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Heartiste: Chris Brown is a great role model for wannabe alpha males

Chris Brown, who’s convinced that he’s apologized enough for what he calls his “mishap.”

Over on his little chateau, otherwise known as a blog, the pick-up Heartiste Formerly Known as Roissy suggests a rather unusual role model for young and not-so-young men hoping to impress women with their alphaness: Chris Brown. Not for being a charismatic singer, but for that time he nearly beat Rihanna to death.

Oh, you don’t have to literally beat up women to be an alpha. Just work on making them uncomfortable and insecure.

Maxim #19: Making a woman feel a little emotional pain will reward you a thousandfold in returned physical pleasure.

You don’t have to be fists-of-fury Chris Brown to pick up a Rihanna and make her fall in deep, profound love with you, but don’t let the lesson of their relationship be lost on you. If you are a beta male — and odds are you are — you can superglue your relationship bond by instilling in your woman a calculated level of discomfort and insecurity. You won’t feel bad about this, because you will know that the discomfort you create is subconsciously DESIRED by your girl. Despite her outward appearance of frustration and timorous appeasement, you will know that inside, she is lit up like a vagina tree, with a squirting orgasm shooting out of the star on top.

In addition to everything else that is horribly wrong with this quote, let me just say that “lit up like a vagina tree” is not a phrase that I hope works its way into the vernacular.

So far, so good.

 

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Posted on August 14, 2012, in alpha males, bad boys, beta males, block that metaphor, domestic violence, heartiste, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, PUA and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 353 Comments.

  1. actually, my first memories of fema involve it basically being used as a swear word, not because of the rightwing conspiracy theories, but because my mom’s division at cdc shared a building with a fema group, and they took all the best parking spaces or something

  2. Billy Bragg is awesome. But I like Attila The Stockbroker’s version best.

  3. no reasons now, just posting stuff im listening to

  4. You got a link, BlackBloc? Or is it (gasp) not available on YouTube?!???!!?!?!!

  5. The jester’s fool’s fool.

    This hasn’t been laughed at enough yet so I’m pointing it out again.

    The moment I comprehended that he wrote this sentence was the moment I stopped believing he was serious. When did he start posting so much? Was it when summer started?

  6. It’s three songs about the Diggers/Levellers, in a medley. It has The World Turned Upside Down but I think it’s the last one of the lot.

  7. What I’m listening to

    …What?

  8. i dont listen to dog with a box on its head, but i will watch it. because dogs with boxes on their heads.

  9. my favorite the golden retriever that got stuck in the present box

  10. More folksy goodness. Joe Hill (RIP)

  11. Its really ironic that so many misogynists like Ayn Rand. I thought the wimminz are too vapid and emotional to write about politics and philosophy, or is that only in cases when they argue against selfish, greedy douchebags?

    Even more is that all these dudes complain about how selfish women are for not attending to their precious bonerz yet here they are worshipping Rand’s very selfish philosophy. Gotta love the stupidity and contradiction of these losers. And yes I am shaming you.

  12. Thanks, BlackBloc! I’m always glad to see the great Leon Rosselson being paid tribute…

  13. Dogs! Boxes! So much to like!

  14. Love that one, and particularly like that they went in and edited “a band of working MEN” to “a band of working FOLKS”.

  15. Confession: one of my cats is named after this woman.

  16. Real song this time.

  17. Oh, COME ON, YouTube.

  18. Sorry to cover old ground, but I went to bed before this all kicked off. So… last night, Steele had never heard of anarcho-communism. He then went to a blog to steal some talking points (having clearly not understood them, although it’s probable that the OPs of them didn’t either), returned and told us that human nature precluded people from working together because arglebargleRandetc., despite humans having formed groups to work or their common good since OOOOH THE DAWN OF TIME, and WE’RE the stupid ones?

    OK, just checking.

    (PS I work in anarchy-based groups a hell of a lot of the time, and around 90% of them aren’t explicitly so. It’s really not a wild flight of fancy for people to work together for a mutual aim with no hierarchy.)

