“Nice Guys” on parade
So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Posted on January 4, 2013, in creep-shaming, creepy, douchebaggery, entitled babies, hypocrisy, incoherent rage, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, nice guys, rape, rapey and tagged misogyny, nice guys, okcupid, rape, rape apology. Bookmark the permalink. 1,346 Comments.
Here’s the little dude riding in Mr. HK’s hood
Its not entitlement if you expect regular social interaction, and don’t get it. What I expect is reciprocation of my calm and respectful tone. That is not what I get here. And its not because I’m a misogynist.
I get insulted, and as frustrating as it can be, rarely sink to the same level of those insulting me. Although some here are far from civil towards me, I don’t reciprocate their tone.
So, no, its not entitlement.
Atomic
My baby sister doesn’t use a headset on xbox live anymore because once they figure out she’s a girl, they say inappropriate things. She got tired of hearing guys saying stuff like “show me your boobs.”
I have no clue what their motivations are.
Like we said, Dingleberry, your idea of regular social interaction is to barge where you are not wanted, for the millionth time. Why do you come here trying to get what you want? Ain’t gonna happen, son.
Take your “calm and respectful tone” and stick it up your ass. You don’t mean it, you’ve basically admitted to trolling, and you should be banned.
Oh, and your expectations are the very definition of entitlement, so piss off.
The definition of entitlement?
hellkell, you need a dictionary.
“I have no clue what their motivations are.”
I know how you feel. I have no idea what your motivations are for returning here again and again while complaining of your treatment in the same breath…unless your just a troll begging for attention.
No, Diogenes, I don’t need a dictionary. You need a fucking clue.
Shut up, Naif.
@Doigensenees the cyclical
I think you pretty much invalidated anything you have to say when you said “Oral is impossible on a woman who doesn’t trim well.” That’s… just comical.
It’s cute how he thinks he can roll in here and expect shit. If that’s not entitled…
hellkell
I think you ought to look up what entitlement means. You’re not using it correctly.
Shiraz
I have my motivations.
titanblue
Another cutting insult. How will I ever live with myself.
I posted more kitty, but it turned the page, it’s up top now. Brain bleach if you need it.
Dimbulb the Schmuck, I’m not gonna sit around and play dictionary with you. You’re so fucking smart, figure it out.
What are your motivations? Being told you suck? No one liking you? If so, GREAT SUCCESS.
“Its not entitlement if you expect regular social interaction,” Well there’s a doozy of an untruth. For starters, it’s entitlement if you expect any social interaction- no one owes you social interaction of any kind. Secondly, if you were a regular joe, you would probably be getting regular social interaction. You are not a regular here, you do not fit in, your views are offensive and you think you deserve the chance to tick every not for your own entertainment. That makes you an entitled asshole. We clear now, or do you need to take some time elsewhere and really meditate on that. All the time you need.
“It’s cute how he thinks he can roll in here and expect shit. If that’s not entitled…”
It’s like a creationist rolling into an anthropologist meeting and saying “Why don’t you respect my ideas?!”
Rine, lather, repeat…
@atomicgrizzly
My boyfriend is involved in the academic side of gaming and so I’ve heard all kinds of female gamer hate including from feminists who think that women’s games (like The Sims) are better than men’s games (like GTA) and that women who play men’s games are somehow failing as feminists or have been brainwashed into trying to fit in!! (Of course, I also got yelled at for referring to my friends as “girls” in the context of talking about our childhoods.) Nerd girls get a lot of hate from a lot of different camps.
*throws Megabloks at Diogenes. Sorry, dude, you’re not worth LEGO. And I’m feeling childish and bored.*
” including from feminists who think that women’s games (like The Sims) are better than men’s games (like GTA) and that women who play men’s games are somehow failing as feminists or have been brainwashed into trying to fit in!!”
I’ve never heard that before and I don’t ever think I could wrap my head around that logic.
I’m guessing it’s like saying “women can’t like sports. They only pretend to like sports to pick up men.”
@hellkell
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!
KITTY! KITTYKITTYKITTY!!!!!!!!! So cute.
@Some Gal
Well, I find The Sims better than GTA, although that’s just personal preference. I just don’t find random violence appealing. My violence must have meaning, which is why I had to set up a separate cemetery for townies and NPCs who annoyed the Great And Mighty Watcher.
[/bad person]
[/derail]
@Atomic
I can’t be the only guy who thinks that!
@hellkell
And this does what? Show how moral a person you are?
You’re not accomplishing anything by being rude. So, unless Futrelle asks me to stop posting, I will. Might as well grow beyond childish name-calling.
p.s. I might need some basic tutoring in how to play Pharoah. The only games I ever played growing up we’re the classic arcade games.
