esp. those with girlfriends* are jerks. Frankly, at least in my social circles, there are very few honest-to-God jerks. Projection? Does anyone else have any ideas?
I want to know where the “women always say they’re just looking for a nice guy” and “women complain they can’t find any nice guys” stuff comes from too. I’ve only ever heard women say those things in the immediate aftermath of a bad breakup.
I think it is quite simply the “different when I do it” syndrome. Common among abusers and the self righteous the world over.
Katz – put mirrors in there. Lots and lots of mirrors, because Dumbass the Chihuahua mostly loves himself.
I’m seriously asking. What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”
Tequila?
@katz
DtC grew up around child actors:
http://manboobz.com/2012/11/17/i-dont-want-to-publish-reviews-of-films-where-women-are-alpha-and-men-are-beta-and-other-thoughts-from-the-new-publisher-of-the-niagara-falls-reporter/comment-page-2/#comment-222091
DtC loves Adam Smith:
http://manboobz.com/2012/12/10/the-mens-rights-movement-much-less-popular-than-horse-porn/comment-page-5/#comment-229694
DtC does NOT like The Odyssey:
http://manboobz.com/2012/12/10/the-mens-rights-movement-much-less-popular-than-horse-porn/comment-page-5/#comment-229708
I’m sleepy after eating Greek food and drinking wine so that’s all I got.
Thanks, I’m definitely going for the dorm room-o-shit look.
Not a problem Katz, but that is just my impression.
And to be fair to Diogenes the Dull, does anyone actually like the Odyssey?
Oooh, Katz is working on the next AVFPierre.
Does Pierre fall asleep in the middle of the conversation in this one?
I liked the Odyssey. Still like it better than the Iliad, but the Aeneid is the best.
Maybe I was just sick of my mythology course really being Greco-Roman myths? Three years of Latin at that point, I was kind of looking for a break from it // myths of other cultures.
Or at least have to drink some nuclear-strength coffee to stay awake.
Why claim to be a “nice guy”? Because among my adolescent mates the standard mode of interaction was boasting. Being smart, good at games, loudest at farts, fastest at downing hotdogs, maximum recorded belch after just one can of drink – all good guy stuff and really good to brag about. herp a derp
Now, I want to talk to a woman. Can’t brag about that stuff, women don’t care about the real world, they’re not interested in a man’s world. Women want a nice guy someone told me. There’s a clue.
I’ll boast about that.
And here we are.
And them with not a clue about what being nice entails. “Common human decency” seem to be three words that don’t appear together in their vocabularies. Decency probably doesn’t appear at all, at least with the Swirly Triplets here.
I generally feel I’ve dated decent folks. I think part of the problem is that these guys who think guys seem to only date jerks only here about the guys when they do something that makes the girl mad.
I talk more about my SO when they make me upset. Looking for advice and comfort. It isn’t that they are that way all the time.
Truth!
One of my guy friends tried to kiss me when I was sleeping after having too much to drink. He apparently didn’t think it was a “big deal”…..I doubt he would have said that if it had been some other dude doing it.
mildlymagnificent is one distilled vial of just plain sad.
Katz – I think mildlymagnificent was describing the NiceGuy script, not actually being one. Zir’s previous posts here don’t suggest anything like that to me.
Oh, whoops.
Apologies if you were just repeating the Nice Guy script, not espousing it, mildlymagnificent!
That’s OK. Shoulda put some punctuation in various places, but was a bit tired-rushed.
“Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?” This question irks me. I’m sure many guys who answer in the affirmative are simply assuming it is asking about personal preference, since this is a dating site, after all. But the phrasing couches it in terms of ‘obligation’ to which I say, nay, it’s a free country. So I suppose I’d answer ‘No’, although that may imply that I would actually date someone who didn’t shave, as I fail to see how the question is relevant in any other respect. Questions about issues such as abortion, gay marriage, etc., I I get, because it’s reasonable to expect that you would be looking to date people who share your views. But why the fuck should I care what a potential mate had to say to that particular question? Nobody says, “I’m looking for a girl who shares my views on leg shaving.”
New AVfP.
Are those NES controllers? *dies* Awesome!
*waits for Diogenes’s reaction to the MLP poster*
“You’re having a great day with the NSA!”. Love it. They’re apparently manning the phones with foreigners now?
I’ve always wondered why they seem to think *all the other guys they see (esp. those with girlfriends* are jerks. Frankly, at least in my social circles, there are very few honest-to-God jerks. Projection? Does anyone else have any ideas?
One theory I heard is a tendency to equate “confident” with “jerk”, and not recognize the distinction between being open about what you want and harassing people. A lot of them do seem to have a creepy resentment of high-status men (although not as creepy as their resentment of women), and tend to see physical attractiveness, financial success, etc., as proof that they guy in question is an asshole.
I know that once they’ve got the idea into their head, they tend to fall into confirmation bias, so if they see a guy who’s romantically successful, they assume he’s somehow an alpha asshole unless it’s proven otherwise.
“They’re apparently manning the phones with foreigners now?”
Pierre is a citizen of the world.
Love the strip! I did a double take at first, I thought the Dumb One looked like a wannabe Inuit. Which is insulting to the Inuit, I know. Laughed at the Tomb Raider etc stuff on his wall. Somehow him panting over Lara Croft seems very … plausible.
Hey, what happened to Pierre’s moustache in the last panel? Did it crawl away and hide in his hat to get further away from Dumb Chihuahua’s yapping?
Go look at PlentyOfFish profiles. Some quotes that may give clues as to why people think this way:
“knows how to treat a woman”
“most of my messages are from complete nutters but am hoping their are some “normal” guys out there!”
“looking for mr nice guy”
“My main goal for this is to find the prince that hasnt approached his princess yet”
hundreds of profiles saying they want a “genuine” guy – you know, as opposed to all the fake ones.
So yeah… it’s out there.
What do I have to do to be in a comic with cute Pierre?
Get in line, you!
GET BACK IN LINE!
Too bad I already dropped EA’s Take The Pill once tonight, or I’d embed it here for talacaris.
Try being amusing, or at least unique.
“Pierre is a citizen of the world.” — works for me!
I just found your blog. Bear with me, I’ve been told I’m humor-impaired.
The hatred espoused by these “nice guys” is astounding. It really makes me grateful that I’m in a committed partnership.
1.
Yay, Pierre! :D Although he’s missing his moustache in the 5th panel.
2.
I noticed there was a small talk about bad Xmas gifts; I think I have a pretty bad one. For my 21st birthday, I was given anti-aging creams. Wait, “youth protect” serums. Dafuq?
“I noticed there was a small talk about bad Xmas gifts; I think I have a pretty bad one. For my 21st birthday, I was given anti-aging creams. Wait, “youth protect” serums. Dafuq?”
Did you regift them to the original gifter? That supposed faux pas seems justified in this case!
Backtracking a bit, I think the enjoyment (or lack thereof) one gets from The Odyssey depends a lot on the translation and where it’s read, as well as just personal taste. I hated it in high school, between a dull translation and a teacher who had nothing interesting to discuss. I enjoyed it a lot more in college. It’s still nowhere near my favorites, but it wasn’t a chore to read through. I much preferred the parts with Odysseus’s son to the main storyline, though.
It’s from a relative, so the most I can do is fume about it in private :( What’s most disturbing is this company’s age creams have three ranges, and the youngest is for late teens to mid thirties.
I mean, maybe if you’re really neurotic about ageing and getting wrinkles, mid-thirties is the earliest I would expect someone to start using anti-ageing products.
Because cute.