“Nice Guys” on parade
So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Posted on January 4, 2013, in creep-shaming, creepy, douchebaggery, entitled babies, hypocrisy, incoherent rage, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, nice guys, rape, rapey and tagged misogyny, nice guys, okcupid, rape, rape apology. Bookmark the permalink. 1,346 Comments.
LMAO at “cold glass of piss.” Like someone took a piss and then took the time to carefully refrigerate it.
I understand why someone who was feeling bitter about their past relationships would post ranty shit on, say, their own blog. What I don’t understand is why they’d post it as part of their profile on a dating site. Do they actually want to get dates? If so, how do they think addressing potential dates by telling them that you think they’re all bitches and sluts is going to achieve that goal?
Erm, he put that on his dating profile?
The last guy is fucking terrifying.
Well, at least the last guy is honest about how he wants to control and abuse his partners. Creeeeeeeeeepy.
Allow me to summarize the last dude and his friend who wants potential dates to bleed.
WANTED – WOMAN WITH DEATH WISH. MUST SHAVE LEGS DAILY. IF YOU DON’T HATE YOURSELF I WILL HURT YOU.
I would think a “cold glass of piss” would be preferable to a scalding hot one. Or even a warm one.
OMG, that tumblr is hilarious!
Seriously, it’s really hilarious:
http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/image/39253703625
Creepy is not the same as nice, most “nice” guys don’t get that.
I’m seriously asking. What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”?
Gaaaah, David, that spiral thing only amps the creepy. It’s like, Uzumaki, Manboobz edition! (Though I still prefer that to having their faces shown.)
And… uh. Wow. DAMN, guys, put a bow on it, will ya?
@blitzgirl
That’s a great one. A proud, arrogant homophobe. And proof that college sometimes teaches people nothing.
The last one is legitimately terrifying. The thought that this guy has women in his life, as friends or family or co-workers, actually scares me.
Sorry, blitzgal. You’d think I’d get that one right.
Probably the same thing that drives trolls to come here and complain that David is not following the best practices of investigative journalism. People can be amazingly dense.
Those swirly faces creep me out. How did you do that? (I’m sure it’s something everyone knows but — as you can tell by looking at my posters — graphic arts are not really my thing.)
RE: David
I don’t think piss would be pleasant at ANY temperature. (If I HAD to take it, I’d take it warm, but then again, it’s fucking winter here, I’m cold enough.)
That last guy … strewth. If I knew someone like that I’d be having a word to the police about him.
@CassandraSays
Maybe they just have women on the brain? It is a dating site and I assume they’re their to get laid/validate their theory that they will never get laid because blah blah blah I am a twit look at me blah blah arglebargle.
Also, why is the first guy showing the women of OK Cupid his tummy and his sad little tattoos? Is that meant to make them change their bitchy ways?
Seriously I was just on niceguysofokc and then I came here to this joy.
My first thought about the cold glass of piss was that hey, at least it wasn’t fresh. And that last guy… like, how do people even think that it’s okay to think that way, let alone admit to it? On a DATING site?
The swirly faces are creepy but no more so than the ones they’re disguising … you could say they’re more accurate portrayals of these men. And rather Dr Who-ish at the same time.
Look at the pic of the guy who wants to see you bleed. There is a person and a cat in the background. I wonder if he realized it when he posted it to okc.
OMG, he has what could be either a really poorly rendered dragon or some sort of insect above one of his nipples in crappy faded ink. I must stop being a slut immediately now that I’ve seen that.
@cloudiah
Get a photoshop program. GIMP is free, but the non-windowed one is annoying.
Select the bit you want to swirlify.
Filter – hunt for ‘swirl’ or similar.
Apply filter.
TA-DAH! Swirlies.
“The last one is legitimately terrifying. The thought that this guy has women in his life, as friends or family or co-workers, actually scares me.”
Yeah, I just forwarded that to the not-an-ex, that dude is legitimately terrifying >.<
The “BOSS. I AM THE BOSS.” bit makes me think of small children for some reason.
Maybe it’s some weird thing like some of them think they’re issuing a challenge. “Well, all women are bitches. Now convince me otherwise.” I can see that working on a select subset of people, frighteningly enough.
Also, oh god eugenics guy. NO. NO. Why won’t the eugenics meme DIE ALREADY?
Argenti, do you mind me asking why you refer to your person as ‘not-an-ex’? That’s a rather unusual phrase and I’ve seen you use it a few times.
Funny, I thought that he was claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Bruce Springsteen, which was odd since the man in question isn’t dead yet.
*raises hand*
It’s okay, though, I’m better now.