  19. Okay seriously Steelepole, “jester’s fool” really isn’t workin’ for ya. It just makes you look like a horse’s ass.

    In Steele-ese that would perhaps be ‘a buttock’s ass’.

  20. Ok I’m late to the party but Mr No Name claimed earlier that there are no succesful anarchic societies in existence. Dude needs to google Zapatista.

  21. Excuse me? I’m actually chortling as I write this.

    Excuse me? Hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
    Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
    Oh vile day! Callooh! Callay!
    He chortled in his joy.

  22. Is this the thread where we post songs about killing fascists?

  23. was reflecting on this general topic recently. What has Team Woman accomplished in this area after ~50 years of rearranging all the cultural furniture? What are they now known for? I mean, on the plus side.

    Boutique cupcake stores. While the Hostess Corp. is filing for bankruptcy. You almost can’t make stuff like this up.

    What does this even mean? Is it really arguing that the maker of crappy mass produced baked goods is going under because people prefer fresh baked cupcakes and that this is a bad thing?

  24. @scrapemind: Killing fascists is always pretty awesome. (Troll harder.)

  25. howardbann1ster

    You know what was awesome? When Nommie and scrapemind dipped into this thread.

    Like Mikey, they have a compulsive need for attention. But it became clear to them very quickly that they couldn’t compete. They pulled out the most awful ideas they could formulate as quickly as they could and threw them out to earn our scorn and derision (which is the closest thing they get to real human interaction).

    But then they left the thread, because Mikey sucked all of our attention up in this massive flailing meltdown.

    Seriously, how could any old wildly offensive idea stand up to the Jester’s Fool’s Fool?

    They stood no chance.

    Don’t worry, guys! He posts in a predictable pattern! Just don’t post when he’s posting, and you can have our full, undivided scorn!

    And I’m sure you’ll enjoy it very, very much.

  26. I love Utah Phillips, but I’m in a Leo Ferre mood today!

  27. Nice scenes from “Juegos de Guerra” in there. I have the DVD of that movie. A lot of focus on the Mujeres Libres, which would piss off our MRA friends here because it suggests that when common people rise up to fight for their freedom, women tend to pick up arms as well unless the *men* are keeping them from doing so.

  28. Though it’s known as “Libertarias” pretty much everywhere except on my DVD case, I guess. Here’s the intro.

  29. And the full movie if you don’t need subtitles to understand Spanish. ;)

  30. @Noadi

    What does this even mean? Is it really arguing that the maker of crappy mass produced baked goods is going under because people prefer fresh baked cupcakes and that this is a bad thing?

    I think it means that, since Hostess Corp. is filing for bankrupcy, it means that people don’t want cupcakes and therefore opening boutique cupcake stores is stupid. And since in their view only women open these kinds of stores, that shows that women are stupid.

    Disregard all the stores opened by men that sell MANLY products that have as much of a niche appeal as cupcake stores and are most likely destined to fail. Those are just an example of MEN’s mighty entrepreneurial spirit.

  31. My favorite scene is @16:50 or so. :P

  32. Curse my virtually non existant Spanish. I’ve wanted to see it for a while, yet can never find a subbed copy! :P

    Yeah, MRA’s vs. women in guerilla combat / revolution is a fun topic. Don’t forget NWO’s hilarious reading of “Beat me, Strip me, My brother’s blood will cover me!”

  33. Even more is that all these dudes complain about how selfish women are for not attending to their precious bonerz yet here they are worshipping Rand’s very selfish philosophy. Gotta love the stupidity and contradiction of these losers. And yes I am shaming you.

    It’s worth pointing out that while she was critical of feminism (Largely because it refused to declare her the best woman ever, perhaps) and had some essentialist notions, she spoke favorably of Betty Friedan’s feminist mystique. was firmly pro-choice, and encouraged women to speak their minds and have careers and be fully actualized selfish individuals. I’m not a fan, but she’s a raging feminist compared to a lot of her more socially conservative/MRA “acolytes”

  34. BlackBloc you have just blown my mind with Attila. Saw him at my uni bar in the early 90s. May even have a copy of scornflakes floating around somewhere.

