“Nice Guys” on parade
So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Posted on January 4, 2013, in creep-shaming, creepy, douchebaggery, entitled babies, hypocrisy, incoherent rage, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, nice guys, rape, rapey and tagged misogyny, nice guys, okcupid, rape, rape apology. Bookmark the permalink. 1,346 Comments.
hellkell: I try to complement that. Some scorched earth, some scorn and disdain,etc.
I am amazed at those who keep coming back once they have worn out all welcome.
@ Argenti- My dad is an ethical awesome dad. I lucked out.
Pecunium: I like your style. Yeah, I can’t believe they come back either, and have the nerve to say they aren’t entitled asswaffles.
TTF – mine is not, I have some envy for you. Mine is not to the point that Pecunium’s requested to never meet him, lest it get nasty.
True story, I follow hellkell around with an armful of extra internets just in case.
+10 “asswaffles”
hellkell: We say much the same, in different ways. They mistake my lack (in general) of “swearing” with my thinking they aren’t douchenozzles, even when I tell them so.
Stupid is as stupid does.
@hellkell
“Atomicgrizzly, I love your nicknames for him.”
Thanks, I try :D
“and have the nerve to say they aren’t entitled asswaffles.”
You can’t ban me! I have freedom of speech!
That sucks, Argenti. Unawesome parents are the most complicated relationships there are, I think. But from what I can tell here awesomeness skipped a generation to hit you full on, because you are pretty awesome.
TTF — ^.^ thank you!
And yeah, complex is one word for it >.<
Shorter idiot troll: “I’ll be rude to everyone until the host asks me to leave! So there!” Yeah, that’s a hit at parties.
Here’s where “asswaffle” got lifted from: http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/45080/the-50-most-hilarious-autocorrects-of-2012/
I like it because it takes away the problems of “twatwaffle.”
Wait, people actually say mangina? http://cdn.damnyouautocorrect.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/MANGINA-david_thumb.png
1 more beer then we’re lesbians.
I think I’m gonna go watch Bound.
“1 more beer then we’re lesbians.” — there are totally (very annoying) people like this, they magically turn straight again real quick…
Belated Staffie pics!
AW LOOKIT THE PUPPY!!! Am ded from cute.
Igor, fire up the resurrection engine! :P
But thank you. :D
Ginger kitty squee!
Staffy squee!
This thread has just piled up more awesome, with the notable exception of Oooh Women’s Hairy Legs Don’t Give Me Boners They Have No Right Troll. I don’t know where to start catching up with the discussion of nerd/geek misogyny, pets, and smackdowns.
M Dubz – “Yeah, sex is messy and goofy, and a few stray hairs ending up in various places is really the LEAST of what can deviate from airbrushed, pornographic “perfection” (ugh)”
Ha, I guess you read Grumbles’s black/white view of sex as Perfect or Fail, then. I wonder if he’d write off sex as FAIL FAIL FAIL if it included:
Falling out of the bed
Farting
Being interrupted by cat/dog at crucial moment, yelling at said cat/dog to GO AWAY
Making silly jokes
Wearing a sweater
Getting the giggles at any point in the proceedings.
‘Cause I can say, hand on heart, that sex with any of those variations or none has been perfect. And there was not one bit of shaving or special grooming involved (unless the sex was a result of someone getting their hair brushed).
Has anyone given David a heads-up about banning the obnoxious bore? I think it’s past time he got the arse.
I have an ex who was looking forward to some sexy-times with someone. When they got to his place he told her there was a razor she could use to shave her armpits.
She said, “what?” He told her that he expected her to be without armpit hair.
She told him that if that was how he felt, she expected a bus shortly.
Falling out of the bed
Most educational of those… lingerie, satin sheets, and waterbeds DON’T MIX. We ended up in mid air, briefly. It was 8 p.m., on the second floor. Luckily we knew everyone knew what we were doing, so it wasn’t too embarrasing (I was 17).
Lesson learned… sometimes sex is silly/clumsy/etc.
The other things which have not make sex less than perfect are too many to list.
LOL LOL I’m seeing something like a Turner storm scene here …
Heeheehee. I’ve given up on the pornographic perfection a long time ago. Way too much effort.
I can’t imagine it being anywhere near as much fun!
It’s exactly the same amount of fun, just easier to do lol.
Nothing sets off a fit of giggles like turning your head to give your partner neck kissing access, only to find your face an inch away from curious kitty face. “Hey guys, whatcha doing??? Is it bed time?”