@atomicgrizzly
It was at an academic conference and I was so mad that I monopolized the Q&A, but only succeeded in making the presenter think I’d failed as a woman. Stupid love of GTA! *sarcastic grumbling*
“I get insulted, and as frustrating as it can be, rarely sink to the same level of those insulting me. Although some here are far from civil towards me, I don’t reciprocate their tone.” Waaah waaah waaah. Aww, the poor little muffin!! All he’s doing is showing up uninvited to express his offensive viewpoints and persisting in expressing them when he’s been told tyo shut up. And all the kids are soooo mean to him!! Oh, my heart bleeds for you, buddy, it truly does. Say, if you want to say shitty things and not be called on them, go talk to people who believe shitty things. There are a ton of dudes on Okcupid you seem to have a lot in common with.
“I demand the right to go where I’m not wanted, spout utter bullshit, be arrogant and condescending, and be treated with respect. How dare you call me entitled!!!”
“I can’t be the only guy who thinks that!” Well guess what- you’re not the only douchenozzle in existence either. Welcome to manboobz, a documentation of the thoughts of douchebags just like you.
“So, unless Futrelle asks me to stop posting, I will.”
David. Please.
It’s not at all childish to hang around the edge of a group of people who don’t like you and whine that they aren’t paying attention to you.
Creative Writing Student, I tend to torture my sims, and find creative ways to kill them off when I get bored. Must be my cuddly female nature.
@Creative Writing Student
I like both, but with my fibro pain, I can’t hold controllers anymore and I miss playing a lot of games on our consoles. (I can still design killer houses for my Sims so I guess I became a better feminist by default. :) )
@Diobrando Za Warudo
Here’s an idea that doesn’t involve name calling. Don’t come onto a website and spout off things that are clearly idiotic or offensive.
Ideas are just ideas. They can be good or bad and they don’t deserve respect just because you said them.
timetraveling
But but but………..my fee-fees!
Think for yourself. The hivemind shouldn’t have this much influence on you.
@atomicgrizzly
But but but they are cynical, “intellectually honest,” poorly-researched ideas! Spouted off by a man no less! How dare we mock!
Offensive? Seriously?
You think I’m offensive? I’m too even mannered for that.
“You’re not accomplishing anything by being rude.” Aw, it seems you’re a bit confused as to your role here, Cynical Asshat. You’re a chew toy. Trolls drop by and troll along, and we sharpen our teeth on them. If your wittle feefees are getting hurt by the absolute tuning you are getting on this discussion, then you really ought to take your ball and go home. But if you want to stick around, super duper. Until you’re banned you get to hear in exquisite detail exactly how wrong you are and exactly why you suck. There are a lot of people out there like you, Cynical Douchebag, and if even one of them comes across these comments and learns from it, the world will be a better place.
“I like both, but with my fibro pain, I can’t hold controllers anymore and I miss playing a lot of games on our consoles.”
That really sucks. I’m sorry to hear that :(.
“It was at an academic conference and I was so mad that I monopolized the Q&A, but only succeeded in making the presenter think I’d failed as a woman. Stupid love of GTA! *sarcastic grumbling*”
If they hate GTA that much, just imagine if it was something like Street Fighter or Dragonball Z Budokai. You’d get crucified!
“I’m not offensive. You’re just letting the hivemind think for you.”
cloudiah, if thats how you interpret it, I seriously question your social skills.
timetraveler
I’m a douche for thinking its hard to please a women who isn’t groomed? Hmmmmmmm, its like you like to jump. And jump into things. Conclusion-like things.
Or even better: “I’m not offensive. You’re just incapable of rational thought.”
It makes me uncomfortable to channel someone so obtuse.
@Dio-genes Rainbow in the Dark the Cynic
A few pages back you said that women who wear shorts without shaving their legs are the same as women who haven’t showered for weeks. So YES, you are offensive.
Women can be perfectly healthy without shaving their legs for you to ogle at. They’re not dirty because they don’t dress like you want them to or shave their legs as often as you wanted to.
Go take your gender roles and shove em where the sun don’t shine.
Shut up, Cynic…
“But but but they are cynical, “intellectually honest,” poorly-researched ideas! Spouted off by a man no less! How dare we mock!”
-Some gal
I never claimed to belong to the cynical school of philosophy.
You can mock anything you want. But it reflects poorly on you.
And said by “a man” [!] Wow, that doesn’t sound hostile to men in general at all.
If his personality sticks to me, promise me you’ll hold an exorcism?
I will personally exorcise you, and buy you the drink of your choice afterwords.
“it reflects poorly on you when you mock my asshattery.”
Don’t do it, cloudiah! Your brain cells will atrophy!
“How dare you connect my sense of entitlement to my being male! The fact that you hate one entitled male asshat proves you hate all men! QED.”
I … feel unclean. Off to shower and cuddle kitties.