  35. Count me in as a huge Billy Bragg fan. I have nearly all his albums.

  36. Oh, and have some French anarcha-feminist rap (with subtitles):

  37. Whattya know, found a subbed Libertarias! I shall anarchy now –

    http://www.anarcho-punk.net/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3904

    And speaking of 1936 –

  38. >>>Curse my virtually non existant Spanish. I’ve wanted to see it for a while, yet can never find a subbed copy!

    Get in touch. Like I said, I own the DVD (with subtitles) and I’m a no-good anarchist. Hint hint.

  39. and – Why not? – the Billy Bragg cover of All You Fascists (Are Bound to Lose)

  40. If that’s the version I tried to get way back when, the subtitles got progressively less and less well timed with the film, and around a third of the movie were unwatchable. Which prompted my disgust and ordering of the DVD off of Amazon (I believe).

  41. And Keny Arkana is the bomb. Was going to post but thought I’d already busted the French music quotas. ;)

  42. Late to the party but… I can’t help but wonder what is this subtype of women that these gurus generalise to be all the women in the world? Sounds like a truly damaged person, perhaps a borderline personality type. I know those women exist, but they’re quite rare. Or I’ve not bumped into more than a few in my life.

    And if this subtype is the only type of women these guys have experience about, maybe it explains somewhat why they think of women the way they do. Too bad for them, it’s indeed just one subtype and their tricks aren’t gonna work on the vast majority. And then these guys end up spending their lives in and out of relationships with these damaged people, because everyone else will steer clear of them.

    It’s sad, but in a way I guess it’s good for the rest of the people that these damaged people find each other and don’t end up messing the lives of others.

  43. Monsieur sans Nom

    I don’t trust anyone to govern anyone because I consider any man in power no matter how moral is going to be corrupted by that power, and I’m the one who thinks people are saints…Sometimes the minds boggle.

    So you trust your fellow countrymen not to run around raping, robbing, and killing as they please if there is no government(and thus no police force and no prisons to keep them separate from society)? Do you also trust your local thugs not to harm you and leave you alone if there’s no state and no need for them to worry about getting busted?

  44. Eline, uh, I’d just as soon rather not jump to generalize about the people who may or may not date the Roissy’s of the world. While it may be true that some of the women they encounter are “damaged” I’d make a wager that a lot of what these men write about “women” is more shit they make up and glean from shows like Two and a Half Men, rather than any real interaction. Basically, I think it’s maybe 1 part mostly truth, 1 part straight up lies and 3 parts exaggeration (which I feel is generous).

    Yeah, some women with low self-esteem might go for these guys, but younger, more naive people might, or just people who’ve bought into the patriarchal bullshit in our culture.

    Quite frankly, I’d just as soon rather not anyone with emotional issues wind up with the likes of a man who thinks making a woman feel like shit is the way to make her fall in love with them because those guys are certain to make any emotional insecurities WORSE. A big part of the reason I didn’t date for a long time was because I was afraid most men actually were more Roissy-ish. That, and the stigma that “damaged” people shouldn’t date.

    IMHO, what would be really good for the “rest of the people” is for the Roissy’s of the world to stop thinking of sex as something they need to “take” from women and for “damaged” people to get whatever help and support they need.

  45. @BlackBloc I’ve got some Nepalese anarcha-riot grrrl stuff on my laptop but it’s not on Youtube :(

  46. Late to the party but… I can’t help but wonder what is this subtype of women that these gurus generalise to be all the women in the world? Sounds like a truly damaged person, perhaps a borderline personality type. I know those women exist, but they’re quite rare. Or I’ve not bumped into more than a few in my life.

    And if this subtype is the only type of women these guys have experience about, maybe it explains somewhat why they think of women the way they do. Too bad for them, it’s indeed just one subtype and their tricks aren’t gonna work on the vast majority. And then these guys end up spending their lives in and out of relationships with these damaged people, because everyone else will steer clear of them.

    It’s sad, but in a way I guess it’s good for the rest of the people that these damaged people find each other and don’t end up messing the lives of others.

    Wow. This is some offensive bullshit right here.

