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On Popes, PUAs, The Pill and the Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel

I'm pretty sure this is nt how birth control actually works.

I’m pretty sure this isn’t how birth control actually works.

You might think that Pickup Artists, dudes obsessed with sexing up the young fertile lasses, would be huge fans of contraceptives – which, after all, are what makes their particular lifestyle possible. But some prominent PUAs are about as enthusiastic about contraception as a Pope.

In the case of the charming fellow who calls himself Heartiste, I mean this literally. In a recent posting, he quotes approvingly from Pope Paul VI’s 1968 Humanae Vitae dissing contraceptives for allegedly demeaning the women that use them. Paul suggested that contraception may cause men to

lose respect for the woman and, no longer caring for her physical and psychological equilibrium, may come to the point of considering her as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.

I’m no Pope, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way.

Heartiste, for his part, embraces and extends this line of reasoning, adding in some of that Alpha-Beta-Schmeta nonsense that manosphereians seem to regard as cutting edge science.

[A]s cheap contraceptives silently and subtly move men toward devaluing women, so too does the technology move women toward devaluing beta males, those bitter losers in the sexual market (note: I did not say marriage market or child market) for whom contraceptives, coupled with female economic self-sufficiency, have rendered them practically superfluous as primetime sexual partners.

The mass-produced condom and the Pill have freed men from feeling obligation for women as much as they have freed women to regularly and blithely pursue what was historically risky sex with caddish alpha males on the make.

The contraceptive is, in practice, a female hypergamy facilitator.

Yep, that’s right: contraceptives are the tickets to the mythical Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel.

But poor Heartiste has impaled himself on the horns of a dilemma. He’s got a good anti-woman rant going, but there’s just one problem with it: he’s devoted his life to becoming one of those Alpha Assholes that contraceptive-using women purportedly cannot resist riding.

It’s funny for me to write this, because contraceptives have, in fact, been very very good to me. I did a back of the envelope calculation and figured that my aggregate sex life would have been truncated by 90% if contraceptives were prohibitively expensive, unreliable and hard to get. A world in which women had to grapple with real, palpable fears of STDs, pregnancy and subsequent abandonment is, not to put too fine a point on it, a really shitty world for womanizers and serial monogamists and uncomplicated lovers of the art of seduction itself. I imagine I’d have to *gasp* start promising marriage or some such claptrap to any woman I wanted to bang, just to loosen her up enough to unhook her bra.

Spoken like a true asshole.

Oh, but don’t worry, Heartiste isn’t going to stop attacking sex-having women as one of the harbingers of “the cultural and technological juggernaut that hastens, if it is not the sole cause of, the death of Western civilization.”

Indeed, Heartiste almost seems to relish the ironies of his position, as it allows him to spew forth some of the silliest purple prose you’re ever going to find outside the pages of bad romance novels (or comments from our friend Steele):

Here I am, standing at the edge of the abyss, pointing into its bowels like a histrionic jester, leading the ignorant and the deluded to peer into the void and imploring them — no, more precisely taunting them — to heed my warning of their desolate future… and still I cavort insouciantly along its lip, secretly relieved that no one will seriously weigh my prophecies.

Well, at least he’s right about that “histrionic jester” bit.

Last I checked, Heartiste’s post had spawned 450 comments. I can’t bring myself to look through them to see what further horrors can be found there.

EDITED TO ADD: You should all be aware that our lovely Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel illustration is available in t-shirt form! As is the Mammoth! And a delightful Cupcake as well! And you’re in luck! Zazzle is having another one-day 40% off sale on T-shirts! Click here to go to the Man Boobz Zazzle store. Use the code 12DAILYDEAL8. Oh, and in a lovely irony, the profits go to Planned Parenthood!

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Posted on December 5, 2012, in alpha asshole cock carousel, alpha males, armageddon, beta males, contraception, evo psych fairy tales, grandiosity, heartiste, hypergamy, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, precious bodily fluids, PUA and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 376 Comments.

  1. It’s always the way, isn’t it – the “did I just hear that?” thing cuts in and you can’t think of a reply. I haven’t encountered MRAishness in the wild, I’m glad to say.

    I had a nightmare last night – Tony Abbott was growing mutton-chop whiskers. Ginger ones. ::hurl::

  2. I hope it’s not too obnoxious to copy my comment from here–please tell me if it is, non-troll people. But this is the perfect situation to trot out my radfem rule:

    So, my rule: I will not engage with or take seriously any troll complaining about “radfems” until they tell me what they think radical feminism is, and some reasons why they consider it distinct from other branches of feminism. I don’t think it’s necessary to know much about feminism in general, or radical feminism in particular, to have a conversation here; in fact, I think demanding that sort of knowledge is a way of stifling commenters without any experience with academic feminism. But if you’re going to mention it by name, and you’re going to whine about it, you’d better fucking know what it is.