When BoyFantastic and I first met, I had a very dim little cat who had, unbeknownst to us, snuck into my room and hidden under the bed before we’d gone upstairs. We found this out when at a… crucial moment, she thought he was attacking me and jumped on his back with claws full out to ‘defend’ me :/
OT but this is possibly the most perfect moment of the whole internet.
Kitties At Unfortunate Moments!
OMG thenat, you’re right, that is the best conversation evah!
@thenatfantastic
D’aww. Hehe. I tend to do petsweeps before snuggling and stuff, and my snugglebuddy blocks up the cat-flap into his room. (He only has a single bed, so we pump up a double air-bed. This delights one of his kitties.)
Lol! I had a cat who slept the at the end of my bed during the entirety of sex one time.
Mr K has banned the kittehs from our bedroom. Which doesn’t help if we’re foolin’ around downstairs! :D
@Joanna
“Goddamn humans, engaging in their bizarre furless rituals, disturbing my sleep…”
@thenat: That is totally the best thing on the Internet! Also I hope BoyFabtastic was not too badly mauled, poor guy.
See, to me, the silly moments are part of the fun of sex. How can you enjoy yourself and your partner if you refuse to lighten up? Needing every sexy thing to be “perfect” turns fooling around into Serious Business, and then it becomes performative instead of enjoyable. IMHO.
BoyFantastic** I managed to typo that word 3 times, oh dear XD.
@creative writing student: He was unconscious, probably dreaming about being on a trampoline.
Ninja sex cats ftw.
@Cloudiah, re: Pharaoh
I find that the easiest thing to do is build independent, self-sufficient “neighbourhoods”, and connect them with roads. Also a liberal use of roadblocks :)
One thing I found hardest to do was just to accept that there will be slums. Put a few houses near the docks/mines/ferries/wev, give them a water hole, and the fire/architect/police trio, roadblock them in and leave them to their miserable existence. >.>
I don’t have Excel on this computer, but I think this is the link that has the files that show some “sample” blocks. Long and narrow does it, the AI of the wanderers isn’t very good.
http://pharaoh.heavengames.com/strategy/housing/index.shtml
(P.S. “neighbourhoods” is *too* a word, stupid spellcheck)
Viscaria – yeah, that’s how I see it. Who needs to feel like they’re sitting an exam or going for an audition when having sex or making love? Grumbles never did define what he thinks perfect sex is apart from being uber-groomed and shaved (which, seriously, would just give me a case of WTF giggles if I saw a
dilapidateddepilated bloke). But it does sound like giggles and frivolity wouldn’t get a look-in.“How can you enjoy yourself and your partner if you refuse to lighten up? Needing every sexy thing to be “perfect” turns fooling around into Serious Business, and then it becomes performative instead of enjoyable. IMHO.”
Yes, I’d say that’s a very healthy attitude, Viscaria. I think certain pissants have just watched too much porn and haven’t experienced the real thing often enough — if at all. And seriously, why would a Brazilian be mandatory for oral? I mean, unless you’re afraid the pubes will keep you from finding it.
Sex is Serious Business. But nothing says Serious Business can’t also be playful giggly, cuddly, occasionally-disastrous, randomn-attacks-of-cat fun.
Another off-putting thing about Perfect Sex That Is Flawlessly Perfect is that you’ll ruin it by talking about what you like. Your partner is massaging you too hard? This angle isn’t ideal for you? Want to ask your partner if they’re enjoying themselves or if there’s something they’d like to try? Well keep quiet and, pretend, dammit! If you say something you will ruin the sexy illusion that we’re all sexy psychics! And that’s not sexy!!1!
Also *handflail* at all the bully breed love. Bull dogs is best dogs :)
(disclaimer: my Frenchie/Boston cross made me type that. she’s been in my lap all afternoon, so reading the internets is the only thing I’ve managed to get done)
::sporfle::
Okay, now I’m seeing an explorer wearing a pith helmet looking for hidden treasure in the jungle.
*giggle*
@Kitteh, I’ll admit I’m probably projecting some of my own ideas of “perfect” sex onto Grumbly Tumbly as he didn’t say anything particularly specific. But um I betcha I’m not too far off.
“Don’t think, just do”, is generally my philosophy when it comes to sex.
You don’t have to think it too much, but “ask before you do” is kinda maybe probably a good philosophy.
Halite – got any pics of Frenchy Boston you’d like to share for the squees?