  47. To add, I don’t think someone with BPD for example isn’t capable of forming a healthy relationship with the right help. Just that there is a number of people who don’t get the support for reason or another and cycle between unhealthy relationships, and they would appear to be these women the PUAs think all women are. BPD was just one possible cause for this behaviour that came to mind, there’s other reasons too.

  48. Fucking hell eline, stop talking. You do realise that you’re literally saying some people just ‘deserve’ to be abused by their partners, right?

    FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

  49. No eline its not okay to mess with someones life because you think their “damaged”. Nor is it all right to take your personal issues and use them as an excuse to treat someone else like shit.

    Also, most shitty behaviour is caused by someone deciding to be shitty as opposed to having a mental illness or personality disorder. There just arent that many “damaged” people in the world eline

  50. So you trust your fellow countrymen not to run around raping, robbing, and killing as they please if there is no government(and thus no police force and no prisons to keep them separate from society)?

    Last time I checked, we had a government and there were still rapes, robberies and murders. So yes, I trust my fellow comrades as much as I trust them under government, because people usually don’t rape, rob or kill people and don’t have the desire to do so either.

    I do trust that neighborhood direct democratic councils and worker unions would be able to preserve order through voluntary neighborhood watches or militias without the need of a permanent unelected and unrepresentative law enforcer class (who are often bigots and whose major sociopolitical role is to beat up blacks and the poor).

  51. Just that there is a number of people who don’t get the support for reason or another and cycle between unhealthy relationships, and they would appear to be these women the PUAs think all women are.

    Team Victim Blaming Internet Diagnosis!

    It doesn’t matter why PUAs think that abusing women is okay, and it’s sure pretty freaking unlikely that all of the women they’ve ever met would be classified as bipolar under the DSM. What matters is that they do hate women and want to manipulate and abuse them. And that’s wrong. They’ve had plenty of opportunities to see women as individual people and they didn’t take a single one.

  52. I think it means that, since Hostess Corp. is filing for bankrupcy, it means that people don’t want cupcakes and therefore opening boutique cupcake stores is stupid. And since in their view only women open these kinds of stores, that shows that women are stupid.

    That would be the least stupid explanation, but the main vibe I’m getting is still “Nooo not my overprocessed junk food! What will I eat after the nuclear war?”

  53. I wish people would stop talking about cupcakes, it’s making me want some. :P

  54. Yeah, sorry, that came out all assbackwards and upside down. I was on the move, shopping, arguing with some fuckwad and typing a few words here and there on my smartphone and adding bits inbetween, and hit send before I had read if it actually said what I intended. And it doesn’t. It kinda comes off as the exact opposite of what I wanted to say in regards of BPD. Let’s try again, now that I’m seated behind a computer with a nice cup of tea to help me collect my brain. Please consider the above post as a random collection of unfinished thoughts that unintentionally combine everything together into one hot mess.

  55. Yo, Mr No-Name, google ‘Zapatista.’

    Byeeee.

  56. @Katz:

    That would be the least stupid explanation, but the main vibe I’m getting is still “Nooo not my overprocessed junk food! What will I eat after the nuclear war?”

    Twinkies will be the only food to survive the nuclear winter. That’s okay, the only creatures left to eat them will be the roaches.

  57. OK, after “lit up like a vagina tree” and “jester’s fool’s fool,” I have to ask…

    does anyone have a theory on why MRAism has such a strong correlation with unbelievably terrible writing? This is not just unskilled or inept writing, it goes way beyond that. And there’s far more of it among MRAs than there statistically “should” be, even given that David is “cherry picking” the worst bits of bad prose for his posts.

    I’m going to guess that a big part of it is what happens when a writer combines weak reasoning skills with an overinflated sense of their own intelligence and importance. But even that seems inadequate to explain it. Is having a poorly developed and crude sense of aesthetics a common thing for hate movements? I vaguely recall reading that it might be.

  58. I do think that the “pompous mansplaining jackass” theory accounts for a lot of the terrible writing. I suspect that the floridity of a lot of the writing comes from trying to imitate older (say 18th and 19th century) writing styles; MRAs are often traditionalists/conservatives/reactionaries, and those types often write (badly) like that.