Simple minds oversimplify. You are a douche for behaving like a douche. You are a douche for thinking it’s ok to impose your sexual preferences on other women’s bodies. You are a douche for equating unshaven pubes with poor grooming and poor hygiene. You are a douche for going on at length in this vein despite numerous posters telling you why that attitude is shitty and that you are speaking in a crowd of people who find the attitude behind it offensive. You are a douche because you are entitled and refuse to acknowledge your entitlement. And you are a douche because you feel hard done by when everyone rightly calls you on your doucheyness. And there are so, so many other reasons why you are a douche, but these are all I feel like writing. Other posters have written more. If you can only handle one at a time, read slowly and take your time. but do read, and, most importantly, believe- you are a douche.
Atomic
Are you deliberately misframing what I said?
I didn’t mention the gender of the person who doesn’t shower for a week. You added that in your mind. and I compared a woman wearing shorts without shaved legs to an unwashed person.
Meaning, because it seems I have to spell it out for you, insofar as its socially frowned upon to not bathe and be in public, so too it is with shaving. You’re welcome to do either. The people around will still judge you.
Now, thats pointing out an obvious social viewpoint. Its hardly new to you, or offensive.
@atomicgrizzly
Thanks.
I barely play FPSs so I was really just the cusp of female gamers she and her collective (no joke, nothing wrong with collectives per se, just it is so identifiably the bad parts of second wave she exemplified) had problems with. She seemed not to understand that women weren’t new to gaming when The Sims was released.
“You can mock anything you want. But it reflects poorly on you.” Wow, now there is a man seriously lacking in self awareness- no sir, if you are doing something worthy of mockery, you’re the one that looks bad. And you are doing something worthy of mockery. And you do look bad.
“I compared a woman wearing shorts without shaved legs to an unwashed person.” Yes, we were there. It was a shitty and insulting comparison. We called you on it. But you seem to be impervious to shame. Must be a birth defect or something.
cloudiah, logic fail
timetraveler
Mature.
Don’t forget to shave your legs, Cloudiah!
Cynic- You’re the spoiled brat who is monopolizing a space you are not welcome. To say your concept of maturity is suspect would be an understatement bordering on absurdity.
timetraveler
Ok, what would you compare to not bathing for weeks?
I see someone like that as being impervious to social norms. Sure they can say “screw the norms” but society doesn’t go out of its way to embrace outliers. Thats why they’re outliers.
I’m wearing a short skirt and a tank top and I have no idea when the last time I even touched a razor was.
Suck it.
@Dio-gene Simmons the Cynic
“I compared a woman wearing shorts without shaved legs to an unwashed person.”
Yeah, that’s what I thought you said. Let me repeat what I said earlier to let it soak in:
Women can be perfectly healthy without shaving their legs for you to ogle at. They’re not dirty because they don’t dress like you want them to or shave their legs as often as you wanted to.
Go take your gender roles and shove em where the sun don’t shine.
“insofar as its socially frowned upon to not bathe and be in public, so too it is with shaving.”
Since when did Feminists care about escaping gender roles being “frowned upon?” The problem is that it’s frowned upon. We don’t want it to be that way. People shouldn’t judge women because they’re not turning men on sufficiently.
That still managed to sound like I’m dinging collectives. Let me try again. Collectives are stereotypically second wave. So is a lot of horrid women>men stuff and other bad things. The woman presenting was sterotypically second wave including collectives, but mostly that women are intrinsically more moral, better decision makers, likers of more awesome things, etc.
My having issues with this is further proof that I hate men!
– Diogenes The CYNIC
timetravel
I wasn’t the one who made this thread about me.
How about not putting me on the defensive, and insulting me, and engage me in rational debate instead?
Or are you that addicted to flame wars?
atomic
Thats the best articulated comment on this so far!
@ Cynical asshat- “Ok, what would you compare to not bathing for weeks?” That is the wrong question. The right question is ‘why is my comparison of unshaven legs to unbathed people insulting and wrong?” It is because, Dumbass Cynic, a woman who has not shaved her legs is no less unhygenic than a man who has not shaved his legs. Which is to say, not at all. And the absurdity of huffing about social norms on a site full of people who know many social norms are inherently sexist and need changing has got to be record breakingly stupid. Even for you, and you are all kinds of stupid. Seriously, are you trying to justify insulting women for not behaving the way you want them to? Go cry elsewhere, dumbass.
@Diogenes the Novelty Toy
From what I can see the main interests of the commenters here are Feminism, cute animals, and nerdy derails.
Some of us also like to see how quickly we can break the squeaker in a new troll, much like Staffies do.
Squeak! Squeak under our muscular jaws!
whatabout
I don’t care what you do. I don’t mean that in a rude way. I just don’t know you.
@Diogenes
Mocking has a place is rational debate. I’m reading the recent biography of Malcolm X and all his debates involved mocking. Awesome mocking. From both sides. So did the Lincoln-Douglas debates. You, yet again, have no idea what you are talking about. The mocking and insults are preventing you from seeing the points we’re making. That is your flaw, not ours.
@CWS
I just like the name, and because Diogenes once told Alexander The Great to fark off.