What’s the diff between French bulldogs and Boston terriers, btw? I mean, I know they’re different breeds, but I’ve never seen them together to compare and in pics I can’t tell them apart.
Viscaria – oh gods yes, that so plays into the “perfect sex means never talking” meme!
@whataboutthemoonz
That can never be said enough!
Viscaria, I probably am too, but his whole “thou shalt be shaved” line leading into that waffle about “perfect or not at all” makes me raise my (unplucked) eyebrows a bit. It’s very suggestive of the common attitude that seems to be stuck somewhere between romance novels and porn.
“You don’t have to think it too much, but “ask before you do” is kinda maybe probably a good philosophy.”
True, but me and my partner know enough about each other at this stage ^_^
I had never understood not wanting to “spoil” sex by talking about it. Talking about things almost always makes them better and you get to relive the happy times. (Of course, I like to talk a lot anyway and am normally still carrying on a conversation about whatever trough most of the foreplay, so it would be really weird for me to not talk about what I like or don’t like and to offer things I’ll do for my partner if he wants them.)
The only time there wasn’t lots of talking was this one time in college and it turns out he kinda suspected he raped me. So…talking it is! (And hopefully avoiding guys like that in the future through luck, there was no way for me to know, I think.)
Should have added – I used to think of it along those lines before Mr K and I finally got together; it was a very teenage thing (prolonged in this case, lol). But now? I really think the giggles and ebil kitties and spontaneity are a hell of a lot more fun, and a hell of a lot sexier for that matter.
@The Kitteh’s
I used to think spontaneous sounded fun and gigglyand awesome, but also thought that I was supposed to be shaved recently and smell beautiful and have my hair nice and makeup on and nice lingerie and I couldn’t figure out how it would all work. (The mechanics around sex always boggled me more than the mechanics of sex.) Finally, I figured something had to give and, luckily, it was the “perfect” part.
Sorry about the typo in your name. Is that an okay shortened form? If not, I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.
Kittehs with or without apostrophe is fine! mildlymagificent called me kitteserf the other day and I lol’d. It’s all too true. Had to laugh when I was referred to as TKUH and took an age to figure out who it was. :D
kittehserf
can’t even spell me own name
Okay. Good. I am much more the fun police to my cat. The Kitteh’s Unpaid Warden? Lol.
LOL that’s probably how they see us! Like that cat’s diary vs dog’s diary thing that does the rounds.
Yessssss staffy. <3
Bostons are smaller, finer, have an upturned terrier-y face. French Bulldogs are basically bulldog shaped but the elbows aren't so bad. Not a lot taller but about twice as wide and are bracychephalic, ie: have a smooshy face.
An intermittant client of ours has a b&w Boston and French Bulldog. Adorableness.
Oh and how you LOOK being a part of "perfect sex" does not compute in my brain. Whatever works I suppose but it just sounds like their conception of perfect is performative rather than just enjoying what they're doing. :(
@ Viscaria
A geek dude explained this to me once (possibly here?). You see, fake geek women fake being geeks so that men will give them attention and stuff, because geek men are easy marks. Also they enjoy turning men on just to toy with the men’s emotions, because that’s how women are.
So yeah, it does seem to be a NWO adjacent sort of theory.
@Cassandra: I don’t know if I can really speak for dudes here but if I were a lonely geek guy and there were beautiful women at conventions dressed as my fave geek characters I’d probably think “Awesome!”.
I thought it was like this — geek is a human designation. Women aren’t human, they are Other. Ergo, they can’t be geeks. But otherwise, they’re afraid of mainstreamers infiltrating their world and taking their milk money.
I now have a terrible image of a geek gathering populated largely by senior milking machine technicians.
Owwww, weird, Kitteh. ;)
You’re telling me … I need brain bleach!
When I was dilapidated (2003 I was sick as ever could be. I’d lost a lot of weight, and moved like an old man), my partner was afraid she was going to break me if we made love.
I told her not to worry, if it was too much, I’d stop.
It was perfect.
I moved like an old man because everything hurt.
When Mr K and I were having sexytimes in a rainstorm and looking like the proverbial drowned rats, it was perfect.
In terms of troll relations, I favor the condescending snark. As you can see with our least favorite boomerang troll, it really irks insecure men.
Pecunium, that’s so romantic.
Cassandra – it’s like patting a kid on the head with a “what a clever little man” comment.
Maybe we just need a cut-and-paste reply to him, lol.