    This rule also applies if you complain about those pesky 2nd wavers.

  3. Not obnoxious at all, Viscaria – that’s an excellent comment!

  4. I guess if men enjoy the perks of contraception it’s totally cool, if women do the same, they may be risking men not respecting them? What? Huh? And he admits he’s talking out of both sides of his ass too? Bonus! Now we don’t have to do it.

  5. You know, shockingly,* in the 5 or 6 times I’ve issued a challenge like that no one has ever responded.

    *if you are the sort of person who is shocked by really predictable things

  6. Has youtube embedding stopped working on every site for you guys too, or is it jsut me?

  7. I’m pretty sure the current troll was just using “radical feminism” as a synonym for feminism, probably because it supposedly sounds scarier. (I say supposedly because it would never occur to me to use “radical” this way, but then I might use it as a synonym for awesome so what do I know?)

  8. It worked here for me just a minute ago, David – doesn’t the Casablanca video show on your screen? I don’t embed anywhere else so can’t compare.

  9. @David

    It seems like it just stopped working for me.

  10. I can think of ways “radical” makes stuff scarier, but feminism ain’t one of them. (First that comes to mind is the Radical Road on Arthur’s Seat – I was scared I was going to break a leg walking down it!)

  11. Youtube must be having some issue. It stopped working for me for awhile, but now seems to be working again. I was afraid I’d done something to make youtube mad.

  12. @David, I updated everything in a panic, and was staring at Ghostery and AdBlock settings trying to figure out why the vids had just disappeared. Weird.

    @Viscaria – I’d add “feminazi” to that challenge. As in, anyone who uses the word has to explain to me what they think feminism is before they’re allowed to continue speaking.

  13. Anyone who uses “feminazi” should have to define both feminism and German national socialism, and relate the latter to the former in some rational way — oh, who am I kidding. Anyone who uses “feminazi” is and should be written off as an asshat by any reasonable person.

  14. @cloudiah

    Anyone who uses “feminazi” is and should be written off as an asshat by any reasonable person.

    +1

  15. I’ve never been called a “feminazi” by anyone who was legitimately afraid of what feminists might do to them. I’ve only had that word directed at me by people who were trying to shut me up by dismissing what I have to say. To those clever wits, minimizing and making a joke out of the suffering of millions of people, many of whom are still alive today, is worth it if they can score cheap rhetorical points as a result.

  16. That got an actual laugh out of me, and I’m like 0% in a laughing mood.

    (I am 100% in a bite/scratch/rub all the skin off of my body mood).

  17. My work here is done. (And sorry about the mood.)

  18. It is okay! Laughing kind of broke me out of it! I wasn’t expecting that and it ended up being super helpful so thank you for your funny gif. :D

    Anyway I will stop dominating the comment thread and slather some body butter all over myself and then go to bed.

  19. WTF is, “hidden birth control”? Are you saying men will be able to resume fertility without telling their partner?

    The pill has underpinned a great deal of feminism’s success. This would change that. Not saying that women can’t do anything they want. I support women doing anything they can do if they want to as much as men (Except for combat where capable women should have their own units).

    What aspects of the pill do you see this changing? What the pill made possible was reliable control over pregnancy; irrespective of the men in a woman’s life.

    Your Pill Won’t Change That It’s belt and braces for a woman who doesn’t want to get pregnant. It’s not a problem for a woman who does want to get pregnant. If having a baby is that important to her, she can do it. If her partner is dead against it, she can find another partner, or a sperm bank.

    By the way, what’s this gibbering folly about combat units being segregated? Are you afraid the men will be shown up if they are in direct competition with women (by it being obvious women are just as competent at the job as men are)?

    There is no rational reason to segregate the units, and every rational reason to integrate them. How much military experience have you got?, because the level of stupid on display is world class ignorance

  20. Argenti: Being known to be female is also a problem in the performance arts too. If you look at symphony orchestras, there aren’t as many women in them as there are women who play the instruments, and the number of women in first chairs is less than the percentage of women who play the instruments too.

    The people doing auditions say it’s because women just aren’t managing to perform as well as the men. But orchestras which went to blind (as in behind a screen) auditions had a surprising result. The ratio of hires/promotions moved to about fifty-fifty.

  21. I’m assuming “hidden birth control” means something you aren’t physically putting on your penis. Because in MRA-world, the sole utility of such forms of birth control is so you can lie to your partner about whether or not you’re on it.

  22. katz: I suppose, after all women are looking for that money-train of easy living that comes from tricking a dude into getting her pregnant so she can live the high-life of the single mother.

    This will stymie them, because they will think the dude is fertile, and be fooled; just like women do with The Pill.

    Gah… the incomprehensible, it burns.

  23. Argenti Aertheri

    Pecunium — just one more reason I barely ever went to see the Pittsburgh orchestra. And they seemed pretty good about it, think the violin second chair is/was a woman.

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