@cloudiah It’s a basic Photoshop filter.
and that’s what I get for not refreshing before posting.
“Funny, I thought that he was claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Bruce Springsteen, which was odd since the man in question isn’t dead yet.”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
“Argenti, do you mind me asking why you refer to your person as ‘not-an-ex’? That’s a rather unusual phrase and I’ve seen you use it a few times.”
We were FWB before I moved back in with my parents — it’s a 500 mile difference, so wtf our relationship might be currently is kind of moot. We haven’t really broken up or anything, but on my more depressed days I’m altogether too sure that I’ll never see zir again. And ze’s awesome so now I haz a sad :(
In short, it’s complex. “My FWB” doesn’t really feel right, but ze really isn’t an ex either (and TMI ALERT our emails are still NSFW, so yeah)
Aha, photoshop. I don’t have it, but luckily I have very little need to swirlify peoples’ faces. Thanks!
And I do mean awesome, you’d love zir taste in music — EA, Abney Park, Voltaire, Creature Feature. So yeah, we’re kind of still a thing, but long distance and complex…and we weren’t dating for complex reasons.
It’s messy in other words, but ze was/is one of those once a decade or less things…
Why do assholes always seem to think all other men are assholes too? “In the guy world, we refer to girls like this as SLURS SLURS ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE THAT’S THE MOST BADASS WAY TO USE SLURS.” Nono, that’s not the guy world. That’s you and your asshole friends.
Hey ladies, ever have a guy yell something scary at you, something confrontational or just stare creepily — I know I have. They’re not trying to get a date, they know they’re bothering us, but for them it’s better than nothing. Seriously. It’s a way of saying, “Yeah, you may not want me, but I’m going to establish my dominance anyhow.”
The funny thing is they’re probably not getting a flood of hate mail. They’re secure enough to do this because they have male priviledge. Whereas if a woman posed in an online picture with her favorite book, random posters will accuse her of wanting to get F****ed.
I realise that it’s only a courtesy, because going to the parent post will show the faces, but a simple spiral on photoshop is reversible; as a number of pedophiles found to their dismay.
I’m seriously asking. What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”?
Because they know some woman will read it, and they hope to scare/offend her.
The thing is though, it’s so easy to block people on OK Cupid, or just click the nope don’t want this match option. It’s not like street harassment where it can be hard to get away from the person.
It’s like the gong show. All you have to do is read one sentence and then, next!
I tried un-spiraling these photos a little while ago, but didn’t get too far. There must be a special trick to it.
RE: Shiraz
I will admit, reading this post, a lot of it I just read as, “I WILL NOW HUMP YOUR LEG TO ESTABLISH MY DOMINANCE.”
RE: whataboutthemoonz
Yeah, my system member had a similar issue. It was part of what led to my existence.
I bet that last guy is wondering why no one’s offering to date him. He’s frightening.
LBT – off topic and silly, but I did a double take when you mentioned singlets before. I don’t know if the term’s used in the US but here it’s long meant underwear! :)
RE: Kittehs
Haha! Yeah, ‘singlet’ is used here sometimes, but it usually means an undershirt, and it’s not in common use. I might only know that form from my time in NZ…
I’ve heard ‘singleton’ as well.
Argenti, sorry for giving you a sad. I can totally empathize with you, though; I recently had a non-breakup with a non-partner partner. I think it’s why the phrase not-an-ex intrigued me so much.
UUUUUUGH, these guys!
I just realized what bothers me so much about these guys, and that is that they remind me of this very bizarre thing my rapist did. He was absolutely controlling and manipulative and hurtful in every way he could possibly be, but he also went out of his way to remind me that I was the one who had him “wrapped around my finger”, even though I totally didn’t even.
I think the Nice Guy thing about ‘treating you like a Princess’ is a smokescreen for ‘but I expect to be treated like a King’.
@Whataboutthemoonz I’m so sorry you went through that and i’m glad to hear you’re doing better. I wish you every happiness you want!
@Argenti, i’m sorry to hear that you’re 500 miles from the ‘not-ex,’ and I wish you all the happiness too :)
now, these ‘nice guys’ i wish zero happiness. no good things for them.
Singlets. Worst. Xmas. Present. Ever.
I’m so pleased I don’t date any more. Are all internet dating sites that bad, or is OC a particularly nasty example?
And this, “I was a nice guy, but it didn’t get me anywhere, ’cause bitches be crazy,” horseshit. I guess it’s like a personal PSA to themselves that they run on a continual loop inside their heads. If it ever stopped, introspection could possibly happen, then the logic circuits may kick in as well. Then they’d be forced to recognize that thinking women didn’t like you because you were too nice is like saying you’re too famous to get a table at a restaurant. Then the final realization: “I wasn’t nice! I was a totall asshole, and I’m a bigger asshole now!”