  59. I suspect that the floridity of a lot of the writing comes from trying to imitate older (say 18th and 19th century) writing styles

    Thanks for that insight– that does explain a lot of it! Though fuck knows what Heartiste is trying to imitate. Vagina tree. He has to be fucking with people.

  60. @AlexB
    I have a hypothesis that it is in part because they don’t have a good motivation behind their writing.

    They’re not motivated by fear for their safety, they’re not motivated by sadness that bad things are happening to people, they’re not motivated by loving other people and trying to protect them.

    All they’re motivated by is anger and while anger is an important part of an activist movement it can’t be all it’s about.

  61. The fancy writing is just a means to cover up for the complete lack of substance and logical thinking. If they go around and around in circles, maybe you won’t notice that they aren’t making any sense. It is also an effort to try to sound authorative, to convince the reader they’re smarter and should be trusted. “Mansplaining” is a good way to describe it.

  62. @alexb

    You have to try and imagine what other people think/feel to write effectively. You must move outside your own personal frame of reference to make a piece of writing palatable to people who are not like you. This is especially true when writing something political or something meant to persuade other people. There are very few MRA’s who actually understand much about feminism and simply disagree with its aims, most are totally unwilling (incapable?) of seeing the world from a perspective other than their own. It shows in their writing.

    Also, only people who are interested in improving their writing seek out criticism in order to improve. If you think you are great already there is little reason to change, and the least competent people are the most likely to think they are doing great (dunning-kreuger effect). The legion of dumbasses willing to call any shitty tirade “brilliant” as long as it craps on women makes it easy for a dudebro to go on thinking he is an awesome writer.

  63. Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III

    Now fair’s fair: they were probably all kept out of writing classes by misandrist English teachers.

  64. They’re not motivated by fear for their safety, they’re not motivated by sadness that bad things are happening to people, they’re not motivated by loving other people and trying to protect them,

    But of course, they want to sound like they are. You make a good point. Mimicking the discussions that happen in social justice movements while having no actual concern or feeling for social justice is definitely not a recipe for good writing.

    They’re kind of like a cargo cult, aren’t they?
    If they dress up their wanking with social justice-esque terms like “creepshaming” they’re real social justice activists!
    If they use big words like nineteenth century intellectuals did, they too will be important Men of Ideas.
    If they use sciency sounding sentences about testosterone and “hypergamy” they’re serious scientific thinkers and anyone who disagrees with them hates science.

  65. @AlexB: I was pretty much accusing one of our resident trolls here, a couple days ago, of practicing cargo cult logic.

    I stopped after it occurred to me that it might sound like I thought the problem with the original cargo-cult people was that they were brown, not that they were ignorant and confronted with people acting in ways very difficult to comprehend without a clue. Not to mention already primed with the idea that white people were associated with Stuff arriving from over the horizon.

  66. So, Steele and MSN are now admitted fascists, not surprising. Kudos though on being honest about the fact that ‘objecitivism’ is just a code word for fascism.

    Can we kick them out of the social justice dance?

  67. Experts in domestic violence routinely point out that wife-beaters and other abusers are, contrary to stereotype, aware of what they’re doing. Their internal rationale is, “If I tear her down, she’ll be too insecure to leave me and/or too insecure to disobey or flout my wishes.”

    The appeal of PUA stuff is exactly the same: They promise that by tearing at a woman emotionally, you can replace her wishes with yours.

    I’m not surprised, therefore, that their “relationship” advice follows abuser logic. To paraphrase Skylar on “Breaking Bad”, they don’t want lovers. They want hostages.

  68. Also, love how he convinces abusers that any pangs of guilt they feel over emotionally abusing—or hitting, which his disavowals of are far outweighed by his celebrations of—can be assuaged by blaming the victim. “If she just obeyed me without complaint, I wouldn’t have to abuse her!” is his logic, and anyone who is in an abusive relationship can tell you that this line will be stated directly to the victim after every beating or other obvious line-crossing the abuser must rationalize.

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