And well, ahem, they might follow-up by jumping off a bridge or something.
whataboutthemoonz — it’s okay, ze sent me some excellent MLP corset photos the other day, so I have an antidote for the sad. Sorry about your rape, your rapist sounds a bit like my second one. All “I treat you great” // “but ignore that I’m hurting you” — real piece of work >.<
LBT – that’s interesting, I haven’t heard singleton used in that context. I’ve only heard it (and not that often) in reference to people not dating or marrying or whatever. Though a quick Google shows it has other much more specific meanings, like in set theory and IT design.
Then of course there’s that turd John Singleton ::hurrrk::
“Singlets. Worst. Xmas. Present. Ever.”
Gawd, that outdoes socks. :D Though I was quite happy when my sis and I were shopping and I saw a really pretty singlet-and-pants combo in my favourite colours and she bought ‘em for me as a faux-birthday present.
I know the term “singleton” from trick taking card games.
Heidihi — thanks.
LBT — did I properly greet y’all? Missed you while I was on hiatus! Pass on a hello to my favorite super hero please?
I’ve been messaged by pretty psycho sounding guys in Okcupid before.
And then when I don’t respond they freak out. Luckily I have it so they can’t im me without fitting the criteria for them.
And pretty much EVERY guy on okcupid who states they are a nice guy on their profile is lying. And most guys who say that about themselves tend not to be nice guys either…..Weird.
Yeah, I think that’s why ‘singlet’ became vaguely more popular. (‘Sniglet,’ to express mild derision.) And I actually did get long underwear for Christmas once! (Not the worst present I ever got, though. That still remains the Christmases alone.)
RE: whataboutthemoonz
I think that says more about your rapist than you. Sounded like he FELT insecure, and didn’t realize that just because he felt it didn’t mean it’s so.
RE: Argenti
Sneak gives you a glee face. And no worries, we were away a while ourself, only recently made a comeback!
That’s the thing that gets me about Nice Guys — when you’re legitimately nice, you don’t go around introducing yourself as the nice guy. People who are nice don’t think everyone who is not them is an asshole. Genuinely nice people think being nice is a minimal standard for human decency. Which it is.
If the ONLY thing you have going for you on OKC is “I’m nice”, you’ve got nothing. TONS of people are nice. “Date me if you want a nice guy” is fucking useless on a dating site because it says literally nothing about you other than “I meet minimal requirements for interaction”.
Real profiles say things like “I like mountain biking” or “message me if you watch a lot of Disney movies” or something.
This is so weird…I actually follow that blog. It’s just bizarre when internet worlds overlap like that.
Yeah, I don’t really get most of these guys. It’s like, even if you do feel that way, God forbid, you must understand that SAYING it is the most unappealing thing ever. Except these guys don’t, I guess. It’s probably the whole “internet anonymity” thing.
Sniglet sounds like the perfect name for a cute piglet. :)
Seems to me that a person who’s genuinely nice wouldn’t need to say so, or maybe even think of saying so. It would, you know, show.
AAAAAHHHH ninja’d by whataboutthemoonz!
P.S. – sorry you went through that, whataboutthemoonz.
LBT: Sneak — ^.^ I saw some favorite super hero quiz/vote not long ago and was tempted to put you. Most just aren’t nearly prone to SQUEE enough. (I do hope that “LBT: Sneak” is an acceptable form of address, sorry if it isn’t)
God, that last one is fucking disgusting.
That’s what it’s about, isn’t it? The control you need to have over her. You need to be powerful, and she needs to know her place. This guy sounds like an abuser. If he thinks like that, I hope to god he never has a relationship.
It’s like they think women are sex vending machines or something. “I put the kindness coins into the machine, why won’t the sex come out? This one’s broken!”
Saying “I’m nice” on a dating site is like saying “I like food”, rather than “I like Mexican food” or “want to meet up for sushi some time?”. It only makes sense from the perspective of an embittered weirdo who thinks of any man more appealing to women than himself as not-nice by default.
It’s particularly funny when they start wanking about how all conventionally attractive men are assholes. In fact I’m kind of surprised that nobody has shown up to do that yet.
sabreguy – exactly. And when the vending machine doesn’t work, they start kicking it.
Well, “I like food” could at least indicate some intense gourmet-type general culinary fondness…
Also, they think that the machine has broken itself just to be spiteful.